Well you all now of my recent financial troubles. I seem to have no patience anymore playing online poker, or live for that matter. The way people bet just pisses me off. The fact that you can't bluff anyone cause everyone is to stupid to fold. The way these people constantly play garbage cards in position and then bet every time you check. If you know they also don't have anything and want to raise them so they can't steal the pot, they call you with whatever they have because they don't really understand the game. If you decide its time to make a move and you have nothing, your gonna get called because these players give into frustration and make bad calls like its their purpose in life. When you have a hand they call and you take their money, when you don't they call. So you better have something when you bet. And unfortunately a lot of the time you just have to let people steal the pot. You have to wait it out, and let the idiots win the small ones, and wait to win the big ones. Thats just the way it is.For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. For every playing strategy there is a way to exploit it. The doosh's that call everything and bet every time you check, their kryptonite is when you actually have something there "I'm not going to fold" attitude sends them packing.
Its this kind of scum that won't even let you steal the blinds in a tourny with KQ because they will call you with Ace 5 everytime, and then your in an unfortunate situation, a coin flip for all your chips. But these dooshbags also will hand you their money on a silver platter when you push with AK AQ, cause they still will call with the ace rag.
Their logic is always I better call in case he is bluffing. Their logic is "I don't wanna fold if I woulda won."
They still don't get it, it just hasn't sunk in yet. Like that wonderful young girl, only attracted to scumbag guys. One day she'll see.
Anyway, my buddy sent me 20 bucks the other day and its been almost a week, def less than a week, but its been a while and i only have 66 bucks. For a while I couldn't even get it above 20, kept screwing up, kept getting all pissed off at players. Just couldn't do anything right.
I don't know, lately I feel calmer and don't mind low stakes. When I had been thinking about all the bad financial decisions I have made, and how I should have never quit my job. How I actually thought I didn't wanna live in NY anymore. How I made all these decisions putting poker in the foreground and just neglecting everything else, its all based on the plans I made while I was in college. I set out to reach my dream, and had a certain plan and nothing was more important to me. I just didn't see any way to fully live life if I stayed here in NY where I've always lived. And I've not taken full advantage of the oppurtunities that lie here. If anyone could understand the shitstorm that happenned to me in college and the conclusion I took from the experience they would understand.
But now I'm here, and with all these movies to make I don't see myself leaving. And I do regret quitting my job very much. Living a life with no structure is not healthy at all. But I kept thinking about the sucess I have had playing poker. They way the swinginess of my success does not depend on luck, but on mindset. My mindset has been so fucked so much of the time. When I am playing well I have just as much bad luck as I do good luck, but I always make it through in one piece. When my mindset is fucked I let the bad luck bring me down and cause big big losses.
There is no way my periods of success are a fluke. Theres no way it was just a lucky run. Because I've won to consistently for too long a period of time. It a mathematical impossibility for my runs of success to be a fluke. Just look back at December:
12/8 25max NLH 1505 hands +283
12/9 25max NLH 1536 hands -70
12/10 25max, 50max NLH 1503 hands +367
12/16 25max, 50max NLH 1504 hands +265
12/17 25max, 50max NLH 1519 hands +206
12/18 25max, 50max NLH 1508 hands +140
12/19 50max NLH 1514 hands +349
This is 1500 hands a day, for 7 days, thats approximately 10,500 hands. Where I came out ahead a grand total of 1540 dollars.
10,500 hands in the casino would take months. Probly more. But then I had the horrid day on Christmas which cost me like 5-600 and then paying back Narska 1000, I got financially fuct and things have been downhill since. Its cause the financial hits cause a shift in the mindset that makes your swagger dissapear and transforms your game into more of a style that doing what I call 'overcompensating' trying to win money, as oppossed to make the right decision.
I know the downswings are not a virtue of luck. What, was December just a lucky month? No. I have not been any luckier or unluckier in January than December. I just wasn't in the right mindset. Its so hard to explain.
Can you make the argument that maybe professional poker is not a steady income because you can't guarantee your won't go insane from it? Yes.
But can you make the argument that losing streaks are caused by bad luck? No.
People who succeed at this shit are just so good at not worrying about shit. There game never really changes. I can think of times in Atlantic City when I could do no wrong for a month straight. Yeah I had bad days, but they didn't matter, cause I knew good days were far plentier. I can think of days online, same thing.
But I can think of so many days in AC and online where I was a wreck, freaking out financially. It's like I either can't win at all, or can't lose at all. Theres no inbetween with me. But if there are long periods of time where all I do is win, then I should be able to stay like that 100% of the time. Right? I just know that I can still do this. I am not a complete idiot for the decisions I've made. You take bad beats every day, your on the wrong end of coolers everyday, but when you got your swagger you get through it. When your mindset is fuct, its just a freefall.
Here are some sick, sick hands that happenned to me today playing super low stakes cash games. Remember I play as Brezlin. http://www.pokerhand.org/?3878406P
Thats a cooler. Not a suckout. A suckout is when you lose to someone who should not of stuck thier money in against you. When someones makes a mistake, and then catches a miracle card to beat you, its a suckout. A cooler is just both players having unfoldable hands. I kind of felt like he might have AA there. I remember thinking how Doyle Brunson got knocked out the WSOP main event one year when he flopped top 2 with AQ, only to run into a set of QQ. All 4 queens chillin right in the front of the deck. Well I suspected it was happenning to me, but I couldn't fold it.
What a cooler.
Here is an example of a suckout I took today. http://www.pokerhand.org/?3878430P
This was just ridiculous. I really got screwed on some pots today and was put in a few unavoidable money loss situations. Stuff like this will drive you insane when your playing bad. When your playing well, you shake it off like a man. I was up like 38 bucks at one point, but finish only up 16. Damn these low stakes blow. Just gotta keep playing well and I'll be back at 25c 50c making over 1k a week again.
I feel the swagger coming back. I intend to exercise a 40 buy in rule for cash games online from now on. Forget the 20 buy in rule. I'm not moving up to 25c 50c till I have 2k. Peace out all, heres another picture from "The Penicilin Advance" Don't we look badass?
If your name isn't PJ, you don't have to read this:
Not cool PJ. Not cool at all dude.
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