Not to much to say today

Well I guess I promised to report anytime I do bad at the tables and not just when I win so lets get this overwith. I'm currently on a downslide over 1k and I think I've lost like 800 dollars online since the last time I wrote. There overwith, I've recovered from a worse downswing though in the beginning, 6 months back. I was on my way to having my 12G bankroll and now another setback. Seems like everytime I start to turn the corner and am almost more than halfway there and on the way to being 3 quarters there I get knocked back down to a little less than halfway there. It happened when I first quit my job and I was hovering a G or so below the halfway point which is 6k ofcourse. Then I got back up towards 3 quarters there and got knocked back down in April. Then I fought my way back up with a decent online stretch since I've been home and like 2 or 3 blog entries ago I had a lot saved and was on my way and I just got knocked back down below the halfway point. Damn whenever I'm making good progress I seem to psyche myself out. This shit has nothing to do with good luck or bad, it's me. It's some kind of psychological wall I'm putting up that my mind can't seem to get around, won't let me have to much sucess. Some kind of subliminal feelings I act out subconsciously. Perhaps a part of me does not want things to change. Or maybe I know if my bankroll gets to big poker will really take off and I'll never pursue another career, so I subconscisouly downswing or play worse on purpose. It's not to late yet, I can still have a normal life and maybe some part of me wants to avoid this crazy lifestyle. I don't know just a theory. I know the Frank right here writing this shit does not like whats going on and wants all the money he can get and really play. I'm really not worried about sustaining income with poker, I am really really that good. Gotta stay not burnt out though and keep the A game. Haven't done that at all for this recent downswing. Anyway to be honest I started out with too little money saved to be playing professional poker but have been getting by anyway. When I finally have more money and am playing the same stakes I'm going to be as comfortable as a shirtless guinea eating a meatball hero sitting in a lounge chair while in a jacuzzi watching the Yanks play Boston.
I really do wonder if theres some kind of pyscholigal barrier here, I think there is probably. If I know its there I can take it down. But yes I do want to do other things. Like be a writer. Write a novel damnit. I try to write but never seem to finish. I think a writer is a perfect double life for a poker player to pursue. I seem to have discovered that proffesional poker sucess requires alot of days off in order to suceed. I have not been playing online at all really and wont' again to I feel better. Now what better than writing can help you fulfill your daily contribution to the world.
I watched that movie Orange County with Jack Black, see it, mad funny, the main character played by Colin Hanks wants to be a writer and meets his idol at the end. This accomplished writer tells him that almost every great novelist has had a conflicted relationship with the place he grew up, just like him. Cause the whole movie was about how he wants to leave Orange County, go to Stanford, meet other people and be a writer, blah, blah. This makes him feel good since he wants to be a great writer, he wants to leave Orange County and his idol tells him how every great writer experiences these same feelings. Well this made me feel pretty good too I guess.
I've always complained about Mahopac and the kinds of people here, but college in Oneonta taught me that people pretty much blow from everywhere. Anyway theres no way you can admire the greatest poker player ever more than the greatest writer ever. So I'm gonna try to do both in the time I have left. This blog is good cause it helps me write, I hope you all get something out of this.
Almost at 12k saved, if you count less than halfway as almost.
Oh yeah, looking into a condo in AC, why live there and pay rent when I can get a condo and my monthly payments actually are an investment? Anyone who rents anything is bananas, I work to hard to get money to just throw away a G every month on living somewhere and never get it back. Condo baby, a good friend from college is interested too, I'm trying to live right on the beach and right next to the casinos baby. I don't wanna get to into it cause nothing is official yet so I'm not gonna act like it's done. But were looking into it. I really have no choice though, you can't be a proffesional poker player and just play online. And I do so well in AC, I pretty much have to get this set up.