HA! HA! HA! HA!

HA! Is actually a game. Its a mixed poker game. 10 hands of holdem. And then 10 hands of Omaha high. Its really cool and fun. It should probly be called HO, H for holdem and O for Omaha high. But this other mixed game consisting of 10 hands of holdem and 10 hands of Omaha high low split already is called HO. So Holdem and regular Omaha mix is called HA. HA is ten times more fun than HO. Omaha high low split can be rather boring. But regular Omaha, or Omaha high is awsome, and playing it with holdem is great. Its not no limit though, its pot limit. But pot limit is pretty much the same thing as no limit, except you can't really go all in until there is signifcant money in the pot. Its almost the exact same thing as no limit, and may even be a little better. I haven't really had fun playing poker in a long time. It's very liberating to have a rotation of games as oppossed to only playing one game the whole time. 10 hands of Omaha, 10 hands of holdem, really awsome and fun. I been practicing it with play money cause I don't really know how to play Omaha high that well. The people playing play money actually do try hard so it really is a good way to learn. The reason they try hard is cause if you 500k play chips on Full Tilt poker you can enter a real money tournament. So play money is played with quite a bit of seriousness. I have learned alot about play Omaha well screwing around with play money. Should have a small amount of real money soon and start grinding low stakes HA games. It will be fun. Not really relying on it as a source of income though, just gonna have a good time, but play my best ofcourse. Not the kind of good time were I'm playing foolishly, I'm just saying I actually enjoy playing HA and gonna start playing for low stakes soon and it should be easier to make money when I'm actually having a good time.
The other reason I call this post HA! HA! HA! is right here, check this out:

http://www.cardplayer.com/poker-news/article/6427/new-report-provides-evidence-that-poker-is-a-game-of-skill

Copy and paste away.

My explanation for why poker is a game of skill is different. It goes more like this:

Sometimes poker appears to be a game of luck because often people who make that judgement are stating this just based on a relatively small sample of hands. Everytime you fold the worse hand you do lose something, but minimize your loss. Everytime you fail to fold the worse hand you lose as well, but lose more.
Everytime you have the winning hand you win something, but how much money your opponent puts in the pot depends on how you bet, also what they have, or how on tilt they are, etc.
So basically over the course of 100 hands you may have had the worse hand 80 times and the best hand only 20. Its a crazy mathemical rariety, but it happens. If you folded 80 times you played well, you lost, but lost as little as you could. Someone else with the exact same cards with a run of hands so shitty that you would have the worse hand 80 out of 100 deals, would have lost a lot more. Anytime the outcome with the same run of cards between two people is different, skill inverably is a factor. In other "gambling games" it wouldn't matter who spun the wheel, or rolled the dice. The outcome would be the same.
Now an observer over this short period of time (100 hands) may look at you and say that you lost cause the other guy just had the best hand 80% of the time. But in actuality you just experienced a freakish mathematical algorithm and saved as much as you could. And eventually over the next couple of hundred hands the luck by mathematical certainty has to even out. And you will have your upswing and be winning more than someone who lost more than they should while they were unlucky.
In short everyone is the same amount of lucky over time. Therefore how could luck be a factor if everyone is the same amount of lucky? Do you see how little sense it makes to say poker is a game of luck? If no one is any luckier than anyone else how the fuck can it be a factor. Skill is everything, just takes a lot longer to show than anything other competition. 5 minutes of basketball is 5 hours of poker. The lead the Lakers will have over the Clippers in 5 minutes will depend on a lot of factors. How many lucky bounces, how many friendly rolls, who's shooting touch is hot, who's isn't. Luck is a factor in everything in life, but luck doesn't last, luck evens out.
After 5 minutes the Clippers may be winning, but by the 4th quarter is 95-81 Lakers almost every time. After 5 hours of poker you may have been so handicapped by a short term mathemical rariety all you could do is fold and cut your losses. But after 50 hours of poker, there is no fuckin way people your better than will ever beat you, theres just no fuckin way.
50 hours of poker is like 4 quarters of bball. It just takes a really long time for skill to show.
People think cause its a card game its a game of luck. It's not, people who are good fold when they're beat, people who suck don't fold when they're beat. And everyone is beat the same amount of time in the longrun.
These dooshbags who who say poker is a game of luck after playing for a few hours and takin a few bad beats, well, it's pretty much the same thing as watching 4 seconds of basketball, seeing Jamal Crawford chuck up a 36 foot fade away 3 pointer that goes in and saying bball is a game of luck.
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
If you still think its about luck, lets schedule a date and you can play me heads up, you will lose. I'm not worried about posting this challenge, cause all the people that could actually beat me know its not about luck. So the only people that would actually accept are poker ignorant conformists who will probably suck out on me with a flush draw the first hand and then start saying "HA! HA! HA! HA!" I'm better than you, I just beat you this one hand.

disclaimer: if we were actually to go through with this challenge there would have to be an agreed upon number of hands.

No one really knows how many hands it takes to mathematically cancel out the luck factor. I suspect is probaly somewhere between 3-500 thousand. If your really smart you should work on figuring this out right now, who ever figures it out first is gonna be a very rich man, or woman of course. See I didn't forget about you cutie pies I know your smart too.

ITS OVER

I have nothing more to say. I'm done posting in here. Lets call it all more of a sociological experiment as opposed to a live journal. In an experiment in what happens to the mind when all you do for money is play poker and nothing else. I am not playing much poker as of late, am going into some more industry based type of entrepreneurship for the time being. This site is suppossed to be a daily outlook on the life of professional poker. All I really ever talked about was how insane I was going from playing so much.
Now I haven't played much lately and won't be playing as much in the near future. There won't be hand historys or graphs or stats for a while so I see no reason to post. So I believe this site loses its integrity. So I'm done posting I guess.
Or maybe I'll post shit I don't know. Just feel like I'm ripping off the audience if I'm not skepticating about poker.
Well I'm entering the more industry based entrepreneurship with poker in mind, in order to ensure funds to go along with poker. I look forward to playing in the future. I won't go insane from playing to much and I'll play less and win more. It always works out like that. Playing only when your in the mood to play is key.
So basically I'm going to be into other things for a bit, I don't know how long. So I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing for this website.
Have a cup of coffee on me and think about it.
Is there any reason to even post anymore?

Regular Society?

I don't know if I can function in regular society. It doesn't seem for me, never has, as far back as I can remember. I never liked school, never did well. I didn't and still do not see how anyone could approach schoolwork as a worthy measuring stick as to who should get ahead in life.
A lot of people see it school work as a challenge to work the hardest. If they work harder in school they deserve the better grades, and should get into the better schools, therefore get the best jobs and have the most money. If someone works their ass off to get straight A's there whole life and then goes to a good college and then tops it off with a lucrative job they feel justice is served, and those who are mowing their lawn deserve to be where they are because they didn't put the work in when they were in school.
I for one have never seen it this way. I've always felt those who work the hardest deserve results, and those who are lazy deserve nothing as well. But as far as applying such to the school system I have never bought into it. The fact that your learning about subjects you really don't need to know is wrong. The fact that they stick you in a classroom for so many hours a day, and then you get homework, reports, hours of study time for midterms and finals, all to take in useless material is wrong. Very, very little of what you learn in school will ever be applied in the real world. And any of the real necessities in life are taught at very low grade levels, and could of been taught by anyone.
Education is really just books. If you wanna read and be educated, by all means do it. But to force people to learn is stealing their life away. Telling them if they don't learn all this bullshit they won't get good grades, then won't get into college, won't get a good job...... Its all very wrong in my eyes and always has been. These teachers think because they go over a book with you there educating you. It was the book, not the teacher. Education is just books. The whole system is just stealing people's time. And everyone just buys into it. Everyone does the work and makes the best of the situation. Everyone stays positive, looks at the brightside, and does the work, cause they want good grades, so they can go to college, and get good jobs.
From the very beginning I knew it was wrong. And I have never tried in school, except for one semester of community college cause I wanted to get into real college badly.
So people often remain ashamed with bad grades and proud of high scores. But if you think deeper into it, you shouldn't be proud unless you think deeper. And see it doesn't matter, and the whole system is so, so wrong. Keeping people inside classrooms 8 hours a day for the better part of their youth just seems like stealing their life away.
Who's to say your not going to be tragically killed in some kind of accident as a teenager? And you've spent your whole life locked in a classroom, forced to learn information you really don't need to know. Is that a life you could look back on with no regrets?
There has to be some better way to do it, I don't have the answers, but I know this one is quite nazi. People tell me I'm crazy all the time, they're always a group ganging up on me to inform how wrong I am whenever I talk.
I just don't seem to function in regular society. I've always thought so differently than everyone else. I've been busy all week taking this bartending course. Two of my friends took it with me and are so excited and happy the whole time. Studying rampantly, talking about how much fun making drinks is. They just go through it with a smile and see everything as a great opportunity.
Its been a very depressing week for me, as I feel myself delving back into regular society and fitting into the system. At one point I wanted to knock the drinks off the table and storm out of the room. I can't stop thinking about what a sucker I am and I'm so unintelligent that I have to get people alcohol and hope for nice tips as my source of income. Don't I have another more intelligent way to get money?
I do, but I need more money to make it work. The fact that I don't have a bankroll right now is all my fault. I mean I didn't do it on purpose, but my failure to consistently earn has nothing to do with bad luck. I guess I can just take comfort in the fact that anyone else who is going to be serving drinks for money, or whatever they do for money is gonna get a paycheck and thats it. I can work, get a paycheck and consistently turn it into more money.
Poker will always be a great skill to have, but relying solely on it financially really hasn't been the smartest decision.
But anyway I've been really depressed all week taking this course. I'm not suppossed to be getting up at 730am everday to take orders. I'm suppossed to be so good at poker that I don't need anyone but me. But thats not happenning right now, and its all my fault. I am in this position cause I played bad so much. Whether its my fault or not, I'm still here and I hate being part of regular society. And I don't even have a job yet. I'm not even gonna get my certificate till next Friday, a week from now, if I pass this practical test. My friends passed it today, barely. It's gonna be rough. But you can take it every Friday for a year if you fail and you don't ever have to take the course over. So the hard part is over for me, next Friday I'll most likely be all done. Then they'll place me in a job somewhere and I'll do this bartending thing for a bit. Hopefully not for too long................
It's really embarassing to write on here about how I have to get a job. And being part of regular society makes me wonder why were all here on earth in the first place. Everyone I talk to always has their way of looking at the brightside of things. It can be depressing talking to me as my outlook on life is so bleak. But let me just say it one more time......

What is the point?

You have to have money to live right? And you like living so much that your gonna make sure you keep living, so you make sure you have money. So you keep on working so you can have money so you can keep living. If you stopped working you would stop living, so you keep working. And your working the whole time to ensure you keep living. But all your really doing while your living is working. So your working to keep living but your really not living cause all your really doing is working. It's a catch 22...............

So what is the point?

"Oh come one Frank, your home now, you got 5,6,7 hours before you have to go to sleep, you got the whole night."

So you get up a 7:30am be at work at 9, get out at 5. Asleep by 12 so you can make sure you wake up early enough to get to work. So more than half of your waking hours aren't even dedicated to you, but to the system. Were all just pawns. And everyone looks at the brightside, does it, makes the best of it. And whenever I say something everyone tells me to shutup and that I'm fucked up in the head. You all just have your way of rationalizing it..........

I don't know, I don't have the answers, not saying anyone's right or wrong. You try and think outside the box, you wind up broke, unfortunately. I just see this whole existence as kind of meaningless. Sorry to depress you if I did. Just check out the hotty of today up top, I'll try to find a real gorgeous one today. Pilsner girls are the one truly great and uplifting thing about being a guest on this otherwise meaningless rock called Earth. Anytime you feel down, remember them. I said I'd never post her picture on my site, I had her for some post a while back but took her off cause she looked to much like a certain someone. But I need a real special girl for this post, as long as where talking about the lone reason to go on, I guess the girl that reminds of her is the only one that makes sense. (sigh)

LOST

I'm not talking about the show. I'm talking about lacking direction. Ya see I'm not quite sure what I wanna do. I think I possess, is that really how that word is spelled. I feel like it should be posesse. I ramble on in this blog a lot about pointless shit like that. I just feel the need to say it, thats just how I write. I don't know if that means I write good or bad, just how I feel to write. I pretend I'm just talking.
My frequent wondering about whether or not I write well takes me back to the whole point of being LOST, and lacking direction. I got some more votes on the latest poll. 8 total, and finally got one that answered the 4th option. Which is 'no way' in response to whether or not they would like to read a fiction novel by me after reading this site.
This makes me think, is what I have to say really interesting? Do the few people who read this site only like reading it cause they know me and just find me funny? If they did not know me would they find it all just stupid?
The current idea I have for a novel that I have written some of, is not much different from what I write on here. Its about poker, its about a dude in his twenty's..... I just don't think I really have anything to say.
Look at a show like The Wire. On HBO and also The Sopranos on HBO. HBO really kicks ass. They're shows are just a cut above the rest. I mean who the fuck is gonna watch C S fuckin I on channel fuckin 2.........
When you go the there webpages on HBO.com and look at character at cast of characters page, its a rich tapestry of people. Its a gigantic cast where there is one larger story to tell and no one single character is really that important. Even in The Sopranos, Tony is the main character, but there is still as many different roles as in The Wire, there are many scenes and story lines within the overall storyline that don't include Tony.
Ya see my idea for a novel only involves one character really. I mean there are others in which he meets along the way but the story is basically only about him. There is not a single scene in which he doesn't appear. Therefore it really isn't certain that it is a good story to tell. Who is gonna wanna read a novel so one dimensional, focusing only primarily one dude and poker.
Well there is a lot more to it and I have a story line planned, but the supporting characters don't all interact with eachother, they kind of just interact with the main character. It's impossible to see any happennings outside of the main characters view.
However it is not narrarated by him. So I guess I can branch off, but that would defeat the whole purpose of it. It's suppossed to be all about him. I mean Forest Gump is like that. I would have to watch it again but I'm pretty sure there are no scenes at all that don't involve someone relating to Forrest.
In thr future I would like to write something with a deep deep cast and no real main character. A story about a whole city and it's story, not just 1 guy or 1 family. But I think this book could work centered around just one guy. Ya see all I really do is take whats happened to me and exxagerate the living shit outta of it. See those moments in life where the future looks overdramatic in your eyes, but then when you really experience what you were wondering about its really just plain and everyday type of shit. Just turn those moments more dramatic, make them feel like you thought they would. I call this process unrealistically realistic.
I understand all that was just really hard to understand. Well you know what? I don't care I fuckin understand it.
Hmmmmmmm, example. There are certain paths I've gone down because of poker and wound up in situations I never thought I'd wind up in. However the long term results really aren't to dramatic. I've been able to remain emotionless for a full day, and thought it would last forever, but it did not. How could I live like that? But imagine it did last forever......... BOOM story idea.
So it kinda goes like that ya feel me? You better gets getting before the gettin gets got.
Season 2 of The Wire is good, some bum told me to skip it just watch 1,3,4,5. I'm surprised, cause I like it a lot. It may be the weakest season perhaps, but weakest season of this show is still better than the strongest of Everybody Loves Raymond. I believe it is a huge judgement error when considering the continuity of the viewers outlook on the story as a whole, the bigger picture.
Perhaps a TV series is truly the greatest form of enterainment. A long drama series that strectches many seasons and 75-100 episodes. It's like a really really long movie. These type of programs differ from my novel idea also because, movies and novels kind of always have a killer type ending where very drastic things happen. A beginning middle and end sorta speak. A punchline of sorts comes in the finale. A can definatley see and end to my book, and I feel like the whole movie is leaading up to its conclusion.
But the end of a long 75-100 episode drama series ending is always anticlimactic for the most part. Life kind of goes on and you see where everyone winds up. There is no punchline sorta speak in the end. Nothing that drastic really has to happen.
I guess I feel my main character is so important to me that I have to have everything centered around him. To just mix him on with a larger cast of characters would nullify the very message of the story.
So I guess its not really such a bad thing to go my route, some stories are just not meant to be told any other way. Imagine Forrest Gump was just one character in a larger story about many people. So maybe my idea is interesting? I don't know. I just think the gambling arena had really blown up since 2003 and no one has ever really made a good poker movie. Its like a golden oppurtunity I feel staring me at the face. I cringe everytime I hear about some kind of poker fiction coming out, to think it could the next great hit. And if only I had gotten mine out in time. However no one's idea is every going to directly coincide with mine, but what if it did? I alredy fear the idea of an emotionless poker playing character will seap into the mind of those reading this right now, I want to erase this shit. I' doing. I'm erasing this right now. Sorry you'll never see this asshole.

Anyway I am LOST within myself about writing this shit. I gotta write it just to see. I think people will find it real interesting, even though it centers only one 1 main character. It won't be the truly greatest work of fiction though, I have to make a 75-100 episode drama series. I have no idea what it would be about but it has to happen.

I am LOST in the fact that I don't know whether I wanna be playing online poker or live poker or just never play poker again or work and and play poker less. Or work and live somewhere where you can play live or online. Or work and jsut live around here and only be able to play online. I really feel I will be very financially good if I can work as a bartender part time and play 1,2 live and have the option of online. I feel I am set for life. I feel very financially well off cause it was so important to me be so good at poker that I never have to work. Trying to get that good made me so good at it that even with a job I still have a very useful skill. The fact that I'm going to have to take shit from people for a certain period of time does piss me off but other people who have to do this and were not obsessed with being so good at poker they don't ever to work, well they aren't any good at all now. True right now being so good at poker I never have to work is very difficult to make happen. But I'm just saying with a decent paying job and my skills at the game I feel very fortunate financially.

Soon I'll have a job and will never have to deal with bullshit bankroll rebuilding ever again. It's completely ridiculous to play that low of stakes. I won't do it. Whatever it takes to get a big bankroll together and be able to use 5% rule with high stakes games. Money's gonna be really easy to get soon. I will have money soon, where should I live? Should I move back to AC? Be able to work, play live, and play online, be a fuckin human cash register........... But on the downside be 3 hours away from any close friend or fam?
Or stay around here? Concentrate on work, only play online except if you wanna drive all the way down to AC when you have days off..............And have many many different people to hang out with and much family around?
I was really lonely there but life was generally more exciting during the day. Put it this way when I'm home life is more like the 75-100 episode series. There is a large cast of characters that I interact with and many a moment goes by when I'm around people and they are interacting with eachother and I'm not necessarily the center of attention. I know many people and they know eachother, theyre all connected.
But in AC its like I'm the only character in this story. There is not a large cast here at all, I don't have regulars I interact with. I mean I come across people but they are not connected to the others I come across. Every scene involves me and only me. All the attention is on me.
Do you know what I mean? For some reason I still am leaning toward AC. I can get a place around here with some of my buddies and always have shit to do and people to see. Always be hearing about who did what to who. Or go back to AC, be able to wake up everyday play online, then play live, and work, and be on my own. Or stay here, work and play online and have mad people around. I just don't know what to do. I am feeling very LOST.
Just need to make things happen down there.........

Cutie Pies in Track Suits

See theres my kind of girl. She's wearing a female version of my usual outfit. The ol' tracksuit look with a feminine twist. She looks so comfortable, she would fit nicely next to me in my dark blue track suit. If your a hot girl that walks around in such clothing types as the one above you should leave a comment and schedule a meeting. Who knows maybe people are reading. I got 6 votes so far on my latest poll. so that means I got at least 6 people who read. Thank you to all. And the best part is that I didn't bother mad people I know to visit this site and vote. I didn't say anything this time, just wrote it, posted it and 6 people voted. So I'm happy I at least have some people who enjoy reading. Thanx for voting and thanx to whoever it was who told the truth and answered 'not really'. I'd rather hear the truth. 4 people so far voted 'yes, fo sho' thank you as well. If 4 people will read my book then thats enough to motivate me to get it done.

I decided to just cash out that last 100something bucks. Last post I said I was going broke, so I said screw it and just cashed it out, figure do something semi intelligent for once. Its not a lot of money and will be gone in like 2 days but at least I get something instead of just wasting it. That whole day with the 95 suited, and the fullhouse vs straight flush, it just fucked me so bad. I shoulda cashed out immediately, I would have 250 on its way to me instead of 108.

These reasons for cashing out, and reasons for stressing out are all rather ridiculous reasons to complain about poker. They are relatively standard events in the live of serious players. It seems at first glance that I'm being a little bitch. But really the financial situation I currently am in is what is making it all to much to deal with right now. Otherwise I would find it all funny in a sick sort of way.

I realize I need to drastically change my financial situation before pursuing poker full time. I didn't start with enough money, definately don't have enough now, and am going to inevitably keep going in circles unless I start over. So no big deal, its not the end of the world.

Once I have the bankroll making money at poker is going to be easy for me again like it has been for long periods of time in the past. I complain alot but if you really think about it, shit ain't so bad. I'm always gonna have another way to make income aside from a job. So I can always do both. It hasn't really benefitted me that much to focus all my energy on poker and neglect all else, but putting my poker skills to better use and less use will always be a very nice advantage in life.

The time will come to pursue poker and only poker in the future, but for now gotta really build up a bankroll through any means necessary. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. Its doesn't make you any less of a player to have other sources of income. For the longest time I believed it did. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

I'm gonna take this bartending course, get a part time job tending bars. This is one of those hidden jobs that pay well and anyone can do. If I do this and play poker there is no way any of my friends my age will be able to ever beat me in a timed money making contest. I was a pretty conistent full time poker player when I was in AC, averaging 20 bucks an hour lifetime, (300 hours worth) not including the little tourny I chopped for like 6 hundo profit. So yeah, I mean live poker pretty much is guaranteed income over time. So I always have the option of moving back there, getting a bartending job and playing semi full time. I'll be raking in the dough. And my overall sucess at poker will be easier to obtain if I am also bartending, cause then I know I have some room for error. Won't be all buggin out and worried at times.

Thats what playing and working is all about. Just doing both until I have so much money I feel comefortable just playing. I've never had enough money to feel comefortable with just playing. When I quit my old job I only had 7 grand. Not enough. I need like 30k and then I'll consider quitting, maybe. But I don't know, I think I'll like bartending for some reason. It is after all the only job I'll even consider doing.

So all the poor life decisions really aren't that bad when you think about it. You can't really say I've wasted a bunch of time, because there is no way I would as good at poker as I am if I wasn't so obsessed with it. I'm going to be one your normal people for a while and feel I have a great skill up my sleeve.

Any losing I reported on this site, and sometimes alot, which may make it seem like I'm really not that good. Well let me tell ya, most of my bad streaks come from circumstances outside of the game itself. Much like what I've been talking about this whole post. Getting more financially stable will enable me to always stay on the upswing. It's just been so hard an frustrating at times, and outside reasons have taken their toll.

I sometimes wonder if people read this and just think I suck and am in denial. They say some terrible losing streaks and figure I really need to stop playing cause I suck, and if I'm not making enough dough I must suck. I assure you life is more complicated than this. Things are never what they appear to be at first glance. You gotta look deeper. If other people tryed to do what I have they would be heavily in debt.

I'm looking forward to having 3 bank accounts. 1) a poker bankroll 2)expense account
3) savings account

I plan on never playing poker with more than 5% of my poker bankroll on the line. I've never been able to do this. And soon enough I will be. I also want to always have the same amount of money in each account. So lets say I have 9,000 dollars. I would not be able to ever touch 3,000 and then have 3,000 more in an expense account to pay bills and just have fun with and then have 3,000 for poker, in which I can play with 150 at a time.

I would have loved to be able to set all this up just playing poker. Honestly it wasn't like it was impossible to make happen. But it was to hard for me, partly due to the swinginess of poker, partly due to being irresponsible and chillin to much. And also partly due to the fact that I have some kind of sick mental condition where I don't let myself have sucess just despite myself. I'm my own worst enemy. We've gone over this.

It's not the end of the world. And I DON'T CARE ANYMORE about being the greatest living poker player. I just wanna make money, and I know I can make a lot. Just gonna have to wait a little bit before I can have absolute freedom from the man again. I screwed it up the first time. Live and learn.

I always preach that in poker you can't wine about bad beats. Your not entitled to anything. You don't deserve anything, the game is bigger than you and it doesn't care what you want. If you take a bad beat you suck it up and move on. If you let it effect you your just gonna be a loser. You gotta keep climbing and eventually you make it. You gotta keep fighting and clawing your way through the game. No one's graph goes straight up, not even Jesus remember? Everyones graphs have rifts, small downswings, but if your a winner the upswings will more than compensate. But there will always be bad beats and the second it gets to you, the second you stop grinding, climbing, whatever you wanna call it, its a free fall. You will fall fast and far, far down. Life is like this, and for a long time I think I didn't apply this poker wisdom to life. I think I just felt like I deserved certain sucesses. I don't deserve anything. I've taken some bad beats, really, really bad ones in life and sometimes feel like I deserve to catch all the cards in the world, everytime I sit down. Such an ignorant outlook. I deserve nothing. Gonna have to join the man for a bit, maybe a while, gonna suck. But I guess I have to do it. Why should anything be easy for me? It sure as hell shouldn't. Life is very random not fair, and hard.
People think poker is a rough game cause of the bad beats and the brutal short term luck factor. If you really think about its the fairest game in the world. The river doesn't discriminate, it drowns everyone from time to time.

I DONT CARE ANYMORE

Yeah thats right. Don't feel like writing much tonight, I may go off, but will see what happens. As of right now I'm planning on making this one short and..............
Shit I was gonna say short and sweet but I feel like thats cliche writing. I'm gonna make this one to the point.
The limited funds as of late are making it to difficult to rebuild a bankroll. I don't care anymore. I don't care. I no longer have the desire to put up with this shit. I have reached the end.

Any of you fucksticks who read my blog and don't actually copy and paste THE HAND OF THE DAY, suck my balls. This one you have to look at. Yo! Seriously copy and paste this shit. And remember I play as Brezlin. This shit is beyond sick. And no I didn't make this shit up, this really happened yesterday.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3944636P

Do not skip this part. Copy and paste now bitch. You fuckin believe this shit? Let me just say to complain about losing a hand is for pussies and I would never act like this one fuckin hand would cause me to wanna quit poker. It's just a hand, its just one full buy in gone, thats all. Its just everything all rolled into one thats driving me crazy right now. I just have to show you that hand, as a small portion of everything driving me insane.

The funny thing is, I know he has to have J10 diamonds here. The way he is betting, I know thats the only hand that makes sense. I'm not going into specifics at the moment of why I know, but just how the betting went down. Thats is the only hand that makes sense. My full house felt like a pair of 2's while it all went down, I didn't feel good on the turn, at all whatsoever. If he has any other type of boat, its simply not going to be bet like that, his entire line would of been different. I fully expected him to show me that exact hand ever since the turn. I felt my hand was unfoldable, not do to the strength of my hand, but the severity of my current situation.

I am so sick and tired of this bullshit. I don't care anymore. I just don't care anymore. I don't care about anyone who ever told me I sucked. I don't care about proving anyone wrong. Sometimes I think the only reason I even play poker is because I hate certain people I've encountered so much. These people have told me I was an idiot and I would never make this work. And I honestly just hate these people so much that there the only reason I even play poker.

Yesterday I finally got over the hump and came out my downswing, my account was finally at a new highpoint and I had surpassed the 300 mark and then some after being stuck in the 200s for days. It felt great. I knew the next day would be even easier. And then it happened. I saw a 95 suited on the button and limped in. And this voice inside my head said 'this is it Franko, this is the hand that you lose everything on.'

Now I only had 52 buckers on this table, but if I did lose 52 my account would sink back below 300, after I was just so ridiculously happy I got over the hump about. And this voice says 'This is it. This is the hand. Your gonna lose a huge one here.'

So the fuckin big blind raises it up. I call. Flop comes 10 9 5. Which is 2 pair for me. And this guy bets big. It looks like an overpair cause he raised preflop and then bet huge, so I make a big raise to induce him to move all in with AA or KK or QQ or JJ. Now I am afraid he has a set of 10 10 10. Bad players usually check when they flop sets. Good players usually bet out cause they know that you know your expected to check a flopped set. But since your gonna make a continuation bet everytime you miss. Its smart to act like your continuation betting when you actually do have a set.

Anyway so I am kind of afraid of a set of 10's cause there is a flushdraw out there, so he might bet hard even if he is a donk that usually checks in this situation. And then he voice says 'see, I told you this is the hand, your done for, you just ran into a set'

I felt a sick sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like God was pointing and laughing at me. Reraise!!!!!!!!! He reraises me big after I just raised big. So I push all in, wanting to believe so bad he has the overpair............................

And I double this guy up with his set of 10's. He had 44 dollars. Now I'm back under 300 afte struggling all day to get over the hump. I had already come back from a very large deficit, I had been playing all day. I immediately stopped. I knew this was the end. I know the next time I played I would get screwed. I knew that 95 suited was gonna destroy my bankroll. I knew it the moment it was dealt to me.........
I knew I would play bad next time I played, and I did. And I knew it would happen. Should of taken a break, but didn't cause no money.

I got like 108 buckers left after another shitstorm session, I'm going broke tonight. It's gonna be great. IRONY, the 95 suited is the hand that put me over the edge. 95suited, 9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5.

95 SUITED, and now I'm gonna end up with a 9 to 5............................. The fuckin had was 95, and I heard the voice. How sick is that? What are the chances the hand I hear voice about, that would cause me to resort to a 9 to 5, was actually 95 suited!!!!!!!! What the fuck, this whole life thing really is a sick joke on me. I can see it all before it happens. Do you know I know how I'm going to die to? I saw it in a vision some years back. I fall awkwardly over the balcony in my house and slam the floor hard...... I really gotta move out, geez. If I stay on this path I'm never gonna be outta here and it might happen.

It's just so sick how that voice told me it was gonna happen before it happened. If only I just mucked preflop. It's just so sick how that voice told me it was gonna happen and that the flop actually came. Its really like this whole life thing is a big joke. I feel set up.

I'm not even posting that hand pokerhand.org cause I don't ever wanna think about it again. If you wanna watch me go busto tonight and lose the last of my money in my account hit me up or text me and I'll let you know when I log in, you can download pokerstars on your computer and watch me.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Things ain't so bad. When I am more financially comfortable poker is always gonna be a nice source of income to go along with whatever else I am doing for money. Other people aren't gonna ever have the skills I have. And other people are not gonna have extra income along with their job unless they wanna slang crack rocks. When I have a bigger bankroll I'm not gonna be stressed and I'm gonna be doing much better at the tables. I'm gonna be talking about how I layed down my boat when I knew this dude had a royal flush. Cause the money I'm playing with is gonna be plentiful and I'm not gonna be stressed. I have to resort to alterior methods for a perod of time before playing poker full time again. In the future I can take another shot, but for now, I'm going to have to find another way. Gonna most likely work and play till I can get enough dough to take another shot. Its not the end of the world.

I really think my true calling in life is to be a writer. I know of about six or seven people that consistently read this website. I appreciate all of you, and thanx for your text Brian, and yeah I knew yesterdays post kicked ass instantly. So I ask you to respond to my new poll. Cause I want with everything inside me to write a novel. I'm working on one and I think it people will connect with it. Please respond to the poll, it means a lot to me, and tell your friends to read some of my stuff. Nancy, Pj, Hakan, Narska, Derick, Lacobilaid, and Brian ya drunk mick bastard. Thanx for reading and making comments. Peace out, to all.

The Ability

Its been countless trial and error in terms of making money playing poker. You go through a progression as a player. First you suck at the game itself. All you really know for sure is what beats what. But you don't have the slightest idea how to tell if your ahead or behind in a hand. Eventually, through experience, you begin to learn the game, and make correct plays. In time, you actually have skill.
So you think your ready to make money. Your good now, right? Wrong.
Tilt is the second obstacle you must overcome. So you master staying off tilt.
Now, you can control your emotions and your a good player. Now your ready, right? Wrong again.
You had a bad day and moved up in stakes to try and get your money back. If something goes wrong, your really screwed. Oh my God you have no idea how to manage money and have busted your roll. You need to learn bankroll management skills pal.
Okay, thats 3 important things. Your a good player, your don't go on tilt, and you only risk 5% of your bankroll per day. You got it all. Your now ready to make it as a pro. Right? Maybe...........

Ya see you think you got it all down. You've learned from all your mistakes. You have the experience and have taken measures to assure you keep making money. But your never really prepared for everything. You still haven't realized that the downswing is inevitable. No matter how well you play. No matter how well you manage your funds, and even though you stay off tilt like no other, the downswing eventually hits.

Think of the casino analogy. Casinos have a house edge on you, you in the casino gambling translates into losing for you, profit for them. You will have small upswings though. You need to walk away right after the upswings, the odds are against you and the downswing will come and you'll be broke. Concurrently the downswing exists for both the favorite(casino) and underdog (you). However the favorite's upswings will always more than compensate for the downswing. And vice versa for the underdog. But every now and then the player hits a jackpot! Think of this jackpot as a huge huge downswing for the casino. Eventually it will be repaired, but its a rather large setback.

So now the pro poker player sometimes experiences a run of cards or situations so unlucky that its like he is the casino and just surrendered a jackpot to the guests. Though he is a favorite over time, obviously just like the casino, this setback inevitably happens at times. When it happens to the casino, its all automated, the machines are there functioning the same way, maintaining their advantage. But human beings aren't automated, pro poker players are not automated. And when such variance occurs they have to keep playing as well as possible as if they were automated. They must trudge through the downswing no matter how long it may last. Easy for a machine. Not easy for a human. And we are not going to be able to keep our edge, keep the odds with us, make it so that in the longrun we get the money, unless we continually play the A game.
And in the face of the downswing the A game is just so fuckin damn hard to keep. It's so easy for a machine to keep its edge. So hard for a person, so hard for me.

A truly great, great player has no emotion. Doesn't care if he wins or losses. I fear by the only way to reach my full potential in terms of mindset is to become devoid of all emotion. Which would defeat the whole purpose of becoming good, which is to make lots of money to enjoy life. But the irony at the end of the story is by the time you figure out how to make yourself devoid of emotion, you will have all the money, but now you can't even enjoy it. If only your were full of emtion like you once were, you could enjoy the money. But you would of never got it if you were still like that. IRONY................

I am in a financial crisis because I can't play through downswings. Lets just admit right here and now. Theres been long periods of time where I can do no wrong and win, win, win, but the inevitable downswing always gets me off my game. It's not tilt. I don't go on tilt, I just have such a hard time trudging through the downswing.......

"All these kids who wanna be professional poker players. They're all just chasing fame. They have no idea what its like to play through a rough period. It's the hardest mentally tough thing I've ever had to do." -Mikey the Mouth Matusow

If your not able to keep palying your best your simply not going to recover from downswings, and your not gonna make enough moeny to survive. And then your going to be saying, I should of just kept my job and played poker. But they don't wanna hire you back cause you quit like a dick. And fuck, fuck, fuck..............

I sit at 260, started with 20 remember. Been playing real well cause I need money. But yesterday I just got raped by variance. Lost like 100 yesterday, made it all back today and a little more. I don't think I should have lost 100 yesterday, I shoulda lost like 50-70. But I wasn't playing the A game the whole time, therefore decreasing my edge, therefore now that I have finally come out of the downswing I have 260 in my account, as oppossed to 300.

The Ability.............

The Ability to play through the downswing is the hardest challenge to overcome. This issue is seperate from tilt. Its not tilt, its different, its like a form of tilt I guess, I don't know. I've been working really hard at not checking to see how much I'm up during a session. Theres no way worrying about such can help your achieve the correct mindset. For those of you who think I might be a little bitch about this and don't see the problem with being down for a little bit in a game, I'm not talking about one session. I'm talking about downswings that can last for days. So hard to continue playing each day when your not doing so hot. But you gotta or the edge will not be maintained.

Lets change the subject, oh wait here's a graph of some the last few sessions and you can see the downswing occurring.
See the huge downswing? Now that I have gotten back almost to the top, its like finally being out. But if I would have limited my losses better the bottom of the downswing would be higher up, therefore the point I'm at now would be higher up. Gobeesh? A casinos money making graph would look similar to this one, and when someone hit jackpot it would look like that huge downswing from yesterday. HAND OF THE DAY: check out this sick pot that helped pull me out of the downswing, couldn't of came at a better time. You see those two ladies brezlin has showing? Do they look scared? Copy and paste: http://www.pokerhand.org/?3935938P

Changing the subject, heres some hilarious, hilarious, shit.
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/29/news-views-gossip/david-benefield-2-5-million-downswing-423440/

I'll just copy and paste the jist of it right here for ya if you don't feel like going there. Here:

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Originally Posted by David Benefield

I am on a 750k downswing in poker (500ish today), and I just figured out my tax total that comes to around 1.1 or 1.15m. This means, I am down 2.5 million dollars. Now, that is a lot of money in anyone’s book. I highly doubt I am as rich as some of you all think (especially now).

Anyways, I was feeling pretty ok about the tax thing when I thought I had to pay out about 700-750kish. That was something I could handle. I mean, I can handle the 1.1-1.15, but I am really really unhappy about it. I know I can be like wow I am so lucky to get to pay that much money in tax! That means I made a whole lot!

Well, yes, and no. See, the retarded stupid idiotic tax system in the united states stipulates that say, I make 500k in 2008 from Jan 1 to Dec 31 and leave it all in my FTP account. Then, on Jan 1 2009, I blow it all up, I lose EVERYTHING, all of my money. Well, the US government still wants its 230k or whatever in taxes. So, you are busto, ran it all up on a freeroll, have no job, no skills, and will be paying off that 230k in taxes for the rest of your life. Isn’t that awesome? I think it’s awesome.

I wish my downswing happened at the end of last year instead of the beginning of this year. I have nothing to write my losses off against now, which is absolutely ridiculous. So basically, I need to go on mega heater for the rest of the year and cross fingers I break even. Isn’t that stupid? The last thing I want to do right now is play poker, but over the next year I am going to have to play a bunch just so I don’t get screwed on taxes. Sweet.
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Frank back, talking again, sorry about the new font, all this copy and pasting screwed something up. Anyway this poor bastard Mr. Benefield, pretty much has to pay taxes on money he made, but lost the actual money, well you understand. The government really needs to give him a break. I love the part where he says "So, you are busto, ran it all up on a freeroll, have no job, no skills, and will be paying off that 230k in taxes for the rest of your life. Isn’t that awesome? I think it’s awesome." Thats great comedy. Isn't that awsome? I think it's awsome. Thats sick sarcasm had me laughing my ass off.

Hey guys my name is Frank. I am a professional poker player with 260 dollars in his account. Yeah! 260 smackers, I get to play super lowstakes with superdonks for a very long time and when I finally have more money I may still fuck that up cause it's so hard to play through a downswing. Isn't that awsome? I think it's awsome.