I Miss Playin

Lately I really regret some of the decisions I have made. What I'm trying to do with this coffee shop is legitimize myself financially to the point where I can have income that generates itself. I know its the right move cause other people don't just get handed opportunities like this, yet I still feel like I miss the way it was........ I don't know.
I have been looking over some previous entries from way back, brought back a lot of memories. There are so many posts, I have been writing since June 27 2008.

http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2008/06/first-blog-entry.html

There is a total of 90 posts I have conjured up, craziness. I guess I'll write till I'm dead. But anyway in some of the old posts I've been reading through, brings me back to that time when I was just returning from AC, after living there for a little bit and my confidence and game skill was at an all time high. This one really takes me back:

http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2008/07/insanity-evaluation.html

I'm trying to piece together a time frame here of what exactly happened.

February 2007

1) Quit my job.

2) Went to Atlantic City with 7 grand. Keeping in mind several people from home who told me I was a jackass and would never succeed. Who have always made the prospect of professional poker feel like criminal wrongdoings, therefore adding to the pressure and difficulty the task already presents. This bullshit caused a rift in my playing the first two weeks where I experienced a 1700 dollar downswing.

3) I get my head on straight after that and precede to win enough in the next 2 weeks and break close to even for the month.

March 2008

1) Spend half the month in AC and precede to win roughly 4 grand in only 13 days of playing, the other half I spend in Mahopac, in bed, very sick of some kind of flu.

April 2008

1) Meet Jimmy and Derek at The Borgata sometime this month who become good friends. Derek never wants to move to AC to play full time cause he doesn't wanna leave his girl in Virginia. I almost move in with Jimmy and his room mate Pat who actually do live in AC however their neighborhood was not exactly my ideal place to live. Which is regrettable cause they were cool kids but I did not prefer to live somewhere where you need two killer pitbulls for security purposes.

2) I continue to make a pretty good hourly rate playing live everyday but have been screwing myself paying for motels and such for 2 months. I decide to find my own place in a nicer neighborhood like 10 mins away from the strip.

3) Close to moving in to an expensive condo called The Ritz, the idea of committing to such monthly expenses start to cause another rift in my play. I go on an 800 dollar downswing over a week and go back home.

May 2008

1) I decide outside cirumstances continue to cause rifts in my play and lesson my mathematical advantage. I knew I didn't start out with a sufficient enough bankroll in the first place so I have to stay home for a bit till I have the right amount which would be 15-20k.

2) Start living back home and playing online full time. Make roughly the same playing online as I did in AC.

June 2008

1) Continue playing online and grow tired of it. Visit AC here and there but really miss playing live.

2) Start this blog to express the frustrations of professional poker.....................

July 2008 through 2009

1) Slowly become less and less interested in sitting in my room in front of my computer all day as a job and struggle online....

2) Start to try to make plans to get room mates to be able to afford cost of living on my own in AC.

3) Plans to get room mates go really really wrong (see previous blog posts, October and on)

4) Begin to become more interested in alternate sourced of income. Money is power.


I don't feel the need to specify things that happened since I started this site, cause I've already told you all everything.

No sense in making poker every last thing you think about. I don't need it being 100% of my life. I want it to be like 20% of my life. I want to make my coffee shop all it can be. I want to make movies with Francisco and Kirk and everyone, many more like the last one that will be ready for viewing soon. I want to continue working out and staying in shape and healthy to ensure long life. I want to see lots of different girls and never really become to defendant on any particular one. That feeling will eventually change I suppose, but for now that's what I feel. Please don't take that the wrong way if your a cutie reading this. Oh and I want to finish writing an entire novel already.

I want to be really really financially stable. Things have been on hold for a long time and it will be over soon and I haven't been able to do any of these things. And I sincerely, sincerely, miss playing poker. I really love poker so fuckin much, and certain moments watching it make me remember. Getting my bankroll up there is going to ensure enjoyment and maximum profit due to playing the A game consistently.

I hope people don't think I must suck because I am now venturing into other sources of income. I hope people don't rush to judgement on me cause no one really understands what the deal is with poker and playing for a living. If others had played as many hours as me they would be in debt. I am a winning player just haven't won enough to sustain living. I'm so afraid people don't understand this. I shouldn't care cause I know the truth. Poker is a positive activity for me and will always be financially beneficial. Its almost stupid for me not to play. Refusing to do anything else but play for my whole life and refusing to have any other sources of income was not the best decision. Especially without a big starting bankroll. But having only your job or your business as your only source is also not diverse enough for me. If I spend a year working my ass off running this cafe joint and play poker like once a week, I can add like 10k a year to my salary. Other people can't do this. Please understand this.

It frustrates me to no end what an outsider who doesn't know any better might think. I miss playing, I miss calling out people's hands and seeing the look on their face. I wish I could go back to the beginning of the timeline up top and start over, I would do better the second time around. But I can't gotta go another route for a bit. But I really can't wait to start playing again, I miss it bad.

Once I get everything rolling its going to be really easy to make money. Eventually I can be at my cafe at more convenient hours and have more time to play poker comfortably (sufficient bankroll) and make more money. And then finance more movies to make and act in them, yeah. Everything is gonna be straight butter.

This is all very exciting and only weeks away, yet for now I still miss playing. Damn, I miss playin................... Yeah i spelled it like that, just feels right.

Peace, Love and Prosperity to all.

-Frank