Superficial?

My last facebook comment in the news feed everyone sees was "It is possible. I though it was impossible but I was wrong. I've never been so happy to admit I was wrong."

I look back now at all the posts I've written and the random little blurbs about BBL. Every once in a while I would throw her in their and I guess it would make me feel better about the situation. I knew people would read it and understand I've had certain experiences that may be similar to their own. It's basically the same type of therapy that talking about it offers.

I would never mention her name but use this code, BBL. I had thought about her constantly since we parted. I really believed I would one day move on but with a certain hint of regret and dissatisfaction. Like the girl I eventually start a family with would never truly satisfy me in the same way. And I would walk through life with a secret cynical depressed outlook cause the one I'm with isn't the right one. That there was one and only, there was a soul mate, but some how I let her go. And whoever she's with, she can't really truly be happy with.

But now I see no matter how real that nightmare seemed it really was not true. I believed it truly for live five years, or however long. And now I know there are no soul mates, there's just certain special girls out there.

You need to realize how important it is to be the best you can be. You need to look as good as you can and have as much money as you possibly can and I guess learn from your experiences as well as you possibly can to be the best person mentally, physically and emotionally. You have to get one you truly want. Don't settle, don't ever settle. Your going to get stuck and regardless of how unfortunate that it may be for you it's really not fair to the girl. It's not fair to the kids.

I guess I was wrong about BBL. And it's not like it's because there's someone else. It's not like I have any great news. I just have been through a lot since August when we opened, feels like 4 years crammed into 3 months cause I work so much.

That whole argument people have been making since the beginning of time about how looks aren't everything. Its all about getting you away from your first instinct and getting you to think deeper. It's about getting you to realize you shouldn't be so superficial. That personality and truly being a good hearted person is more important. And if you wind up with a pretty face that is a selfish person your not gonna be happy. Yeah that's true. But what is the whole truth?
There both important, and may be equally important. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.......... You need one that has both, don't you get it? Both, both, both, both.

For the longest time I had this deep resounding fear that she may never come back. And I would walk through life forever with that annoying itch you could never scratch. That eternal buzzing insect right in my ear, buzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzzz "You know your not happy, you know you loved BBL more. You know you'll never be happy." In my ear everytime I talked to any girl.

I'm not going to hear anymore buzzing. There's going to be 20 BBL's by the time I'm in my mid 30's. I can't wait to meet every last one of 'em.

For the longest time I wondered what I would do if she never came back. Now my only fear is what to do is she returns...............

Only now do you See

I'm going to try and keep this as short and to the point as I can. I have that tendency to elaborate, regardless of whether or not its more interesting that way I'm going to still attempt not to in this post.

Yeah, I know, that's pretty much what I just did in that last sentence, needlessly elaborating, precisely what I said I wouldn't do. And I'm doing it right now again, but how else would I let you know I caught myself? And now I've continued to ramble on even about my rambling. The more I go, the more I try and patch things up, the deeper the hole gets. Gotta just pull the the plug, cut your losses.

Its past the point of fixing. The longer you wait now, the more its gonna hurt when you finally man up and end it. Whether its ending a relationship with someone regarding love, friendship, even business. If you know sustaining the relationship will do more harm than good, you have to just man up.

And yes its hard, and that difficulty will delay what has to be done for a period of time. But eventually the ever redeeming question will arise. What hurts more? That short yet horrible ridiculously painful scene where you let someone go? Or that long long long never ending reality you find yourself in that hurts only a little each day? One big painful experience will be over with once its done. But the latter, no matter how small, will eventually cause more damage with the great equalizer called time.........

You can be that guy who is so afraid of rejection that he'll always avoid pursuing that little cutie pie he wants to be his girl. Insecurity can go a long way and may in your mind justify consistent lack of effort regarding approaching the opposite gender. You just wanna stay away from all possibility that you may feel the hurt of rejection. But your gonna have to ask yourself this......
When is the pain of seeing yet another honey baby in some others guys arms gonna hurt more than even the worst rejection scenario?

You see enough honey babies go somewhere else its inevitable the fear of rejection will diminish. Cause far worse lies around the corner if you don't stare rejection in the eye and face it like a man.

If your fucked either way take the quick fucking, not the long drawn out superfucking.

As far as:
Things are going well, and though it still to early to tell I feel we are going to be around for a long time. We have the best coffee in town, and I'm not just saying that cause its mine. My dad has been a coffee distributor for 25 years, he know how to get the best coffee on the market. Our food is excellent, we get no complaints. My team of chefs and I have been coming out with some terrific new specialty pizzas that our frighteningly good. And we have a charming staff that I believe many people would come back to see even if the product wasn't anything to brag about.
Once the weather gets nicer I think were really gonna make a killing.

Business is not that different from poker. You win, you lose, your busy, your slow. Weekdays the register doesn't ring in as much as the weekends. After payroll and other expenses you don't always make enough sales to make a profit. But the weekend picks you up, you can count on it.
So there's busy times, slow times, upswings, downswings, all that matters is the bottom line at the end of the month.

When its going well its never as good as it seems, when its going bad its never as bad as it seems. But the great equalizer of time will always tell you the final truth. Profit or loss?

Poker is the same exact fucking thing. My time in Atlantic City playing full time lasted roughly 3 months. I logged approximately 300 hours. When I was winning I was pulling in 100 an hour, when I was losing I was dropping 50 an hour. But at the end of it all I made approximately 20 bucks for every hour I played. PROFIT......................

Only now do I see that I'm doing the same thing running the cafe that I was always doing playing poker. Everything is a gamble in life, tell me businesses don't close down everyday, you don't get that money back ya know. Guess you shouldn't play unless you know you have an advantage. And yes that statement can refer to poker or business.

The sick thing is no matter how good you get at poker the number one way to make dough is when a fish sits at your table. Or if someone becomes irrational with the money in front of them. Something in their brain makes them wanna just spend with their heart and not their mind. That's what it all comes down to with customers. It's like saying "Hey buddies can you please buy these products at double what I payed to get it?" And the best is when they get in that mood where they're having so much fun they're gonna spend unwisely. It's a business man's bread and butter. The same way a poker player's bread and butter is an opponent on tilt. Willing to gamble foolishly. GAMBLE/SPEND foolishly, same shit, its a form of irrationality.

Most profit in this world comes from getting your fellow human to become emotional. So I sit behind the counter at my coffee shop feeling slightly better than I did sitting at the card table. "Yeah I'm the owner, I'm the owner. I'm the proprietor of this establishment." But I'm really not much higher on the totem pole than when my whole source of income depended on people sitting at my table and throwing money around without thought. Now I'm just behind the counter hoping for the same thing.