I DONT CARE ANYMORE

Yeah thats right. Don't feel like writing much tonight, I may go off, but will see what happens. As of right now I'm planning on making this one short and..............
Shit I was gonna say short and sweet but I feel like thats cliche writing. I'm gonna make this one to the point.
The limited funds as of late are making it to difficult to rebuild a bankroll. I don't care anymore. I don't care. I no longer have the desire to put up with this shit. I have reached the end.

Any of you fucksticks who read my blog and don't actually copy and paste THE HAND OF THE DAY, suck my balls. This one you have to look at. Yo! Seriously copy and paste this shit. And remember I play as Brezlin. This shit is beyond sick. And no I didn't make this shit up, this really happened yesterday.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3944636P

Do not skip this part. Copy and paste now bitch. You fuckin believe this shit? Let me just say to complain about losing a hand is for pussies and I would never act like this one fuckin hand would cause me to wanna quit poker. It's just a hand, its just one full buy in gone, thats all. Its just everything all rolled into one thats driving me crazy right now. I just have to show you that hand, as a small portion of everything driving me insane.

The funny thing is, I know he has to have J10 diamonds here. The way he is betting, I know thats the only hand that makes sense. I'm not going into specifics at the moment of why I know, but just how the betting went down. Thats is the only hand that makes sense. My full house felt like a pair of 2's while it all went down, I didn't feel good on the turn, at all whatsoever. If he has any other type of boat, its simply not going to be bet like that, his entire line would of been different. I fully expected him to show me that exact hand ever since the turn. I felt my hand was unfoldable, not do to the strength of my hand, but the severity of my current situation.

I am so sick and tired of this bullshit. I don't care anymore. I just don't care anymore. I don't care about anyone who ever told me I sucked. I don't care about proving anyone wrong. Sometimes I think the only reason I even play poker is because I hate certain people I've encountered so much. These people have told me I was an idiot and I would never make this work. And I honestly just hate these people so much that there the only reason I even play poker.

Yesterday I finally got over the hump and came out my downswing, my account was finally at a new highpoint and I had surpassed the 300 mark and then some after being stuck in the 200s for days. It felt great. I knew the next day would be even easier. And then it happened. I saw a 95 suited on the button and limped in. And this voice inside my head said 'this is it Franko, this is the hand that you lose everything on.'

Now I only had 52 buckers on this table, but if I did lose 52 my account would sink back below 300, after I was just so ridiculously happy I got over the hump about. And this voice says 'This is it. This is the hand. Your gonna lose a huge one here.'

So the fuckin big blind raises it up. I call. Flop comes 10 9 5. Which is 2 pair for me. And this guy bets big. It looks like an overpair cause he raised preflop and then bet huge, so I make a big raise to induce him to move all in with AA or KK or QQ or JJ. Now I am afraid he has a set of 10 10 10. Bad players usually check when they flop sets. Good players usually bet out cause they know that you know your expected to check a flopped set. But since your gonna make a continuation bet everytime you miss. Its smart to act like your continuation betting when you actually do have a set.

Anyway so I am kind of afraid of a set of 10's cause there is a flushdraw out there, so he might bet hard even if he is a donk that usually checks in this situation. And then he voice says 'see, I told you this is the hand, your done for, you just ran into a set'

I felt a sick sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like God was pointing and laughing at me. Reraise!!!!!!!!! He reraises me big after I just raised big. So I push all in, wanting to believe so bad he has the overpair............................

And I double this guy up with his set of 10's. He had 44 dollars. Now I'm back under 300 afte struggling all day to get over the hump. I had already come back from a very large deficit, I had been playing all day. I immediately stopped. I knew this was the end. I know the next time I played I would get screwed. I knew that 95 suited was gonna destroy my bankroll. I knew it the moment it was dealt to me.........
I knew I would play bad next time I played, and I did. And I knew it would happen. Should of taken a break, but didn't cause no money.

I got like 108 buckers left after another shitstorm session, I'm going broke tonight. It's gonna be great. IRONY, the 95 suited is the hand that put me over the edge. 95suited, 9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5.

95 SUITED, and now I'm gonna end up with a 9 to 5............................. The fuckin had was 95, and I heard the voice. How sick is that? What are the chances the hand I hear voice about, that would cause me to resort to a 9 to 5, was actually 95 suited!!!!!!!! What the fuck, this whole life thing really is a sick joke on me. I can see it all before it happens. Do you know I know how I'm going to die to? I saw it in a vision some years back. I fall awkwardly over the balcony in my house and slam the floor hard...... I really gotta move out, geez. If I stay on this path I'm never gonna be outta here and it might happen.

It's just so sick how that voice told me it was gonna happen before it happened. If only I just mucked preflop. It's just so sick how that voice told me it was gonna happen and that the flop actually came. Its really like this whole life thing is a big joke. I feel set up.

I'm not even posting that hand pokerhand.org cause I don't ever wanna think about it again. If you wanna watch me go busto tonight and lose the last of my money in my account hit me up or text me and I'll let you know when I log in, you can download pokerstars on your computer and watch me.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Things ain't so bad. When I am more financially comfortable poker is always gonna be a nice source of income to go along with whatever else I am doing for money. Other people aren't gonna ever have the skills I have. And other people are not gonna have extra income along with their job unless they wanna slang crack rocks. When I have a bigger bankroll I'm not gonna be stressed and I'm gonna be doing much better at the tables. I'm gonna be talking about how I layed down my boat when I knew this dude had a royal flush. Cause the money I'm playing with is gonna be plentiful and I'm not gonna be stressed. I have to resort to alterior methods for a perod of time before playing poker full time again. In the future I can take another shot, but for now, I'm going to have to find another way. Gonna most likely work and play till I can get enough dough to take another shot. Its not the end of the world.

I really think my true calling in life is to be a writer. I know of about six or seven people that consistently read this website. I appreciate all of you, and thanx for your text Brian, and yeah I knew yesterdays post kicked ass instantly. So I ask you to respond to my new poll. Cause I want with everything inside me to write a novel. I'm working on one and I think it people will connect with it. Please respond to the poll, it means a lot to me, and tell your friends to read some of my stuff. Nancy, Pj, Hakan, Narska, Derick, Lacobilaid, and Brian ya drunk mick bastard. Thanx for reading and making comments. Peace out, to all.