A Christmas I'll Remember

Dropped like 5 hundo on Christmas. It's pretty sick how you can get a great gift for Christmas worth 5-600 and then lose that amount in the same day. Guess the old Frank wasn't completely gone. I'm sorry to my buddy who will remain nameless, we had a long phone conversation about my poker swings and I promised him I would not screwup anymore but I did on Christmas. It's not like I did it on purpose but I was playing bad and I didn't stop myself. I didn't follow the routine at all. Which is 1500 hands of 6max and then quit. I got off track and it cost me. I was playing foolishly and did not stop. It all started on Christmas eve. I was at my sisters house and was using my brother in law's computer to play my 1500 hands. I didn't have my trusty desk to sit at and I hated the computer I was using. It was so hard to click and drag and do everything I have to do at a a rapid pace while 4-tabling. I became frustrated and just lost my fuckin mind. I started to play really bad at 6 max and began just doing whatever I wanted and not really playing my A game/not working hard/trying to win without cards/being inmpatient/gambling. I was down 400 after like 700 hands. So I played some people headsup and won 300 back and finished down only 100. No biggie. But once I was down only like 50 or so and almost even I felt that old familiar feeling of my mind stopping me from suceeding and some other part of me not wanting me to make money and for some reason I knew I wasn't going to win anymore even though I was destroying people Heads Up, I finish down 100 after being stuck 400. So If I had stuck to just HU that day I woulda made 300.
On Christmas the same thing happenned. I started playing 6 max and was supposed to play 1500 hands like usual. But I couldn't take it seriously and couldn't get myself to play good. I was playing utterly dispicably putridly horrible and was down like 400 again. So I started playing people headsup again. I absolutely destroyed this one guy. I mean it was a blowout of epic proportions. I started with 50 and maybe bought in for 20 more so I was in the match for like 70 bucks. One glorious hour later I sat with 550 dollars at this table. He would not give up, he had so much ego and kept rebuying, each time getting destroyed. So now I've won all that money back I just lost and more. Now I'm up for the day and fully recovered from losing 100 on Christmas Eve. So I'm even over a 2 day stretch of playing really bad. I've won probly over 700 in like 3-4 hours of heads up play total, and down like 700 from 3-4 hours of really shitty 6max play. And I'm shot and shoulda quit. But decided to go back to 6 max. Again I start playing really bad and can't get myself to stop playing bad. I also played 1 table of 100max 6 max and lost my whole stack when I caught trips and lost to a higher trips. I then went back to heads up and by then my brain was so fried cause I had been playing so long that I lost like another 200 and then all of sudden was down like 500-600 for the day. I took a suckout that so horrible when my 78 flopped a straight, flop was 6 9 10, my opponent flopped 2 pair. He boated up on the turn with a miracle 10 and then just to drive the knife in deeper he another 9 on the river so he had 2 different 3 of a kinds, lol. I stopped down like 700 in 2 days. Wish I didn't play all shot and tired and with a brain close to mush. But didn't wanna stop after destroying that one guy cause I was only even and didn't feel accomplished.
You make all these rules and whats the point. The real rule, the golden rule, the only rule you need is A number 1: DONT FUCKIN PLAY BAD!
and is a little sublet to the rule IF YOU ARE STOP FUCKIN PLAYING!
I can sit here and list some rules right now that I need to adhere to but what is the point. Cause I always break the golden commandment. Now I got a lot of work to do before my account is back in cashout ready with still enough money to play with form.
I just got my own computer and just installed pokertracker and pokerstars. I am going to make sure I don't get any viruses. 2009 is my year baby. Since I got a new computer pokertracker does not have any of my old sessions logged. This is an oppurtunity to start a new. I made 42 bucks today, but don't feel like playing a full session. I only played an hour. Gonna take it easy and start tomorrow. Only have to make 500 more before my account is in cashout yet still have money to play with form. That will be easy to make by new years. 2009 baby, 2009. Gonna make 75k.
The guy who I utterly destroyed yesterday who was down about 500 overall to me. God, I still can't believe I won so much off him and still had a horrible day, it doesn't even seem real, it was a bad dream. But anyway he kept calling me a donk in the chatbox. He kept losing so much money to me and I was outplaying the shit outta him and he kept telling me I sucked. And then he was saying that the only reason I was winning was because I was lucky and kept rivering him.
The truth is he kept paying me off on the river. And it was usually when I had him beat the whole way, since the flop. He was like an atm machine on the river when the pot was big and I was making value bets around the size of the pot. I have a sick hand and I know he is gonna call and I just name the amount I wanna win and bet it. Cha ching, he was such an atm machine. This guy just would not fold anything remotely decent. I wasn't even playing tricky I was being so straightforward and just betting, no checkraising at all. And he kept calling me a donk.
The sickest part is that it was bothering me. He told me to uninstall pokerstars cause I am a fish. I don't claim to be a millionaire but I am one of the very few who is not down from online poker. Supposedly 92% of online players are. So why does it bother me?
Last week some kid told me he wanted me to die in a fire cause he lost a hand to me. Some other guy rivered me when I flopped 2 pair and got him to put all his chips in with 1 pair. He caught a better 2 pair on river and then told me I suck. Why does this bother me?
Why does it bother me when people type cruel shit to me in the chatbox? They're losers, thats why they talk shit in the chatbox. Because there losing and there frustrated the worst in them comes out. So they think irrationally and become very sick and mean and say horrible things. I hate how it bothers me. Anyone who is a good player doesn't do this. Because good players can handle bad beats and keep on ticking. Bad players become irrational after bad beats and thats why they talk shit to you. Anyone who does it is a loser, and is down alot from poker.
I know this now, calm, relaxing, sitting on my computer reflecting. But at the time, it bothers me.
I don't know why. I just can't seem to figure out whether people are by nature bad, or is it that they are weak and can't handle adversity. Adversity brings out the worst in people. Poker brings out people's bad side and I gotta deal with that all the time.
Sometimes I think poker is just a stepping stone, or a small part of what I'm gonna look back on 50 years from now. Hunter S. Thompson used to actually live dangerous experiences sometimes for very long periods of time before writing a novel about them. He lived with the hells angels for a year. He did all the drugs in fear and loathing in Las Vegas.......... It's so awsome to sacrifice or risk your personal welfare for great literature. I'm glad I've experience so much poker and whats it's like to play this game a career. It's been rough but I have so many great things to write about. I really gotta start writing more and running. Poker still is a great way to make moeny though, just gotta prevent debacles, and I will. They sometimes seem inevitable because of the the insanity it brings me too. Ahhhhhh....................