Ladies and gentleman I have bottomed out. Shit. I have nothing more to say than I am broke. I feel like I have no confidence anymore. I feel like I can't rebuild from zero again. I've been trying to do it but can't stand not having money on me. So I'm going crazy trying to stay in my house low stakesing it up. I am so so so so so fuckin bummed out right now. Shit.I probly shouldn't of quit my job last year. I wish everything was just back to normal. Let me basically explain what happenned.
Me and my friends went to Atlantic City. I for some reason played really really bad poker the whole time. I should of just played craps or blackjack if I was going to play this bad. Tom said it was no problem that he keep lending me. By the end of the trip after rooms, alcohol, food, and losing, I owed him 1200 fuckin dollars.
So I go home and play online and I'm winning all this money each day and just sending it to him. Sending it to him, sending it to his account. And going more frustrated each time I can't send it to myself. Finally he has to go back to England where he lived and says he needs all the money back now. I had paid him like 6 or 7oo already but he needs the rest. So I have to take all the money off pokerstars I had to give it to him. I thought it wouldn't matter when I gave it back but he got his fuckin wisdom teeth taken out and it cost him 1500 bucks. So I cashed out like 500 online and only had 200 left. I paid him his money and still had no money on me.
So now I'm fuct. I got like 200 online and am trying to play lower stakes and take it seriously, so I lose the 200. And I still have no spending money on me.
Then I used all my frequent player points to get enter free tournies and get tourny bucks. I turned that into 250. Then played lower stakes again got up to like 400 then went insane from all the low stakes and not having spending money and lost all that.
Then I used some for frequent player points and had 200 again, but went crazy again and lost that. I had another 100 at some point but lost it. And had another 300 yesterday and lost it. So now I'm broke everywhere and I owe like 400 or 500.
I can't seem to take anything seriously unless I have the G in my account I need and can 4 table 50 max. I don't know how I started with like 10 bucks last month and got it all the way to a 1000. Like what the fuck did I do? How patient was I being? What decisions did I make?
I don't know but I'm going to look back through this blog and find out exactly what I was doing.
Its not Toms fault, but he really fucked me by having me cash out. Fuck. This January has been a horrid month. I feel like shit. I haven't had the proper bankroll to paly my usual game since 2008. I havent had any dough on me. I wish I never went to AC and fucked myself.
Its all my fault. And no elses but my own. I kind of want my job back, but they hate me overthere now for quitting. Fuck.
I wish things were back to normal and I had my job again and I played poker on the side to make extra. I really didn't think this through. I feel like I fucked my whole life up. I have been given so many oppurtunities I throw them all away to play poker. But poker makes me insane. The more I play the crazier I become. It's good money, and really is a game of skill, but its so hard to maintain that winning edge. The insanity always gets to me.
Heres a hand that drives me fuckin insane: http://www.pokerhand.org/?3771072P
This fuckin dooshbag calls my raise preflop, fine. Then he bets out on the flop. Now by betting out, he's saying, let me see what this guy does. He's saying I have JJ and I may be up against QQ KK or AA and are beat. So he bets out to see what I do.
I have nothing, A8 high. But see an oppurtunity to bluff. I know it's not going to work. But cause I'm a sick fucker I have to try and believe this person is not a fuckin idiot and will do the smart, prudent thing and say "Well my hand is strong, but I am beat, I will fold."
So I'm putting him on pocket 10's. And I know he is making a feeler bet. These idiots who make feeler bets they only go with the first part and they abandon the second. The first part is you bet out and see if you get raised, if you get raised you are probly beat, if you don't, your good. A feeler bet is like a probe, it gathers info.
So I know he's doing that, so i tell him, your asking me a question with your bet, your gonna fold to a raise, so I'll raise you. I move in, knowing he has 10 10 in the hole and has to fold. So after I go all in, he hesitates for 2 seconds. Just enough time for him to say to himself, wow this dude does have AA, or KK, or QQ, my JJ is no good. But fuck it I'll call anyway.
And he calls.
Do you know what this means!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you fuckin know what this shit means people? Its means you'll always be able to make money playing this game, because no one has any fuckin discipline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I had AA or KK or QQ know what woulda happend? He woulda gave me all his fuckin money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So everytime you have it and they make these feeler bets, just move the fuck in. They will call! KNow why? Cause they can't see your fuckin cards and you might be bluffing! Thats thyere logic, these fuckin pieces of shit. Well he might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it.
JUST BET IT ALL WHEN YOU GOT IT, And don't make bluffs like I do that won't work cause it's only gonna work if the palyer has discipline. And don't tell me he had a read on me and knows I'm bluffing. I fucking reraised preflop!
I hate everyone! I am going insane. No one folds, no one ever fuckin folds and I have never have shit.
What the fuck? How did everything become all fucked up. I fuckin paid Tom 1000 fuckin dollars back in 3 weeks. I could use a loan if some one would like to help. If you think I will never pay you back your fuckin crazy. You can ask anyone who knows me I always pay back. So if you read my blog and wanna help me out I would appreciate it. I am in deep shit right now. Thanx- Frank
No comments:
Post a Comment