Buy My Car.... NO DON'T!

I'm BUGGIN out WIGGIN out FREAKIN out SPAZZIN, flippin, spacing out thinkin about all these things that I swear everyone else doesn't worry the slightest for.

Like my car. Buy it please! Actually please don't. Then I won't have it anymore. I'll have some dough immediately, but why not just wait cause I'm gonna get money when my coffee shop opens. However my investing partners are not making haste in terms of getting opened already. Lot of bullshit with the Health department, encil system, flooring guy, etc.

I'm not gonna get a whole nother job for a few weeks obviously, when this sweet job is starting so son, mine as well wait it out. But I want money now! Sell that car of mine and that money will easily last me until June when we open, and I'll probly turn it into more as well. But I am just very conflicted about letting the car go.

I have been very limited with funds for a while now yet I still can't bring myself to sell it. Thats why it hasn't been sold. Not cause no one wants it , not cause I don't wanna go through all the annoying processes of getting it sell ready, not cause of any specifics of the car. I just don't want it that bad, don't want money in place of this car bad enough. And if you don't want it bad enough it ain't gonna happen. Its a convertible dude, I'm gonna be so sad if its gone.

Just really don't wanna go a whole month waiting till my job starts and have limited funds. But don't wanna get a whole other job if I'm only gonna be there a month. If I sell the car now I'll he happy for a month, but once that month goes by and I have a job I'm gonna be thinking: "Wow, now I have a job and money, if only I had my sweet convertible too. Wish I never sold it. Damn."

Obviously being limited on funds is not gonna last, but if I sell the car it'll be gone forever. So I shouldn't sell. Damn....... I don't know. I feel like I just overthink everything and always have. Always finding ways to bug out over issues I should just relax about. The mind can twist and turn reality quite a bit, until its viewpoint is as distorted as an M.C. Esher portrait.

Look at this baby.........And thats not even with the top down. Where it looks even sweeter. Nice interior ay? In perfect condition except for the small burn hole in the back seat. Some space cadet did it way back when, then lied about it.

It's pretty entertaining when you already know what happened and the person lieing to you doesn't know you know. Most people are pretty bad liars, and you should most likely spare em the lie and just tell em you know. But you can let em squirm for a minute or two, lol. It's like checking with a monster hand on the river when you know they can't have anything except a busted draw, checking and letting em bluff off a ton of money. It's hilarious.

So ya wanna buy it? Huh? Buying it? Don't leave fake comments, you gotta really want it. I don't know if I wanna let it go though. I just don't know. To many memories, some good, some so good I wanna sell it just cause I don't wanna remember how good it was cause I ain't still there...........(sigh) Go on enough blunt rides with enough space cadets and your gonna have burn holes in your interior soon enough..........

Well anyway the whole point of this post is I'm conflicted about the car. Got it up an running today, in good shape, but still can't pull the trigger and release my baby. So its stressing me. I'm stressing over my new job coming up, not necessarily to job, I wanna get it going bad and its exciting but stressin over the decision to come back to NY in the first place. One of my buddies is moving to the NYC soon. And a number of friends don't live around here anymore. So shouldn't I have just stayed in AC if no one is gonna be around here anyway? Like what was the point of comin back here? I'm always buggin and stressing and wondering if I shoulda just stayed there. Well, it really was financial reasons, u feel me? But seriously if in time no one lives around here anyway, why am I here?

And I'm here now for a while anyway, do I just get an apartment around here? Whats the point of getting a place around here if I can just live at my house for free? Will I regret signing a lease whether I have money or not?

Am I running out of time? Will I still look and feel the way I do now when I'm 27, 30, 35? I don't think I will, feel like I got only 5 good years left and then I'll be in the 30's fuck that. I don't wanna be old. Have I given away my chance at youth? Is running this coffee shop gonna be so demanding that by the time I get it to the point where it is a self sufficient business I will be to old and not feel how I do now?

One of my buddies with a similar attitude as me toward life and women and jobs and poker and money says times are changing and I can be 33 and look and feel the same way I do now. Says 30's are the new 20's. I hope he's right. I wanna feel like I feel now forever but always buggin out that I'm running out of time. Damn.

Don't worry, I'll have plenty of time to play poker even though gonna be working alot. Now I can really be free and flexible with money cause I have another source of income. I'm gonna play so much online soon and everytime I win I'm gonna buy more stuff for my cafe. Another flatscreen TV, better lights, more tables, etc. Gonna do everything I can to make it succeed. And eventually be 28,29,30, and feel the same way I do know hopefully and just be traveling the world, going to every casino there is, win money everywhere. Don't stop till I'm ahead, ya know, in the black not the red, ya know a winning player in every poker room on the planet....... So far I have accomplished this in almost every casino in Atlantic City, just gotta get ahead at Ceasers and Showboat I believe. Then Vegas would be next, never been, then all the rest. I got a long way to go if I'm gonna visit every single last one one the planet........

Don't have the resources now, but thats the plan. Looks good on paper, life never works out like it does on paper. But as long as you know you did your best. Just play good, just play good all the time, you'll have good luck and you'll have terrible luck, but just keep playing good and you'll be okay. In poker, and in life.

RAPS FROM THE BAT

"Tell mom I don't go to the church - tell Haq I dont' go to Mosque I blow blunts, hold guns, and I'ma be right there when the soldiers'll march I play the part, and my heart seem colder than March But on the flipside of things, it's still warmer than June I have talks with the Lord and he'll be callin me soon."