When I was in college I had a very big ego. Not really about anything except poker. I didn't think I was a big time ladies man who every girl wanted, or the smartest guy out there, or generally just better than anyone. But I did believe I was like the God's gift to poker. The kids I played with all the time all would acknowledge that I was a solid player. But no one really thought I was the clear cut best player they ever met. But I definately could say everyone felt I was one of the better players among our poker circle. This one kid Drew I used to play with a lot was a real one upper and he probably would say I sucked, now and then. He was the type of guy who was a real nay sayer though. I can't stand one uppers, or nay sayers........Anyway I soon foundout I really wasn't that good when I first lived next to Turning Stone for a summer. I was a real tiltbox back then. Halfway through the summer I kind of got the hang of it and the casino felt like another home game in college. I'm not gonna go through a synopsis of my entire poker progression at the moment. Excpet to say that at this point I feel I am very capable of making money conistently because my skill is simply better than most of my opponents and it always translates into profit over time.
Still though, all this only works out when I'm playing at my best. The ability to conistently play my best is a never ending battle. I don't really know how to guarantee I can keep it up forever. It was just so important to me for the longest time to play poker and only poker as a career. I felt like having a job was like saying your not that good, and thats why you need one.
The title of amatuer once was one of shame to me. The title of professional was one of utmost esteem. But I guess thats really not a realistic way to think of it anymore. The upswing and the downswing is just to irritating to deal with. I am really annoyed that last night I had 250 in my account and now I have 200. I started yesterday when I was at 221, got up to 250 at one point, and then was finished at 220. Lost 20 more today and now have 200.
When I had 170, and went on tilt and ended the day with 69, all I could think about was that number 170. Wish I had 170, 170, 170, God I wish I had 170. Then I remembered the above paragraph. Remembered that as long as I have 69 I just gotta play well, stay off tilt, and manage the money responsibly and it will increase. And then I had 221.
Fast forward to a day later, I just signed in and see that I started writing this blog yesterday and didn't finish. I now have 255 in my account. So I surpassed my previous high point. Yet at one point yesterday I had 275 and now I'm thinking about that and am not happy with 255. Even though I was pissed yesterday that I went from 250 to 200. I guess its a never ending cycle. But I sit with 255 right now. I like checking in my office every morning and seeing how much I have in my bankroll. My bankroll is very small right now, but it started with 20 fuckin dollars, so lets be happy. I'm taking it very slow, but it is growing. I'm trying to get to Atlantic City by next weekend. I'm gonna do some serious grinding all week, I'd like to get to 500 by Friday. This time when I get a grand or two together I promise I'm never going to have to rebuild again. I am not going through this bullshit ever again.
I am going to enact a 40 buy in rule. I used to do a 20 buy in rule and I would 4 table 50 max with 1000 bucks. Fuck that, gonna wait till 2000 to do that. I'm just looking forward to having 1000 and 4 tabling 25 max at this point. Technically I don't even have enough to play 5c 10c right now, lol, cause I'm suppossed to have 400 aka 40 buyins. But whatever. And I'm really not being irresponsible by saying whatever in this case. It's already pathetic enough that I'm playing 5c 10c, and I have been winning at it consistently.
There is no upswing without downswing. Even if you could see through people's cards you would still experience periods of regression. When I'm on my game my money slowly rises. There are tiny downswings followed by large upswings. The upswings are always larger than the downswings, and even though the downswings are more frequent, the upswings always more than compensate. Thats how it works. Thats the only way it works, no one, not even Jesus, goes straight up, there is always a couple of steps backwards prior to any giant leaps forward. Thats just the way poker is set up. So theoretically there is no reason to stress over having had a little less money in your account than you had. You just keep on trucking and you always reach a new high point. SO STOP STRESSING FRANK....... damn, your such a fuckin lutz. I don't know what a lutz is, but it feels right to say. Maybe a combination between a clutz and a worried fuck.
Funny how during my 5c 10c session last night I lost the biggest pot when I was up 40 bucks for the session and my kings ran into aces preflop. So I lost almost full buy in there and then only won 30 for the session. I wanted to fold really bad, but he had like 6 bucks. Still, the biggest pot I lost all session. It was a really nice session, biggest pot I lost was 6 bucks and it was a cooler. Its just really sick how bad I wanted to lay it down. I happenned to lay down kings twice earlier that day, and I never actually saw my opponents cards.
One time I reraised with KK and this dude shoves all in without hesitation for like 13 bucks. I was the only player at the table who could stack him and he still moved in. I am really worried he has aces. So I type in the chatbox, "show if I fold?" and by what he typed back I knew he didn't have aces. I'm not going to explain what he said, and why I knew, to complicated to explain. I'm about to hit call, and the timer runs out and my hand was autofolded.
Usually online I can't use my superweapon that conquers all. Which is the 'ol questin. "Will you show me if I fold?" the way they answer this question always tells me what they have. Obviously they don't tell me directly, but indirectly they tell me. They don't even know they're giving away info cause they don't understand how pyscholigical poker is. So they ahve no problem talking to me. Ofcourse this supermove only works in live poker. But yesterday I typed the question in the chatbox, thinking maybe he'll say something, and whatta ya know, he starts typing all this shit. I knew he was weak. Its very rare that I get to use my special move online. But the fuckin timer ran out as soon as I figured out KK was good. Shame.
I hate to reveal my secret move, good thing no one reads my fuckin website. But in case you are reading. CLose your fuckin mouth when you play poker, if a good player is asking you questions during a hand, don't fuckin say anything. I know it seems really unbelievable to you that people could figure out what you have just by talking to you, but trust me they can. I can't even tell you how many more correct decisions I have made while playing live poker due the 'ol "Will you show me if I fold?" question. It's a gem.
So I folded kings twice actually during the session when I should called. Once by accident. And the once time I did call, the guy had aces. What a game. Thats why you manage your money smart, cause swings are inevitable. Look down on me for playing 5c 10c all you want. But I'm sticking with this 40 buy ins rule, and when I get to the top I'm staying there. Cause I ain't moving up until my bankroll is right.
I feel very good about my game as of late and am looking forward to big things soon down the road. Heres an updated graph of all 5c 10c 4tabling.
This graph is since December when I put in some crappy sessions. The downswing in the middle was during a time when my mindset wasn't exactly as clear as it is now. I don't expect anything like that in the future. But overall the graph is rising. The rather large upswing is all from the last few days. Since February 17th, when I began rebuilding and had enough money to play this stakes, I'm up 234 bucks after 8,000 hands. Making 9 bucks an hour. The following is a graph of all sessions since Feb 17th, and looks much better. I consider it the only graph that matters cause I've rebuilt a whole other bankroll and its a clean slate.
This graph represents the new bankroll and in the future the 40 buy in rule will always be used. I will post all new graphs starting from this date. Just remember 9 dollars an hour with super low stakes. When we get to higher levels the hourly rates are gonna increase drastically. See ya soon with more upswinging graphs, and a month or so down the line we'll be movin on up to the next level. Peace out all.............
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