Best to Worst

Ed Harris as 'General Hummel' in The Rock. Tupac as I forget his name in Juice. Patrick Swayze as 'Body' in Point Break. The best bad guys in movies are good/bad bad guys. Those guys whose actions are motivated by something more than just their selfish intentions. And most importantly, they're your friend. The best movies, showcase villains who are the main characters friend first. These relationships stop the villain characters from being two dimensional, and add the very needed substance to make a good story.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I started writing this a month or so ago. And I don't know where I was going with that. Wish I finished it. I can sum the rest of that up by saying, yeah, you wanna write a good story, have your bad guy be a good/bad bad guy. You can't top that in terms of villain characterization.

I'm sitting here in my apartment tonight after an easy day of work. I feel lonely and in need of companionship however I am trying not to admit it to myself. I start talking to an old college buddy and reminiscing. And it reminds me of last night talking to a buddy from home also reminiscing about summers during college spent at home. And then I start thinking about everything I've done since highschool. And I can map it all out like this:

Highschool ends 2002

Westchester Community college 2003-2004

Oneonta College 2004-2007

Coffee Delivery (back in Mahopac) 2007-2008

Professional Poker in Atlantic City 2008-2009

Bumhood (back in Mahopac) 2009

Brooklyn Coffee House Entrepreneur (Mahopac)2009-???

My current situation is unleaveable. I'd be the biggest jackass in the world to leave my current position. I boss everyone around at work. But my family drives me off the wall. And in all fairness I do the same to them. There are too many bosses there cause my parents are always around. I can't boss them around. Too many chiefs not enough indians. Its been a problem from the beginning. The only solution is to get my brother to fully commit. But he is still to young to decide. How can I blame him? I never took on any really responsibility till I was 26. So I have to figure out a way to make this work. And deal with all the bullshit for however much longer it takes. But boy do I wish I had just stayed in AC.

Never in a million years would I be in a better position than I am now if I had stayed if you think about long term well being. But boy do I wish I had just moved in with Pat and Jimmy and there two crazy dogs. And just got a part time job. I would have a lot of money right now. Obviously what I'm doing now is better, but there will always be a small part of me that longs to go back.... I think it has completely eradicated all previous nostalgic longings to return to Oneonta and have no responsibility.

I wish my dad wasn't wealthy and I just had no choice but to struggle through life. I wouldn't be here sacrificing for the long run. I'd be out fuckin up and startin over all the time. But at least I'd be where I wanna be....

Grass is always greener on the other side.... When is the next great girl coming along? It could take years... I long for another spiritual connection. There is no drug more powerful than love. But right now nostalgia seems pretty strong. All life is, a series of hard times that never seems as bad when you look back. But whoever ever really appreciates the present. I'm gonna try to now, tonight, tomorrow at work. Gonna try real, real hard.....

ATTRACTION PLUS PROXIMITY EQUALS.....

"Just flat call on the flop with a strong hand, they'll fire big on the turn to try and get you to fold."
For the longest time I felt this was the an inexperienced way to approach hold em, it is everyone's first instinct and not really the best idea. For the longest time I felt like reraising right away and not slow playing was the way to go. And I didn't respect
players who failed to see this.
But now, I just have to say when your playing on the internet, please just call on the flop with a strong holding EVERY DAMN TIME. These guys just don't stop betting when their the preflop raiser. It's really ridiculous.
To thier credit, It really sucks when you have squadoosh(nothing).

Were bringing an expert chef to help us save money and get more use and sales out of what we order. He's gonna show us how to save a lot of money, therefore increase profits. He'll be around 2-3 weeks and then opening his how place. It should be interesting. Its gonna be tough but when
its over, will be making a lot more money.

I played online poker today for the first time in many months, maybe 6. I played well but was sucked out on 3 big pots. All 3 times a river Jack cost me the pot when I had gotten my opponent to invest many chips with the worst hand. But the river saved my opponents and happenned to be a Jack all three times. In the words of Freddy Deeb, "That jack is gonna haunt me all night" -2003 WSOP MAIN EVENT.

Took me 2 hours to lose 12 bucks and then I left to play baseball with my friends. It's been a decent day off. I am happy that I played well, and don't care about the 12 dollars. I longer have much desire to play online, due to the uncertainty of whether or not the site is cheating me. If I do continue I would be stupid as hell to invest more than 20 bucks a week.

I just don't see how playing live I would trap people 3 times in 2 hours and all 3 times get suct out on by the same fuckin card. The damn Jack. If there is kings, queens, and jacks in the decks why not have one more picture card that is better than a 10 but less than the jack. THE PRINCESS CARD. Everyone loves picture cards. Any card game would be less interesting with just the number cards. Wow, really tangenting here.

I frequently converse with this very sweet and cute young women. I feel a little something for her, but not enough to really dwell on. I don't know if this is because she's not that great but I just spend a lot of time around her, or because I'm so much more mature than I used to be and won't ever become obsessed.

She is a wonderful girl, really cute and short and skinny (my type). Really good conversationist, not a bitch at all or a slut at all. Just very sweet and friendly and a real good catch. Wife material. I could foresee something happening in the future. Not anytime soon because she's involved. But I could also see a flash sideways of something happening within a few months. I don't know, maybe I'm just reading the whole thing wrong. Maybe I'm stuck in the friend zone for all I know. God knows I read girls as well as I do Japafuckinese. If only girls knew the friend zone should of been one of Dante's seven stages of hell. The 2nd deepest, losing out only to the eternal lake of fire where you just burn forever and never pass out.

I got friend zoned like 5 months back by I girl I cared for more than any girl since BBL. And now that its over I haven't lost a second of sleep over her or been sad one bit. I'm glad she's gone, even though there where I felt strong strong BBL like feelings for. Stressing over someone that doesn't stress over you just isn't worth it. And I'm gonna be happy all the time. And I'm always gonna move on right away. My attitude sure has changed. There is one thing more important than love, and that's happiness. Your happiness. And know one is gonna love a depressed fuck. Guys need to think about this before they go down in the depths and forget there whole reason for being.

I'm not stressing over this new girl at all. She probly won't work out. If she does great, but if not, there will just be another. See all love is, is proximity + attraction. Its just a simple formula.

E= MC squared.

Attraction + Proximity= LOVE

You have to have them both. But no matter how much of one you have, if you don't have them both, you won't get it.

Think of proximity as a mix time together and lack of distance between. Think of attraction as abitility to sexually arouse and strength of personality.

If there is an extreme amount of attraction, it takes very small amounts of proximity for love to grow. If there is an insane amount of attraction, more so than any women in the world, but zero proximity, love still can't grow. So technically every married man could find a better wife if he actually met every last woman on the planet.

If there is decades worth of proximity, but your simply not attracted to her, not even the slightest bit, you can make it centuries of proximity, the closest proximity possible, and love still will not sprout.

However if there is any attraction there whatsoever, and the proximity stays consistent, it's only a matter of time, before you feel the feeling life is all about.

So everyone stop whining, there are no soulmates. There's just my genius formula. And I feel my outlook on life has made it considerably more bearable. I used to believe BBL was my soulmate and I was fucked because she was to stupid to realize it. If she's mine, I'm hers right? She's
fucked too!!! Right? Right?

Wrong. I no longer feel the whole soul mate thing exists. If I went around the world I could fall in love 3 million times, no exaggeration. And I'm sure I will be happy and will love someone again in time. Through enough proximity with enough partners it's mathematical certainty.

It's sad though, remembering sometimes how much I loved that girl. It was years ago now. I know there will be another, through all the billions out there. And I know anyone who believes the one there with or married to is "the one" or there "soulmate" I know people should know that it's who there with is simply a result of thier geographical location. And/Or their proximity to this person. That another person could have been better, the proximity factor never entered the equation, there making love impossible.

So, long story short, its foolish and nieve to believe the love you have is your soul mate. That relationship will last with hard work, and compromise, not cause your so called soulmates.
And it's even more foolish to every get down over the love you lost. Because of all the women out there, the billions. This outlooks brightens each day for me like you wouldn't believe.

It's not like BBL was my soulmate. I know that now. It just that lets say I did have the opportunity to meet every last women on the planet. And had all the proximity I could ever need. Some part of me still believes that I would still love BBL the most.

20k hands and my Own Apartment

You have to be aggressive but conservative at the same time.

How does that work genius?

Well you have to so intent on staying conservative that you have to attack conservation aggressively. Without an aggressive approach conservation will not be reached. Its to hard to be conservative.

Play 20k hands, give yourself 3 weeks to a month. 20k hands without checking what your up or down at any time. Then cashout. 20k is the only way to truly iron out variance. 20k hands of the right decision. Cashout soon after...........

This is whats was on my mind 2 months back. But I mine as well post it. I wanted to do it online but to truly prove results I'd have to put the 20k worth of hands in via LIVE poker. It would take months. I could do it in 2 weeks online.

And 2 months later, finishing up these thoughts that were stranded here, I can only say that financially poker is not worth it unless I'm gonna play a tournament that will score me huge if I win/place 2nd/3rd.

So I continue to run a business that is mucho stressful. Life is hard and I don't have enough free time. But the amount of beautiful girls I see at work everyday just makes it all worth it.

I find myself worrying about what I would do if I had to be committed to whichever honeybaby I'm gazing upon at the time. I'm not even with the honeybaby and yet I still find a way to worry about having to give up all the other honeybabies. Because they're all so beautiful in so many different ways.