AnXiety

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety at the moment, all a day as a matter of fact. It's 8 am and I can't sleep all night. Should be passin out soon, but I guess I fucked up my sleep schedule again. I hate more than anything when I'm up all night and asleep all day. Gonna have to stay up longer than I want to at some point soon, won't be today though.
Before I continue, I would like to thank anyone who consitently reads this blog. I really do appreciate you coming back again and again. I might not even have kept writing if I didn't know at least a few people are listening.
Yo, I'm feeling anxiety over the movie business. It appears I fail to understand how much scheduling and planning goes into making these movies. I keep telling people we should get started on another right away. And they keep telling me that it doesn't work that way. Not everyone is a professional poker player who only works when he or she feels like it. It's near impossible to get everyone together again, and it's been hard for me to comprehend. I have been fighting with the producer and we really got mad at each other last time. It's causing me anxiety.
Franicisco, who wrote and directed the war movie we just finished, wants to shoot another war movie, 5 more in fact, and we won't even be starting that till summer. And even after summer, he still wants 5 movies done. The guys who worked on the war movie with me are all excited about the scripts, but I really have no idea how were gonna make them anytime soon due to all the scheduling bullshit and the fact that Francisco is all about the war series.
Don't get me wrong I'm all about the war series, I loved making the first one. But I really think our comedy ideas are gold, and just want them made. I am going to write them first, once I have the scripts, then its a more plausible idea to make a reality. But even if I do, the war series is coming first. But writing the scripts can't hurt. We have about 5 seperate ideas for comedy skits
that I just feel are completely and totally hilarious. Gold Jerry! Gold! I honestly believe getting them made and shown to the world will make something good happen. I really need to talk to Francisco but he doesn't answer his phone.

I'm doing well in poker, though rising very slowly. I didn't do much since last post. On the weekends I don't really play to much, I only have made like 20 more bucks since last post. But it's monday now, so today till Friday I will be putting in a lot of hours of cash games and really increasing my bankroll. It's still going to be a slow process though, as I need to take it slow to ensure I keep profiting. I could try to win a lot fast, but then I would risk going busto. Gonna take it slow, sticking with 5% rule. I'm up to about 130 now, so that means only 6 dollars at risk at a time. Slow, and tedious, but making progress.

I don't wanna start talking about BBL, but I just had such an intense dream last night. I used to talk about her a lot on here. But then I decided it was stupid and to crazy to really share with the public. But this dream was so intense last night I just can't help but mention it. First of all I took down a picture of a certain actress that I had on a post in like October or something because I realized she looked to much like BBL. Like I didn't even realize that she looks exactly fuckin like her, except different hair color and doesn't have blue eyes. But otherwise very very similar. And her body type was like exactly the same. So everytime I looked at this post I would get upset so I took her down, and can never post her on this website again. Its a shame and it's all that bitch BBL's fault. I promised myself not to watch the show she is on for the same reasons. But I always find myself turning on this stupid show I hate, just to see her. Damnit........

Whatever I woulda had the dream either way almost certainly. This dream was so fuckin nuts, I'm not going into exactly what happened. But it was as if in my dream i was remembering a scenario that didn't happen in real life with BBL. But in my dream I was remembering a past dream about her. As if this past dream was so intense, and so deeply rooted in my subconscious, that only another dream could make me remember it. Now I remember both dreams. But I'm not sure if last night was just the same dream, or my mind just thinking about the first dream while I was asleep. The crazy thing is last night while I'm dreaming, the whole time I thought it was all really happening, or really had. Hard to explain. I hope never to mention her again on here. Just felt it was necessary today. If you could only see how intense these dreams are, it's unlike anything I've ever felt in my life. I really can not see any other scenario where I will feel feeling this deep and intense for the rest of my life.

People that are afraid to try drugs are essentially afraid because of the possibility of becoming addicted. Perhaps fear of overdose is also a good reason to avoid drugs. I've never pumped heroine into my veins so I guess I can't speak as if I'm an authority on the subject, but are you really that scared of getting addicted to a substance? I believe its slightly ignorant to use a horror story about what happens to some people, stop you from enjoying certain things in life. It's not even a question of will power, I mean how stupid do you have to be to actually feel that drugs could get a stronger hold on you than a girl?
Try having the girl you love more than life itself one day out of the blue decide to never talk to you again. Just like that......... And theres not a damn thing you can do about it. Thats withdrawal pal. Thats withdrawal. And you can't just kick your coke habit when it's becoming a problem? Your a fuckin pussy then. Fuck you, and fuck any conformist pussy who doesn't think for themself. When your girl bounces out, it doesn't matter who you know, how much money you got, how far your willing to travel, how many numbers or connections you got, doesn't matter who your willing to rob or kill or whatever. Theres nothing you can do to get more. Your just screwed................

Ight, getting a little crazy here, lets change the subject. Watch this video dudes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YrnSDehsBI

I know why he makes this call. I knew he was gonna call. A donkey calls here cause he doesn't know any better. A good player folds cause any player that knows anything about poker folds here. But a superstar does the same thing a donkey does. But for different reasons. If you don't understand what I mean, then you gotta work on your game. What a sick fuckin hand............