Get out of jail free card

Like in monopoly. My friend Ben from college told me his uncle got pulled over going 100mph once and gave the cop a monopoly get out of jail free card. The cop laughed so hard he just couldn't help but let him off.
I used mine today and I have a feeling I'm not gonna get another one. I played pretty horribly today. Pretty inexcusably bad, yet I made money. Won close to 100 with a performance that shoulda cost me 100. This marks the second time since I began rebulding that I've slacked off. I subsituted my normal 4th table of 25 max for a fourth table of 50 max so I could start the transition slowly. My AA went up against KK once again but this time at a 50 max game so it was pretty sweet. Once again a K hit and I was in bad shape. This has been a recurring theme almost everyday I feel. I've already explained so many times this week how often I'm getting shafted in these spots. This time however, I managed to river a flush to make the nuts and won an 80 dollar pot. I only ended up 13 bucks at the one 50 max table I played. I got outplayed or maybe made good laydowns in a number of small pots to knock me back down. Picked up another 76 profit with my normal tables of 25 max I can't wait to move up. I'm sick of working so hard and only making 20/hour. Thats my hourly rate by the way. Not to shabby. It's about the same as playing live in AC, and I'm not spending so much money so I just gotta keep churning out good days and I'll have a lot of money in the bank. I'm up to 1,133 on Poker Stars. Gonna be increasing the bankroll at a much faster pace once I move up to 25c 50c. The transition is gonna take some time though. When I was palying today this guy with position on me kept reraising me preflop and I kept losing. It was as if he knew I hadn't played this high of stakes online recently and was reraising me with whatever he had just because he knew I wasn't in my comfort zone yet.
I hate that guy. I don't wanna hate him but I do. Poker just brings out these emotions in me. I'm still trying to become a Zen master who is free of normal human emotions but its so hard. I was watching the main event tonight and one of the guys who makes the final table was talking about his poker life. Says he just wants to win however much and then he can finally stop playing. Then he can finally have some money and be free and go to Tahiti and forget about all this. I found it interesting that he said 'and forget about all this'
I mean everyone can agree that we would all like to get so rich your set for life and just go to Tahiti and lay on the beach forever. But the way he said 'forget about all this' like his life playing poker and dealing with all the brutal swings is so horrible. Like once he finally has enough money he can finally stop......
I don't know. I kind of feel the same way. I've got to keep going. I need to get enough money to at least play something big enough that could help me just retire. Cause thats what I really want. To be retired, rich, set for life. Freedom. Imagine just playing to have fun, and not cause you need money. I hate to admit it but I jsut wanna be rich, thats why I play. If you have a job it's secure yeah, and you got that steady paycheck. But you also secure the fact that you'll always be working. Yeah your always gonna be secure but your always gonna be working. You never really give yourself that chance to get what you really want.
What do we all really want? To be set for life and never do anything but travel and spend money. I may never get there playing but I got a chance. Thats more than those with a more 'steady' profession can say.
It's hard to say I really really love what I do though. I just love the fact that I might get what we all really want and most will never even try. You might think I'm crazy. You might not at all and just be really pissed you impregnated your girlfriend. Now you dont even have a choice, you can't take chances you got other people besides yourself to worry about. I don't know. I just wanna be not here in Mahopac. But if I keep churning out sessions like I've been, I'll be moved out in no time. Gotta definitely consider moving up stakes soon. I give myself a week.
Check out how sick my session went today, way more swings than my normal session, I really didn't play my A game at all. I really got bailed out. This graph is 1,023 hands, 973 of them at 25 max, 5o hands at 50 max. 89 bucks profit. Remmber the black line in the middle is the break even mark. Anything below it means I'm down.