Insanity Evaluation

Even though I just wrote an entry last night I still feel like I have a lot to say. Since early February when I began playing poker full time I've only had one losing month and I don't even really count it because it was the first month and I was a little uncomfortable in the beginning. I just couldn't play good the first week or two cause it took a little while to realize what I was really doing, I don't know exactly what I was feeling but I just wasn't myself. Anyway since then I have been doing okay. I have had a couple of months where I was in the positive for sure but nothing significant, and one very consistent online poker stretch where I made over 200 everday for a while. I haven't had a losing month since the first one, but I have had to many insignificant progress months. I had one really really good month where I made almost 4 grand. This was March, and what strikes me about this month was how little I played. I think I did nothing like 17 days and played poker 13 days. I was in Atlantic City half the time and back home the other half playing a lot of super mario bros with my lady friend. We beat super marios bros the original and then played the lost levels (previously unreleased until mid 90's) we beat that too, and it took us a while. I was also very sick for like a full week, and couldn't do anything but lay around. So somehow I wound up only play 13 days out of the month and magically made close to 4k. Every other month I've played at least 6 days a week, if not 7. See this is how you get burnt out and have that one day, or two, lets say bad streak than can last for a bit, not to long but any streak where your losing money is to long no matter how short it may be.
For example, the past week I was making money online but hating it so much cause I was so sick of dealing with it. Thats not me, I love poker, I think any day without poker is a bad day. But I wasn't feeling like that at all, so I obviously was burnt out. Every post all week recently was probably about me complaining more than anything. The pressure was just building and building and then yesterday the roof finally flew off. In the future I need to remember the month of March, where I really spread out my sessions and won basically 90% of the time and profited biug time. If I make every month like that I'm making 45k a year cash (thats like someone who makes 60+k after taxes), and I'm playing relatively low stakes, imagine what I could make playing higher? Anyway, you gotta know when your burnt out, I think a big sign is when you don't want to play at all and you don't want to deal with the swings. You gotta play, play, play and then when the pressure starts to build you gotta chill, chill, chill, let the pressure fall back down to the bottom or else your risking an explosion! Where you donk off 4 days of profit. I used to think this was my fault, that I still needed to improve my stamina or my mindset and be more like a Zen like buddha meditating totally at peace person. But I'm starting to realize that no one can really play 6-7 days a week of brutal swingy cash games and maintain their sanity enough to consistently bring their A game. No one can do it, not even Phil, whichever Phil you want, neither of em I tall ya! The black one probly has a better chance because he's so damn calm, but still, no way. Anyway what helped me realize this is an interview I watched with Nick Shulman (http://www.pokerroad.com/inside_the_poker_mind/nick_schulman/) Just listening to him talk it's like I'm watching a video of myself talking, he could write my next blog entry and you wouldn't know it wasn't me. This kid won like a million dollars in his early 20's in a major tournament. So naturally I feel like he's doing something I'm not, but I really don't think thats the case at all. There's a particular question this fine looking cutie pie who runs the site asks him in the interview and he gave a very reasonable answer. He starts to elaborate on playing online poker as a job and is describing the ups and downs. He says he was the type of player which a handful of players are that would win, win, win like 15 sessions in a row really rake in the dough and then have sort of a 3 day downslide where you just lose your mind. The cutie pie asks why that is and he says because his level of insanity increases over time. Bingo! If your winning crazy money session after session thats good but it doesn't mean your not slowly going insane. Even when your winning your still stressin for your hand to hold up after you trap someone for all their chips. The pressure builds everday and like I said before you gotta let the pressure go back down when you feel it rising to the top. When the level of insanity gets to high, break time! Frank! Earth to Frank? You don't have to have a bad day and neutralize 4 days of hard work to realize it's break time, you need to understand yourself better. I've heard countless very sucessful players talk about how much their more they win when they play less. I used to think it was my shortcomings as a player when I couldn't keep my A game 6-7 days a week, but it's not. This kid who won a million bucks when he was 20 something is saying the same thing as I do, they all say it. And obviously I win like crazy when I play less. I'm folding pocket kings in 2 seconds everytime when that damn ace hits the flop after a bet and a call, but after a week and a half of nothing but poker everday pocket cowboys just don't hit the muck so easy.
And then I was reading this other post on the 2+2 forum, (http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/) and this guy was talking about what he does to handle this situation. He can feel the downswing coming or takes a loss, so he goes somewhere that he can't play poker at all, and then it's a matter of time (never more than a week) before he is dieing to play again and finds himself sneaking away from all these other activities he was doing to cool down from poker just to do anything somehow poker related. This how you know your ready to play again, when you can't stand being away from it. You have no life and need poker back because it's your career and times are never better than when your playing and winning. If you own a business or have kids or anything important like that you know it burns you out, but you know you need it, it's everything to you. I really love doing well in my chosen career path.
Think about this for a second, I have a very unique occupation in that the month I made the most money was the month I worked the least hours. And my worst month was when I worked the most. Hey man making 4k a month and just chillen half the time ain't such a bad life. I used to think money management seperated to good players from the true pros who really make a living, but I see that there is more to it know. Money management helps, but truly understanding yourself is really key. Breaks, breaks, breaks, you can't play everyday Frank, no one can, ask any successful player. I gotta know when defcon 5 is approaching, I'd appreciate if any of my readers would leave me comments about anything but do me a favor and let me know if my recent literature seems kind of dangerous or fed up with the game. See if you can spot that I am getting close to the edge and the passion is not there. The A game comes with passion for poker, the downswing comes from being sick of it all. Leave me comments and help me out, please, muchas gracias.
Poker is much like life, it's not fair at all and doesn't really care about your plan. Sometimes your just in the wrong place at the wrong time and you get fucked, yeah you did everything right, you went to school got A's, went to Harvard, passed the B.A.R. exam, got a job, your making mad money and only 25 and then some hoodlum shot you in the head coming out of a liquor store on your way home to celebrate your accomplishment. Your drawing dead now pal. If only you had not worked so hard your whole life, you might have been somewhere else and still be alive. Obviously this does not mean you should not strive to accomplish your goals in life, you should make the most of every day but there is no reason to worry about what you can't change. When your playing poker you must strive to play your best no matter what happens. No one cares if you take a bad beat and lose a bunch of money that you deserved to win. No one cares that the guy who won the pot on a lucky river card is reaping fortune through stupidity. Poker is a just randomness, the cards don't care about you, they don't care who was a 4 to 1 favorite when the money went in, neither does life. Poker is randomness, it's made of the same fabric that the universe itself is, randomness, there is no right or wrong, and no one deserves anything, the game owes you nothing, and neither does the universe, and neither does life. Whatever happens in poker, on the river, or in life theres no use ever being emotional about anything. People who just keep on trucking no matter what are the ones who make it in life and in poker, luck can only help you so much if you ain't helping youself. And only hurt you so much if you are helping yourself. There are rare cases in life like the lawyer I mentioned, but poker, there will always be another hand. If you take a bad beat, it's beautiful, it's randomness, it's the same reason our universe is hear in the first place. I for one am gonna play less and make more money and never forget what I've just written.