A Christmas I'll Remember

Dropped like 5 hundo on Christmas. It's pretty sick how you can get a great gift for Christmas worth 5-600 and then lose that amount in the same day. Guess the old Frank wasn't completely gone. I'm sorry to my buddy who will remain nameless, we had a long phone conversation about my poker swings and I promised him I would not screwup anymore but I did on Christmas. It's not like I did it on purpose but I was playing bad and I didn't stop myself. I didn't follow the routine at all. Which is 1500 hands of 6max and then quit. I got off track and it cost me. I was playing foolishly and did not stop. It all started on Christmas eve. I was at my sisters house and was using my brother in law's computer to play my 1500 hands. I didn't have my trusty desk to sit at and I hated the computer I was using. It was so hard to click and drag and do everything I have to do at a a rapid pace while 4-tabling. I became frustrated and just lost my fuckin mind. I started to play really bad at 6 max and began just doing whatever I wanted and not really playing my A game/not working hard/trying to win without cards/being inmpatient/gambling. I was down 400 after like 700 hands. So I played some people headsup and won 300 back and finished down only 100. No biggie. But once I was down only like 50 or so and almost even I felt that old familiar feeling of my mind stopping me from suceeding and some other part of me not wanting me to make money and for some reason I knew I wasn't going to win anymore even though I was destroying people Heads Up, I finish down 100 after being stuck 400. So If I had stuck to just HU that day I woulda made 300.
On Christmas the same thing happenned. I started playing 6 max and was supposed to play 1500 hands like usual. But I couldn't take it seriously and couldn't get myself to play good. I was playing utterly dispicably putridly horrible and was down like 400 again. So I started playing people headsup again. I absolutely destroyed this one guy. I mean it was a blowout of epic proportions. I started with 50 and maybe bought in for 20 more so I was in the match for like 70 bucks. One glorious hour later I sat with 550 dollars at this table. He would not give up, he had so much ego and kept rebuying, each time getting destroyed. So now I've won all that money back I just lost and more. Now I'm up for the day and fully recovered from losing 100 on Christmas Eve. So I'm even over a 2 day stretch of playing really bad. I've won probly over 700 in like 3-4 hours of heads up play total, and down like 700 from 3-4 hours of really shitty 6max play. And I'm shot and shoulda quit. But decided to go back to 6 max. Again I start playing really bad and can't get myself to stop playing bad. I also played 1 table of 100max 6 max and lost my whole stack when I caught trips and lost to a higher trips. I then went back to heads up and by then my brain was so fried cause I had been playing so long that I lost like another 200 and then all of sudden was down like 500-600 for the day. I took a suckout that so horrible when my 78 flopped a straight, flop was 6 9 10, my opponent flopped 2 pair. He boated up on the turn with a miracle 10 and then just to drive the knife in deeper he another 9 on the river so he had 2 different 3 of a kinds, lol. I stopped down like 700 in 2 days. Wish I didn't play all shot and tired and with a brain close to mush. But didn't wanna stop after destroying that one guy cause I was only even and didn't feel accomplished.
You make all these rules and whats the point. The real rule, the golden rule, the only rule you need is A number 1: DONT FUCKIN PLAY BAD!
and is a little sublet to the rule IF YOU ARE STOP FUCKIN PLAYING!
I can sit here and list some rules right now that I need to adhere to but what is the point. Cause I always break the golden commandment. Now I got a lot of work to do before my account is back in cashout ready with still enough money to play with form.
I just got my own computer and just installed pokertracker and pokerstars. I am going to make sure I don't get any viruses. 2009 is my year baby. Since I got a new computer pokertracker does not have any of my old sessions logged. This is an oppurtunity to start a new. I made 42 bucks today, but don't feel like playing a full session. I only played an hour. Gonna take it easy and start tomorrow. Only have to make 500 more before my account is in cashout yet still have money to play with form. That will be easy to make by new years. 2009 baby, 2009. Gonna make 75k.
The guy who I utterly destroyed yesterday who was down about 500 overall to me. God, I still can't believe I won so much off him and still had a horrible day, it doesn't even seem real, it was a bad dream. But anyway he kept calling me a donk in the chatbox. He kept losing so much money to me and I was outplaying the shit outta him and he kept telling me I sucked. And then he was saying that the only reason I was winning was because I was lucky and kept rivering him.
The truth is he kept paying me off on the river. And it was usually when I had him beat the whole way, since the flop. He was like an atm machine on the river when the pot was big and I was making value bets around the size of the pot. I have a sick hand and I know he is gonna call and I just name the amount I wanna win and bet it. Cha ching, he was such an atm machine. This guy just would not fold anything remotely decent. I wasn't even playing tricky I was being so straightforward and just betting, no checkraising at all. And he kept calling me a donk.
The sickest part is that it was bothering me. He told me to uninstall pokerstars cause I am a fish. I don't claim to be a millionaire but I am one of the very few who is not down from online poker. Supposedly 92% of online players are. So why does it bother me?
Last week some kid told me he wanted me to die in a fire cause he lost a hand to me. Some other guy rivered me when I flopped 2 pair and got him to put all his chips in with 1 pair. He caught a better 2 pair on river and then told me I suck. Why does this bother me?
Why does it bother me when people type cruel shit to me in the chatbox? They're losers, thats why they talk shit in the chatbox. Because there losing and there frustrated the worst in them comes out. So they think irrationally and become very sick and mean and say horrible things. I hate how it bothers me. Anyone who is a good player doesn't do this. Because good players can handle bad beats and keep on ticking. Bad players become irrational after bad beats and thats why they talk shit to you. Anyone who does it is a loser, and is down alot from poker.
I know this now, calm, relaxing, sitting on my computer reflecting. But at the time, it bothers me.
I don't know why. I just can't seem to figure out whether people are by nature bad, or is it that they are weak and can't handle adversity. Adversity brings out the worst in people. Poker brings out people's bad side and I gotta deal with that all the time.
Sometimes I think poker is just a stepping stone, or a small part of what I'm gonna look back on 50 years from now. Hunter S. Thompson used to actually live dangerous experiences sometimes for very long periods of time before writing a novel about them. He lived with the hells angels for a year. He did all the drugs in fear and loathing in Las Vegas.......... It's so awsome to sacrifice or risk your personal welfare for great literature. I'm glad I've experience so much poker and whats it's like to play this game a career. It's been rough but I have so many great things to write about. I really gotta start writing more and running. Poker still is a great way to make moeny though, just gotta prevent debacles, and I will. They sometimes seem inevitable because of the the insanity it brings me too. Ahhhhhh....................

Keeping it Up, Consistency is Everything

Staying consistent, grinding out the 1500 hands of 6 max everyday. I've played 3 sessions since my last post. On sunday I was still kinda high on THC and started playing. I really thought I was fine but wasn't. With my new outlook on things and my new 'responsible poker player who actually makes money and isn't gambling foolishly half the time' thing going I really can't be high or drunk when I'm playing. But I really thought I was fine. I wasn't fine, and still was a little high. I lost 206 for the session. I felt like I should stop playing cause I was bluffing way to much but was torn between keeping up my responsible mindset 'don't start playing a session unless your gonna play the full 1500 hands' so I finished the 1500 hands and lost the 200 bucks.
I can't seem to control my emotions at all when I am high. I also can not seem to fight the urge to bluff people off hands when I know what they have. It's pretty sick how I know exactly what 2 cards my opponents are holding and still can't get em to fold. This is one of the things that will always bother the shit outta me. PEOPLE DON'T FOLD! They just get way to compelled to call. And don't tell me they know I'm bluffing. It's because they have no discipline. Whenever I have the best hand and I bet they call. Whenever I don't have the hand and I bet they call. This is why I'm making alot of money right now, cause nobody lays anything down. Everytime I have the goods they pay for my kids college.
I had this asswipes hand pegged perfectly. I was saying he has Ace 7, Ace 7, Ace 7. I put him on A7 and knew all he had was a pair of aces with a shit kicker on the river. I bet half his stack and he thinks forever and calls, he had Ace 8. And I lose and then say 'why do I do this to myself?'
And don't tell me he had a read on me and it was a great call. Sometimes there are cases like that, but most of the time it's just because the people I play all suck. If they had a read on me and were calling for that reason then they would fold when I do have them beat. But they don't. Like I said when I have and when I don't have it, they can't lay anything down.
I make hero calls with extremely weak hands at times, and it's not from sucking, it's from having a great read and knowing what the other player has. Most players who play the stakes I play can't play above the rim like that.
So anyway, It just really urks me how I can have someone read so well that I think he has Ace 7, he actually has Ace 8 (same difference) and he still won't fold. That means if I had special glasses that let me see through people's cards, I would still lose money bluffing. (sigh)
Thats why you have to be patient and wait for hands. Life will always be hard, money will never come easy. These idiots play so bad they force you to have to play patiently and wait for hands. Life will always be difficult because these losers will always let their ego talk them into calling when you have jack shit. You better have the goods when you bet, or you got no chance. These dooshbags take a lot of the skill out of it by paying everything off anytime they have the most remote inkling of a solid hand.
I was so upset with myself sunday that I played while not excatly sober that I started another session that night. I won 262 in that 1500 hand session, and wind up profiting only 56 bucks for the day. If I had just played only the good sober session Sunday it would been another very solid day.
Last night I played a very swingy session. I was up like 170 or so and then 5 minutes later I was even. After losing like 77 dollars in one hand where I took such a disgustingly brutal suckout on 1 table, and was forced out of several smaller pots on all 3 other tables, I took a huge hit and downswinging badly. The suckout was so so so bad. Me and another bigstack saw a flop of Q 5 3 after he 3bet me preflop.
A 3bet means I raised, (2 bet) and he reraised (3bet) preflop. I made it $2.50, which is 2 on top of the big blind. He reraised me 5 more to $7.50 total. I call with 33. I flop the set, he bets big I reraise, he goes all in to my delight. I am a little worried about a set of queens but I gotta call with my set. He probly has KK. After the turn and river the board was Q 5 3 5 Q. And he wins the pot with AQ, queens full of fives. What a ridiculously lucky suckout.
That hurt real bad. And coincidentally I was getting my ass handed to me, being bluffed out of several other pots, or maybe they had me beat, I don't know, I folded though. I made a nice comeback later on. I finshed up only 108 bucks for the session. So I've made only 164 profit in the last 2 days. Wack. I'm sure I'll have a big win tomorrow though.
From now on I have to make sure I am completely 100% sober before I play at all. Which means either finish playing before I do anything fun each day. Or not smoking or drinking at all unless I have already played that day. I've only had 2 losing sessions out of my last 10. And I was still a little high for both losing sessions. Coincidence? I think not.
I don't even like smoking weed that much. I really just do it to be social I think. I wonder what it would be like to have a girlfriend that isn't a pothead.
I really have never been that close to any girl that wasn't a pothead. I would like to give it a try. But girls that don't smoke tend to have ignorant outlooks on life. Obviously this is not true in all cases. But chances are a girl who doesn't smoke, would disapprove of what i choose to do for a living. Hell, even girls who smoke disapprove.
Sunday we were watching football and one of my best friends girlfriend told me if I continue to play poker for a living the only girl that would be with me would be a dumb tramp. And an intelligent woman would be turned off by the apparent 'instability' of my profession.
Well I say she is dead wrong. An intelligent woman would be turned off even before she knew what I do for a living. HAHA..............
I sometimes wonder if BBL would still be around if I never played poker. But if I had to bet on it I would say that completely ridiculous to even consider. That was not like her at all to be ignorant. She thought very similar to how I think. But the question did arise in my head at one point. I'd say the chances are 100 to 1 though, at best.
This other girl who I used to chill with would not even wanna listen to me talk about poker hands and scenarios. I think not showing any interest in this unique and extremely multilayered game I love shows an extreme lack of intelligence. I am reallt not down with girls that are stupid. And I am really really not down with girls that are ignorant.
Ignorant people will always tell you that poker is no way to make a living. But they only know what they're told. They say things without knowing the whole story. They know nothing about poker and still claim it's not steady enough.
You tellin me if you start a business your definately gonna profit? You ever seen an 'going out of business' sign. Life is a gamble, I really don't see poker as an insecure profession at all anymore. It's not that poker isn't secure, it's that people aren't. If your not secure, your ability to profit is not secure. But if you are secure, poker is secure.

With the sucess I am having and the sucess I have always had during the stints where I treat poker like a job, I honestly feel more comfortable and financially secure playing poker than I would do anything. It's all about keeping your A game 100% of the time, whether your losing or winning, up or down, keep playing your A game and the money will come. It's a mathematical certainty that after enough hands skill will prevail.

If you were Kobe Bryant and someone wanted to bet you money in a basketball contest, would you feel like you were gambling??

Remember betting Kobe in a basketball match is just as stupid as playing Phil Ivey in poker (I was gonna say me, but that would be a stretch). Kobe would show you how stupid you are for betting him in about 5 seconds of round ball. Phil would show you stupid you are in about 5 hours of poker. Poker is all skill, I promise you. It just takes longer to show.

Awake when your sleeping.......... Asleep when your awake

Its 2 am and my day has started like 3 hours ago. I been kicking ass online lately, and have not been screwing around at all. I've done nothing but get online, playing my 1500 hands and then logging off until the next day. Yesterday sucked I only won 140 profit, which is very dissapointing and I'll be looking to redeem myself tonight. They day before that I won 206 and before that 280 or so. I think I already reported it last post. So I've had 2 good days since then. I don't think I played that well last night. I hit a real cold stretch and somewhat tilted for a short period of time. I flopped trip aces with A6, a hand I should not have called a raise with in the first place and saw a flop of AAQ and had trips. My opponent bet the pot after I checked and I moved in. He instacalled and I did not feel good about my chances at all. So another Q hits the turn and king on river. The board read AAQQK and I just felt like I lost, like he had 4 queens or AK. Turned out he had AQ and had flopped the nuts! He bet it pretty hard too and it confused me and I moved in. I was saved by the Q on the turn and was lucky to split the pot. That Q on the turn saved me like 45 bucks. I could've only made like 100 last night and it woulda sucked. It was just such a wierd hand. I've never held an ace and saw a board of AAQQ on the turn and still felt like I was losing in all my years of poker.
So things are looking real good since only profiting 140 is a bad day. The Frank that goes on tilt and drops 700 in a night playing people heads up is gone. I mean it this time, he's really gone. I'm sticking to the plan. I've made approximately 1200 bucks in 6 sessions, or 6 playing days of 1500 hands each. I expect to make more over the next 6 session stretch cause I'm playing almost only 50 max now, where as the first 2 session of these last 6 were at 25 max.
Considering I only play/work approximately 4 hours a day, I've made 1200 bucks in 24 hours, I believe thats roughly 50 bucks an hour.
I think thats enough incentive to keep up this routine. Sign in, play the 1500 hands, no more, no less, record how much you win, sign out. Thats its, its this simple. Keep this up for a year and I should make like almost 75 grand. 2009 is my year baby. No more foolish gambling, gonna take poker very very seriously and I'm gonna keep this up all year. Winning or losing is a choice.
Anytime I feel like playing but not seriously I'm going to play those FPP tourneys and stock up my tournament dollars. Soon enough I'll have so many tournament dollars I can enter big tournies on pokerstars and all will cost me is FPP's. I just came in 2nd out of 10 in 2 of those little FPP tournys, wack. Flopped trip 2's and got it all in about to snag the win. When a miracle 7 on the river gave my opponent a better trips........ rough. Bad luck does not frustrate me nearly as much as how annoying and immature everyone who plays poker is. Check out this chat these two losers were having.

luvthejordan [observer]: ur a loserluvthejordan
[observer]: runner runner
Co1dBl00D: who still playin now huh
Co1dBl00D: keep observing

Your really going to actually dignify someone with answer when they're calling you a donk through their chatbox then your the biggest donk of all. I'm gonna start playing a real session now, be done in 4 hours, hope to make close to 300.......... brb

Bam, just finished played 1514 hands took like 4 hours and made 349 profit. What a sick sick session. I am the man. I got kinda rattled halfway through when I was up 200 and then took a horrible suckout and lost a massive pot when my 2 pair lost to a rivered set. I got the guy to put all his money in just like I wanted but he sucked out on river. I was a little shaky after that and soon was only up 100, but I recovered nicely. I got all that guy's money back an hour later when he tried to bluff me as I was holding the second nuts. He coulda have a straightflush and beat me but I knew he didn't have a frigen straight flush. I insta called. Wow, very nice profit tonight.
Here is the last 7 days since I've been doing the 1500 hands and then stop playing gig.

12/8 25max NLH 1505 hands +283
12/9 25max NLH 1536 hands -70
12/10 25max, 50max NLH 1503 hands +367
12/16 25max, 50max NLH 1504 hands +265
12/17 25max, 50max NLH 1519 hands +206
12/18 25max, 50max NLH 1508 hands +140
12/19 50max NLH 1514 hands +349

Yeah baby. Just gotta keep up this routine. Can't wait to buy lots of shit. I'm gonna be a different color track suit for each day of the week. Peace out.............

The First Regrettable Atlantic City Trip Report

I managed to prove the statements I made in my last post exactly correct during my recent trip to AC. I said that winning or losing is a choice last post and boy did I prove it. I lost a lot of money playing live this trip and I really don't care at all. I didn't play well at all, I didn't even try and ofcourse I lost horribly each day. It's all a blur now, I don't know how long we were there. Me and my boy Curly and my Polish friend Narska who I'm helping get good at poker all went down Thursday night. And as soon as we got there the slacking off began immediately.
"Fuck playing poker tonight I don't wanna deal with that shit! Let's get wasted!"
It was Narska birthday and Curly doesn't play poker at all so the whole trip was not really focused on getting work done. We got really hammered and it was great. But that first night we didn't really meet and hotties. It's rare that the three of us would go out drinking anywhere, especially in AC were girls are usually everywhere, and not meet any girls. But we just didn't, no one was really out at the bars except old people. We had a room at the Tropicana for very cheap cause of the poker rate and it was great. We were so smashed.
The next day me and Narska played poker in the Tropicana's sub par poker room. I could not get myself to paly good at all. I was up 250 and then got sucked out on big with top pair. My KQ saw a board of K 9 7 and I bet like 25 bucks and got 2 callers. The turn came a 3 and it checked to me as I bet 45 bucks. The short stack pushes all in for 31 more. The other guy folds. Now I know I am beat, but have to call cause only 31 more with almost 200 in the pot. I say'whatta ya got over there? Queen three suited? And I make a crying call. He says 'wow, nice call' and sure enough shows me Q3 of diamonds for 2 pair. I need to catch a King on the river to make a better 2 pair. I do not. He sucks out on the turn with that damn 3 and scoops a nice pot.
I then made a checkraise semi bluff against some idiot with pocked aces. It was a good move by me if I was playing against a good player. But it was bad player and you should never reraise a bad player who pocket aces. This idiot did not even think for a second that I might have a set or 2 pair he just instashoved all in for the rest of his stack of 215 bucks. I only had 75 invested and should have folded but decided to gamble because with flushdraw and inside straight draw I was only a 45% underdog.
Remember kids, a checkraise semi bluff is a good play if u have alot of outs. But only against a good player cause a good player will fold his aces, putting u on a set. This play has value due to the fact that if you make him fold you win and if he doesn't you still win close to half the time anyway. But if there is a zero percent chance he will fold cause he's a fuckin idiot who wouldn't lay down aces if his life depended on it, then it's a bad play. So I fucked up here. I gambled and called his all in and his aces held. I lost a huge pot.
Then I was gambling stupidly the rest of the session. And the next day at the Borgata I gambled foolishly again the whole time. I was raising without looking at my cards alot. I got into another big hand where I gambled to try and get a big stack and win a monster pot. Again I was holding a flushdraw and inside striaght draw, diamonds again against some idiots and her pocket rockets. It was so obvious what she had and I still moved my stack in. Here I am only a 45% dog again but lost this huge pot as well. So I lost 2 coinflips that woulda gave me gigantic stacks. I had a lot of fun that night and was calling out people's hands like crazy. This one guy was really impressed, I don't see why. I think it's so easy to know what people are holding in Texas holdem, you only have 2 cards, it's so easy to know what people have. It's not like I can call out people's hole cards in 5 card draw. Texas holdem is 2 hole cards damnit, if you can't do it, you need to practice, it's so easy.
I put together a good short session at the tropicana later on in the wee hours of the morning. But the next day at Bally's I screwed up again. It was a loose easy game to beat but I played so bad. I just played horribly the whole trip. I refused to lay anything down. Every session I kept paying people off. I was playing so loose preflop too, it was disgusting. But it was fun. On the way home I counted all the hands where I knew exactly what hand my opponent was gonna show me if I called but called anyway. I could have saced like over 1000 bucks if I layed down all the hands I knew I should have. I just kept hoping I would suck out on people. I played with no patience or dscipline the whole time. I think I finished down like 8 or 900 bucks, lol.
And I owe Narska a lot of money for the room at the Trop and all the hundos I borrowed to play when I kept losing. I wanna cash out online really bad and go back to AC and redeem myself. Go alone, with no distractions. No drinking, just grinding.
I just finished a solid session online where I made 265 profit. I kick ass 4 tabling online. I'll go back to AC soon enough and play well and win a G.
I regret screwing around so much this last trip to AC but it was a great time. There's so much more to say about what happened. Like how all the assholes in the AC poker rooms can't seem to refrain from mouthing off constantly. And anyone who loses a hand crys and becomes an asshole. Some kid yelled at me and said 'your not on TV bro!' because I was asking him questions about his hand and he thought I was just trying to act weak cause I was strong. But I actually was weak and was legitimately concerned he had me beat. He thought I was acting to try to get a call. And he went crazy. Some other guy at Narska's table was caught with a mashedi in his jacket, no joke. He was kicked out.
It's hard to enjoy live poker cause everyone gets so upset when they lose and their ugly side shows itself. People are all scum. When I lose a hand I say 'nice hand' no matter what. If you can't handle the swings, stay home. Stop making poker miserable for everyone.
The whole trip was a blur. People being dickheads when they lose drove me crazy the whole time. As did people's stupidity in how they play. So did my lack of effort. And that bitch BBL kept popping up in my head. And I was never in the mood to chase girls at the bars cause I was losing money every day. When I have a big win I am pumped and feel confident, but never had one cause I kept fuckin up.
Man, playing live is so slow and when you play online you got so many tables going that you always have a good hand somewhere. Live can be so draining and rough. I wanna stick to online for a while and just play live tournies. With all the money I wasted playing this trip, I coulda just entered a 500 dollar tounry and gave myself a chance at 40k. Live and learn.
All in all I don't give a shit what happened to me this weekend. I can make it all back online and more. And I will...............

Winning or Losing is a Choice

Have not written in a while, for the people who actually read my website I apologize. My computer has a virus and I can not currently access the internet and it really sucks. Especially since the internet is how I get money. I am a janitor without a bus ticket.
Just finished a long hard session online. I have to borrow peoples computers while they are sleeping. It's 6 a.m. and I just pulled in a very solid 367 dollar profit. The last 3 days I've been sticking to the whole be responsible work hard and bust your ass thing and I tell you it's real tough.
I've been making sure I've set aside 4-5 hours each day to play my 1500 hands of 6max on Pokerstars. During this 4-5 hours I am doing nothing but concentrating on playing the best poker I can play on all 4 tables at a time and I do not stop until I've filled the 1500 hand qouta. N0 tv, no eating, drinking, and I have to be sober for it. And only play 4 tables of 6max cash games, thats it. No heads up games! No heads up games! I've donked off my fair share playing people heads up or just playing really bad and unfocused aka gambling. I'm glad I'm done with work now I can pass out. Got everything backwards right now, I'm waking up at like 5-6pm then chilling then work is the last part of the day b4 sleep. Whatever as long as it gets done. Today was the first day I played 50 buy in 6 max and boy did it pay off, 367 bucks is a lot to make for such stakes. Yesterday I was playing 25 buy in cause I didn't have much money in my account and wound up losing 70 bucks after all 1500 hands. I didn't even play bad it was just a freakishly cold run of cards. I probly coulda played a little better but even if I did I still wouldnt of made shit. The day before that I made a 283 dollar profit playing 25 buy in. Now that is just to strange. I don't know how the hell I made all that playing such a low stakes game but whatever. So over my last 3 days I'm up 580. Thats 4,500 hands, only 1000 of those 4,500 came from 50 max so I expect to make even more now that I'm not playing 25 max anymore. I should be able to send myself another G in like a week or two.
Ofcourse I had my account all set up how it I wanted before I fucked up it up and 'gambled' as oppossed to do what I've done the last 3 days. It really makes me sick how much money I've wasted 'gambling' and how much more money I could have sent myself. Now its gonna take forever to get my account in cashout yet still have money to play with form. The money I sent myself in which I received last post is running out and should be gone soon. I'm gonna need more but its' gonna take time. Guess I shoulda thought about that b4 I 'gambled'
The last 3 days I've been doing the right thing and it's all gravy. Money is nice. 2009 I turn over a new leaf and won't 'gamble' all year. By then I'll have my account in good shape and have money in my pocket. No excuses, 2009 is my year. No gambling.......... Just make money, send it to myself, spend it, make more. No wasting money on stupid gambling/heads up/going on tilt binges.
My computer having a virus would not be a problem if I sent myself more money and could just buy a new one. Life is going to be a lot better when I keep this up. I think I've really woken up this time. I think I've really gotten through to myself. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fulfill my potential now. It's long overdue. I can't use pokertracker now cause my comp is all messed up. I can't be online unless I borrow someone computer. Things are all fucked up right now and only continuous hard work is gonna change things. No 'gambling' and hard work.
It's funny how I always say that I don't gamble at all and don't bet sports, don't play blackjack, blah, blah. "I don't gamble poker isn't gambling. It's a game of skill, its a science, it is guaranteed money over time." Well yeah this is true. But I gamble, I gamble all the time, playing poker like a jackass is gambling. Cause you know your eventually gonna lose when you play like a jackass and same as when you gamble. I always took pride in the fact that I don't gamble at all, but it's not even true. The only way it will be true is I play poker to my full ability every time I play.
Otherwise I am just being a sick gambler. Going on tilt is gambling, playing while doing other shit is gambling, anything other than doing what I've been doing the last 3 days is gambling. ANd gambling destroys lives, look what it has done to mine. I can't believe I'm still at my motherfucking parents house. I fucking hate it here so fuckin much I'm going to have a nervous fuckin breakdown. And it's all because all the money I've made hasn't been spent, it's been gambled and so much of it is not in my pockets and never was.
Winning is a choice, damnit. It's a choice. Losing is a choice. I can win when I really want to. For a long time before this age maybe it wasn't this simple. Maybe I really did have problems with the maturity it takes to succeed at poker. There were times were I really was trying my best but still couldn't win cause of tilt. Maybe it's not all my fault. But regardless now I see it clearer than ever. Winning is a choice, for many its not, and maybe even for me, even 1 year ago it wasn't a choice. But now I see it clearer than ever. Hard work is the answer.
Steve Badger articulated it so well in his article. Reading it was like listening to myself think, but he worded like I never could. http://www.playwinningpoker.com/poker/math/variance/
Some will never be good enough to make consisent money playing poker. Maybe at one time that was the case for me. Now the only really problem is putting the hours in. The only obstacle in my way is laziness. One obstacle to overcome before I have mad dough and freedom. Lot of people have mad dough and no freedom. Alot of people have freedom but no dough. Both baby, yeah, thats right, both or death. Theres no point to living in a world where your only somewhat free. I'd honestly rather just blow my head off then live how most people do. No offense to you if thats your thing.
Winning is choice. At least for me it is. Time to start choosing. Peace out all............