Got my Money Finally!

Yeah baby, I sent myself a G last week after I got my account up to 2k, sent myself half, resetting back to 1K. Today 1,000 bucks showed up in my checking account. That has to last me till I get another 1,000 sent which should take a while now because I have been screwing around with the other thousand I left in my account and now have much less. So I have to make alot now to even get back to 1,000 before I can even think about getting to 2,000 so I can send myself 1000. I think last post I said I was never gonna do this again, and had that whole yada, yada, thing. And I said I was gonna keep busting my ass and keep up the great progress and have another G sent to me in no time. Well I guess I lied. Gonna take a while to get more money sent now. But the good news is that I know I am capable of doing it. I pretty much can win whenever I wanna win. You would figure after a stretch longer than a week where I averaged over 200 profit everyday without a single losing day that I would smarten up. After making 1600 bucks profit in like a week only working like 4 hours a day, and then promising to keep it up and never screw around again, you would think that would be enough to shape up.

Now I gotta make like 200 or 300 more just to have enough to in my account to 4 table 50 max again. Geez......... Why do I constantly give myself more work to do. I honestly should have cashed out over 2k by now have alot more money sitting on my stars account as we speak. I've achieved probly 40% of the profit I should have by now.

I guess I just enjoy gambling more than anything. It sucks. Now when I say gambling I mean playing poker not to my full ability. Just saying fuck it and reraising people just cause. And calling people with weak hands just cause. And chasing, and bluffing to much and just having a blast. Avoid doing all the things that I normally do. Avoid all the discipline and patience I have learned translates into winning sessions. It seems like anything in life that is good for you is hard. Anything that is bad is easy and fun. I really love playing poker on my computer when I'm not exactly sober or not in the mood to try really hard. But it justs costs me so much money that I work so hard to get. Now I have so much shit to do b4 I get more money sent to my checking account.

I thought going broke was a wake up call but it wasn't. I realize that I love gambling foolishly more than any leisurely activity there is. When I'm working hard and busting my ass at poker and staying in a routine or set schedule, it's really good money and life feels rewarding but theres no excitement......... It's always a matter of time b4 I donk of 700-900 bucks one night.

I guess its time to show all ya all my overall graph since I began rebuilding my bankroll in mid October. I really don't wanna but maybe it'll motivate me to stop screwing around.

Notice how when the graph is steadily rising there are little tiny downswings, but the graph continues on a steady incline? Well those are mini downswings cause by luck variance, in which skill always overcomes in time. But the huge lumps, or the green line on a steady decline are caused by me 'screwing around' these are not caused by luck variance or lack of skill, just me screwing around. After the first decline I start rising again, around the top of the incline is where I cashed out. Since then I've been declining again. Allthough my graph still remains much higher than 0 and way far from losing, I still am down from my high point and not up nearly what I should be. The 2 large downswings should never even have happened. And the 2nd upswing should have started right where my first upswing stopped. If there was never that first downswing the overall highpoint of the graph would be much higher. You get me? The only downswings in the graph should be the small ones that are cause by luck variance. Yet I continue to manufacture more ways to lose money. As if theres not enough already in poker.

I wanna say that I promise to never do it again but who would take it seriously, I don't even. I hope I don't have to go broke again to start playing well again. I feel like some other part of me subliminally wants me to lose it all so I would just stop playing this game cause I hate dealing with people so much. It's like theres two Franks and I don't know which one is gonna show up. Well at least I know I'm capable of making alot of dough whenever I want. Some poker players graphs look like this and they try their hardest all the time. Neverthless I am going to try and smooth out those annoying ripples of my graph from now on and show you a steady incline from now on. No more annoying downward curves in my graph. I'm just gonna concentrate on getting a G back in my account so I can turn over a new leaf starting December 1st and have the kind of conistent month I said November was gonna be. I know I can make 5k in december, its all on me.

It would be funny if this time next month I'm talking about my new years resolution being you know what.