Frank's Days

2011-03-13T23:55:00.002-04:00

Type of Work: Text

Registration Number / Date:
TXu000848651 / 1998-04-09

Title: The road to findout.

Description: 1 v.

Copyright Claimant:
Frank Carlino, 1983-

Date of Creation: 1998

Names: Carlino, Frank, 1983-

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The Library of Congress
United States Copyright Office
101 Independence Ave., S.E.
Washington, D.C. 20559-6000
202-707-3000

The Mystique of New York

2011-02-24T02:07:00.003-05:00

Today was a Wednesday I got up went to work at as small chicken ceasar salad and then remembered the Knicks game was on tonight. I had a rude customer but it didn't bother me like it usually does. It usually makes me turn of the volume in terms of staff excellence.

So I wind up going to the Knicks game.

I saw Carmelos debut as a Knick.

Stopped ast Rich's house after, woah I'm so tired. Long day....

The Knicks

PG Chauncey Billups B+

SG Landry Fields B+

SF Carmelo Anthony A

PF Amar'e Stoudemir A

C Ronny Turiaf C-

6 PG Toney Douglas B

7 SF Shawne Williams B-

8 SG Bill Walker C+

9 SF Corey Brewer C+

10 SG Roger Mason D+

11 PG Anthony Carter D

12 PF Shelden Williams D+

Knicks win 114 - 109

Carmelo scores 27 and 10 rebounds. Go Knicks this team is the start of a Championship...

Best to Worst

2010-10-15T00:16:00.003-04:00

Ed Harris as 'General Hummel' in The Rock. Tupac as I forget his name in Juice. Patrick Swayze as 'Body' in Point Break. The best bad guys in movies are good/bad bad guys. Those guys whose actions are motivated by something more than just their selfish intentions. And most importantly, they're your friend. The best movies, showcase villains who are the main characters friend first. These relationships stop the villain characters from being two dimensional, and add the very needed substance to make a good story.
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I started writing this a month or so ago. And I don't know where I was going with that. Wish I finished it. I can sum the rest of that up by saying, yeah, you wanna write a good story, have your bad guy be a good/bad bad guy. You can't top that in terms of villain characterization.

I'm sitting here in my apartment tonight after an easy day of work. I feel lonely and in need of companionship however I am trying not to admit it to myself. I start talking to an old college buddy and reminiscing. And it reminds me of last night talking to a buddy from home also reminiscing about summers during college spent at home. And then I start thinking about everything I've done since highschool. And I can map it all out like this:

Highschool ends 2002

Westchester Community college 2003-2004

Oneonta College 2004-2007

Coffee Delivery (back in Mahopac) 2007-2008

Professional Poker in Atlantic City 2008-2009

Bumhood (back in Mahopac) 2009

Brooklyn Coffee House Entrepreneur (Mahopac)2009-???

My current situation is unleaveable. I'd be the biggest jackass in the world to leave my current position. I boss everyone around at work. But my family drives me off the wall. And in all fairness I do the same to them. There are too many bosses there cause my parents are always around. I can't boss them around. Too many chiefs not enough indians. Its been a problem from the beginning. The only solution is to get my brother to fully commit. But he is still to young to decide. How can I blame him? I never took on any really responsibility till I was 26. So I have to figure out a way to make this work. And deal with all the bullshit for however much longer it takes. But boy do I wish I had just stayed in AC.

Never in a million years would I be in a better position than I am now if I had stayed if you think about long term well being. But boy do I wish I had just moved in with Pat and Jimmy and there two crazy dogs. And just got a part time job. I would have a lot of money right now. Obviously what I'm doing now is better, but there will always be a small part of me that longs to go back.... I think it has completely eradicated all previous nostalgic longings to return to Oneonta and have no responsibility.

I wish my dad wasn't wealthy and I just had no choice but to struggle through life. I wouldn't be here sacrificing for the long run. I'd be out fuckin up and startin over all the time. But at least I'd be where I wanna be....

Grass is always greener on the other side.... When is the next great girl coming along? It could take years... I long for another spiritual connection. There is no drug more powerful than love. But right now nostalgia seems pretty strong. All life is, a series of hard times that never seems as bad when you look back. But whoever ever really appreciates the present. I'm gonna try to now, tonight, tomorrow at work. Gonna try real, real hard.....

ATTRACTION PLUS PROXIMITY EQUALS.....

2010-07-13T00:30:00.006-04:00

"Just flat call on the flop with a strong hand, they'll fire big on the turn to try and get you to fold."
For the longest time I felt this was the an inexperienced way to approach hold em, it is everyone's first instinct and not really the best idea. For the longest time I felt like reraising right away and not slow playing was the way to go. And I didn't respect
players who failed to see this.
But now, I just have to say when your playing on the internet, please just call on the flop with a strong holding EVERY DAMN TIME. These guys just don't stop betting when their the preflop raiser. It's really ridiculous.
To thier credit, It really sucks when you have squadoosh(nothing).

Were bringing an expert chef to help us save money and get more use and sales out of what we order. He's gonna show us how to save a lot of money, therefore increase profits. He'll be around 2-3 weeks and then opening his how place. It should be interesting. Its gonna be tough but when
its over, will be making a lot more money.

I played online poker today for the first time in many months, maybe 6. I played well but was sucked out on 3 big pots. All 3 times a river Jack cost me the pot when I had gotten my opponent to invest many chips with the worst hand. But the river saved my opponents and happenned to be a Jack all three times. In the words of Freddy Deeb, "That jack is gonna haunt me all night" -2003 WSOP MAIN EVENT.

Took me 2 hours to lose 12 bucks and then I left to play baseball with my friends. It's been a decent day off. I am happy that I played well, and don't care about the 12 dollars. I longer have much desire to play online, due to the uncertainty of whether or not the site is cheating me. If I do continue I would be stupid as hell to invest more than 20 bucks a week.

I just don't see how playing live I would trap people 3 times in 2 hours and all 3 times get suct out on by the same fuckin card. The damn Jack. If there is kings, queens, and jacks in the decks why not have one more picture card that is better than a 10 but less than the jack. THE PRINCESS CARD. Everyone loves picture cards. Any card game would be less interesting with just the number cards. Wow, really tangenting here.

I frequently converse with this very sweet and cute young women. I feel a little something for her, but not enough to really dwell on. I don't know if this is because she's not that great but I just spend a lot of time around her, or because I'm so much more mature than I used to be and won't ever become obsessed.

She is a wonderful girl, really cute and short and skinny (my type). Really good conversationist, not a bitch at all or a slut at all. Just very sweet and friendly and a real good catch. Wife material. I could foresee something happening in the future. Not anytime soon because she's involved. But I could also see a flash sideways of something happening within a few months. I don't know, maybe I'm just reading the whole thing wrong. Maybe I'm stuck in the friend zone for all I know. God knows I read girls as well as I do Japafuckinese. If only girls knew the friend zone should of been one of Dante's seven stages of hell. The 2nd deepest, losing out only to the eternal lake of fire where you just burn forever and never pass out.

I got friend zoned like 5 months back by I girl I cared for more than any girl since BBL. And now that its over I haven't lost a second of sleep over her or been sad one bit. I'm glad she's gone, even though there where I felt strong strong BBL like feelings for. Stressing over someone that doesn't stress over you just isn't worth it. And I'm gonna be happy all the time. And I'm always gonna move on right away. My attitude sure has changed. There is one thing more important than love, and that's happiness. Your happiness. And know one is gonna love a depressed fuck. Guys need to think about this before they go down in the depths and forget there whole reason for being.

I'm not stressing over this new girl at all. She probly won't work out. If she does great, but if not, there will just be another. See all love is, is proximity + attraction. Its just a simple formula.

E= MC squared.

Attraction + Proximity= LOVE

You have to have them both. But no matter how much of one you have, if you don't have them both, you won't get it.

Think of proximity as a mix time together and lack of distance between. Think of attraction as abitility to sexually arouse and strength of personality.

If there is an extreme amount of attraction, it takes very small amounts of proximity for love to grow. If there is an insane amount of attraction, more so than any women in the world, but zero proximity, love still can't grow. So technically every married man could find a better wife if he actually met every last woman on the planet.

If there is decades worth of proximity, but your simply not attracted to her, not even the slightest bit, you can make it centuries of proximity, the closest proximity possible, and love still will not sprout.

However if there is any attraction there whatsoever, and the proximity stays consistent, it's only a matter of time, before you feel the feeling life is all about.

So everyone stop whining, there are no soulmates. There's just my genius formula. And I feel my outlook on life has made it considerably more bearable. I used to believe BBL was my soulmate and I was fucked because she was to stupid to realize it. If she's mine, I'm hers right? She's
fucked too!!! Right? Right?

Wrong. I no longer feel the whole soul mate thing exists. If I went around the world I could fall in love 3 million times, no exaggeration. And I'm sure I will be happy and will love someone again in time. Through enough proximity with enough partners it's mathematical certainty.

It's sad though, remembering sometimes how much I loved that girl. It was years ago now. I know there will be another, through all the billions out there. And I know anyone who believes the one there with or married to is "the one" or there "soulmate" I know people should know that it's who there with is simply a result of thier geographical location. And/Or their proximity to this person. That another person could have been better, the proximity factor never entered the equation, there making love impossible.

So, long story short, its foolish and nieve to believe the love you have is your soul mate. That relationship will last with hard work, and compromise, not cause your so called soulmates.
And it's even more foolish to every get down over the love you lost. Because of all the women out there, the billions. This outlooks brightens each day for me like you wouldn't believe.

It's not like BBL was my soulmate. I know that now. It just that lets say I did have the opportunity to meet every last women on the planet. And had all the proximity I could ever need. Some part of me still believes that I would still love BBL the most.

20k hands and my Own Apartment

2010-01-03T16:29:00.008-05:00

You have to be aggressive but conservative at the same time.

How does that work genius?

Well you have to so intent on staying conservative that you have to attack conservation aggressively. Without an aggressive approach conservation will not be reached. Its to hard to be conservative.

Play 20k hands, give yourself 3 weeks to a month. 20k hands without checking what your up or down at any time. Then cashout. 20k is the only way to truly iron out variance. 20k hands of the right decision. Cashout soon after...........

This is whats was on my mind 2 months back. But I mine as well post it. I wanted to do it online but to truly prove results I'd have to put the 20k worth of hands in via LIVE poker. It would take months. I could do it in 2 weeks online.

And 2 months later, finishing up these thoughts that were stranded here, I can only say that financially poker is not worth it unless I'm gonna play a tournament that will score me huge if I win/place 2nd/3rd.

So I continue to run a business that is mucho stressful. Life is hard and I don't have enough free time. But the amount of beautiful girls I see at work everyday just makes it all worth it.

I find myself worrying about what I would do if I had to be committed to whichever honeybaby I'm gazing upon at the time. I'm not even with the honeybaby and yet I still find a way to worry about having to give up all the other honeybabies. Because they're all so beautiful in so many different ways.

Superficial?

2009-10-31T02:47:00.003-04:00

My last facebook comment in the news feed everyone sees was "It is possible. I though it was impossible but I was wrong. I've never been so happy to admit I was wrong."

I look back now at all the posts I've written and the random little blurbs about BBL. Every once in a while I would throw her in their and I guess it would make me feel better about the situation. I knew people would read it and understand I've had certain experiences that may be similar to their own. It's basically the same type of therapy that talking about it offers.

I would never mention her name but use this code, BBL. I had thought about her constantly since we parted. I really believed I would one day move on but with a certain hint of regret and dissatisfaction. Like the girl I eventually start a family with would never truly satisfy me in the same way. And I would walk through life with a secret cynical depressed outlook cause the one I'm with isn't the right one. That there was one and only, there was a soul mate, but some how I let her go. And whoever she's with, she can't really truly be happy with.

But now I see no matter how real that nightmare seemed it really was not true. I believed it truly for live five years, or however long. And now I know there are no soul mates, there's just certain special girls out there.

You need to realize how important it is to be the best you can be. You need to look as good as you can and have as much money as you possibly can and I guess learn from your experiences as well as you possibly can to be the best person mentally, physically and emotionally. You have to get one you truly want. Don't settle, don't ever settle. Your going to get stuck and regardless of how unfortunate that it may be for you it's really not fair to the girl. It's not fair to the kids.

I guess I was wrong about BBL. And it's not like it's because there's someone else. It's not like I have any great news. I just have been through a lot since August when we opened, feels like 4 years crammed into 3 months cause I work so much.

That whole argument people have been making since the beginning of time about how looks aren't everything. Its all about getting you away from your first instinct and getting you to think deeper. It's about getting you to realize you shouldn't be so superficial. That personality and truly being a good hearted person is more important. And if you wind up with a pretty face that is a selfish person your not gonna be happy. Yeah that's true. But what is the whole truth?
There both important, and may be equally important. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality. Looks, personality.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.......... You need one that has both, don't you get it? Both, both, both, both.

For the longest time I had this deep resounding fear that she may never come back. And I would walk through life forever with that annoying itch you could never scratch. That eternal buzzing insect right in my ear, buzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzzzzzz "You know your not happy, you know you loved BBL more. You know you'll never be happy." In my ear everytime I talked to any girl.

I'm not going to hear anymore buzzing. There's going to be 20 BBL's by the time I'm in my mid 30's. I can't wait to meet every last one of 'em.

For the longest time I wondered what I would do if she never came back. Now my only fear is what to do is she returns...............

Only now do you See

2009-10-16T00:10:00.006-04:00

I'm going to try and keep this as short and to the point as I can. I have that tendency to elaborate, regardless of whether or not its more interesting that way I'm going to still attempt not to in this post.

Yeah, I know, that's pretty much what I just did in that last sentence, needlessly elaborating, precisely what I said I wouldn't do. And I'm doing it right now again, but how else would I let you know I caught myself? And now I've continued to ramble on even about my rambling. The more I go, the more I try and patch things up, the deeper the hole gets. Gotta just pull the the plug, cut your losses.

Its past the point of fixing. The longer you wait now, the more its gonna hurt when you finally man up and end it. Whether its ending a relationship with someone regarding love, friendship, even business. If you know sustaining the relationship will do more harm than good, you have to just man up.

And yes its hard, and that difficulty will delay what has to be done for a period of time. But eventually the ever redeeming question will arise. What hurts more? That short yet horrible ridiculously painful scene where you let someone go? Or that long long long never ending reality you find yourself in that hurts only a little each day? One big painful experience will be over with once its done. But the latter, no matter how small, will eventually cause more damage with the great equalizer called time.........

You can be that guy who is so afraid of rejection that he'll always avoid pursuing that little cutie pie he wants to be his girl. Insecurity can go a long way and may in your mind justify consistent lack of effort regarding approaching the opposite gender. You just wanna stay away from all possibility that you may feel the hurt of rejection. But your gonna have to ask yourself this......
When is the pain of seeing yet another honey baby in some others guys arms gonna hurt more than even the worst rejection scenario?

You see enough honey babies go somewhere else its inevitable the fear of rejection will diminish. Cause far worse lies around the corner if you don't stare rejection in the eye and face it like a man.

If your fucked either way take the quick fucking, not the long drawn out superfucking.

As far as:
Things are going well, and though it still to early to tell I feel we are going to be around for a long time. We have the best coffee in town, and I'm not just saying that cause its mine. My dad has been a coffee distributor for 25 years, he know how to get the best coffee on the market. Our food is excellent, we get no complaints. My team of chefs and I have been coming out with some terrific new specialty pizzas that our frighteningly good. And we have a charming staff that I believe many people would come back to see even if the product wasn't anything to brag about.
Once the weather gets nicer I think were really gonna make a killing.

Business is not that different from poker. You win, you lose, your busy, your slow. Weekdays the register doesn't ring in as much as the weekends. After payroll and other expenses you don't always make enough sales to make a profit. But the weekend picks you up, you can count on it.
So there's busy times, slow times, upswings, downswings, all that matters is the bottom line at the end of the month.

When its going well its never as good as it seems, when its going bad its never as bad as it seems. But the great equalizer of time will always tell you the final truth. Profit or loss?

Poker is the same exact fucking thing. My time in Atlantic City playing full time lasted roughly 3 months. I logged approximately 300 hours. When I was winning I was pulling in 100 an hour, when I was losing I was dropping 50 an hour. But at the end of it all I made approximately 20 bucks for every hour I played. PROFIT......................

Only now do I see that I'm doing the same thing running the cafe that I was always doing playing poker. Everything is a gamble in life, tell me businesses don't close down everyday, you don't get that money back ya know. Guess you shouldn't play unless you know you have an advantage. And yes that statement can refer to poker or business.

The sick thing is no matter how good you get at poker the number one way to make dough is when a fish sits at your table. Or if someone becomes irrational with the money in front of them. Something in their brain makes them wanna just spend with their heart and not their mind. That's what it all comes down to with customers. It's like saying "Hey buddies can you please buy these products at double what I payed to get it?" And the best is when they get in that mood where they're having so much fun they're gonna spend unwisely. It's a business man's bread and butter. The same way a poker player's bread and butter is an opponent on tilt. Willing to gamble foolishly. GAMBLE/SPEND foolishly, same shit, its a form of irrationality.

Most profit in this world comes from getting your fellow human to become emotional. So I sit behind the counter at my coffee shop feeling slightly better than I did sitting at the card table. "Yeah I'm the owner, I'm the owner. I'm the proprietor of this establishment." But I'm really not much higher on the totem pole than when my whole source of income depended on people sitting at my table and throwing money around without thought. Now I'm just behind the counter hoping for the same thing.

Copa Cabana

2009-09-01T23:58:00.009-04:00

At first their were fights many fights. Verbal disagreements I should say.

We used to scoop smoothie mix right out of the bags.

Now we argue no more, now we have cups that make smoothie mix scooping conveniently conducive to good customer service.

Things get better with time. Your always looking back at the past and smile knowing you know get through daily situations so much easier cause with time you've worked out a system.

Soon I'll look back and say "Man, member when we just payed rent and I didn't own the whole building. Member when the other half of the property was that other joint, instead of my pool hall/arcade."

I need less than a bill but more than a mill.

I want that whole building.

Monopolize and move on.

I used to put in 16 hours a day 24/7. It was a 2 week stretch.

Now my schedule is smooth like butter. 12 hour days, 6 a week. Puttin in 72 hours a week and I love it. In time, can incorporate poker into my jammed up weekly schedule to bring in extra money.

See that's how it goes, you make life better with time. And this is still just the beginning, stay ambitious, keep improving, get that damn building.

BBL fades out easier when your so busy and you have 8 wives, joke.....

Not gonna blog too much case you haven't noticed. My writing is way to blunt. Gonna shave tomorrow at 11am to look for profesh. Catch my drift?

That was Brett Randell, he's awesome. Barry Mangione plays this Saturday at 8pm sharp.

It's got that copa feeling on Friday and Saturday nights, stop by its always a good time, and we all know good times aren't easy to find in nothing to do, nowhere to go, boring as hell 'ol Mahopac..................http://twitter.com/BkCoffeeHouse

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/Mahopac-NY/Brooklyn-Coffee-House/119090830768?ref=mf

Cappuccino with 2 sugars, Cajun shrimp salad is what you want. All while enjoying the view sitting outside, live music if you come late Friday or Saturday. You can't go wrong. So come to my cafe asap for good coffee and great company.

Sorry to become Biff Loman at the end. Peace out kids.......

100th POST

2009-07-08T22:42:00.003-04:00

!!!! (SARCASM) Oh how exciting, 100 posts. Everyone raise your glass. The raising of the glass is key to any celebration.

Larry David is the man. http://vodpod.com/watch/1787306-larry-david-tells-conan-obrien-he-would-sleep-with-a-anti-semite-if-she-was-hot

I postponed The Brezlin Challenge and promise to get back to it soon. I screwed up and my overall hourly rate dropped to like 6. Gotta wait to get bigger bankroll and will finish it in a few weeks.

I've been at BROOKLYN COFFEE HOUSE interviewing possible workers all day. If your a smart girl with a good personality come in and fill out an application. Rt 6 Mahopac. Be there.

We should be opened in like 3 weeks. If you can tell me who inspired me to tell everyone to raise their glasses I will give you a free cappuccino. Be there.

I met a pilsner girl who tried to sell me ad space this morning, nice.

Yo, I'm tired, just haven't posted in mad long. Peacing out........ take care, drink caffeine.

Hopefully have a nice video for u tomorrow, I don't make enough vids for this site, haven't posted a vid since me and derick won all that money in AC.
http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2008/07/atlantic-city-trip-report.html

I'll have a movie of the cafe soon. Peace out, much love to all, drink caffeine.

The Brezlin Challenge

2009-06-23T22:53:00.005-04:00

Today marks the third day of the Brezlin challenge. Yesterday I played a solid session and reported it here with graphs and stats. And then mentioned I would have to play 30,000 hands before I can consider my win rate something to actually brag about.
Today I had some ridiculous luck. Not suckouts, I never really suck out on people, I get my money in with the higher percentage of winning most of the time. But I had some really fortunate card combinations in my favor. Meaning that I had an unbeatable hand and my opponent held a very strong, a near unfoldable hand but was just slightly behind mine. For example, I hold AA and my opponent held 88. The flop came A 2 8. Damn, he is done.

It actually happenned twice, where I flopped a set of kings against some poor bastards set of 10's. But I also was on the wrond end of this situation later on, as my set of 4's lost to a set of 10's. So I really was outrageously lucky only once, cause the other time gets negated by the 1 time I was outrageously unlucky. You feel me?

So anyway, The Brezlin Challenge. The 30,000 hands, I had roughly 27,000 to go after yesterday, having played close to 3,000 in 3 days. Today I played 1,000 and plan to do the same for the next month, and should take 26 more playing days to get to 30,000 assuming I complete the 1000 hands per session. After todays session, I have completed 3,792 hands, so yeah I have roughly 26k more to go.

After winning 115 bucks today in 1000 hands, I am up a total of 297 dollars in 3,792 hands. Here is a graph of todays session:
If you have trouble seeing it, simply click the image and it will be at full screen size. It was the best session out of 3 I've played since the challenge began. Some of the profit from my overall stats come from 2 short mini sessions I played on the first day, b4 I began 4 tabling. But the 40 bucks I made there will not really matter once the 30k hands is complete. Today's excellent session was topped off with a semi-big mistake by me as I made a bad river call. As with yesterdays session where I lost another big pot in the final minutes. Whatta ya gonna do, shit happens. But as you can see from the graph I was up over 130 at one point this session. Damn downswing. I actually broke even over the last 500 hands, as I was already up 115 after the first 500 hands, as you can see from the graph. You can also see my BB/100 hands stats for this session.

Anyway, heres a graph of the Brezlin Challenge overall, updated with todays graph.Thats 3,792 hands over 4 playing days. 3 full 1k hand sessions and 2 short mini sessions. 26k more and the challenge will be done. I think I've said this all already, just wanna make sure you understand, this poker graph and hands and BB/100 hands can be confusing to some.

So anyway over this first 3,792 hands of 25 max NLH I am up a total of 297 dollars in 12.5 hours. For an hourly rate of 24 dollars per. I am currently running at 15.6 BBs per 100 hands.

Tomorrow I may take a day off but soon enough I'll play another 1k hand session and post the graph, along with an updated overall Brezlin Challenge graph.

Hand of the day anyone? http://www.pokerhand.org/?4398303P

That shit is hilarious, make sure to watch the playback. What a ridiculous bet he made.

Peace out all. Who knows what kind of session I'll report about tomorrow, things may go wrong soon, I am running very hot right now, if the cards wanna screw me tomorrow so be it. But as always I do promise I will try my very best. Thats all you can do.

BREZLIN IS BACK

2009-06-23T02:18:00.005-04:00

It happened kinda by accident but BREZLIN is back in action grinding the small stakes on pokerstars. Thats my screenname for those of you who don't follow religously.

Anyway I've been at it since June 19th, and have played every day for the last 4 days. Today and the first 2 days were decent for me. Yesterday I lost a little. Basically what happened was I owed my buddy Derick 50 bucks and he wanted it on pokerstars. I still had some cash from working so I just deposited 60 bucks and sent him his 50. I didn't even wanna play but I had 10 bucks. Obviously your not gonna cash out 10 bucks so ya mine as well lose it and have fun.
(when I say you mine as well lose it, I mean it doesn't really matter how good you are, just that 10 bucks is too short a bankroll to really do anything with regardless of who you are)

I shortstacked a 25 max buy in table with my 10 bucks figuring I would lose it. I ran well enough to turn my 10 into 30. Then I did the same b4 bed and picked up another 20.

So the next day I have like 50 bucks and I actually don't wanna lose it cause now its something. I mean 50 bucks is still nothing but I make 100 dollars for delivering coffee all over New York for 8 hours, and 50 is half that. So if you look at it that way, I don't like losing anything over 30 bucks. Like if 25 dollars fell outta my wallet I wouldn't be to upset, but anything over 30 it starts to get annoying.

So I played lower stakes, a 10 max game with my 50 and somehow make 50 dollars at 1 table. Sick. I play again later that night and win another 30.

Now I'm up to like 130 something from 10. Nice.

Yesterday I played all day and lost a little bit, mostly from screwing around at 10max. I just can't take that low of stakes seriously. I was down a lot after starting the day with 130 and then switched to 25 max so I can take it serious. I won all my money back playing 4 tables of 25 max and broke even for the day. I took some really horrible suckouts to cost me dearly and would have been up big if some of my hands had held up. It was an unusual amount of bad luck yesterday.

Tonight I decided to play another session of 4 tables of 25 max. I wanted to plug up some of my leaks I had been thinking about. For one, I am embarrassed to say I have areal big problem with checking how much I am up. I can't stop looking at my bottom line and seeing how much I've won, and when I downswing from my previous high point I always feel like shit even though I am up a lot since the session began, when I downswing from my highest profit level I still feel like I'm losing, even though I'm not.

You should not be worried about what your up or down, swings are inevitable, you should just be worried about making the right decision, regardless of the outcome. If you always make the right decision, the money will come, it just takes time. Worrying about every little swing will only drive you mad. Even someone who can see through cards would have downswings, you can't let it get to you. Its gonna take time for you to make profits. I know this, I've said it 4 million times on this site but yet I still have a problem with checking my bottom line all the time. I'm telling ya it doesn't do anything positive for me.

So I decided to make another rule for online poker to go with many others I have. The rule is that you can only check what your up once every 1000 hands. And I also made it another rule to not use the chat box, not even have it visible, cause I hate to admit this too but when someone tells me they hope I die cause I won a hand off them, even suck out on them, it does semi tilt me.

So I played tonight with these two things in mind and added them to the rules. I must say it helped as I played some superb poker. Very concise and calm. My A games remained through 1300 hands and there were only a few very slight tinges of tilt. I probably only made about 100 mistakes the whole time when I usually make 250-300.

(Normal people make about 1000 mistakes in this period of time, you would be amazed at how complicated and multilayered NLH is, no one, I mean no one plays perfectly)

So I pulled in another 67 bucks tonight for a 3 hour session. I was up 100 but was sucked out on for 30 bucks on one of the last hands I played.

Copy and paste: http://www.pokerhand.org/?4394788P

Did you see it? I could have flat called the flop to see if a club comes, but that's not my style, I'd rather just ship it all in and be a big favorite to win a huge pot. Turns out I'm a 57% favorite, my opponent with just a 43% chance. He was lucky enough to catch a club on the turn and I lost a huge pot. I could have been up against AK as well if he had the same hand as me. He could of had it with the K of clubs and be freerolling against me. I guess I could of been more prudent and played the hand a little more conservative. But I know I have him beat and I put him on exactly the hand he had and felt I had to ship it in. I did get the money in a favorite, he did suck out, so I guess I'm happy. Next time I would like to be a bigger favorite than 57% though to ship in that much money.

So anyway, I'm up to a little over 200 on stars now after starting with a measly 10. Even if I lose the 200 I really only invested 10. So its all good. Nice to be back, I have felt like I've been ripping off my audience for a while now since I haven't been playing or talking poker. So here check out this GRAPH:

That was June all stakes I've played, some 10 max, some 25 max. Here's a look at June, just 25 max:
I'll be playing 25 max exclusively till the end of this month and then consider my options. In 9 hours of 25 max and a total of 2,783 hands I am up 182 dollars. So that's 19 dollars an hour and
13 big blinds per 100 hands. However 2,783 hands is not a very large sample size. If I can keep this up for 30,000 hands we can talk. So the Brezlin challenge begins...........

I'll post a graph after each session, and then after 30,000 hands we can see where we stand. Lets hope I make it, 200 dollars is still not a sufficient enough bankroll to be 4 tabling 25 max, but whatever, still gonna play 27, 217 more hands and see what my win rate is. I have some crazy bankroll management ideas I will discuss tomorrow that will make you think I"m nuts. If I do lost the 200 I can always do this experiment in the future anyway. Peace out all.

Near Death Experience

2009-06-16T18:07:00.006-04:00

I have not written in a long time cause I've been busy getting money. I don't have to much to say as of right now but that may change as I continue to write.

I am somewhat not broke right now. It feels really really good to not be totally broke.

I almost died in a car accident last week.

I would really like to start playing poker online, but am unsure how safe it is right now.

Supposedly the government seized like 50 million is online poker funds from people's accounts. I would like to put some cash online and play intelligently with it so I can have some source of income until July.

My cafe should be opened by July.

Or I could just stretch the money I have now until July, which is also doable, but not ideal.

Either way, I can't put any money online till I know for sure its safe.

I have been painting my parents deck and when I'm finished I'm gonna get a nice sum of cash money.

And I filled in for my father's driver who was out for 2 weeks, I was the delivery guy for a year, so it was easy, yet long and rough. I made the deliveries each day and now I have money, nice. But there was an accident. I do not wish to go into details about this accident at this point in time, due to the whole insurance thing.

To sum it up I was turning left on route 9 when I was slammed by an SUV going 50mph. The SUV was going straight and hit me head on, I was hit on my passenger side spun around in a complete 360 and then once again nailed in the back. They're is a horrendous dent in the back of the van and the front wheel also came off as well as shattering basically the whole passenger side of the hood to the wheel. You would probably feel the people in the car may be seriously injured if not dead. But I walked out without a scratch on me. The van is totaled, unfixable, as it was destroyed by this SUV in this high speed collision. Yet I manage to walk away without a scratch on me. The people in the SUV were also okay, from the last I saw of them, the worst they may have suffered is minor aches and pains. If they were not driving such a big safe car they may have been seriously hurt.

The worst part of the whole thing was the second where I knew this speeding mass of metal was going to hit me and I knew I could do nothing about it. The uncertainty. I remember thinking "Wow that's gonna hit me, for sure." And then I saw a vision of myself in the hospital with the feeding tubes and life support machine. And then bang!!!!!!!! A loud crushing boom, the van 360's around like a top and then I get slammed again in the back. Crunch!!!!!!!!!!

I jerk forward, get destroyed by the airbag, rattle around for a second and then come to a dead halt. I stand right up in my seat, and am perfectly fine. Crazy.

I immediately rush myself outside figuring I have to go rescue the people in the other car, and figuring they have to be dead. I feel so horrible. I run outta the van and toward their car which also almost completely wrecked, and off the road lying in grass. To my surprise I see the man and woman are both walking around outside, seemingly in better shape than me. What the hell?????????????????????

"Are you okay?" I shout at the guy.

He says yeah and asks me if I'm hurt. I say no and then ask if his wife is okay and he says yeah. I am stunned, first that I wasn't dead, then that they weren't dead.

Do you see how stupid it is now to hope you get lucky in a game of poker? I mean come on guy. Your really gonna stand up in your chair and pray to God that you hit your flush. I can miss my next 10,000 flushes and I'm still fortunate cause nothing fatal happened to me or these two people in this accident. This is the kind of stuff you need to use your luck wishes on. Not for selfish hopes that you'll win someone's money.

In retrospect, perhaps the accident was not as bad as it seemed at the time. 80mph would have really been a miracle to survive. But come on guy, getting slammed by an SUV at 50 mph? That's bad. A number of small variables definitely had to fall into place for everyone to walk away unscathed. Well shit, thank you God, and all other entities that anyone else out there believes in. Thank your lucky stars that the car that crashed into me was an SUV and not a toyota camry. I have pics, but do not wish to post them right now, due to the fact that I am not going into details about the particulars of this unfortunate incident.

I will get back into it my thoughts during the accident in next post. But I do not wish to speak much more of it at this time. Remember, the worst part of the whole thing was that foreverlasting second in which I knew I was gonna get hit and could do nothing but brace myself for impact. The anticipation and uncertainty was up there with some of the worst emotions I have ever felt.

One particular person I may have mentioned before on this site immediately came into my head the moment I knew it was over and I was still alive. Not my mother, father, sister, brother not any of my extremely close group of friends that have been like brothers to me since high school. Not any of these people, just one fuckin person popped right in, the very first second I knew I was okay. Can you believe this shit? Are you kidding me guy? Unbelievable. If your an avid follower of Frank's Days there no reason for me to explain further.

And in the words of Forrest Gump, that's all I got to say about that.

I think I'm gonna do another movie based post for next entry. Many of the thoughts from this particular incident will carry over into this movie review post that is coming soon. Peace out all, step back and get some perspective on the kind of things you should be cursing the gods over not getting your way about, life is to short. I guess everyday above ground is a good day if you really think about it.

Salvation Lies Within

2009-06-01T02:44:00.005-04:00

All this blog really is sometimes is venting my daily or weekly grievances through written word. Its like a shitty form of psychiatry. Its like who wants to pay out 100 smackers an hour when they can just write it down. And some people may even read this. And maybe I can get some more comments than usual, and feel some positive feedback. I really can't believe my last post did not receive any comments, it was quite extensive.
Anyway its not like this all the time, mostly I'm writing happy cheery stuff right? Talking about exciting plans or new revelations in my mind concerning poker. Revelations that bring me closer to complete harmony and make me truly understand the game and myself. A transition when complete will make me totally impervious to worldly desires and fully one with nature and the universe. Therefore making poker nothing but an enjoyable and profitable activity, regardless of the situation. My full potential must be reached, and upon grasping it I will be flawlessly at peace within. I still feel it is a long road and the majority has not been completed, but most players are not even visible in my rear view mirror.
I'm not talking about skill of course, skill like reading people, betting, tilt control, stamina. I'm talking about the poker mindset, the ability to understand the game and deal with its brutal swings with complete serenity. The ultimate skill, the perfect poker mindset. Its actually similar to Buddhism when you consider how far my poker mindset has come. I now am at the point where I see we must all accept whatever money/luck/fortunate cards the game is willing to give us. Anger or frustration over losing/bad beats/swings is strictly forbidden. And even happiness when things are going well should not be embraced. You must stay neutral and emotionless at all times. For keeping your good emotions from getting out, even though they are good, is beneficial, cause they will only serve as a stark contrast to the bad emotions your are trying to avoid when it all goes awry. Happy all time, or neutral, or at peace and accepting of all things, is what we are striving for.
You can be really good at reading people, betting, understanding the game, patience, and tilt control. These are the exterior skills one must have. The interior skill is your poker mindset, the peace within yourself in some ways its the same thing as patience and tilt control, but if you delve deeper its very different. Its easy with enough practice to be able to force yourself not to go on tilt for a whole session(6 hours) and patience is in a way a matter of choice and priority. I mean yeah its hard to fold all your bad hands and never play unless you have a strong holding, but with if it was a matter of life or death you could do it no problem. The true poker mindset is one of harmony with yourself and the world, upon achievement you don't have to worry about things like tilt, patience, greed, or compulsiveness cause you will no longer feel the need for typical human response. Your nothing without the interior skill, all the exterior skill in the world can only get you so far.
I do believe life circumstances directly effect ones success in poker, as in any sort of venture to succeed. And life circumstances can effect your poker mindset, a big bankroll is key. Once you have the bankroll or the resources to get one, and you have all the exterior skills, it is within your best interest to strive toward complete harmony.
I feel I am fortunate to have semi wealthy parents so I do have the resources to get a nice bankroll, even though I am currently broker than most, even in this economy, damn. I have rather exceptional exterior skill and still striving for complete harmony with myself and the game.
I've been testing myself as of late and trying to build another bankroll from scratch, I won 60 cents in a freeroll on pokerstars. I decided to play super low stakes to try and build it up. Why not? I got nothing to lose. Well I got it up to 10 bucks. I then downswung to 7 bucks and decided to play a 6 dollar tourny. This is a poor bankroll decision, but since the money I had was so little it didn't really matter and decided if I don't get at least 25-30 bucks together this shit isn't worth the time. I caught a full house and checkraised my opponent all in on the river, putting him on a flush. I knew he would call cause I had him on flush and I knew it was a great spot to raise all in. So he called my all in and I was right he had a flush. To bad it was a straight flush. I'm broke.
Think I still have like 7 cents.
I figured it shouldnt matter what stakes I'm playing as long as I play the game sound and manage my money as well as possible. But I got frustrated by the low super low so frigen low and pathetic waste of time stakes and didn't play as well as I could've. I'm not gonna chalk it up to regression upon my road toward complete harmony, it really is too low of stakes to take serious.
Once I have my cafe, start getting some income from there, start playing poker as a secondary income, get at least 1000 bucks online, play at least 25 max buy in poker, then, no excuses. Honestly? I feel the money is gonna roll in, just pour in like craziness, it's gonna feel unreal. The strength of my bankroll, the security of a separate income source is going to open up new doors for me and poker is going to be easier than ever before.
When your mindset reaches its pinnacle of harmony and understanding, you will be completely at peace within. Its all there, within you, you must find it. It will help you immensely in poker, and make you a better person in life. We can't control everything, but we can give ourselves the best fate possible if nothing ever clouds our judgment and we continue to always make the best possible decision. That's were you go wrong in poker, cause things inevitably go wrong, and then our judgment suffers. You can't prevent the inevitable unfortunate event, but you can find peace, or salvation within, and you will be strong enough to continue to think clearly no matter the circumstance.
I'm sure I will continue this discussion at a later date. As for now remember this: your loss in poker is another man's gain, and your gain is another man's loss. So instead of rejoicing when you win and snickering when you lose, remind yourself that the whole world does not revolve around you. Everyone deserves their chance to be a winner and everyone will inevitably be a loser. If you always won everyone else would always lose. So see the table as a whole, and you are just one small part of it, all of the parts make it what it is. Without everyone there would be no game, so don't fall into the normal human emotion that tells you need to win to be happy. Don't be happy, don't be sad, just be.

The First Movie Tribute

2009-05-23T20:18:00.020-04:00

I love movies probably more than anything. I honestly can say they even have a slight edge over poker. I even like them more than regular pilsner girls. But not over blond haired pilsner girls. I'm not going to delve into more abstract concepts like God here, or family, lets just avoid adding such things if I'm going to make a list of my favorite things. All that God/ religion and family stuff should be just assumed I'm not going to put any number value there. In order I probably love:

1) Blonde pilsner girls
2) Movies
3) All other pilsner girls
4) Poker
5) Baseball

What is your favorite things in life? Its a hard list to make, especially when the public can view it, you feel the need to avoid adding such things as psychotropic substances or alcohol cause anyone can see what you have written. Well if this was top 10 instead of top 5 you just may have seen a few of those pop up, and that goes for everyone so who cares that I've just admitted it publicly. When I run for president in 2018 you can ask me if I inhaled.

I will actually be eligible by then cause I'll be 35, the minimum age. And I wanted mention to year 2018 cause theres my segway onto what this post is all about. Terminator Salvation. The 4th installment of the Terminator Series, which started in 1984. This new ones is all about the future war we heard so much about in the other three movies.

I love movies so much and Terminator 1 and 2 were some of my favorites when I was young and they made very interested in the whole movie making business. I just was so impacted by them I felt I had to be creative myself, but always feeling like I could never conceive of an idea for a science fiction story so ridulously awsome. So I just have no choice now but to do my first movie review/tribute ever on this site. Since I've decided to just write till I'm dead, and have been writing for almost a year now and still do not ever see a reason to stop, I'm gonna have to throw a movie review/tribute in every now and then. It might happen once a year or even less, but certain movies are just very important to me and I'm gonna feel the need to talk about them.

Before I go into it, I need you to understand how obsessed I was with making movies when I was little, and a lot of it was spawned by Terminator, the first installment. Ya see I wanted to be a baseball player since I was very young but never could hit the ball. I became very interested in movies and writing books when I was around 8 or 9, somewhere before college I once again loved baseball and other sports more and wanted to go into the sports broadcasting field. Figuring if I can't be a player I mine as well be around it all and write and talk about it. But there was always this sinking feeling deep down that it wasn't really what I wanted to do cause its not really accomplishing anything, just talking about other accomplishments that you wish you were really doing. So in college I became very disenchanted with it and wondered how far I was really willing to go with it since I probably should of just went to film school. Then I started playing a lot of poker my sophomore year and really have only cared about poker and nothing else for a long time.

Now I see I want to just make enough money to do whatever I want, like make my own movies with my friends. And no, the editing on The Penicilin Advance is still not fully complete. I'm sure it will entertain you when its done, and our next production will definately be better. I can safely say I love movies above all the obsessions I have had in my youth. Sadly none of them have made me enough money to live off of. Which is partly my own fault in a way if you wanna really think about it. But I take from it all the fact that I need to do spread myself out among all the things I love as oppossed to making one particular hobby mean everything.

Anyway, my bad for rambling, Terminator Salvation. There are several aspects of the film I would have done differently, and certain scenes I did not like. But whats weighing on my mind is that I have to give you an overall statement about the film, yes obviously nothing is perfect, but did I like it or not? See it? Skip it? If I had to give a yes or now answer here I'm afraid a part of me wants myself to like it so bad it might sway my decision. I still don't know if I'm making this decision based on my will to keep the franchise strong, but overall, yeah I fuckin loved it. Even though there are countless things I would have done differently. And if it was a movie in itself without all the backstory, I probably wouldn't have liked it as much. One big problem I had which took away from the experience is that one of the trailers revealed to much information and I would have been more surprised when I saw it if they had never released that fuckin damn trailer. This goes back to my same heated argument from a few weeks back.

http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2009/04/range-of-ideas.html

Once again I'll say it. Someone needs to step up and stop worrying about money and do like Alfred Hitchcock did. Come on people! Spielberg? Cameron? Someone step up..............
Moving on, now for the movie review.

WARNING: Stop reading if you have not seen it and care. If you don't care read on, but I'm gonna tell you the whole movie for like all 4 movies and disect them, yeah thats right. Okay if your not familiar with Terminator series, here's a chronological timeline. In 1984 a women named Sarah Conner is on the run from a terminator who was sent back in time to kill her. This terminator was from some time between 2003 and 2032. At the same time humans in this future sent back Kyle Reese to protect Sarah Conner. So now Kyle and Sarah and a terminator are in the year 1984. Sarah has always been there, Kyle and the terminator were sent there from the future, got it? The terminator looks human, with human tissue, but the metal endoskeleton you see above is what it really is underneath. This role was played by the famous Arnold Scwarzenegger. Anyway, why is the terminator trying to kill Sarah Connor? Because she is the future mother of John Connor, the leader of the human resistance in the future (time after 2003 when the machines take over). The machines figure sending a terminator back and killing the mother of John will make John not exist and therefore they can start an alternate reality where they can wipe out the earths remaining humans easily. The humans in the future who send Kyle back, are most likely led by John Connor. Know one really knows yet. Confused yet? Imagine this conversation, "Hey Kyle, I need you to do me a favor, I need you to teleport into the past and go fuck my mother."
Anway back to 1984, Kyle successfully protects Sarah and they kill the terminator, however Kyle is killed in the process. But luckily Kyle makes sweet love to Sarah a few days before his demise, which leads to the birth of the savior John Connor. That's basically what happens in Terminator 1. Now for Terminator 2.
In 1995 Sarah Conner is in a mental institution cause everyone thinks she's crazy cause of all the terminator and future war stuff she's always talking. John Connor has been born and now lives with a foster family, he's like 14 or something. A T-1000 liquid nitrogen terminator is sent back from the future again to 1995. It is not after Sarah but after John. A T-800(regular terminator) was reprogrammed by John in the future is sent back to 1995 also to protect his young self. So John and the good terminator reunite with Sarah and they are on the run again from this T-1000 (liquid nitrogen super terminator). They make a short detour to blowup the main building of a huge corporation called cyberdyne, where all the technology that allowed the machines to become self aware is. They figure now they have set up an alternate future where the machines never take over, and Judgement Day never happens (Judgement day is the day where the machine set off nuclear bombs that destroy almost every human in the population. This is suppossed to happen in 1997, the few survivers are led by John Conner and won't seem to die out. This is why the machines start sending back terminators in the first place)
Confused? Back to 1995, Sarah, John, and the good terminator have destroyed the T-1000 and think they have stopped Judgment day/stopped machines from ever becoming self aware. The good terminator is also destroyed in the end to erase all remnants of this horrible future.
Terminator 3 tells the story of John Connor about 8 years later.
In 2003, John feels he definitely stopped Judgment Day and the machines are never going to become self aware, blowing up cyberdyne in 1995 definitely did the trick. Sarah has died of leukemia sometime between the second and third movie(1995-2003). John feels like he really has created an alternate future. Until he is once again hunted by another super terminator with human tissue, disguised as a hot girl, sent from the future. He once again is protected by the T-800 (regular/good terminator/different model) sent back again. He asks the good terminator how the hell he can exist since they stopped Judgment day and blew up all remnants of cyberdyne systems that made it possible for the machines to become self aware. The good terminator tells him that Judgment day was inevitable and they only postponed it. So just hours later, and about 6 years from when he thought it would happen, Judgment Day came into fruition. The machines, now otherwise known as Skynet have become self aware and launch nucs that destroy the entire world. John and his girl Kate with help from the T-800 destroy the girl terminator that was after them and get to a bomb shelter before the nucs are set off. They are one of the few human survivors left after Judgement Day.
Now your ready for the latest film, Terminator Salvation. Its 2018, approximately 15 years after the third film. John and Kate are older now and the earth is populated by machines who are hunting and slowly wiping out the remaing humans. And now I'm ready to actually do this movie review, but I've written to much and am too tired. I didn't have to explain the whole thing cause you most likely still don't understand the story if I had to bet on it.
It doesn't really make sense that Kyle Reese is John's Father, yes he did impregnate Sarah back in 1984, but he was from the future, so was he living in two time periods? No one really knows and now I have confused even myself.
Kyle Reese is one of the main characters in this movie, where he is just a teenager. This is way before he is eventually set back in time to 1984. This film is in 2018 and its probably not until like 2029 that the machines start time traveling to kill Sarah and then he has to start traveling back himself. Kyle Reese 2018---->
So this is the first we see of him since the first movie that was made 20 something years ago. Unless you count the deleted scene in T2. And ofcourse you have John Connor, the main character who is portrayed by Batman himself. John Connor 2018---->John and his wife Kate played by today's pilsner uptop are leading the human resistance against the machines/skynet/terminators. Kate Connor(such a cutie pie) ----->Everyday John gets on the radio to send the message to all surviving humans that they must stay alive and fight and not let the machines exterminate the human race. Kyle has never met John, and as of now is just another random civilian struggling to survive. John embarks on a mission into skynets base to gather Intel on the enemy, he returns as the only survivor from his squad.
These scenes are very well done and action packed. The intensity, the explosions, and the creative camera work all served well. Its just what you would expect to see from a future war. John seems invincible because his mother has already explained to him about what he is in the future, so it feels like he knows he won't die until years later.
Elsewhere, a man named Marcus Wright arrives in this crazed world, unaware of what has happened in the last 20 years. He crosses paths with Kyle and they form a friendship. Marcus Wright------>Little does Marcus know he actually is a terminator with a human heart and brain that has just awoken from chryogenic sleep or some shit. His only memories of who he was 20 years back, is a life filled with mistakes, he now has a second chance in this future. Kyle and Marcus attempt to destroy a huge terminator who is capturing humans to use their flesh on the eventual terminators who look like humans. (The ones they will eventually send back in time)
Kyle is captured and Marcus sets off to rescue him. He needs to find John Connor so he can lead him to skynet. Confused? Skynet is basically the machines/terminators/enemy. When Marcus gets to the resistance base, John finds out Marcus is not human. This comes as a surprise to Marcus as well.
And that would of come as a surprise to me as well if the fuckin trailers didn't show the whole fuckin movie. There is my first critcism.
Anyway Marcus actually is human but no one believes him and you can't blame them. John has been running from terminators disguised as humans his whole life and he doesn't know if Marcus is from the past or future. Eventually he learns to trust him and they go to rescue Kyle together.
Kyle must be rescued because John knows he's his father and if anything happens to Kyle, John's entire existence could be negated.
It really pisses me off that someone else thought of this idea for a movie before I did. Not necessarilly this installment but the whole thing overall.
There is a lot of complaints I have about this film even I loved it overall. Ya see its so hard for a science fiction movie to get all the way through without having a couple of parts make you cringe.
There are several scenes with this little girl who follows Kyle around and is captured with him. Thats fine, perfectly plausible, but why the hell is she in the ending scenes where they are being chased around skynet by like fifty terminators? Realistically she wouldn't of made it, and it was kinda stupid and cartoonish to have this little girl running around with them.
The setting of this post apocalyptic future was for the most part well done and really made you feel like you were in that world, especially in the beginning. But as the movie went on some of the people portraying survivors were oddly reminiscent of the people on Zion in The Matrix two shitty sequels. It had that same kinda feel to it and made it less believable at times.
The Star Wars prequels and Matrix sequels all share a common trait with this film in which we finally get to see all the crazy cities/time periods that were talked so much about in the highly sucessful original films. And for the most part it delivered, save for a few scenes here and there where I was zapped out of the world and just felt like it was a movie set. But in hindsight I believe this future world that was only glimpsed at in the other films was handled much better than that of Star Wars or The Matrix, with Matrix a distant 3rd, that series really should of stopped after the orginal.
Anyway another complaint I have is the whole taking of the prisoner scene. They don't kill the prisoners and it is plausible that John and his soldiers would have to come rescue them. It is totally possible that they would have to keep the human prisoners alive because the whole purpose for capturing them was to use their skin and organs to begin making the terminators who are disguised as humans. But it is stressed throughout the movie that the machines are after Kyle Reese and want him dead, he is a prime target for termination. Because they are aware he is the key to the humans survival, cause he protects Sarah, who gives birth to John, who is really the key.
So after they capture him why the machines take him to a holding cell? Why not just terminate him right there? In Austin Powers they make fun of every movie that does this for Godsakes.
Scott Evil: Dad! Just shoot him now. What are you gonna do put Austin in an easily escapable room? Lets just kill him!
Why don't they just kill him right away? Cause then the movie would be over. Same thing here. And its regrettable that Terminator Salvation has to fall into this tired movie cliche.
Now I think thats my only complaint. Unless you count the oppurtunity I feel the filmmakers didn't see. There is a female character names Blair, the soldier type, who meets Marcus Wright and takes him to John Connor. Her role is relatively small but she has a decent amount of screen time. And John's wife Kate also has a more condensed role. So I ask you this? Why even have the Blair character? Why not just expand the role of Kate Connor? She's suppossed to be John's second in command anyway. She had a big part in the 3rd movie. Why limit her role to that of just a supportive pregnant wife? She shoulda been out there in the field fighting, and it would make sense cause women in this world would have no choice. And it would pay homage to what happenned to Sarah in the second film, the way she was all jacked and battle ready, the complete opposite of how she was in the first film. I feel they definately missed an oppurtunity to give Kate a better character arc, one similar to Sarah's journey, expand her role and not even bother with this other female character who had nothing to do with the other films.
Am I right or am I right? Or am I right? I think I'm right. They must have big plans for Blair in the next installments, then it will make more sense. But I still feel if I told them this idea beforehand they would be down like a clown charlie brown. It definitely would the saga as a whole more complete and gave more credibility and story to this film. John seeing Kate's friendship with Marcus would even add more tension to the whole conflict between John and Marcus, and would have made his finally trusting in the half man half machine even more dramatic.
Otherwise, to focus on the good, the war scenes are very well done and I really did feel like I was in this shattered post apocalyptic world for a good part the film. Kyle Reese was a great character and each dramatic scene with him cuts deeper cause you know him, you watched this character since the first film came out and since then he has not had a place in the story. But now he's back after being out of the loop in T2 and T3.
The part where he is taken hostage in the cages of the giganctic 300 foot terminator and Marcus jumps onto this massive machines legs to try and break him out of the cage.
Here's a pic of it, it snatches people up with its giant claws and then sticks them in little cages nears its waist. This is where Marcus jumps on to try and save the prisoners, but it doesn't work out how he planned. See the movie, you'll see.
There are several scenes involving Kyle that jogged me back to the memories of the first film and tied the story together to improve the overall heart of the film. Its harder for Terminator to pull this off cause so many different people have played the same roles. But there are even parts in Terminator 3, the worst one of the 4 films that truly do hit me. Because of the significance of John's struggle from the other movies, even certain T3 scenes were relatively powerful. And I did like the ending to T3.
Its still tougher to be impacted by certain scenes because its hard to think of all 3 John Connor actors as the same guy, but it is. So in the finale of Salvation when John is fighting the t-800 model (Arnold Schwarzenegger) it is harder to see the significance of this scene. This is the same terminator model that he had such a strong relationship with as boy and then years later as young man. But since it was different actors playing him each time, its harder to see. But still, that scene is powerful when you remember its all the same John Connor. Fighting the terminator he met all those years ago that was from the future, now fighting him in this future which is now the present. Confused? Whether your confused or not, this is good dramatic stuff and makes for an epic story. Here let me try and help you out if your still lost:

John Connor 1995John Connor 2003John Connor 2018Okay, at least will have Batman playing him for the 5th and 6th and no one else. If they knew they were gonna make all these sequels they or probably would have kept the same actors. Clair Danes plays Kate in the 3rd one. How ridiculous is that? Claire Danes in a Terminator movie? I feel like she can't even act, she should just be shopping all the time. She declined to be in this installment when offered the role. Well Bryce Howard took over the role as Kate and is much more pilsner anyway and thats why she is today's hottie. If only they could go back in time and use my idea to expand her role. Or send a terminator back to kill the screenwriters so the script would be different........... All right that's enough for me, that was a pretty lame joke.

I hope you enjoyed this post and I will probably have to come back and write more next time cause I probly forgot something. And that ends the first of my few and far between movie tributes.

Hitting Walls

2009-05-22T14:40:00.006-04:00

Member when I wrote that post like 2 entries ago, May 7th or something? Talking about all the exercise and grilled chicken and shit? Well surprisingly I'm not here to tell you about how I fucked it up. I actually have been keeping it up.

I just don't see the point of going on about it here. I don't find this website interesting anymore cause I haven't been playing to much poker. That's what this site is supposed to be all about. The life of a guy who lives just off the money he wins. But its not like that anymore cause I need to get a bankroll together and till it is I just still maintain the feeling that there is nothing interesting to say up in this blog.

What do you want me to tell you? I've been really taking it easy cause I thought my cafe was opening in May, but its still not open and won't be till mid June now. So I really would like this whole period of time of wasting time, not making money, and taking it so easy to be over.

I have been getting in shape though, not to the extreme level of the first week but still pretty good. And I have finally hit a wall, it's like May 22nd and I started May 4th, last updated you all on May 7th.

Since May 7th I have ran 40 minutes a day 5 outta 7 days a week on the elliptical and still have not drank anything but water and coffee. I still haven't eaten any bread, pasta, or desserts. I have been eating meat and chicken though, I'm not at the extremity I was in the first week, but basically still going strong.

I kinda hit a wall yesterday when I didn't run. I was so tired cause I fucked up my sleep schedule, it threw everything off. And I ate 4 buffalo wings the night b4. Gotta def run today. So since May 4th, it wasn't until May 21st that I finally hit a wall and got off track a bit. I feel really cracked from all this and am very tired. And am becoming increasingly worried this swine flu is going to spread to America soon and cause and epidemic.

I'm going to refurbish, or restain, or whatever the hell you call making an old outside deck look nice. I'm gonna get paid a nice little sum for this 2 week job and thats what I'm gonna do for money b4 the coffee shop opens and I have a job again. I really have no idea what the hell I'm doing but I can use the cash and shouldn't be to hard to figure out.

Once thats done I'll have like roughly 2 weeks b4 we open up and I have no life. As far as poker goes the truth is all that really matters is winning a huge tournament. Thats the the only way to get rich quick off poker. Thats what the appealing thing about the game has always been. So even if I'm living in AC or Vegas, or wherever playing cash games all the time and only playing poker for a living, it wouldn't change much. Cash games aka real poker are always just gonna be a job and like a job your making small amounts each week or month, and in the end it adds up. But cash games are never gonna give you that huge sum that will totally change everything. So it really doesn't matter whether you have job or are just playing cash games as a job, the fact that what you need to do to really be happy is win that big tournament and make a million buckers in less than a week.

Yeah you can make the argument that you can play high high stakes cash games and then you can make life changing money, but shit, still gotta have a lot to play for a lot, so either way cash games are a long time worth of grinding b4 you really change your life.

Big tournaments are what first made me love poker. I've pretty much only played cash games for so long, whats it gotten me? Just a semi steady income like a job would have. Only steady when I'm not completely insane from playing so much. You know the deal I've been over it a million times.

I still don't see the point of posting to much until I get the ball rolling with money. I no longer feel the need for it a much because I am really hardcore crackhead on the corner addicted to MLB2K9. Its sick, it really is, I don't even wanna leave my house. I really worry about my pyscholigical state due what this game has done to my life.

I play and play and play and play some more. Its going to be hard to adjust to grind of a normal productive American when we open up after doing so much playing. I am playing a franchise in the most realistic baseball simulation ever created by man. All the batting averages come out just like they would in real life. There is nothing stupid or unrealistic or too easy to beat about the game. It is a close to perfect baseball simulation and very challenging. Usually sports video games are too easy and not fun. This one remains a challenge and I am losing a lot so it keeps me coming back.

I am kind of obsessed with baseball right now. The Yankees are kicking ass and so is my fantasy baseball team. I'm not going into detail about my fanstasy team cause no one wants to hear about it and thats not what this site is for. I will say though I have always been skeptical about fantasy sports but Kirk got me to do it this year and it honestly is cool. Its a skill competition because the best General Manager wins. You have to know how to pick the right players and make the right trades, roster moves, etc. Its like poker because there will always be factors you can not control but in the longrun the best players will win. So give it a shot if you never have b4.

You ever notice how Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon are basically the same player? Check out these career stats.

http://newyork.yankees.mlb.com/team/player.jsp?player_id=116539

And Johnny Damon

http://newyork.yankees.mlb.com/team/player.jsp?player_id=113028

They both played their first full year in 1996 and were rookies in 95. They both are capable of hitting 20 homers but usually hit 15 to 18, and 25 maybe once. They both hit around .300 or a little higher or lower every year. They both drive in 80 or 90 runs but seldom 100. They both score a lot of runs and steal their share of bases. They are both exceptional all around players who are not completely dominant at any one particular strength. If you look at the their career stats their numbers year by year are frighteningly similar.

For their careers: JETER SS /DAMON OF

Total at bats: 8,190/ 8,012
Hits: 2,580 /2,319
Runs scored: 1492/ 1409
Homeruns: 211/ 193
Runs batted in: 1021/ 942
Doubles: 420/ 424
Triples: 57/ 94
Stolen bases: 283/ 365
Batting Average: .315/ .289

Best Season: 1999, .349 batting average, 24 homers, 102 rbi, 134 runs scored, 19 stolen bases

Best Season: 2000 with KC, .327 average, 16 homers, 88 rbi, 136 runs, 46 stolen bases

Crazy ay? Like all the same strengths, you could trade for each other and both teams would stay exactly the same. Sorry I couldn't make the comparison more pleasing to the eye, these damn computers and their word processing misfunctionalities. Yeah that's right I made that word right up. And believe it or not both are now receiving criticism for their defensive ability now that thier getting old.

So I ask you this question, if Derek Jeter is a no brainer for the hall of fame, what about Mr. Damon. I love baseball. I am obsessed with stats. When I was little I was so hooked on stats that I couldn't look at any 3 digit numbers without turning it into a batting average. Like if I saw the time was 3:47 pm. I would say wow that would be a sick batting average. Or if it was 6:27 I would realign the numbers and say "Well the only possible way to get a realistic batting average here is .267 or .276"

I was not able to see any numbers without thinking of stats. I hope it doesn't get like that again.

Changing the subject, here is a pic of my coffee shop with me photoshopped in.
That's the outside seating area that we expect to frequently be filled with caffeine drinking merry folk. See the logo uptop? Brooklyn Coffee House opening mid June, be there. Free coffee with breakfast first month unless I hear different from my investing partners. Can't wait to see you there, come order some cappuccino.

I weighed myself weeks back was 199 with shoes and clothes on. Just weighed myself b4 was 190 naked. So I think I've lost like 5 pounds. I should be skinnier by next post. Peace out all, see ya soon if I know you. If I don't, Rt 6 Mahopac, NY, you can't miss it, see you there.

Caption: (Jeter's numbers are slightly better, but by very very little, by an inconsequential margin)

I Miss Playin

2009-05-10T20:58:00.005-04:00

Lately I really regret some of the decisions I have made. What I'm trying to do with this coffee shop is legitimize myself financially to the point where I can have income that generates itself. I know its the right move cause other people don't just get handed opportunities like this, yet I still feel like I miss the way it was........ I don't know.
I have been looking over some previous entries from way back, brought back a lot of memories. There are so many posts, I have been writing since June 27 2008.

http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2008/06/first-blog-entry.html

There is a total of 90 posts I have conjured up, craziness. I guess I'll write till I'm dead. But anyway in some of the old posts I've been reading through, brings me back to that time when I was just returning from AC, after living there for a little bit and my confidence and game skill was at an all time high. This one really takes me back:

http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2008/07/insanity-evaluation.html

I'm trying to piece together a time frame here of what exactly happened.

February 2007

1) Quit my job.

2) Went to Atlantic City with 7 grand. Keeping in mind several people from home who told me I was a jackass and would never succeed. Who have always made the prospect of professional poker feel like criminal wrongdoings, therefore adding to the pressure and difficulty the task already presents. This bullshit caused a rift in my playing the first two weeks where I experienced a 1700 dollar downswing.

3) I get my head on straight after that and precede to win enough in the next 2 weeks and break close to even for the month.

March 2008

1) Spend half the month in AC and precede to win roughly 4 grand in only 13 days of playing, the other half I spend in Mahopac, in bed, very sick of some kind of flu.

April 2008

1) Meet Jimmy and Derek at The Borgata sometime this month who become good friends. Derek never wants to move to AC to play full time cause he doesn't wanna leave his girl in Virginia. I almost move in with Jimmy and his room mate Pat who actually do live in AC however their neighborhood was not exactly my ideal place to live. Which is regrettable cause they were cool kids but I did not prefer to live somewhere where you need two killer pitbulls for security purposes.

2) I continue to make a pretty good hourly rate playing live everyday but have been screwing myself paying for motels and such for 2 months. I decide to find my own place in a nicer neighborhood like 10 mins away from the strip.

3) Close to moving in to an expensive condo called The Ritz, the idea of committing to such monthly expenses start to cause another rift in my play. I go on an 800 dollar downswing over a week and go back home.

May 2008

1) I decide outside cirumstances continue to cause rifts in my play and lesson my mathematical advantage. I knew I didn't start out with a sufficient enough bankroll in the first place so I have to stay home for a bit till I have the right amount which would be 15-20k.

2) Start living back home and playing online full time. Make roughly the same playing online as I did in AC.

June 2008

1) Continue playing online and grow tired of it. Visit AC here and there but really miss playing live.

2) Start this blog to express the frustrations of professional poker.....................

July 2008 through 2009

1) Slowly become less and less interested in sitting in my room in front of my computer all day as a job and struggle online....

2) Start to try to make plans to get room mates to be able to afford cost of living on my own in AC.

3) Plans to get room mates go really really wrong (see previous blog posts, October and on)

4) Begin to become more interested in alternate sourced of income. Money is power.

I don't feel the need to specify things that happened since I started this site, cause I've already told you all everything.

No sense in making poker every last thing you think about. I don't need it being 100% of my life. I want it to be like 20% of my life. I want to make my coffee shop all it can be. I want to make movies with Francisco and Kirk and everyone, many more like the last one that will be ready for viewing soon. I want to continue working out and staying in shape and healthy to ensure long life. I want to see lots of different girls and never really become to defendant on any particular one. That feeling will eventually change I suppose, but for now that's what I feel. Please don't take that the wrong way if your a cutie reading this. Oh and I want to finish writing an entire novel already.

I want to be really really financially stable. Things have been on hold for a long time and it will be over soon and I haven't been able to do any of these things. And I sincerely, sincerely, miss playing poker. I really love poker so fuckin much, and certain moments watching it make me remember. Getting my bankroll up there is going to ensure enjoyment and maximum profit due to playing the A game consistently.

I hope people don't think I must suck because I am now venturing into other sources of income. I hope people don't rush to judgement on me cause no one really understands what the deal is with poker and playing for a living. If others had played as many hours as me they would be in debt. I am a winning player just haven't won enough to sustain living. I'm so afraid people don't understand this. I shouldn't care cause I know the truth. Poker is a positive activity for me and will always be financially beneficial. Its almost stupid for me not to play. Refusing to do anything else but play for my whole life and refusing to have any other sources of income was not the best decision. Especially without a big starting bankroll. But having only your job or your business as your only source is also not diverse enough for me. If I spend a year working my ass off running this cafe joint and play poker like once a week, I can add like 10k a year to my salary. Other people can't do this. Please understand this.

It frustrates me to no end what an outsider who doesn't know any better might think. I miss playing, I miss calling out people's hands and seeing the look on their face. I wish I could go back to the beginning of the timeline up top and start over, I would do better the second time around. But I can't gotta go another route for a bit. But I really can't wait to start playing again, I miss it bad.

Once I get everything rolling its going to be really easy to make money. Eventually I can be at my cafe at more convenient hours and have more time to play poker comfortably (sufficient bankroll) and make more money. And then finance more movies to make and act in them, yeah. Everything is gonna be straight butter.

This is all very exciting and only weeks away, yet for now I still miss playing. Damn, I miss playin................... Yeah i spelled it like that, just feels right.

Peace, Love and Prosperity to all.

-Frank

Under Construction

2009-05-07T17:32:00.004-04:00

Two weeks they say before you'll actually start seeing a difference when it comes to working out and watching what you eat. 2 weeks of keeping up all it takes, doing what you gotta do everyday, avoiding what you gotta avoid, taking every measure and not cheating. 2 weeks just to see some level of progress. And who knows how many months before the full desired result is achieved. Gonna be under construction for a while before we see any buildings go up. I'm really looking forward to the 2 week mark, just to see that I'm getting somewhere.

I don't know what happened. I woke up Monday morning and felt this crazed kind of motivation to just start doing this. I don't know how it just popped in like that, it was not a gradual change. I mean I have been thinking of doing it forever, but no physical action toward it in the longest time. Then all of a sudden boom. Well actually, that's not entirely true, like a week and a half back I ran for 20 minutes 3 days in a row on this elliptical I have in my basement. But then I got off the routine and proceeded to just chill and overindulge myself for like the second half of that week.

I think I was kind of disgusted by that or something cause on Monday I woke up so enthusiastic like high on life or something, I don't know what the fuck happenned. I've even been getting my room organized and trying to get some organization as far as the massive amounts of clothes I have. Otherwise the room wasn't to bad.

The same as my physique which isn't really that bad I just am not jacked at all and it pisses me off. Everything is pretty normal but my gut def needs shaping up. You'd would have a better idea but I don't really ever post pictures of myself, or take enough videos.

Soon enough I will go back to Atlantic City for a mini vacation and film a mini documentary on how much cash I can win in a small period of time. That would be a cool little video to post on here, but I'm not about to shoot a before and after video of my out of shape ass.

I literally have been writing down everything I've been doing and eating and drinking. Just skip this list and read on, its pretty boring.

May 4 2008 ran 40 mins on elliptical
ate seafood salad with house dressing, 2 energy bars
drank 1 cup coffee and massive amounts of water

May 5 ran 40 mins, 40 pushups
ate huge grilled chicken salad w/ mushroom salad w/ oil + vinegar dressing
5 energy bars, 1 cold chicken cutlet
1 cup coffee + lots of water

May 6 ran 40 mins, 40 pushups
ate fried tilapia and broccolli, 3 energy bars, 1 cold chicken cutlet
1 cup coffee, 1 cup green tea + water

May 7 so far 32 mins of running, 40 pushups, lifted some weights
ate 2 energy bars and a banana, probly more salad and shit later
1 cup coffee + water

So thats 4 days of this bullshit done, 11 more days and I am passed the two week hump and should see some sort of change. There are certain television programs I always watch and figured since I'm always down here watching this at this time no matter what, why not just run on the elliptical while its on. Watching your favorite show makes 40 mins running fly by. I recommend trying this if your a fatty and want hot sexy ladies to like you. What I really mean is if you know you wanna exercise and have trouble getting started, try this, it works pretty well.

Francisco has 13 minutes of our film The Penicilin Advance finished. He has another 10 or so minutes to go and the final cut will be ready. Me and Kirk went to his house last night and watched a rough copy of the first half. It was awsome and I watching myself act kicks ass. Francisco said he should have a final cut ready soon enough. There are some scenes that are not shot as well as we would have liked but overall I loved watching the first half. And in our second production we will improve upon the mistakes we made.

THE PENICILLIN ADVANCE

Editing is 55% complete, still under construction, coming soon. So many things to look forward to our under construction as of now. The independent film we have made, my physique, and my coffee shop should be opened by early June. Next post will be all about this cafe and its logo and maybe even a menu sample. As for now I will continue to look forward to the finished product of many ventures under construction, and I haven't even mentioned my bankroll, God knows how many hard hats and steal beams and cement mixers its gonna take to get that where it needs to be.............

Range of Emotions

2009-04-29T01:15:00.006-04:00

Expert poker players making instructional videos to help people get better at the game often use the term range, as in putting your opponent on a range of hands. You don't know exactly what your opponent has, but you can use a number of clues to put him on a range of hands. From the range you can use deductive reasoning to make the most logical guess of what he is holding. These clues include, his playing style, what he did preflop, the cards on the flop, the action on the flop compared to the turn, the amount of the bet, physical tells, timing tells, etc. A lot of the time you can narrow down your opponents range based on these clues and at times the range is wide and is near impossible to pinpoint the hand, and sometimes the range is narrow and there a great chance you will know exactly what your opponent holds. I could keep explaining and give specific examples cause people who don't play still probably don't know what the fuck I'm talking about but I don't feel like it.

But trust me if you play enough you'll start to be able to polarize people's ranges like it ain't no thang. And speaking of ranges, there is an entire range of ideas, a range of emotions and opinions going on in my head lately. I have absolutely everything to say, a range so wide I will definitely forget to include something by the end of this post.
First I hate haters. I hate 'em so much. Nasty people, dooshbags, people who don't think before they speak. Are you one of these people? Do you not think before you speak? Do you lack that mechanism in your brain that tells you not to say certain things to people cause it might make them feel like complete shit? Are you the kinda person who hears of an unrealistic goal someone has and accomodates them by telling them they are to stupid and incompetent to ever make it? To many people are like this. If I want to talk later in this post about a certain MTV show that I have been watching, there is always gonna be that asswipe who has to say "You watch that MTV shit? Loser!" With no knowledge of what its like.
Nasty fuckin people, haters, nay sayers, scum....................

Just the thought that something I've said to someone I've only encountered for a limited time came off the wrong way and they view me as one of these brutes worries the shit outta me. I want everyone to know I'm not one of these people at all. Judgemental fucks.
Well I'm gonna talk about an MTV show soon enough, yeah thats right.
For instance on two plus two, so many haters. Its unfortunate that so much of the poker playing community is a hater. And then you wonder why people who don't play still don't understand its a game of skill. Its always gonna have that negative stigma attached to it and people are always gonna associate it with problem gambling unless people who play seriously show they are good people and not degenerates. All you haters and all you dummies who curse out your opponents when you lose a hand are screwing all of us over everytime you let your emotions take over and become asswipes. Thats why there is a OTB/Off Track Betting place in Mahopac and slot machines at Yonkers Raceway yet poker, a game of skill, is still illegal almost everywhere.

These dudes made this video and put it on youtube. It was called Low Stakes Poker, and it was really cool. Its a knock off of High Stakes poker, and they played a 50 buyin game and filmed it, they had hole card cams and everything, it was nicely done. I thought it was awsome and good for them, its exactly what I wanted to do with my friends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QngrOSNYmVg&feature=related

But ofcourse the dooshbags on Two Plus Two have only negativity to expunge as they spread the word of this cool little production. Take a look

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/37/televised-poker/low-stakes-poker-ep1-like-hsp-only-low-stakes-so-much-worse-471507/

Why are so many people such assholes? Why? Why? Why can't he say "Look at this video these kids made, not a huge production, but props to them on the effort."

It really makes me sick. Okay what else did I wanna talk about? I met this dude at my coffee shop today who was 44 and look 34. And he still is living it up. Member yesterday what I was saying I was worried about?

http://daysoffrank.blogspot.com/2009/04/buy-my-car-no-dont.html (4th to last paragraph)

This is a good sign. What else?

This MTV show. College Life.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/college-life-ep-3-halloween/1609744/playlist.jhtml#name=features

I really like this one character, I see a lot of myself in him, how I was in college. And this girl on the show he's in love with. This girl is like one of the most beatiful creatures I have ever seen. Black hair, blue eyes, damn. Has many different hairstyles that all look good, damn. And a genuinely good person. Yet she's to immature to realize whats going on. I see a lot of someone I used to know in her as well. I may have mentioned the person she reminds me of before...........

Man, this dude, if only he had met this wonderful girl in a different period of time in her life. He's gonna get so screwed by the end of the season, poor bastard. Even if you told him the future and he knew you were right there is still a 0% chance he would ever listen. And rightfully so, in a sick sort of way.

The show reminds me of college so much and I don't wanna watch it anymore but I keep watching it. It makes me remember shit and I don't wanna remember but I keep watching. By the time I'm done watching there is a range of emotions running through me its as if I've eaten a bunch of magic mushrooms.

I'm forgetting something. Oh yeah, movies. I love fuckin movies. The WWII movies we made still hasn't been finished. Still in the editing process. Its driving me insane. It sucks so much. Sucks as much as what the movie business is doing now a days and has for some time. I have a huge beef with trailers.

STOP SHOWING THE WHOLE DAMN FUCKIN DAMN MOVIE IN THE TRAILER!

Just stop! Please, your killing the movie. Yeah the trailers are awsome, and they are like entertaining little mini movies in themselves, but you know your giving away to much. The trailer wouldn't be so awsome unless you do give away, so you kinda have to. Well shit, you need to step back and realize that the trailer shouldn't be so good, the trailer should be short, a tease, a quick intro to the world we will discover with the movie. Not a random assortment of scenes from the beginning, middle, and near end.

Ya see Hollywood doesn't care, you know why? Its called $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. They know cool trailers attract viewers, and to make a cool trailer you gotta give away stuff, so they don't care. They mastered the art of making a mediocre movie look great with a great trailer. We need to abolish the whole trailer bullshit. Some one needs to step up. Spielberg, Scorsece, one of you famous fucks, do the right thing.

Do you know what the trailer for Pyscho was? It was Alfred Hitchkock standing in front of the big ass hotel or house where most of the film takes place. And he says "My new movie is about this place. Go see it." And that was it. You had no fuckin idea of anything that was going to happen. And thats why that shower scene is one of the most famous and scariest in movie history. People had know idea, it snuck up on em so perfectly.

But with Star Trek and Terminator Salvation, I already can piece together exactly what is going to happen through the outrageously long trailers for each em. I really wanna see em both, but they are both kinda ruined in a way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcg5t0mT8V4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0xaCB2nLS0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puXPozd-kuc&feature=related

Yeah, really cool trailers, I agree, but trailers shouldn't exist. Infantry combat is really cool too, but we both know it would be better off not existing at all.

The trailer for Watchmen was probably the best movie trailer I've ever seen. The way they put the smashing pumpkins music in there, perfect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4blSrZvPhU

Never got around to see it. And for some reason I don't even feel like I missed it. You see where I'm going with this?

Buy My Car.... NO DON'T!

2009-04-26T18:56:00.007-04:00

I'm BUGGIN out WIGGIN out FREAKIN out SPAZZIN, flippin, spacing out thinkin about all these things that I swear everyone else doesn't worry the slightest for.

Like my car. Buy it please! Actually please don't. Then I won't have it anymore. I'll have some dough immediately, but why not just wait cause I'm gonna get money when my coffee shop opens. However my investing partners are not making haste in terms of getting opened already. Lot of bullshit with the Health department, encil system, flooring guy, etc.

I'm not gonna get a whole nother job for a few weeks obviously, when this sweet job is starting so son, mine as well wait it out. But I want money now! Sell that car of mine and that money will easily last me until June when we open, and I'll probly turn it into more as well. But I am just very conflicted about letting the car go.

I have been very limited with funds for a while now yet I still can't bring myself to sell it. Thats why it hasn't been sold. Not cause no one wants it , not cause I don't wanna go through all the annoying processes of getting it sell ready, not cause of any specifics of the car. I just don't want it that bad, don't want money in place of this car bad enough. And if you don't want it bad enough it ain't gonna happen. Its a convertible dude, I'm gonna be so sad if its gone.

Just really don't wanna go a whole month waiting till my job starts and have limited funds. But don't wanna get a whole other job if I'm only gonna be there a month. If I sell the car now I'll he happy for a month, but once that month goes by and I have a job I'm gonna be thinking: "Wow, now I have a job and money, if only I had my sweet convertible too. Wish I never sold it. Damn."

Obviously being limited on funds is not gonna last, but if I sell the car it'll be gone forever. So I shouldn't sell. Damn....... I don't know. I feel like I just overthink everything and always have. Always finding ways to bug out over issues I should just relax about. The mind can twist and turn reality quite a bit, until its viewpoint is as distorted as an M.C. Esher portrait.

Look at this baby.........And thats not even with the top down. Where it looks even sweeter. Nice interior ay? In perfect condition except for the small burn hole in the back seat. Some space cadet did it way back when, then lied about it.

It's pretty entertaining when you already know what happened and the person lieing to you doesn't know you know. Most people are pretty bad liars, and you should most likely spare em the lie and just tell em you know. But you can let em squirm for a minute or two, lol. It's like checking with a monster hand on the river when you know they can't have anything except a busted draw, checking and letting em bluff off a ton of money. It's hilarious.

So ya wanna buy it? Huh? Buying it? Don't leave fake comments, you gotta really want it. I don't know if I wanna let it go though. I just don't know. To many memories, some good, some so good I wanna sell it just cause I don't wanna remember how good it was cause I ain't still there...........(sigh) Go on enough blunt rides with enough space cadets and your gonna have burn holes in your interior soon enough..........

Well anyway the whole point of this post is I'm conflicted about the car. Got it up an running today, in good shape, but still can't pull the trigger and release my baby. So its stressing me. I'm stressing over my new job coming up, not necessarily to job, I wanna get it going bad and its exciting but stressin over the decision to come back to NY in the first place. One of my buddies is moving to the NYC soon. And a number of friends don't live around here anymore. So shouldn't I have just stayed in AC if no one is gonna be around here anyway? Like what was the point of comin back here? I'm always buggin and stressing and wondering if I shoulda just stayed there. Well, it really was financial reasons, u feel me? But seriously if in time no one lives around here anyway, why am I here?

And I'm here now for a while anyway, do I just get an apartment around here? Whats the point of getting a place around here if I can just live at my house for free? Will I regret signing a lease whether I have money or not?

Am I running out of time? Will I still look and feel the way I do now when I'm 27, 30, 35? I don't think I will, feel like I got only 5 good years left and then I'll be in the 30's fuck that. I don't wanna be old. Have I given away my chance at youth? Is running this coffee shop gonna be so demanding that by the time I get it to the point where it is a self sufficient business I will be to old and not feel how I do now?

One of my buddies with a similar attitude as me toward life and women and jobs and poker and money says times are changing and I can be 33 and look and feel the same way I do now. Says 30's are the new 20's. I hope he's right. I wanna feel like I feel now forever but always buggin out that I'm running out of time. Damn.

Don't worry, I'll have plenty of time to play poker even though gonna be working alot. Now I can really be free and flexible with money cause I have another source of income. I'm gonna play so much online soon and everytime I win I'm gonna buy more stuff for my cafe. Another flatscreen TV, better lights, more tables, etc. Gonna do everything I can to make it succeed. And eventually be 28,29,30, and feel the same way I do know hopefully and just be traveling the world, going to every casino there is, win money everywhere. Don't stop till I'm ahead, ya know, in the black not the red, ya know a winning player in every poker room on the planet....... So far I have accomplished this in almost every casino in Atlantic City, just gotta get ahead at Ceasers and Showboat I believe. Then Vegas would be next, never been, then all the rest. I got a long way to go if I'm gonna visit every single last one one the planet........

Don't have the resources now, but thats the plan. Looks good on paper, life never works out like it does on paper. But as long as you know you did your best. Just play good, just play good all the time, you'll have good luck and you'll have terrible luck, but just keep playing good and you'll be okay. In poker, and in life.

RAPS FROM THE BAT

"Tell mom I don't go to the church - tell Haq I dont' go to Mosque I blow blunts, hold guns, and I'ma be right there when the soldiers'll march I play the part, and my heart seem colder than March But on the flipside of things, it's still warmer than June I have talks with the Lord and he'll be callin me soon."

Rollercoaster

2009-04-23T16:15:00.006-04:00

Here's a quote by me, concerning the ups and downs and brutal swings of poker:

"Poker is like a rollercoaster, not just for you, for everyone. If you can ride it without getting sick, you'll be okay."

Once again adding to my previous thoughts about how the swings and or bad luck hit us all, but skill prevails. Some people just can't ride without getting sick though. I have been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster as of late. I keep thinking about how I'm not going to be playing full time for a while and have mixed feelings, but I just know opening this coffee shop will in turn make poker a hundred times more profitable, and the fact that I know the location of this cafe/coffee shop is reason enough to open. We have the prime location in Mahopac and I really can't see any circumstance where its not going to be a gold mine. My investment partners are very excited. I'm really going to do as well as I can. Stop by when it opens, should be by June.

Yeah I would probably be happier playing poker all the time forever but it will always be a struggle and a grind. So I just can't pass up this opportunity. The owner of the property told me yesterday that approximately 25,000 cars pass it on route 6 everyday. Location is everything, and everyone feels there couldn't be a more perfect spot.

The emotions continue though as I look back and feel I could have tried harder to make it work. And speaking of looking back, I took a trip to Oneonta this weekend. That place is more of an emotional roller coaster than anything. And I can see my friends who hadn't been there since they left like a year ago going through the same thing I did. It's sad, since I lived there for like 3 years, some of my friends 4 full years. When we all met up this weekend I couldn't help but feel like we should all just stay and go to class on Monday. It was like we had all still been hanging out everyday and there was no break. I also saw some kids that are still going to school there and seems hard to believe that in all the time I've spent in the past 2 years since I left, they have been there that whole time. Crazy, just nuts. I have no explanation for why I did not take any pictures or video of Oneonta to post here. It just never occurred to me, woulda been a nice addition for this post. Hold on let me check facebook, maybe someone posted something.............

Nope, well shit, I'm just gonna show ya a pic from Haloween 07 in Oneonta, these are a couple of the same of the people I met up with this weekend anyway.

Thats me, Bryan and Ryan dressed up as The Price is Right contestants. And Beth in the army. I miss all these people. It doesn't seem right that you hang out with certain people so much in college and then you just don't at all when you leave. And I could see this weekend that everyone feels like this but we never do anything about it.

When I got home on Monday my mind was buggin out. I felt like I should go back to that alternate life I once had in Oneonta. I can never put my finger on it but there was just something decidely different about how I feel when I'm there as oppossed to home. I don't know..........
Well I couldn't stop thinking about it till Tuesday when Derick sent me 25 bucks on Full Tilt poker. I decided to practice good money managment skills so I can actually make it grow.

And ofcourse the only way to make money playing poker is to make it not fun and be smart with money and use 5% rule blah blah blah blah. Obviously with only 25 bucks on the site I can't really follow a 5% rule. You would have to microscopic stakes for a long time before you can even move up to stakes where you still can't even buy a toothbrush after playing all day.

But I decided to just do it anyway cause I was playing HA! My favorite game, the only time I even enjoy playing online is playing HA. You know the pot limit holdem and pot limit omaha mix. I played a a whole day of 2 dollar max buy in HA with 1c 2c blinds. I got my account from 25 to 42 bucks. Which is a really nice profit considering how low of stakes I was playing.

Towards the end of my last session where I skyrocketed from 28 to 42 bucks, and at one point was up to 54, it happenned. A horrible encounter with an extreme dooshbag. First of all you should never get emotional off a 2 dollar max buy in game in the first place. But of course this one guy did. Its really pathetic that I'm even spending my limited time on this planet even palying poker for this low of stakes, but since I enjoy playing HA so much and was on a short bankroll I didn't mind. I was having a good time and just loving the game. It was a low stress, don't matter if you lose, get better at Omaha type of thing.

So this asswipe is playing me heads up when the table broke. I felted a few players and they did not rebuy, opting to leave.

Felted - action verb- to take all of a players chips in one hand during a poker game.

Anyway so this one dooshbag is left playing me heads up and refusing to buy in for more than like 50 cents at a time. And I kept kicking his ass. He starts playing me heads up also on another table too and losing every hand there. It wasn't even like I was getting that lucky, he was just making stupid calls. All in all he dropped like 10 bucks to me probly, 50 cents at a time. And he's calling me all these names. Fagget, asshole, donkey, loser, idiot, moron, all these horrible names, he won't stop. And whenever he wins a hand, I just say NH. Yah know, Nice Hand. So I tell him NH and he writes fuck you! or S T F U.

I never respond to verbal criticism online as I've mentioned countless times. I just say NH. Thats all I ever type, unless the person is chill, then I'll talk to em. But if someone is a doosh I choose not to stoop to their level. I mean how is this guy this upset over a couple of pots that barely even add up to a dollar. What the fuck? So he finally quits and I have like 18 bucks in fron of me at a 2 dollar max buy in table, lol.

An hour later, I think its over and I'm playing with a full table and having fun. He comes back and buys in for another 50 cents and starts telling all the other players at the table that I am cheating. He says he reported me and my account is being suspended. I finally say 'what did I do wrong?' and he says 'You are a faggot and have access to hole card information'

Like this guy actually thought I have hacking software and I can see his hole cards. His massive amount of dooshbaggery doesn't allow him to believe he just sucks. And wouldn't I be at higher stakes if I had hacking software that gave me hole card info?

So this unbelievable asswipe tells me he just spoke to 'blah blah blah at Full Tilt poker security and my account is under review.' I'm not worried cause I didn't do shit obviously. But wow, what a doosh. Even the other players were saying "He didn't do shit, you just suck." What an evil morbid, cynical bastard this guy is.

The next day I try and log into my account and can't. I read an email that says my account is suspended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the thing, I used to play under another name on Full Tilt but I changed it and got a new account with a new name. They found out that both accounts are me and your not allowed to have 2 accounts. Even though I haven't used the other one in forever. So until my previous account settles itself with full tilt, both account are fucked. They were only made aware of this cause some dooshbag accused me of cheating. They would of never looked into my new account and found out about my other screen name from years ago if not for this doosh. Now I can't play at all. Thanx a lot dude who can't lose money like a man.

I would compare this doosh to such tyrants as Kublai Kahn, Stalin, Hiter, or Napoleon but I wouldn't wanna cross the line. Thats not quite the same league. I'm really sorry for even suggesting it. My bad Kublai Kahn, Stalin, Hiter, Napoleon.

Undisputed yet Unrecognized

2009-04-16T02:46:00.003-04:00

Poker is one of the only sports or competitions where the best player can be painfully obvious to a trained eye and easily missed by an inexperienced observer. The ignorant party will even mistake this star player as a donkey. For the greatest and most skillful play in poker is the fold. Sometimes its all you can do. And every time you do it you either break even or lose money. You can't win money folding under any circumstance. You can fold before the flop and just stay out of trouble, but you can't profit. You can fold on the flop and you lose the small amount you've invested. You can fold on the turn or river and chances are you invested quite a bit by then.
In the event that you do feel you have the worst hand on the turn or river with a lot invested in the pot the only thing you really can do at this point is cut your losses and fold. You wish you weren't in the situation, you wish you had the best of it and didn't have to muck, but all you can for your best interest at this point is fold.
Every time you minimize your loss with a correct fold you save money. Every last dollar counts cause it all adds up in the long run. At the end of the year every time you save even a measly 3 bucks by folding, add all those little folds up and its thousands saved. Its very hard to accept for players but poker is a game where you have to lose and to win you must lose as little as possible when there is no way around losing. Its the only sport where you can lose while showcasing great skill.
Like I have said countless times before in this blog. If you keep getting dealt the worst hand you need to keep folding, and yeah your going to lose money for a while folding, but it was inevitable for you to loss all those hands cause you were dealt the worst hand and what your dealt is beyond your control. What you can do is fold every time your beat. Ya see most people get caught losing more than they should when they keep getting the worst hand. And then when the eventual upswing comes and they start winning pots, they are not up nearly what they should be, they might be even, or still down, even after the upswing because they did not properly limit their losses during their downswing.
Yes its frustrating doing nothing but fold for a long period of time, but you have to do it. So look at it this way: Its defense. If you play for 5 hours and get shafted by bad luck, start with 300 and end with 100, your down 200 bucks. A lesser player woulda lost the whole 300. An even lesser player woulda lost the 300, re bought and lost another 200.
Just remember be merry as long as you keep making the right decision. If folding was right and its all you did and you lost money, still be merry, cause you lost like a champ. When your upswing comes you will be smooth sailing cause you limited your losses. Be upset when you make the wrong decision, even if you make a bad decision and suck out on someone, don't be happy, be upset cause playing that way will eventually be your demise.
Don't ever worry about what your up and down. If you always make the right decision you'll be okay.
So making great folds all day like the folds I'm gonna show you in this video, makes you an undisputed superb poker player. Yet your talents will still be unrecognized by most, those who don't see the game on a high enough level and just assume your losing so you suck. Your undisputed greatness will go unrecognized. But cheer up its unrecognized by a bunch of saps who would be down two or three times what you are after such a disastrous run of cards. You feel me?

Check this kids:

part 1 http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=9599&KeyID=1&title=Aussie_Million_2009_Cash_Game_Part_2_1_4

part 2 http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=9600&KeyID=1&title=Aussie_Million_2009_Cash_Game_Part_2_2_4

part 3 http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=9601&KeyID=1&title=Aussie_Million_2009_Cash_Game_Part_2_3_4

part 4 http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=9602&KeyID=1&title=Aussie_Million_2009_Cash_Game_Part_2_4_4

Better to be down 500grand than a full million. Durrrr is a great player. I've never seen such a ridiculous amount of second best hands comes someone's way and then great laydown after great laydown. You would figure Patrick would have the second best hand at some point but it never seemed to happen. Obviously the cards will even out in time but this is one of those insanely improbable streaks of bad luck for Durrrr and good luck for Patrick.

I'm going to concentrate more on showing what a game of skill poker is on this site. Since I'm not palying as much anymore and don't have as much to write about concerning my experiences playing, I'm going to switch it up a little. Even though I am not playing as much I still feel there is plenty to write about. I thought it was over, but it never is, my mind still twisting and turning all the time. I have other things to write about as well, my trip to Oneonta and a bad experience with an online asswipe. But I'll save it for next post.

I wanna concentrate a lot now on with legitimizing poker to everyone. Still far to many people dimiss it as a gamble. Years down the line people will not categorize it along with low lifes and self abuse. There should be a poker room everywhere, I shouldnt' have to go to South New Jersey to play. Its really ridiculous how they can stretch the law and open Yonkers Raceway, even put slot machines in their. But poker, a game of skill, is still shunned. Disgusting. People will see, in time, as long I keep up the informative posts and others continue to spread the word.

Time Travel and Boredom

2009-04-13T17:53:00.002-04:00

Two subjects that can both exist or not exist depending on how you look at them. I guess this is more true for boredom. The time travel question probably has a more concrete answer. It either does, or does not exist and most likely does not.
Boredom is really not clearly defined and it's impossible to say whether your actually bored or not. There are levels of boredom, and some may call being only mildly entertained bored, and others might only call being bored having nothing to do but what they do normally. And I would call bored having literally no options but to just sit there. It's not clearly defined what boredom is cause no one knows what level of boredom you must reach to technically be considered bored.
But you can be bored with a particular subject. Lately I feel I am relatively bored with poker and do not necessarily feel the same way about it I once did. But there are still aspects of the game I love very much that do not depart.
For instance I want you to check out this video clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp6EB1r0Hj4 (fast forward to minute 2:00)

Joe Hachem makes an excellent play here. Through watching how the betting goes, he is able to gather enough information about Howard Lederers hand to know that he does not have the ace of spades. And he is able to take the pot away from Howard and profit with the worst hand. This is a very nifty move and requires deep thinking. If Howard is an amateur donkey Hachem can not win this pot. It just shows how awsome poker is because when good players are against eachother the entire dynamic of the game changes and your thought process goes much much deeper.
Props to Joe Hachem for performing well and going with his gut, making a very sophisticated bluff that requires very deep thinking. Ya see people who don't follow poker religiously don't really understand who is a good player. Television gives the general public a distorted view of what poker really is. Showing mostly tournaments as oppossed to real poker, otherwise known as cash games.
If you watch all the high stakes poker episodes you will see that Daniel Negreanu is far from what an average poker viewer believes he is. He does not excel with the most important aspects of being good at real poker. Which is patience and steam control. The ability to lose hands, lose money, through the inevitable swings and still maintain your A game is a stranger to Daniel. TILT. The tilt monster has him bad. He is a great tournament player, one of the best, top 5 easy. But cash games, or real poker is just to brutal for him.
There are many "TV" players that people think are good, but you have to know who suceeds at real poker to really know whats going on. Now Joe Hachem was your typical candidate to be a "TV" player, but so far it looks like he can play real poker quite well. There is a lot more to come and we will see, but so far so good. I was very impressed with how he won that hand with no spade.
An example of players people think are good at poker but are really just "TV" players:

Sammy Farha (he's just a rich guy) Eli Elezra (a really really rich guy) Chris Moneymaker (plays tournaments well, not much else) Jamie Gold and Jerry Yang (two previous Main Event Winners who do not have the discipline to suceed at cash games or real poker at this point in time)

Not all TV players are necessarilly bad at real poker, but its mostly unknowns who are really the best players. The guys you should fear are the internet youngens. They've played more hands than anyone. These are the few people I can see myself honestly not being able to beat even if I was playing with money I am comfortable losing.

People you do not want to see at your table:

Barry Greenstein, Tom Dwan, Phil Ivey, Patrick Antonius, hate to leave anyone out, theres others.

Anyway remember, its never what it seems. Many a hater has told me I suck at poker because I have been broke at times. This is simply quick accusations that have not been thought out. Its the same kind of people who do not think of poker as a game of skill but just another gambling game like anything else in the casino.
Its relying solely on poker and not havin any other source of income that has cause financial woes, not how I play. But if I'm talking to someone I don't know to well, I just know they think the worst. Just think of it this way, I have played a lot of poker, and a lot of underbankrolled which is an immediate disadvantage. I have still come out ahead a lot, just not enough to sustain the expenses of living.
And think of it this way, if someone else has played as many hours as me, think about how heavily in debt they would be. I am not in debt, just stuck at zero. Cause for the majority of time I had no other source of imcome, and have spent what I have made.
But no one thinks deeper, just hears 'poker' and assumes the worst, its unfortunate. Perception is reality for to many of us. We all need to learn to think deeper, and not make quick judgements. Its never what it seems.
For example: One time I was standing with a friend in law of mine at a gas station.
(friend in law: friend of a friend, not necessarilly your friend)
So we see this hot chick walk inside. And I say "Hi Christina" to her. She does not smile and say hi back or anything. Just gives us a dirty look and flicks her cigerette to the ground right at our feet and then say "sup" in a real bitchy tone.
I'm standing there thinking "Wow what a stuck up bitch!!!!!!!" Just thought I'd say high since she went to highschool with me, what the hell?
So I just assume she is a bitch and forever in my mind she is a stuck up hoe who can't even say hi after I go out of my way to be nice. Little did I know the whole story. Soon after I find out that the kid stading there next to me, my friend in law was at a party with with her the night before and was calling a dirty slut and the C word in front of all these people.
So obviously her attitude was all directed toward him and had nothing to do with me. If it was just me there it all would of been different. But I would assumed the worst about her for the rest of my life if I hadn't found out the truth of the night before.
So from now, never accept anything at face value, there always more to it, always. The only person who know is yourself, you don't have the right to ever make a judement on anyone.
How many times have I gone one about how I would like have more money to play poker so I wanna sell my car or maybe get a job, or do some free lance work. Sure when I was broke I have said this, but I've also said it while I still had money. And when people would here me say this they would automatically assume I just blew everything I have playing poker and now I need more. What I actually mean is that I want to increase my overall bankroll size so that 5% of my bankroll is actually a larger sum, so that I can withstand the swings of my current stakes better, therefore continuing to use my mathematical advantage to earn more profits.
But what do people assume? Oh he's selling everything like a crack fiene so he can gamble more and will eventually be in the same postion. I do not wish to associate with anyone who takes perception as reality.
I consider myself a poker sucess because I am a relatively large amount based on the low stakes I have played. I am a winning real poker or cash game player. My overall time in Atlantic City playing real poker has yielded me a considerable hourly rate (20/hr) when most people have not only not profited, but are way down. I am barely a winner from online poker, but still 92% of online players are down. I have kept records all my life, but don't have one complete record from when I started in 2004. I know I am up like 5-6grand from AC. I know I was up like 2 grand early college days from home games. I know I've gotten like 6 grand in checks from pokerstars, but may have deposited like 3 grand. And I was down like 2 grand in college from online. My records are scattered and incomplete info, but somewhat helpful, much like poker itself. A game of incomplete info and then gathering as much as you can making the best decision. So honeslty, since 2004, if I was to give a modest estimate, I'd say I was up like 8 grand, and a generous estimate maybe 13 grand. Defiantely not less or more than those two guesses.
Pretty good compared to how low of stakes I've played. But not that good considering its since 2004. I would honestly be up a lot more if I had the right bankroll the whole time and if everyone in my life didn't constantly refuse to believe it really is a game of skill and neglect to support me.
I have been a victim of tilt, but that is directly related to bankroll issues and negative pressure. I don't regret anything with poker, I wouldn't be the player I am today without having been so obsessed with it that I refused to work for so long. If I could travel through time I would not change anything. But I often regret so many decisions I have and am always wishing for a time machine.
The first thing I think is going back to college and attempting to court BBL with a different approach. There is no way I would ever go further back because then the events that led me to cross her path might change and I may never have met her. But if I did have the chance to go back whatever approach I took probly would not work. If it was meant to work it would of. She would find a way to be difficult no matter what I did. If I could go back I would definately do everything I wanted to do but didn't cause I was afraid I would lose her. If I knew I would lose her anyway the whole time, the experience would be better. There are certain deep regrets I wish I could redo.
And then I'm always wishing I could go back to last year and never have quit my job. Could play poker and work and rake in the dough. I only worked 4 days a week, I had it made. But didn't realize it at the time. But even though I wish for time travel just to change that. I still wish for time travel to change things that happenned after. Which shows that maybe I don't need to change that.
For all the wishing for time travel so I never quit my job, I find myself wishing I never left AC a few months after I quit my job. When I had that one bad week after so many good weeks, why did I leave? I was frustrated at the time, and went home. Why didn't I just get a job and stay. Everything would of been fine. If all my friends eventually do not live around here anymore, why even be around here? Mine as well just stay in AC then.
But now thats not happenning anymore cause I'm committed to running this cafe. Now I'm difenately stuck in Mahopac for a while. So now I wish I could time travel again to go back and stay in AC. But at the time I left AC I was wishing I never quit my job.
Thats why I'm doing this cafe, cause its the first time I'm sacrificing right now and trying to see into the future. I know financially it is the best thing. And I know I won't look back and wish I had did it, because I'm doing it. And if it does go really well I'm gonna be loaded.
That has to be a better decision than continuing to grind out a living whether its work or poker.
True, but why do I kinda wish I never left AC? I really loved playing everyday, playing live. I was really doing well for a while. For all the talk about leaving hometown, never seems to happen.
I just hope I feel the same way when I'm 28 as I do now, by then I hope to have the financial resources to really do what I want with poker. Like travel the entire world and go everywhere, play eveywhere, win money everywhere. Just cause AC is away from home doesn't mean your not still limiting yourself if you just stay there.
Working my ass off to get this place to be a profitable source of income or franchised, just has to be the right choice. I'm not gonna keep wishing I could go back..........

A Smart Decision

2009-04-08T17:43:00.006-04:00

Looking back, I do not feel I have always made the best decisions through life. Though no one is perfect and not everyone has made 100% right decisions I still feel I have not made enough smart decisions and have always leaned toward instant gratification as opposed to long term well being. That's like the 400th time I have said this on this website.
I want to make a smart decision for once and go against doing what I want. What do I want to do right now? Honestly? I wanna pick up a bar tending job, go back to Atlantic City find a cheap place to live and just play poker and bar tend and play online poker. What am I going to do instead?
I'm opening a cafe in Mahopac. BROOKLYN COFFEE HOUSE, opening May 2009, stop in and have a cup of coffee. A cappuccino, espresso, anything you want. And then relax and watch the game.
Setting this place up and running it is not going to be easy, and not necessarily how I wanna spend the short time I have left before I am 30 and life is pretty much over. But its the right thing to do. If I can make this business a success it will eventually be a relentless source of income under my name that I do not necessarily have to be there 24/7 for.
And I can still play poker, and obviously I'm going to make more playing less hours. There's no way its not a smart decision to take this opportunity. I know a lot of people who would love this opportunity but they don't have it.
Eventually I can get this business up and running and to the point where I can just watch it go and more or less sit back and collect. It'd be stupid not to do it and go grind the 1,2 in AC and play online and work for someone else wherever. It'd just be plain ignorant to go back to that. I'm not gonna do that. Just gonna put all my energy into this cafe and try to make it the best it can be, and a couple of years down the line it will be a profitable establishment I can get massive income from.
I plan on eventually traveling the whole world and playing poker everywhere. This is a stepping stone to get to that. I will never get there unless I take this opportunity. If I do what I really wanna do right now I'll just be stuck working for someone else or playing poker, grinding, with a performance based job. No matter how how much I love poker and the freedom it offers it will always be performance based. I'll always have to play really good for long periods of time in order to be winner. Any slacking off will immediately set me back. I will never be able to pay people to play poker for me. I will always have to be putting the hours in to make money. I know with the right bankroll I can do it. I would go insane at times and have to take days off though. But even if I have the right bankroll, and do all that it still will always be a performance based job. A job, where I have to be there to make money. A business is different from a job, cause a business can make money for you. Yes at first I'm going to be doing more work than anyone and it will consume all life as I know it, but eventually I can reap the rewards of being head of a business. Look at it this way:

Starting from the top:

Corporation CEO: Makes decisions, collects more income than anyone below him. The work that must be done to keep business going is all done by the pawns below him. And he has the money to pay them of course cause he owns the whole corporation and get the largest share of its profits.

Business Owner: The Boss, workload varies, collects more income than anyone. Oversees the operation, can work himself to avoid paying people, or just pay people, but either way a considerable amount of work that needs to be done to keep the business going is not done by him. Collects largest share of profits.

Worker: Employed by the business. Has certain responsibilities to obtain or the business can not run. Is paid a modest share of the profits for doing their job.

Poker Player: Only gets paid when he wins.

For all the freedom it does offer, a poker player still works harder than anyone because you can't slack off at all. If your a CEO or and Owner obviously you have a lot of responsibility but compared to your income you are certainly receiving a fair deal. All the schmucks under you are what really make things go. Thats the hard work and your not doing any of it.
A worker is never going to get promoted if he or she slacks off but can easily hold a job by just doing what they are asked. Come into work, do your job, get payed. No questions asked.
Now a poker player has to give it his all day in and day out and if there any let up at all he is fucked. Imagine your first day at the job you work now. Remember how hard you worked and all the way in which you tried to impress your boss? And think of now, your still doing your job ofcourse, but have settled into a routine of sort. Maybe come in hungover at times? Maybe took it easy to get through the week at times. It don't matter, as long as you show up and do a halfway decent job your getting that paycheck.
Imagine if you had to be how you were the first day on the job for every single day of your working existence? Thats what being a poker pro is like, a sucessful one at least.

Well I'm done with that for the time being. Yeah I know with the right bankroll I can still do it, but I would evenutually burn out anyway. With this oppurtunity I can have a business set up that I can collect income from without having to perform like everyday of my life is game 7.

And I can still play poker, who says I can't. But I'm gonna play tournaments. Gonna try to play one big tourny on my one day off a week. Winning that big tournament is what first got me into poker. Seeing a kid turn his 10 grand buy in into 2 million is what got me. But I was never playing tournies, always grinding cash, making 500 a night is sweet, but its impossible to make life changing money. I gotta get into tournies. And if I lose who cares, I have a job. Before I had to play cash games because they are low risk and I needed to win for definate. They are also low reward, as best case scenario maybe you triple your buy in.
A tournament is high risk, but high reward if you make to the end. Its the only way to multiply your buy in by like 300. I'll hit one eventually.

And I'm at peace with my decision to only play poker for such a long period of time. Even though it was insane to rely solely on poker without the appropriate funds, I would not be as good as I am if I had never been so obsessed with it. Soon enough I will have my very own money tree while playing poker and be unstoppable. (Evil Villain Laugh) Whooooo ha ha ha ha Whoooo ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

HA! HA! HA! HA!

2009-03-30T13:02:00.003-04:00

HA! Is actually a game. Its a mixed poker game. 10 hands of holdem. And then 10 hands of Omaha high. Its really cool and fun. It should probly be called HO, H for holdem and O for Omaha high. But this other mixed game consisting of 10 hands of holdem and 10 hands of Omaha high low split already is called HO. So Holdem and regular Omaha mix is called HA. HA is ten times more fun than HO. Omaha high low split can be rather boring. But regular Omaha, or Omaha high is awsome, and playing it with holdem is great. Its not no limit though, its pot limit. But pot limit is pretty much the same thing as no limit, except you can't really go all in until there is signifcant money in the pot. Its almost the exact same thing as no limit, and may even be a little better. I haven't really had fun playing poker in a long time. It's very liberating to have a rotation of games as oppossed to only playing one game the whole time. 10 hands of Omaha, 10 hands of holdem, really awsome and fun. I been practicing it with play money cause I don't really know how to play Omaha high that well. The people playing play money actually do try hard so it really is a good way to learn. The reason they try hard is cause if you 500k play chips on Full Tilt poker you can enter a real money tournament. So play money is played with quite a bit of seriousness. I have learned alot about play Omaha well screwing around with play money. Should have a small amount of real money soon and start grinding low stakes HA games. It will be fun. Not really relying on it as a source of income though, just gonna have a good time, but play my best ofcourse. Not the kind of good time were I'm playing foolishly, I'm just saying I actually enjoy playing HA and gonna start playing for low stakes soon and it should be easier to make money when I'm actually having a good time.
The other reason I call this post HA! HA! HA! is right here, check this out:

http://www.cardplayer.com/poker-news/article/6427/new-report-provides-evidence-that-poker-is-a-game-of-skill

Copy and paste away.

My explanation for why poker is a game of skill is different. It goes more like this:

Sometimes poker appears to be a game of luck because often people who make that judgement are stating this just based on a relatively small sample of hands. Everytime you fold the worse hand you do lose something, but minimize your loss. Everytime you fail to fold the worse hand you lose as well, but lose more.
Everytime you have the winning hand you win something, but how much money your opponent puts in the pot depends on how you bet, also what they have, or how on tilt they are, etc.
So basically over the course of 100 hands you may have had the worse hand 80 times and the best hand only 20. Its a crazy mathemical rariety, but it happens. If you folded 80 times you played well, you lost, but lost as little as you could. Someone else with the exact same cards with a run of hands so shitty that you would have the worse hand 80 out of 100 deals, would have lost a lot more. Anytime the outcome with the same run of cards between two people is different, skill inverably is a factor. In other "gambling games" it wouldn't matter who spun the wheel, or rolled the dice. The outcome would be the same.
Now an observer over this short period of time (100 hands) may look at you and say that you lost cause the other guy just had the best hand 80% of the time. But in actuality you just experienced a freakish mathematical algorithm and saved as much as you could. And eventually over the next couple of hundred hands the luck by mathematical certainty has to even out. And you will have your upswing and be winning more than someone who lost more than they should while they were unlucky.
In short everyone is the same amount of lucky over time. Therefore how could luck be a factor if everyone is the same amount of lucky? Do you see how little sense it makes to say poker is a game of luck? If no one is any luckier than anyone else how the fuck can it be a factor. Skill is everything, just takes a lot longer to show than anything other competition. 5 minutes of basketball is 5 hours of poker. The lead the Lakers will have over the Clippers in 5 minutes will depend on a lot of factors. How many lucky bounces, how many friendly rolls, who's shooting touch is hot, who's isn't. Luck is a factor in everything in life, but luck doesn't last, luck evens out.
After 5 minutes the Clippers may be winning, but by the 4th quarter is 95-81 Lakers almost every time. After 5 hours of poker you may have been so handicapped by a short term mathemical rariety all you could do is fold and cut your losses. But after 50 hours of poker, there is no fuckin way people your better than will ever beat you, theres just no fuckin way.
50 hours of poker is like 4 quarters of bball. It just takes a really long time for skill to show.
People think cause its a card game its a game of luck. It's not, people who are good fold when they're beat, people who suck don't fold when they're beat. And everyone is beat the same amount of time in the longrun.
These dooshbags who who say poker is a game of luck after playing for a few hours and takin a few bad beats, well, it's pretty much the same thing as watching 4 seconds of basketball, seeing Jamal Crawford chuck up a 36 foot fade away 3 pointer that goes in and saying bball is a game of luck.
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
If you still think its about luck, lets schedule a date and you can play me heads up, you will lose. I'm not worried about posting this challenge, cause all the people that could actually beat me know its not about luck. So the only people that would actually accept are poker ignorant conformists who will probably suck out on me with a flush draw the first hand and then start saying "HA! HA! HA! HA!" I'm better than you, I just beat you this one hand.

disclaimer: if we were actually to go through with this challenge there would have to be an agreed upon number of hands.

No one really knows how many hands it takes to mathematically cancel out the luck factor. I suspect is probaly somewhere between 3-500 thousand. If your really smart you should work on figuring this out right now, who ever figures it out first is gonna be a very rich man, or woman of course. See I didn't forget about you cutie pies I know your smart too.

ITS OVER

2009-03-26T17:10:00.003-04:00

I have nothing more to say. I'm done posting in here. Lets call it all more of a sociological experiment as opposed to a live journal. In an experiment in what happens to the mind when all you do for money is play poker and nothing else. I am not playing much poker as of late, am going into some more industry based type of entrepreneurship for the time being. This site is suppossed to be a daily outlook on the life of professional poker. All I really ever talked about was how insane I was going from playing so much.
Now I haven't played much lately and won't be playing as much in the near future. There won't be hand historys or graphs or stats for a while so I see no reason to post. So I believe this site loses its integrity. So I'm done posting I guess.
Or maybe I'll post shit I don't know. Just feel like I'm ripping off the audience if I'm not skepticating about poker.
Well I'm entering the more industry based entrepreneurship with poker in mind, in order to ensure funds to go along with poker. I look forward to playing in the future. I won't go insane from playing to much and I'll play less and win more. It always works out like that. Playing only when your in the mood to play is key.
So basically I'm going to be into other things for a bit, I don't know how long. So I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing for this website.
Have a cup of coffee on me and think about it.
Is there any reason to even post anymore?

Regular Society?

2009-03-20T17:47:00.002-04:00

I don't know if I can function in regular society. It doesn't seem for me, never has, as far back as I can remember. I never liked school, never did well. I didn't and still do not see how anyone could approach schoolwork as a worthy measuring stick as to who should get ahead in life.
A lot of people see it school work as a challenge to work the hardest. If they work harder in school they deserve the better grades, and should get into the better schools, therefore get the best jobs and have the most money. If someone works their ass off to get straight A's there whole life and then goes to a good college and then tops it off with a lucrative job they feel justice is served, and those who are mowing their lawn deserve to be where they are because they didn't put the work in when they were in school.
I for one have never seen it this way. I've always felt those who work the hardest deserve results, and those who are lazy deserve nothing as well. But as far as applying such to the school system I have never bought into it. The fact that your learning about subjects you really don't need to know is wrong. The fact that they stick you in a classroom for so many hours a day, and then you get homework, reports, hours of study time for midterms and finals, all to take in useless material is wrong. Very, very little of what you learn in school will ever be applied in the real world. And any of the real necessities in life are taught at very low grade levels, and could of been taught by anyone.
Education is really just books. If you wanna read and be educated, by all means do it. But to force people to learn is stealing their life away. Telling them if they don't learn all this bullshit they won't get good grades, then won't get into college, won't get a good job...... Its all very wrong in my eyes and always has been. These teachers think because they go over a book with you there educating you. It was the book, not the teacher. Education is just books. The whole system is just stealing people's time. And everyone just buys into it. Everyone does the work and makes the best of the situation. Everyone stays positive, looks at the brightside, and does the work, cause they want good grades, so they can go to college, and get good jobs.
From the very beginning I knew it was wrong. And I have never tried in school, except for one semester of community college cause I wanted to get into real college badly.
So people often remain ashamed with bad grades and proud of high scores. But if you think deeper into it, you shouldn't be proud unless you think deeper. And see it doesn't matter, and the whole system is so, so wrong. Keeping people inside classrooms 8 hours a day for the better part of their youth just seems like stealing their life away.
Who's to say your not going to be tragically killed in some kind of accident as a teenager? And you've spent your whole life locked in a classroom, forced to learn information you really don't need to know. Is that a life you could look back on with no regrets?
There has to be some better way to do it, I don't have the answers, but I know this one is quite nazi. People tell me I'm crazy all the time, they're always a group ganging up on me to inform how wrong I am whenever I talk.
I just don't seem to function in regular society. I've always thought so differently than everyone else. I've been busy all week taking this bartending course. Two of my friends took it with me and are so excited and happy the whole time. Studying rampantly, talking about how much fun making drinks is. They just go through it with a smile and see everything as a great opportunity.
Its been a very depressing week for me, as I feel myself delving back into regular society and fitting into the system. At one point I wanted to knock the drinks off the table and storm out of the room. I can't stop thinking about what a sucker I am and I'm so unintelligent that I have to get people alcohol and hope for nice tips as my source of income. Don't I have another more intelligent way to get money?
I do, but I need more money to make it work. The fact that I don't have a bankroll right now is all my fault. I mean I didn't do it on purpose, but my failure to consistently earn has nothing to do with bad luck. I guess I can just take comfort in the fact that anyone else who is going to be serving drinks for money, or whatever they do for money is gonna get a paycheck and thats it. I can work, get a paycheck and consistently turn it into more money.
Poker will always be a great skill to have, but relying solely on it financially really hasn't been the smartest decision.
But anyway I've been really depressed all week taking this course. I'm not suppossed to be getting up at 730am everday to take orders. I'm suppossed to be so good at poker that I don't need anyone but me. But thats not happenning right now, and its all my fault. I am in this position cause I played bad so much. Whether its my fault or not, I'm still here and I hate being part of regular society. And I don't even have a job yet. I'm not even gonna get my certificate till next Friday, a week from now, if I pass this practical test. My friends passed it today, barely. It's gonna be rough. But you can take it every Friday for a year if you fail and you don't ever have to take the course over. So the hard part is over for me, next Friday I'll most likely be all done. Then they'll place me in a job somewhere and I'll do this bartending thing for a bit. Hopefully not for too long................
It's really embarassing to write on here about how I have to get a job. And being part of regular society makes me wonder why were all here on earth in the first place. Everyone I talk to always has their way of looking at the brightside of things. It can be depressing talking to me as my outlook on life is so bleak. But let me just say it one more time......

What is the point?

You have to have money to live right? And you like living so much that your gonna make sure you keep living, so you make sure you have money. So you keep on working so you can have money so you can keep living. If you stopped working you would stop living, so you keep working. And your working the whole time to ensure you keep living. But all your really doing while your living is working. So your working to keep living but your really not living cause all your really doing is working. It's a catch 22...............

So what is the point?

"Oh come one Frank, your home now, you got 5,6,7 hours before you have to go to sleep, you got the whole night."

So you get up a 7:30am be at work at 9, get out at 5. Asleep by 12 so you can make sure you wake up early enough to get to work. So more than half of your waking hours aren't even dedicated to you, but to the system. Were all just pawns. And everyone looks at the brightside, does it, makes the best of it. And whenever I say something everyone tells me to shutup and that I'm fucked up in the head. You all just have your way of rationalizing it..........

I don't know, I don't have the answers, not saying anyone's right or wrong. You try and think outside the box, you wind up broke, unfortunately. I just see this whole existence as kind of meaningless. Sorry to depress you if I did. Just check out the hotty of today up top, I'll try to find a real gorgeous one today. Pilsner girls are the one truly great and uplifting thing about being a guest on this otherwise meaningless rock called Earth. Anytime you feel down, remember them. I said I'd never post her picture on my site, I had her for some post a while back but took her off cause she looked to much like a certain someone. But I need a real special girl for this post, as long as where talking about the lone reason to go on, I guess the girl that reminds of her is the only one that makes sense. (sigh)

LOST

2009-03-12T11:29:00.006-04:00

I'm not talking about the show. I'm talking about lacking direction. Ya see I'm not quite sure what I wanna do. I think I possess, is that really how that word is spelled. I feel like it should be posesse. I ramble on in this blog a lot about pointless shit like that. I just feel the need to say it, thats just how I write. I don't know if that means I write good or bad, just how I feel to write. I pretend I'm just talking.
My frequent wondering about whether or not I write well takes me back to the whole point of being LOST, and lacking direction. I got some more votes on the latest poll. 8 total, and finally got one that answered the 4th option. Which is 'no way' in response to whether or not they would like to read a fiction novel by me after reading this site.
This makes me think, is what I have to say really interesting? Do the few people who read this site only like reading it cause they know me and just find me funny? If they did not know me would they find it all just stupid?
The current idea I have for a novel that I have written some of, is not much different from what I write on here. Its about poker, its about a dude in his twenty's..... I just don't think I really have anything to say.
Look at a show like The Wire. On HBO and also The Sopranos on HBO. HBO really kicks ass. They're shows are just a cut above the rest. I mean who the fuck is gonna watch C S fuckin I on channel fuckin 2.........
When you go the there webpages on HBO.com and look at character at cast of characters page, its a rich tapestry of people. Its a gigantic cast where there is one larger story to tell and no one single character is really that important. Even in The Sopranos, Tony is the main character, but there is still as many different roles as in The Wire, there are many scenes and story lines within the overall storyline that don't include Tony.
Ya see my idea for a novel only involves one character really. I mean there are others in which he meets along the way but the story is basically only about him. There is not a single scene in which he doesn't appear. Therefore it really isn't certain that it is a good story to tell. Who is gonna wanna read a novel so one dimensional, focusing only primarily one dude and poker.
Well there is a lot more to it and I have a story line planned, but the supporting characters don't all interact with eachother, they kind of just interact with the main character. It's impossible to see any happennings outside of the main characters view.
However it is not narrarated by him. So I guess I can branch off, but that would defeat the whole purpose of it. It's suppossed to be all about him. I mean Forest Gump is like that. I would have to watch it again but I'm pretty sure there are no scenes at all that don't involve someone relating to Forrest.
In thr future I would like to write something with a deep deep cast and no real main character. A story about a whole city and it's story, not just 1 guy or 1 family. But I think this book could work centered around just one guy. Ya see all I really do is take whats happened to me and exxagerate the living shit outta of it. See those moments in life where the future looks overdramatic in your eyes, but then when you really experience what you were wondering about its really just plain and everyday type of shit. Just turn those moments more dramatic, make them feel like you thought they would. I call this process unrealistically realistic.
I understand all that was just really hard to understand. Well you know what? I don't care I fuckin understand it.
Hmmmmmmm, example. There are certain paths I've gone down because of poker and wound up in situations I never thought I'd wind up in. However the long term results really aren't to dramatic. I've been able to remain emotionless for a full day, and thought it would last forever, but it did not. How could I live like that? But imagine it did last forever......... BOOM story idea.
So it kinda goes like that ya feel me? You better gets getting before the gettin gets got.
Season 2 of The Wire is good, some bum told me to skip it just watch 1,3,4,5. I'm surprised, cause I like it a lot. It may be the weakest season perhaps, but weakest season of this show is still better than the strongest of Everybody Loves Raymond. I believe it is a huge judgement error when considering the continuity of the viewers outlook on the story as a whole, the bigger picture.
Perhaps a TV series is truly the greatest form of enterainment. A long drama series that strectches many seasons and 75-100 episodes. It's like a really really long movie. These type of programs differ from my novel idea also because, movies and novels kind of always have a killer type ending where very drastic things happen. A beginning middle and end sorta speak. A punchline of sorts comes in the finale. A can definatley see and end to my book, and I feel like the whole movie is leaading up to its conclusion.
But the end of a long 75-100 episode drama series ending is always anticlimactic for the most part. Life kind of goes on and you see where everyone winds up. There is no punchline sorta speak in the end. Nothing that drastic really has to happen.
I guess I feel my main character is so important to me that I have to have everything centered around him. To just mix him on with a larger cast of characters would nullify the very message of the story.
So I guess its not really such a bad thing to go my route, some stories are just not meant to be told any other way. Imagine Forrest Gump was just one character in a larger story about many people. So maybe my idea is interesting? I don't know. I just think the gambling arena had really blown up since 2003 and no one has ever really made a good poker movie. Its like a golden oppurtunity I feel staring me at the face. I cringe everytime I hear about some kind of poker fiction coming out, to think it could the next great hit. And if only I had gotten mine out in time. However no one's idea is every going to directly coincide with mine, but what if it did? I alredy fear the idea of an emotionless poker playing character will seap into the mind of those reading this right now, I want to erase this shit. I' doing. I'm erasing this right now. Sorry you'll never see this asshole.

Anyway I am LOST within myself about writing this shit. I gotta write it just to see. I think people will find it real interesting, even though it centers only one 1 main character. It won't be the truly greatest work of fiction though, I have to make a 75-100 episode drama series. I have no idea what it would be about but it has to happen.

I am LOST in the fact that I don't know whether I wanna be playing online poker or live poker or just never play poker again or work and and play poker less. Or work and live somewhere where you can play live or online. Or work and jsut live around here and only be able to play online. I really feel I will be very financially good if I can work as a bartender part time and play 1,2 live and have the option of online. I feel I am set for life. I feel very financially well off cause it was so important to me be so good at poker that I never have to work. Trying to get that good made me so good at it that even with a job I still have a very useful skill. The fact that I'm going to have to take shit from people for a certain period of time does piss me off but other people who have to do this and were not obsessed with being so good at poker they don't ever to work, well they aren't any good at all now. True right now being so good at poker I never have to work is very difficult to make happen. But I'm just saying with a decent paying job and my skills at the game I feel very fortunate financially.

Soon I'll have a job and will never have to deal with bullshit bankroll rebuilding ever again. It's completely ridiculous to play that low of stakes. I won't do it. Whatever it takes to get a big bankroll together and be able to use 5% rule with high stakes games. Money's gonna be really easy to get soon. I will have money soon, where should I live? Should I move back to AC? Be able to work, play live, and play online, be a fuckin human cash register........... But on the downside be 3 hours away from any close friend or fam?
Or stay around here? Concentrate on work, only play online except if you wanna drive all the way down to AC when you have days off..............And have many many different people to hang out with and much family around?
I was really lonely there but life was generally more exciting during the day. Put it this way when I'm home life is more like the 75-100 episode series. There is a large cast of characters that I interact with and many a moment goes by when I'm around people and they are interacting with eachother and I'm not necessarily the center of attention. I know many people and they know eachother, theyre all connected.
But in AC its like I'm the only character in this story. There is not a large cast here at all, I don't have regulars I interact with. I mean I come across people but they are not connected to the others I come across. Every scene involves me and only me. All the attention is on me.
Do you know what I mean? For some reason I still am leaning toward AC. I can get a place around here with some of my buddies and always have shit to do and people to see. Always be hearing about who did what to who. Or go back to AC, be able to wake up everyday play online, then play live, and work, and be on my own. Or stay here, work and play online and have mad people around. I just don't know what to do. I am feeling very LOST.
Just need to make things happen down there.........

Cutie Pies in Track Suits

2009-03-09T08:10:00.005-04:00

See theres my kind of girl. She's wearing a female version of my usual outfit. The ol' tracksuit look with a feminine twist. She looks so comfortable, she would fit nicely next to me in my dark blue track suit. If your a hot girl that walks around in such clothing types as the one above you should leave a comment and schedule a meeting. Who knows maybe people are reading. I got 6 votes so far on my latest poll. so that means I got at least 6 people who read. Thank you to all. And the best part is that I didn't bother mad people I know to visit this site and vote. I didn't say anything this time, just wrote it, posted it and 6 people voted. So I'm happy I at least have some people who enjoy reading. Thanx for voting and thanx to whoever it was who told the truth and answered 'not really'. I'd rather hear the truth. 4 people so far voted 'yes, fo sho' thank you as well. If 4 people will read my book then thats enough to motivate me to get it done.

I decided to just cash out that last 100something bucks. Last post I said I was going broke, so I said screw it and just cashed it out, figure do something semi intelligent for once. Its not a lot of money and will be gone in like 2 days but at least I get something instead of just wasting it. That whole day with the 95 suited, and the fullhouse vs straight flush, it just fucked me so bad. I shoulda cashed out immediately, I would have 250 on its way to me instead of 108.

These reasons for cashing out, and reasons for stressing out are all rather ridiculous reasons to complain about poker. They are relatively standard events in the live of serious players. It seems at first glance that I'm being a little bitch. But really the financial situation I currently am in is what is making it all to much to deal with right now. Otherwise I would find it all funny in a sick sort of way.

I realize I need to drastically change my financial situation before pursuing poker full time. I didn't start with enough money, definately don't have enough now, and am going to inevitably keep going in circles unless I start over. So no big deal, its not the end of the world.

Once I have the bankroll making money at poker is going to be easy for me again like it has been for long periods of time in the past. I complain alot but if you really think about it, shit ain't so bad. I'm always gonna have another way to make income aside from a job. So I can always do both. It hasn't really benefitted me that much to focus all my energy on poker and neglect all else, but putting my poker skills to better use and less use will always be a very nice advantage in life.

The time will come to pursue poker and only poker in the future, but for now gotta really build up a bankroll through any means necessary. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. Its doesn't make you any less of a player to have other sources of income. For the longest time I believed it did. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

I'm gonna take this bartending course, get a part time job tending bars. This is one of those hidden jobs that pay well and anyone can do. If I do this and play poker there is no way any of my friends my age will be able to ever beat me in a timed money making contest. I was a pretty conistent full time poker player when I was in AC, averaging 20 bucks an hour lifetime, (300 hours worth) not including the little tourny I chopped for like 6 hundo profit. So yeah, I mean live poker pretty much is guaranteed income over time. So I always have the option of moving back there, getting a bartending job and playing semi full time. I'll be raking in the dough. And my overall sucess at poker will be easier to obtain if I am also bartending, cause then I know I have some room for error. Won't be all buggin out and worried at times.

Thats what playing and working is all about. Just doing both until I have so much money I feel comefortable just playing. I've never had enough money to feel comefortable with just playing. When I quit my old job I only had 7 grand. Not enough. I need like 30k and then I'll consider quitting, maybe. But I don't know, I think I'll like bartending for some reason. It is after all the only job I'll even consider doing.

So all the poor life decisions really aren't that bad when you think about it. You can't really say I've wasted a bunch of time, because there is no way I would as good at poker as I am if I wasn't so obsessed with it. I'm going to be one your normal people for a while and feel I have a great skill up my sleeve.

Any losing I reported on this site, and sometimes alot, which may make it seem like I'm really not that good. Well let me tell ya, most of my bad streaks come from circumstances outside of the game itself. Much like what I've been talking about this whole post. Getting more financially stable will enable me to always stay on the upswing. It's just been so hard an frustrating at times, and outside reasons have taken their toll.

I sometimes wonder if people read this and just think I suck and am in denial. They say some terrible losing streaks and figure I really need to stop playing cause I suck, and if I'm not making enough dough I must suck. I assure you life is more complicated than this. Things are never what they appear to be at first glance. You gotta look deeper. If other people tryed to do what I have they would be heavily in debt.

I'm looking forward to having 3 bank accounts. 1) a poker bankroll 2)expense account
3) savings account

I plan on never playing poker with more than 5% of my poker bankroll on the line. I've never been able to do this. And soon enough I will be. I also want to always have the same amount of money in each account. So lets say I have 9,000 dollars. I would not be able to ever touch 3,000 and then have 3,000 more in an expense account to pay bills and just have fun with and then have 3,000 for poker, in which I can play with 150 at a time.

I would have loved to be able to set all this up just playing poker. Honestly it wasn't like it was impossible to make happen. But it was to hard for me, partly due to the swinginess of poker, partly due to being irresponsible and chillin to much. And also partly due to the fact that I have some kind of sick mental condition where I don't let myself have sucess just despite myself. I'm my own worst enemy. We've gone over this.

It's not the end of the world. And I DON'T CARE ANYMORE about being the greatest living poker player. I just wanna make money, and I know I can make a lot. Just gonna have to wait a little bit before I can have absolute freedom from the man again. I screwed it up the first time. Live and learn.

I always preach that in poker you can't wine about bad beats. Your not entitled to anything. You don't deserve anything, the game is bigger than you and it doesn't care what you want. If you take a bad beat you suck it up and move on. If you let it effect you your just gonna be a loser. You gotta keep climbing and eventually you make it. You gotta keep fighting and clawing your way through the game. No one's graph goes straight up, not even Jesus remember? Everyones graphs have rifts, small downswings, but if your a winner the upswings will more than compensate. But there will always be bad beats and the second it gets to you, the second you stop grinding, climbing, whatever you wanna call it, its a free fall. You will fall fast and far, far down. Life is like this, and for a long time I think I didn't apply this poker wisdom to life. I think I just felt like I deserved certain sucesses. I don't deserve anything. I've taken some bad beats, really, really bad ones in life and sometimes feel like I deserve to catch all the cards in the world, everytime I sit down. Such an ignorant outlook. I deserve nothing. Gonna have to join the man for a bit, maybe a while, gonna suck. But I guess I have to do it. Why should anything be easy for me? It sure as hell shouldn't. Life is very random not fair, and hard.
People think poker is a rough game cause of the bad beats and the brutal short term luck factor. If you really think about its the fairest game in the world. The river doesn't discriminate, it drowns everyone from time to time.

I DONT CARE ANYMORE

2009-03-05T22:14:00.004-05:00

Yeah thats right. Don't feel like writing much tonight, I may go off, but will see what happens. As of right now I'm planning on making this one short and..............
Shit I was gonna say short and sweet but I feel like thats cliche writing. I'm gonna make this one to the point.
The limited funds as of late are making it to difficult to rebuild a bankroll. I don't care anymore. I don't care. I no longer have the desire to put up with this shit. I have reached the end.

Any of you fucksticks who read my blog and don't actually copy and paste THE HAND OF THE DAY, suck my balls. This one you have to look at. Yo! Seriously copy and paste this shit. And remember I play as Brezlin. This shit is beyond sick. And no I didn't make this shit up, this really happened yesterday.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3944636P

Do not skip this part. Copy and paste now bitch. You fuckin believe this shit? Let me just say to complain about losing a hand is for pussies and I would never act like this one fuckin hand would cause me to wanna quit poker. It's just a hand, its just one full buy in gone, thats all. Its just everything all rolled into one thats driving me crazy right now. I just have to show you that hand, as a small portion of everything driving me insane.

The funny thing is, I know he has to have J10 diamonds here. The way he is betting, I know thats the only hand that makes sense. I'm not going into specifics at the moment of why I know, but just how the betting went down. Thats is the only hand that makes sense. My full house felt like a pair of 2's while it all went down, I didn't feel good on the turn, at all whatsoever. If he has any other type of boat, its simply not going to be bet like that, his entire line would of been different. I fully expected him to show me that exact hand ever since the turn. I felt my hand was unfoldable, not do to the strength of my hand, but the severity of my current situation.

I am so sick and tired of this bullshit. I don't care anymore. I just don't care anymore. I don't care about anyone who ever told me I sucked. I don't care about proving anyone wrong. Sometimes I think the only reason I even play poker is because I hate certain people I've encountered so much. These people have told me I was an idiot and I would never make this work. And I honestly just hate these people so much that there the only reason I even play poker.

Yesterday I finally got over the hump and came out my downswing, my account was finally at a new highpoint and I had surpassed the 300 mark and then some after being stuck in the 200s for days. It felt great. I knew the next day would be even easier. And then it happened. I saw a 95 suited on the button and limped in. And this voice inside my head said 'this is it Franko, this is the hand that you lose everything on.'

Now I only had 52 buckers on this table, but if I did lose 52 my account would sink back below 300, after I was just so ridiculously happy I got over the hump about. And this voice says 'This is it. This is the hand. Your gonna lose a huge one here.'

So the fuckin big blind raises it up. I call. Flop comes 10 9 5. Which is 2 pair for me. And this guy bets big. It looks like an overpair cause he raised preflop and then bet huge, so I make a big raise to induce him to move all in with AA or KK or QQ or JJ. Now I am afraid he has a set of 10 10 10. Bad players usually check when they flop sets. Good players usually bet out cause they know that you know your expected to check a flopped set. But since your gonna make a continuation bet everytime you miss. Its smart to act like your continuation betting when you actually do have a set.

Anyway so I am kind of afraid of a set of 10's cause there is a flushdraw out there, so he might bet hard even if he is a donk that usually checks in this situation. And then he voice says 'see, I told you this is the hand, your done for, you just ran into a set'

I felt a sick sick feeling in the pit of my stomach like God was pointing and laughing at me. Reraise!!!!!!!!! He reraises me big after I just raised big. So I push all in, wanting to believe so bad he has the overpair............................

And I double this guy up with his set of 10's. He had 44 dollars. Now I'm back under 300 afte struggling all day to get over the hump. I had already come back from a very large deficit, I had been playing all day. I immediately stopped. I knew this was the end. I know the next time I played I would get screwed. I knew that 95 suited was gonna destroy my bankroll. I knew it the moment it was dealt to me.........
I knew I would play bad next time I played, and I did. And I knew it would happen. Should of taken a break, but didn't cause no money.

I got like 108 buckers left after another shitstorm session, I'm going broke tonight. It's gonna be great. IRONY, the 95 suited is the hand that put me over the edge. 95suited, 9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5. 9 to 5.

95 SUITED, and now I'm gonna end up with a 9 to 5............................. The fuckin had was 95, and I heard the voice. How sick is that? What are the chances the hand I hear voice about, that would cause me to resort to a 9 to 5, was actually 95 suited!!!!!!!! What the fuck, this whole life thing really is a sick joke on me. I can see it all before it happens. Do you know I know how I'm going to die to? I saw it in a vision some years back. I fall awkwardly over the balcony in my house and slam the floor hard...... I really gotta move out, geez. If I stay on this path I'm never gonna be outta here and it might happen.

It's just so sick how that voice told me it was gonna happen before it happened. If only I just mucked preflop. It's just so sick how that voice told me it was gonna happen and that the flop actually came. Its really like this whole life thing is a big joke. I feel set up.

I'm not even posting that hand pokerhand.org cause I don't ever wanna think about it again. If you wanna watch me go busto tonight and lose the last of my money in my account hit me up or text me and I'll let you know when I log in, you can download pokerstars on your computer and watch me.

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Things ain't so bad. When I am more financially comfortable poker is always gonna be a nice source of income to go along with whatever else I am doing for money. Other people aren't gonna ever have the skills I have. And other people are not gonna have extra income along with their job unless they wanna slang crack rocks. When I have a bigger bankroll I'm not gonna be stressed and I'm gonna be doing much better at the tables. I'm gonna be talking about how I layed down my boat when I knew this dude had a royal flush. Cause the money I'm playing with is gonna be plentiful and I'm not gonna be stressed. I have to resort to alterior methods for a perod of time before playing poker full time again. In the future I can take another shot, but for now, I'm going to have to find another way. Gonna most likely work and play till I can get enough dough to take another shot. Its not the end of the world.

I really think my true calling in life is to be a writer. I know of about six or seven people that consistently read this website. I appreciate all of you, and thanx for your text Brian, and yeah I knew yesterdays post kicked ass instantly. So I ask you to respond to my new poll. Cause I want with everything inside me to write a novel. I'm working on one and I think it people will connect with it. Please respond to the poll, it means a lot to me, and tell your friends to read some of my stuff. Nancy, Pj, Hakan, Narska, Derick, Lacobilaid, and Brian ya drunk mick bastard. Thanx for reading and making comments. Peace out, to all.

The Ability

2009-03-02T20:06:00.005-05:00

Its been countless trial and error in terms of making money playing poker. You go through a progression as a player. First you suck at the game itself. All you really know for sure is what beats what. But you don't have the slightest idea how to tell if your ahead or behind in a hand. Eventually, through experience, you begin to learn the game, and make correct plays. In time, you actually have skill.
So you think your ready to make money. Your good now, right? Wrong.
Tilt is the second obstacle you must overcome. So you master staying off tilt.
Now, you can control your emotions and your a good player. Now your ready, right? Wrong again.
You had a bad day and moved up in stakes to try and get your money back. If something goes wrong, your really screwed. Oh my God you have no idea how to manage money and have busted your roll. You need to learn bankroll management skills pal.
Okay, thats 3 important things. Your a good player, your don't go on tilt, and you only risk 5% of your bankroll per day. You got it all. Your now ready to make it as a pro. Right? Maybe...........

Ya see you think you got it all down. You've learned from all your mistakes. You have the experience and have taken measures to assure you keep making money. But your never really prepared for everything. You still haven't realized that the downswing is inevitable. No matter how well you play. No matter how well you manage your funds, and even though you stay off tilt like no other, the downswing eventually hits.

Think of the casino analogy. Casinos have a house edge on you, you in the casino gambling translates into losing for you, profit for them. You will have small upswings though. You need to walk away right after the upswings, the odds are against you and the downswing will come and you'll be broke. Concurrently the downswing exists for both the favorite(casino) and underdog (you). However the favorite's upswings will always more than compensate for the downswing. And vice versa for the underdog. But every now and then the player hits a jackpot! Think of this jackpot as a huge huge downswing for the casino. Eventually it will be repaired, but its a rather large setback.

So now the pro poker player sometimes experiences a run of cards or situations so unlucky that its like he is the casino and just surrendered a jackpot to the guests. Though he is a favorite over time, obviously just like the casino, this setback inevitably happens at times. When it happens to the casino, its all automated, the machines are there functioning the same way, maintaining their advantage. But human beings aren't automated, pro poker players are not automated. And when such variance occurs they have to keep playing as well as possible as if they were automated. They must trudge through the downswing no matter how long it may last. Easy for a machine. Not easy for a human. And we are not going to be able to keep our edge, keep the odds with us, make it so that in the longrun we get the money, unless we continually play the A game.
And in the face of the downswing the A game is just so fuckin damn hard to keep. It's so easy for a machine to keep its edge. So hard for a person, so hard for me.

A truly great, great player has no emotion. Doesn't care if he wins or losses. I fear by the only way to reach my full potential in terms of mindset is to become devoid of all emotion. Which would defeat the whole purpose of becoming good, which is to make lots of money to enjoy life. But the irony at the end of the story is by the time you figure out how to make yourself devoid of emotion, you will have all the money, but now you can't even enjoy it. If only your were full of emtion like you once were, you could enjoy the money. But you would of never got it if you were still like that. IRONY................

I am in a financial crisis because I can't play through downswings. Lets just admit right here and now. Theres been long periods of time where I can do no wrong and win, win, win, but the inevitable downswing always gets me off my game. It's not tilt. I don't go on tilt, I just have such a hard time trudging through the downswing.......

"All these kids who wanna be professional poker players. They're all just chasing fame. They have no idea what its like to play through a rough period. It's the hardest mentally tough thing I've ever had to do." -Mikey the Mouth Matusow

If your not able to keep palying your best your simply not going to recover from downswings, and your not gonna make enough moeny to survive. And then your going to be saying, I should of just kept my job and played poker. But they don't wanna hire you back cause you quit like a dick. And fuck, fuck, fuck..............

I sit at 260, started with 20 remember. Been playing real well cause I need money. But yesterday I just got raped by variance. Lost like 100 yesterday, made it all back today and a little more. I don't think I should have lost 100 yesterday, I shoulda lost like 50-70. But I wasn't playing the A game the whole time, therefore decreasing my edge, therefore now that I have finally come out of the downswing I have 260 in my account, as oppossed to 300.

The Ability.............

The Ability to play through the downswing is the hardest challenge to overcome. This issue is seperate from tilt. Its not tilt, its different, its like a form of tilt I guess, I don't know. I've been working really hard at not checking to see how much I'm up during a session. Theres no way worrying about such can help your achieve the correct mindset. For those of you who think I might be a little bitch about this and don't see the problem with being down for a little bit in a game, I'm not talking about one session. I'm talking about downswings that can last for days. So hard to continue playing each day when your not doing so hot. But you gotta or the edge will not be maintained.

Lets change the subject, oh wait here's a graph of some the last few sessions and you can see the downswing occurring.
See the huge downswing? Now that I have gotten back almost to the top, its like finally being out. But if I would have limited my losses better the bottom of the downswing would be higher up, therefore the point I'm at now would be higher up. Gobeesh? A casinos money making graph would look similar to this one, and when someone hit jackpot it would look like that huge downswing from yesterday. HAND OF THE DAY: check out this sick pot that helped pull me out of the downswing, couldn't of came at a better time. You see those two ladies brezlin has showing? Do they look scared? Copy and paste: http://www.pokerhand.org/?3935938P

Changing the subject, heres some hilarious, hilarious, shit.
http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/29/news-views-gossip/david-benefield-2-5-million-downswing-423440/

I'll just copy and paste the jist of it right here for ya if you don't feel like going there. Here:

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Originally Posted by David Benefield

I am on a 750k downswing in poker (500ish today), and I just figured out my tax total that comes to around 1.1 or 1.15m. This means, I am down 2.5 million dollars. Now, that is a lot of money in anyone’s book. I highly doubt I am as rich as some of you all think (especially now).

Anyways, I was feeling pretty ok about the tax thing when I thought I had to pay out about 700-750kish. That was something I could handle. I mean, I can handle the 1.1-1.15, but I am really really unhappy about it. I know I can be like wow I am so lucky to get to pay that much money in tax! That means I made a whole lot!

Well, yes, and no. See, the retarded stupid idiotic tax system in the united states stipulates that say, I make 500k in 2008 from Jan 1 to Dec 31 and leave it all in my FTP account. Then, on Jan 1 2009, I blow it all up, I lose EVERYTHING, all of my money. Well, the US government still wants its 230k or whatever in taxes. So, you are busto, ran it all up on a freeroll, have no job, no skills, and will be paying off that 230k in taxes for the rest of your life. Isn’t that awesome? I think it’s awesome.

I wish my downswing happened at the end of last year instead of the beginning of this year. I have nothing to write my losses off against now, which is absolutely ridiculous. So basically, I need to go on mega heater for the rest of the year and cross fingers I break even. Isn’t that stupid? The last thing I want to do right now is play poker, but over the next year I am going to have to play a bunch just so I don’t get screwed on taxes. Sweet.
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Frank back, talking again, sorry about the new font, all this copy and pasting screwed something up. Anyway this poor bastard Mr. Benefield, pretty much has to pay taxes on money he made, but lost the actual money, well you understand. The government really needs to give him a break. I love the part where he says "So, you are busto, ran it all up on a freeroll, have no job, no skills, and will be paying off that 230k in taxes for the rest of your life. Isn’t that awesome? I think it’s awesome." Thats great comedy. Isn't that awsome? I think it's awsome. Thats sick sarcasm had me laughing my ass off.

Hey guys my name is Frank. I am a professional poker player with 260 dollars in his account. Yeah! 260 smackers, I get to play super lowstakes with superdonks for a very long time and when I finally have more money I may still fuck that up cause it's so hard to play through a downswing. Isn't that awsome? I think it's awsome.

Upswings and Downswings

2009-02-28T22:44:00.007-05:00

When I was in college I had a very big ego. Not really about anything except poker. I didn't think I was a big time ladies man who every girl wanted, or the smartest guy out there, or generally just better than anyone. But I did believe I was like the God's gift to poker. The kids I played with all the time all would acknowledge that I was a solid player. But no one really thought I was the clear cut best player they ever met. But I definately could say everyone felt I was one of the better players among our poker circle. This one kid Drew I used to play with a lot was a real one upper and he probably would say I sucked, now and then. He was the type of guy who was a real nay sayer though. I can't stand one uppers, or nay sayers........

Anyway I soon foundout I really wasn't that good when I first lived next to Turning Stone for a summer. I was a real tiltbox back then. Halfway through the summer I kind of got the hang of it and the casino felt like another home game in college. I'm not gonna go through a synopsis of my entire poker progression at the moment. Excpet to say that at this point I feel I am very capable of making money conistently because my skill is simply better than most of my opponents and it always translates into profit over time.

Still though, all this only works out when I'm playing at my best. The ability to conistently play my best is a never ending battle. I don't really know how to guarantee I can keep it up forever. It was just so important to me for the longest time to play poker and only poker as a career. I felt like having a job was like saying your not that good, and thats why you need one.

"The only difference between a professional and an amatuer is that a professional has no other way to make money when he is running bad."

The title of amatuer once was one of shame to me. The title of professional was one of utmost esteem. But I guess thats really not a realistic way to think of it anymore. The upswing and the downswing is just to irritating to deal with. I am really annoyed that last night I had 250 in my account and now I have 200. I started yesterday when I was at 221, got up to 250 at one point, and then was finished at 220. Lost 20 more today and now have 200.

Time and time again, I tell myself. Just look at the amount of money you have right now. Right now is all that matters. The past is irrelevant. Just play well all the time, don't worry about the swings, just play well, stay off tilt, and be manage the moeny you have inteliigently, and your money will always increase. It's true, so why is it still so annoying to deal with swings?

When I had 170, and went on tilt and ended the day with 69, all I could think about was that number 170. Wish I had 170, 170, 170, God I wish I had 170. Then I remembered the above paragraph. Remembered that as long as I have 69 I just gotta play well, stay off tilt, and manage the money responsibly and it will increase. And then I had 221.

Now I downswing down to 200 and I hate having 200, cause I know at one point last night I had 250. Now I can't stop thinking about 250. But remember when I downswung from 170 to 69 and was all pissed off, wishing I had 170 again, wishing so hard. But now I have 200 and Im pissed about it, which is more than 170, but I remain pissed. It makes no sense. I just can't seem to get off my high point...............

Fast forward to a day later, I just signed in and see that I started writing this blog yesterday and didn't finish. I now have 255 in my account. So I surpassed my previous high point. Yet at one point yesterday I had 275 and now I'm thinking about that and am not happy with 255. Even though I was pissed yesterday that I went from 250 to 200. I guess its a never ending cycle. But I sit with 255 right now. I like checking in my office every morning and seeing how much I have in my bankroll. My bankroll is very small right now, but it started with 20 fuckin dollars, so lets be happy. I'm taking it very slow, but it is growing. I'm trying to get to Atlantic City by next weekend. I'm gonna do some serious grinding all week, I'd like to get to 500 by Friday. This time when I get a grand or two together I promise I'm never going to have to rebuild again. I am not going through this bullshit ever again.

I am going to enact a 40 buy in rule. I used to do a 20 buy in rule and I would 4 table 50 max with 1000 bucks. Fuck that, gonna wait till 2000 to do that. I'm just looking forward to having 1000 and 4 tabling 25 max at this point. Technically I don't even have enough to play 5c 10c right now, lol, cause I'm suppossed to have 400 aka 40 buyins. But whatever. And I'm really not being irresponsible by saying whatever in this case. It's already pathetic enough that I'm playing 5c 10c, and I have been winning at it consistently.

There is no upswing without downswing. Even if you could see through people's cards you would still experience periods of regression. When I'm on my game my money slowly rises. There are tiny downswings followed by large upswings. The upswings are always larger than the downswings, and even though the downswings are more frequent, the upswings always more than compensate. Thats how it works. Thats the only way it works, no one, not even Jesus, goes straight up, there is always a couple of steps backwards prior to any giant leaps forward. Thats just the way poker is set up. So theoretically there is no reason to stress over having had a little less money in your account than you had. You just keep on trucking and you always reach a new high point. SO STOP STRESSING FRANK....... damn, your such a fuckin lutz. I don't know what a lutz is, but it feels right to say. Maybe a combination between a clutz and a worried fuck.

Funny how during my 5c 10c session last night I lost the biggest pot when I was up 40 bucks for the session and my kings ran into aces preflop. So I lost almost full buy in there and then only won 30 for the session. I wanted to fold really bad, but he had like 6 bucks. Still, the biggest pot I lost all session. It was a really nice session, biggest pot I lost was 6 bucks and it was a cooler. Its just really sick how bad I wanted to lay it down. I happenned to lay down kings twice earlier that day, and I never actually saw my opponents cards.

One time I reraised with KK and this dude shoves all in without hesitation for like 13 bucks. I was the only player at the table who could stack him and he still moved in. I am really worried he has aces. So I type in the chatbox, "show if I fold?" and by what he typed back I knew he didn't have aces. I'm not going to explain what he said, and why I knew, to complicated to explain. I'm about to hit call, and the timer runs out and my hand was autofolded.

Usually online I can't use my superweapon that conquers all. Which is the 'ol questin. "Will you show me if I fold?" the way they answer this question always tells me what they have. Obviously they don't tell me directly, but indirectly they tell me. They don't even know they're giving away info cause they don't understand how pyscholigical poker is. So they ahve no problem talking to me. Ofcourse this supermove only works in live poker. But yesterday I typed the question in the chatbox, thinking maybe he'll say something, and whatta ya know, he starts typing all this shit. I knew he was weak. Its very rare that I get to use my special move online. But the fuckin timer ran out as soon as I figured out KK was good. Shame.

I hate to reveal my secret move, good thing no one reads my fuckin website. But in case you are reading. CLose your fuckin mouth when you play poker, if a good player is asking you questions during a hand, don't fuckin say anything. I know it seems really unbelievable to you that people could figure out what you have just by talking to you, but trust me they can. I can't even tell you how many more correct decisions I have made while playing live poker due the 'ol "Will you show me if I fold?" question. It's a gem.

So I folded kings twice actually during the session when I should called. Once by accident. And the once time I did call, the guy had aces. What a game. Thats why you manage your money smart, cause swings are inevitable. Look down on me for playing 5c 10c all you want. But I'm sticking with this 40 buy ins rule, and when I get to the top I'm staying there. Cause I ain't moving up until my bankroll is right.

I feel very good about my game as of late and am looking forward to big things soon down the road. Heres an updated graph of all 5c 10c 4tabling.

This graph is since December when I put in some crappy sessions. The downswing in the middle was during a time when my mindset wasn't exactly as clear as it is now. I don't expect anything like that in the future. But overall the graph is rising. The rather large upswing is all from the last few days. Since February 17th, when I began rebuilding and had enough money to play this stakes, I'm up 234 bucks after 8,000 hands. Making 9 bucks an hour. The following is a graph of all sessions since Feb 17th, and looks much better. I consider it the only graph that matters cause I've rebuilt a whole other bankroll and its a clean slate.
This graph represents the new bankroll and in the future the 40 buy in rule will always be used. I will post all new graphs starting from this date. Just remember 9 dollars an hour with super low stakes. When we get to higher levels the hourly rates are gonna increase drastically. See ya soon with more upswinging graphs, and a month or so down the line we'll be movin on up to the next level. Peace out all.............

ITS OFFICIAL

2009-02-24T17:10:00.005-05:00

Okay, I really think I may be completely insane. At this point I think its official. Last night I went crazy again playing online. Started the day sitting on 140. End with 69. I kinda wanna just never play poker again. I could take the 69 dollars I have an start playing smart again and it will eventually be 140 again, and then 200. And then 500 and so on. But shit, I'm always risking the possibility that I go comepletely insane again. I don't even wanna play today, I just wanna sell my fuckin car. I may have a buyer lined up, but I expect something to go wrong. He'll find something else, or change his mind, I don't know. Hopefully things work out.
I threw off my sleep schedule and I believe thats why I went crazy last night. When you wake up and don't even see any daylight, its hard to sit down and be disciplined. I remember back when I had money, this sort of thing occuring.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Damn.... what happened?

Pretty much the same kind of post. I get up during the night, and then my opponents were just really pissing me off. And I have a Mike Matusow blow up. I'm gonna be playing low stakes forever at this point. I really do make good money when I'm not going insane. What can I do to keep myself sane at all times. I think I need to prevent this sleep schedule foul up from ever happenning again. Starting tomorrow I'm going to start sticking to a schedule, so I can ensure I'll always be up during the day and asleep at night.

11-12 am- wake up, drink coffee, make breakfast, eat fish oil (pills that make u smart)

12pm-2pm- run the treadmill, stretch out, lift some shit, relax

2pm-6pm play online poker

630pm- eat dinner

7pm- 9m Blog, post hand of the day on hand replayer, Write

9pm- 3am- eat fish oil, chill

3am- eat fish oil, sleep

Gonna try this shit out tomorrow, gonna use an alarm clock, set it for 11am and sleep till 12 if I want. I used to say my goal in life was to never use an alarm clock and still make money, I'm seeing now that it can't really work that way. I guess what really pissed me off last night once this one guy in the first sit and go I played. He would just raise every hand and bet every flop, and you kinda just had to let him win. Because he would call everything. Theres nothing you can do about a player like this. Like if you reraised him because you know he had nothing, which was obvious, he would call with whatever garbage he had. he called my all in with KJsuited. He called this other guys all in with a flush draw when he had nothing invested in the pot. How can you defeat a player like this? If you have nothing, and he bets every flop and calls everything? I just don't know what to do against this type. Ya see there is really nothing you can do because there the comacozzi type. They don't care if they lose. If you decide to raise the because you know they have shit, they're gonna call anyway. So unless you have something, you kinda just have to let em win. Its really sick...........
It was also pretty sick when I used jsut 15 dollars to play someone headsup and was up to 30. This guy rebuys for another 20, later on I had 25 and he had 25 and then I flopped a straight with Q10 as the flop came AKJ. I bet and he moves all in with a pair of jacks. The turn and river comes J, J. Giving him four of a kind jacks. So my 15 should been turned into 50, but it was turned into 0 after that suckout. On the flop, when all the money went in, his chance of winning was 3 out of 100. So my 97% favorite didn't hold up........ (sighs, shakes head)

If I can sell this car and have some pocket change I won't care how low of stakes I have to play as long as I keep growing. Lets pray everything works out and then I can get things going again and be moved out of my house in a few months.
I often fear I am running out of time. In 5 years I will be 30. I don't wanna be that old. I need to get things in order now, before I'm old and its too late.

AnXiety

2009-02-23T08:07:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety at the moment, all a day as a matter of fact. It's 8 am and I can't sleep all night. Should be passin out soon, but I guess I fucked up my sleep schedule again. I hate more than anything when I'm up all night and asleep all day. Gonna have to stay up longer than I want to at some point soon, won't be today though.
Before I continue, I would like to thank anyone who consitently reads this blog. I really do appreciate you coming back again and again. I might not even have kept writing if I didn't know at least a few people are listening.
Yo, I'm feeling anxiety over the movie business. It appears I fail to understand how much scheduling and planning goes into making these movies. I keep telling people we should get started on another right away. And they keep telling me that it doesn't work that way. Not everyone is a professional poker player who only works when he or she feels like it. It's near impossible to get everyone together again, and it's been hard for me to comprehend. I have been fighting with the producer and we really got mad at each other last time. It's causing me anxiety.
Franicisco, who wrote and directed the war movie we just finished, wants to shoot another war movie, 5 more in fact, and we won't even be starting that till summer. And even after summer, he still wants 5 movies done. The guys who worked on the war movie with me are all excited about the scripts, but I really have no idea how were gonna make them anytime soon due to all the scheduling bullshit and the fact that Francisco is all about the war series.
Don't get me wrong I'm all about the war series, I loved making the first one. But I really think our comedy ideas are gold, and just want them made. I am going to write them first, once I have the scripts, then its a more plausible idea to make a reality. But even if I do, the war series is coming first. But writing the scripts can't hurt. We have about 5 seperate ideas for comedy skits
that I just feel are completely and totally hilarious. Gold Jerry! Gold! I honestly believe getting them made and shown to the world will make something good happen. I really need to talk to Francisco but he doesn't answer his phone.

I'm doing well in poker, though rising very slowly. I didn't do much since last post. On the weekends I don't really play to much, I only have made like 20 more bucks since last post. But it's monday now, so today till Friday I will be putting in a lot of hours of cash games and really increasing my bankroll. It's still going to be a slow process though, as I need to take it slow to ensure I keep profiting. I could try to win a lot fast, but then I would risk going busto. Gonna take it slow, sticking with 5% rule. I'm up to about 130 now, so that means only 6 dollars at risk at a time. Slow, and tedious, but making progress.

I don't wanna start talking about BBL, but I just had such an intense dream last night. I used to talk about her a lot on here. But then I decided it was stupid and to crazy to really share with the public. But this dream was so intense last night I just can't help but mention it. First of all I took down a picture of a certain actress that I had on a post in like October or something because I realized she looked to much like BBL. Like I didn't even realize that she looks exactly fuckin like her, except different hair color and doesn't have blue eyes. But otherwise very very similar. And her body type was like exactly the same. So everytime I looked at this post I would get upset so I took her down, and can never post her on this website again. Its a shame and it's all that bitch BBL's fault. I promised myself not to watch the show she is on for the same reasons. But I always find myself turning on this stupid show I hate, just to see her. Damnit........

Whatever I woulda had the dream either way almost certainly. This dream was so fuckin nuts, I'm not going into exactly what happened. But it was as if in my dream i was remembering a scenario that didn't happen in real life with BBL. But in my dream I was remembering a past dream about her. As if this past dream was so intense, and so deeply rooted in my subconscious, that only another dream could make me remember it. Now I remember both dreams. But I'm not sure if last night was just the same dream, or my mind just thinking about the first dream while I was asleep. The crazy thing is last night while I'm dreaming, the whole time I thought it was all really happening, or really had. Hard to explain. I hope never to mention her again on here. Just felt it was necessary today. If you could only see how intense these dreams are, it's unlike anything I've ever felt in my life. I really can not see any other scenario where I will feel feeling this deep and intense for the rest of my life.

People that are afraid to try drugs are essentially afraid because of the possibility of becoming addicted. Perhaps fear of overdose is also a good reason to avoid drugs. I've never pumped heroine into my veins so I guess I can't speak as if I'm an authority on the subject, but are you really that scared of getting addicted to a substance? I believe its slightly ignorant to use a horror story about what happens to some people, stop you from enjoying certain things in life. It's not even a question of will power, I mean how stupid do you have to be to actually feel that drugs could get a stronger hold on you than a girl?
Try having the girl you love more than life itself one day out of the blue decide to never talk to you again. Just like that......... And theres not a damn thing you can do about it. Thats withdrawal pal. Thats withdrawal. And you can't just kick your coke habit when it's becoming a problem? Your a fuckin pussy then. Fuck you, and fuck any conformist pussy who doesn't think for themself. When your girl bounces out, it doesn't matter who you know, how much money you got, how far your willing to travel, how many numbers or connections you got, doesn't matter who your willing to rob or kill or whatever. Theres nothing you can do to get more. Your just screwed................

Ight, getting a little crazy here, lets change the subject. Watch this video dudes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YrnSDehsBI

I know why he makes this call. I knew he was gonna call. A donkey calls here cause he doesn't know any better. A good player folds cause any player that knows anything about poker folds here. But a superstar does the same thing a donkey does. But for different reasons. If you don't understand what I mean, then you gotta work on your game. What a sick fuckin hand............

Reunions, the Knicks and Sit and Gos

2009-02-20T00:35:00.006-05:00

Yeah so I'm feeling good about poker as of late. Making progress, though the amount of money I have is scarce and few, I am still increasing it daily. I started today with 67 buckers and end with 112. Still gonna have to sell my car so I can pay off some stuff off and have spending cash until I build up high enough. I really gotta get that done tomorrow. It's an old car I never drive in case you don't know, lol. I was just reading this and realized how bad that might look. The car just sits there and has to go for many reasons.
I'm pretty much using a 5% rule for sit and gos and a 5% rule for cash games, its tedious and annoying but it works and if I don't stick to it I'm gonna be broke again. So, so, so annoying play this low of stakes. Even more annoying how I've gonna through all this bullshit already and had a bigger roll and ofcourse as soon as I had a few G's I was foolish with it. Now gotta do it again, I swore last time after rebuilding I was never gonna have to do this bullshit again. Ah, maybe next time there wont be a next time, ya feel me?
So I'm looking at my account today with 67 buckers and saying, ok how do I use this measly 67 bucks and make it grow? Well I'm playing 3 dollar fuckin sit and gos all day. U fuckin believe this shit? 3 fuckin dollars little tournys. I won a lot of em today. They start with 6 ppl, and 2nd place makes like 3.50 profit, and first makes like 8 bucks profit. The other 4 lose their money. I believe I won like 4, came in second once, and lost once today. I'm rather good at them. And I played 5c 10c cash games. Fuckin microstakes are so annoying. I was buying in for 5 bucks at each table. I played like 1500 hands yesterday and made like 17 bucks, and 750 hands today and made like 19 bucks. LOL...................
But whatever progress is progress, as long as the money keeps increasing, and the money is managed properly and no bankroll overbetting takes place. A few days back I had a measly 20 bucks, remember? So now I've got 110, lets see, divide by 5%, means I can risk 5.5 dollars at a time, when I hit 125 I can start playing 6 dollar sit and gos and I'll be making 6.50 for ever 2nd place finish, and like 16 bucks for every 1st. And I will continue cash gaming it up. Though I don't wanna play 25 max till I have 40 buyins, aka 1000 dollars, aka one G.
Member back in October when I turned that 10 bucks into a 2 grand? Well shit, 20 has become 110. Soon it will be 200, then 500, and next time I get up to 2 grand, I'm not gonna fuck it up.
I like how things are going right now, I like how I'm playing, I feel like my old self again. I was watching this weeks poker after dark and Taylor Caby was on and the announcer, I can't think of his damn name, and I feel bad cause he's a good player. Damnit. Anyway the announcer informed the audience how Taylor Caby lost his first 35 dollar deposit on pokerstars, or full tilt wherever the hell he plays, but turned his next 35 dollar deposit into 6 figures.
Well If I can turn 10 in 2,000 then I can do it too. I used to not understand how these guys turn 35 bucks into 6 figures. But turning 10 into 2,000 really makes me see. Its all the stuff I was posting about way back in october. Staying off tilt, and continuing to make intelliegent decisions with the money you have. And keep playing your ass off, never slack off. And never overbet your bankroll. I feel great, I feel like I'm back. Anyway Taylor Caby is getting his ass handed to him in this cash game last night, all week pretty much, and he doesn't ever tilt. You can see why he turned 35 bucks into 6 figures. He kept having to fold, but he was pretty much always beat when he did. And he never got frustrated and made any stupid calls. Sometimes you feel like your getting pushed around at a table when you keep losing pots, but most of the time, you were actually facing better hands and have made correct folds the whole time. Remember kids, sometimes your just gonna lose pots, the trick is not to lose more than you should. Because the tide is gonna turn, mathematically it is inevitable. So when you start winning hands your gonna be up that much more cause you lost as little as you could when you were getting shafted. If you go on tilt when your losing and fail to understand sometimes losing is inevitable, you will 3-4 times as much as you shoulda lost. Then when you start winning your not up nearly as much as you should be.
Accept losing at times, know how to lose the right way or you'll never be a winner. Poker wisdon from me. Something I didn't really fully understand until I moved to Atlantic City in February 2008. I calculated that in my 2 months living in AC playing 1,2 everyday I won like somewhere between 5-6 grand. And I should have actually won 8-9 grand, but certain days where things werent going my way I lost more than I should have.

The Knicks make a nice trade. They acquired sharpshooter Larry Hughes from the Chicago Bulls in exchange for Tim Thomas, Jerome James and Anthony Roberson. Losing 3 Knicks that never really played much anyway and gaining a solid scorer. Nice, nice, nice, nice.........
Also sending Malik Rose and cash considerations to the Oklahoma City Thunder for Chris Wilcox.
Malik never really played either. So a couple of nice trades, the Knicks are definately a better team now. And they didn't have to give up any fan favorites. If the Knicks ever traded Nate Robinson or David Lee I would not watch them anymore. I mean I probly would after a few months, but it would really piss me off. Anyway props to Donny Walsh who has been a good GM and I feel he will land Lebron in 2010. Chris Wilcox gives us a shot blocker, which is one thing the Knicks really needed.

I got a message on facebook today from my old roomate and were apparently having an Oneonta reunion. The message was sent to a bunch of my old friends and I'm hoping they will all make it out there when the time comes. I definately will be down for it. I really miss college sometimes and didn't really appreciate it when I was there. Whenever I think about meeting with my old college buddies I always wanna just get wasted drunk. I'm not a drinker at all, and hardly ever drink but just thinking about college, I always just wanna get shitfaced. Strange, I don't know why that is. I'm really looking forward to going back and hope everyone makes it.

Wanna see some ridiculous bad beats aka suckouts I took today? This one isn't a lot of money, but this guy is such a doof. Remember, I play as brezlin. http://www.pokerhand.org/?3884768P

What a donk, lol. Takin it all in stride............. Heres a graph of my progress playing super low micro stakes (5cent 10cent) 10 max NLH. I'm up 47 bucks in 2,500 hands. I'm averaging 9.3 big blinds per 100 hands. 9.3BB/100 is a good winrate. The big blind is 10 cents. So I make about 93 cents every 100 hands. I've played 2,566 hands total. You do the math, I have it all on my poker tracker already. Here's 3 sessions of grinding the micros:

Slowly Getting the Swagger Back

2009-02-18T18:38:00.004-05:00

Well you all now of my recent financial troubles. I seem to have no patience anymore playing online poker, or live for that matter. The way people bet just pisses me off. The fact that you can't bluff anyone cause everyone is to stupid to fold. The way these people constantly play garbage cards in position and then bet every time you check. If you know they also don't have anything and want to raise them so they can't steal the pot, they call you with whatever they have because they don't really understand the game. If you decide its time to make a move and you have nothing, your gonna get called because these players give into frustration and make bad calls like its their purpose in life. When you have a hand they call and you take their money, when you don't they call. So you better have something when you bet. And unfortunately a lot of the time you just have to let people steal the pot. You have to wait it out, and let the idiots win the small ones, and wait to win the big ones. Thats just the way it is.
For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. For every playing strategy there is a way to exploit it. The doosh's that call everything and bet every time you check, their kryptonite is when you actually have something there "I'm not going to fold" attitude sends them packing.
Its this kind of scum that won't even let you steal the blinds in a tourny with KQ because they will call you with Ace 5 everytime, and then your in an unfortunate situation, a coin flip for all your chips. But these dooshbags also will hand you their money on a silver platter when you push with AK AQ, cause they still will call with the ace rag.
Their logic is always I better call in case he is bluffing. Their logic is "I don't wanna fold if I woulda won."
They still don't get it, it just hasn't sunk in yet. Like that wonderful young girl, only attracted to scumbag guys. One day she'll see.

Anyway, my buddy sent me 20 bucks the other day and its been almost a week, def less than a week, but its been a while and i only have 66 bucks. For a while I couldn't even get it above 20, kept screwing up, kept getting all pissed off at players. Just couldn't do anything right.

I don't know, lately I feel calmer and don't mind low stakes. When I had been thinking about all the bad financial decisions I have made, and how I should have never quit my job. How I actually thought I didn't wanna live in NY anymore. How I made all these decisions putting poker in the foreground and just neglecting everything else, its all based on the plans I made while I was in college. I set out to reach my dream, and had a certain plan and nothing was more important to me. I just didn't see any way to fully live life if I stayed here in NY where I've always lived. And I've not taken full advantage of the oppurtunities that lie here. If anyone could understand the shitstorm that happenned to me in college and the conclusion I took from the experience they would understand.

But now I'm here, and with all these movies to make I don't see myself leaving. And I do regret quitting my job very much. Living a life with no structure is not healthy at all. But I kept thinking about the sucess I have had playing poker. They way the swinginess of my success does not depend on luck, but on mindset. My mindset has been so fucked so much of the time. When I am playing well I have just as much bad luck as I do good luck, but I always make it through in one piece. When my mindset is fucked I let the bad luck bring me down and cause big big losses.

There is no way my periods of success are a fluke. Theres no way it was just a lucky run. Because I've won to consistently for too long a period of time. It a mathematical impossibility for my runs of success to be a fluke. Just look back at December:

12/8 25max NLH 1505 hands +283
12/9 25max NLH 1536 hands -70
12/10 25max, 50max NLH 1503 hands +367
12/16 25max, 50max NLH 1504 hands +265
12/17 25max, 50max NLH 1519 hands +206
12/18 25max, 50max NLH 1508 hands +140
12/19 50max NLH 1514 hands +349

This is 1500 hands a day, for 7 days, thats approximately 10,500 hands. Where I came out ahead a grand total of 1540 dollars.

10,500 hands in the casino would take months. Probly more. But then I had the horrid day on Christmas which cost me like 5-600 and then paying back Narska 1000, I got financially fuct and things have been downhill since. Its cause the financial hits cause a shift in the mindset that makes your swagger dissapear and transforms your game into more of a style that doing what I call 'overcompensating' trying to win money, as oppossed to make the right decision.

I know the downswings are not a virtue of luck. What, was December just a lucky month? No. I have not been any luckier or unluckier in January than December. I just wasn't in the right mindset. Its so hard to explain.

Can you make the argument that maybe professional poker is not a steady income because you can't guarantee your won't go insane from it? Yes.

But can you make the argument that losing streaks are caused by bad luck? No.

People who succeed at this shit are just so good at not worrying about shit. There game never really changes. I can think of times in Atlantic City when I could do no wrong for a month straight. Yeah I had bad days, but they didn't matter, cause I knew good days were far plentier. I can think of days online, same thing.

But I can think of so many days in AC and online where I was a wreck, freaking out financially. It's like I either can't win at all, or can't lose at all. Theres no inbetween with me. But if there are long periods of time where all I do is win, then I should be able to stay like that 100% of the time. Right? I just know that I can still do this. I am not a complete idiot for the decisions I've made. You take bad beats every day, your on the wrong end of coolers everyday, but when you got your swagger you get through it. When your mindset is fuct, its just a freefall.

Here are some sick, sick hands that happenned to me today playing super low stakes cash games. Remember I play as Brezlin. http://www.pokerhand.org/?3878406P

Thats a cooler. Not a suckout. A suckout is when you lose to someone who should not of stuck thier money in against you. When someones makes a mistake, and then catches a miracle card to beat you, its a suckout. A cooler is just both players having unfoldable hands. I kind of felt like he might have AA there. I remember thinking how Doyle Brunson got knocked out the WSOP main event one year when he flopped top 2 with AQ, only to run into a set of QQ. All 4 queens chillin right in the front of the deck. Well I suspected it was happenning to me, but I couldn't fold it.
What a cooler.

Here is an example of a suckout I took today. http://www.pokerhand.org/?3878430P

This was just ridiculous. I really got screwed on some pots today and was put in a few unavoidable money loss situations. Stuff like this will drive you insane when your playing bad. When your playing well, you shake it off like a man. I was up like 38 bucks at one point, but finish only up 16. Damn these low stakes blow. Just gotta keep playing well and I'll be back at 25c 50c making over 1k a week again.

I feel the swagger coming back. I intend to exercise a 40 buy in rule for cash games online from now on. Forget the 20 buy in rule. I'm not moving up to 25c 50c till I have 2k. Peace out all, heres another picture from "The Penicilin Advance" Don't we look badass?

If your name isn't PJ, you don't have to read this:

Not cool PJ. Not cool at all dude.

Almost Finished

2009-02-15T15:24:00.005-05:00

We wrapped up shooting last night, so my part is done. The film is almost fully complete. Now the director, Francisco and his crew will just have to do all the editing and the movie will be ready to watch. I have seen random clips on the crew's laptops but these scenes didn't have sound edited in and will be much different once the finish product is released. Obviously I haven't seen anything in any kind of order, so I'm almost as much in the dark as anyone as to what the final cut will actually look like.

See me, Frank Carlino as wise cracking Private Bailey, an American soldier in the last days of World War II.

"The Penicillin Advance" coming to a theater near you or should I say we will be handing out as many CD's as we can of the film, reserve yours today. I estimate about 2 weeks before editing is done and the movie is officially released. It should run about 20-30 minutes.

Regarding poker, I don't even wanna talk about it. Still can't take the low stakes seriously and am not getting anywhere. Trying to sell my car so I can start playing for something that matters. My heads all about the movie right now. And I wanna start writing a lot of my novel per day. Everyone in the crew and the cast got along great and there wasn't any arguments or conflict at all in 4 long days and nights of shooting. We will work together again for sure and make many more movies, everyone has a lot of ideas for future projects. Peace out everybody.

Another New Lease on Life

2009-02-12T16:10:00.003-05:00

I have a whole lot to say at the moment. Don't know how much of it I'll remember by the time this post is done. But anyway I can't stop thinking if how I ran 10 bucks up to 2,000 back in November. I had no choice, having just returned from Atlantic City, broke as a joke after the robbery and the unfortunate chain of events that followed as a result of such a robbery.
There was many posts in November as I look back, with titles like "Damn I play well when I'm broke" and then gradually titles like "Back in business" and then "Stock Rising"
But recently I can't seem to talk about anything but rock bottom. And then its always another post that says something about how I'm gonna play good from now on. But then I'm broke once again. Its really really sick how last week I posted all this shit about how I really had my mindset straight, and I called the post a special one because I had come to some sort of an epiphany and I said I had to find an especially hot girl for this post. So I posted up Taylor Swift, ha. She is cute as hell though, but I coulda found better.
I was in a really good mindset for a couple of days but I fell out of it. And that measly 12 bucks I had went from 12 to 61 then the next day 61 t0 105, then 105 to 145
Smooth sailing right? But then the 145 became 101, and then the next day it was all gone.

After that long long post about how I was just gonna keep it growing, I still fucked it up. And I was broke, still am, but I was broke then and I still played bad. I mean look at these posts "The Winning Mindset" from January. I was so frigen zoned in, it really seemed like I was on the right track. I still can't believe I went back to zero. Then there is that other post in January called "Mindknumbingly confident" I talked so much shit and fuct it all up. What a stunad!

Then in the first February post I eluded to losing the little money I had as a backdrop for talking about the movie I was in. And since then I've just been avoiding posting like I always do when I'm not making shit.

Well tomorrow we rap up the movie shoot. I have not been able to get a haircut or shave for weeks and I feel like shit about it cause I want shorter hair real bad. But I can't fuck up the movies continuity. Were already keeping our fingers crossed about enough snow being on the ground like there was last time.

Once the movie is done I may actually consider working somewhere cause I don't know what else to do. I can't really sell my car anymore cause it doesn't work at all. I have no money to play with. Well thats not entirely true. I got 20. Ha! Ha aha ahhaa haha. 20, and were gonna plan out what were gonna do with this 20 smackers in a second.

Now what really is a profesional poker player? In my opinion a true pro isn't just good at the game and better than most of the people he or she plays, but posseses that one quality. The ability to look at an amount of money, however big or small and make it grow.

U ever heard about the Chris Ferguson challenge, this guy start with a buck on full tilt poker and ran it up to 10k. Patience, discipline, tilt control, and money management.

Like I've said a million time before, skill is only half the battle.

Now lets try and determine exactly what happens to screw everything up.

Last time, I took my 12 bucks and ran it up to 61. Then the next day 61 to 105, then 105 to 145.
145 was my high point and I had a set back and stood at 101.

This is where everything goes to shit. The natural human thought process is "Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had 145 now I have 100!!!!!!!! Thats 45 less than what I had!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I had 145 again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit!!!!!! Shit!!!!!!!!!!!! Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ok, yeah it sucks to lose money, no one like to lose money but theoretically it really makes no sense to think, or feel this way under any circumstances. Now I've talked about this before, and thought I had ingrained this concept into my head, but I don't believe I have fully embraced it, in light of my recent fuckup.

Right now there is a big time, high high stakes, super high nosebleed stakes pro poker player who just dropped 450,000 smackers in a No Limit Holdem and Pot Limit Omaha mixed game consisting of 500 and 1,000 dollar blinds.

He feels like shit right? His networth was 5 million, now its only 4.5 million. He lost half a mill! He's sick, and his play may be effected by this, causing a downswing.

At the exact same time some doofy 18 year old has just entered a 50 dollar tournament and took it down, making 600 bucks, he is so happy he's doing cartwheels. He's got 600 in his pocket, time to party right?

Now if aliens are watching this with thier little telescopes (Jerry Sienfeld<----)..........
they must be pretty confused. Why is the guy with 600 dollars happy and the guy with 4.5 million sad?

Why? Because human being generally are to quick to jump to emotional conclusions. This is probably the reason they are so proned to violence. Ya see money is all relative. People don't want money, they want more money. And upswing is desired, progress is desired, and stepping back and appreciating what you have often flys out the window.

It doesn't matter what you have if you had more yesterday right? Wrong. But thats our first instinct. Next time you are on a downswing remember that all you can do is think about the money you have right now. Think about the best possible options you can take right now with what you have right now, the past is irrelevant.

So when I started the day with 145 last week and ended with 101, I was frustrated and couldn't stand that I didn't make progress. I couldn't stand that I was set back.

But now its a week later and I'm happy I have 20, and an oppurtunity to grow it. I wish I had 101 dollars now. Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had back then.

Perhaps taking breaks will help you calm down and see the big picture. But I wanna be in a mindset where I don't have to. I just wanna be a Zen master, impervious to selfish desires of the world.

I guess I'm taking my 20 bucks and playing 1 dollar tournies. As long as I stay smart I won't ever have to deal with this bullshit again. But once I have more than 20 I will be happy. An upswing is coming.

Can't Sleep

2009-02-10T04:01:00.002-05:00

I got up at 9:30 in the am and it 4am now and I still just can't pass out. I have been rewriting my novel tonight, got like 2-3 pages done with good grammer this time. I think I might not be able to sleep cause I start thinking about my novel and my brain doesn't wanna stop going and I get to excited.

This clip is the funniest fuckin thing I have ever seen in my life:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8e6-IeQ0aw&feature=related

This girl looks good with short hair. That's revolutionary stuff. She looks real real good with long hair though. She kinds of looks like Kristen Bell but as a brunette. I'm going to call my agent and get him to schedule a menage a trois' with those two sexy bitches tomorrow.

Anyway don't have much to talk about as of now. Still haven't solved this financial crisis and I don't wanna think about it right now. Just can't sleep so I'm writing. This friday and saturday we are rapping up filming on our world war II movie. I can't wait to watch it. I hear were making 4 other films with the same characters. Each movie will have a different main character, so I'll have to star in 1 of them. Independant film making is great, and writing is great. I don't see how much poker may be in my future anymore. When I was a kid I was all about movies, I don't know if I'm meant not to pursue creative ventures. To be good at poker you have to truly make yourself inhumane in your ability to supress emotion. But emotion is what makes you human and makes you create great art.

I don't know man. I just don't know. I'm still gonna play, I will always play........

Makin Moves, Makin Movies

2009-02-04T19:58:00.004-05:00

I can't seem to play good anymore. Since last post I seem to have reverted back to playing bad. I have been trying, just can't seem to get anything going. I had like 145 the other day now I have 45, and can't seem to make any progress. It is very depressing, I don't know what to do. Gonna try again tomorrow, but the low stakes continue to drive me insane.

Anyway, on a better note, I am in an independant film. I worked on it last weekend and it was a real tough time. When you make a movie your on set all day just to shoot like 8 mins worth of film. It was also freezing cold outside. And were not even done, I still have to go back next weekend and wrap up a few more scenes. I play a smartass American soldier. It's a World War II movie. Its called "The Penicilin Advance" its sort of a comedy.

We have all been working our asses off and freezing them off to get this done, and I can't wait till it's finished. Were even going to take it a short film festival. Heres some pictures from the set:

Thats me second from left. And at the far right is my buddy from highschool Francisco Dejesus who is also the director. The guy in the middle is obviously a nazi soldier.

Thats a picture of the American soldiers as we captured Nazis and are now showing them how we got their flag, with a couple of smirks.

Making movies is a great rewarding experience. I feel a sense of accomplishment, its not like just playing poker and having a skill that doesn't really help anyone but yourself. I want to make more movies after this one with this group of people. The camera crew really knows their shit. Poker is perfect now cause I can have a way to make money on my own time, so i have more time to pursue things I really love, like making movies. So I really gotta get back into the swing of things on the poker front, I am just so frustrated for weeks now. Buy my car!
With poker I'll never have to miss a movie shoot cause of some job I am committed too. I'm gonna make it work and enjoy the freedom of professional poker, so it's still good in that sense. But yeah, there is more to life than just playing poker all day and I want to be more involved in other things. I have many ideas of more movies to make with these people, and I'm sure they would be down for it. I am still a writer at heart, but acting is great too.

It was really easy for me to play a smartass soldier, I was just being myself, but to the extreme. We should be done filming in 2 weeks and the movie should be fully edited and completely finished in a month.

Tomorrow I'll have better news to report concerning poker. All in all, things are gloomy right now but this movie is making everything all good. Peace out till next time.

Grinding

2009-01-30T19:54:00.006-05:00

I guess to truly be successful at this its gotta be hard, a grind sorta say. Played more superlow stakes today, played mad good. Picked up another 40 profit after making 38 or so yesterday. Up about 81 in 10 hours, making 8 an hour. Sux right now but soon Ill be back at 25c 50c. It is nice to be playing within your means though. I'm gonna keep playing this bullshit, keep making a measly 8 an hour till I have 500 bucks. I got 145 now. God I hate how embarrassing playing for these small amounts is. You should read Ansky's blog:

http://www.pokersavvy.com/blog/ansky

He's much younger than me and when he talks about 25 50 stakes, hes talking about 25dollar 50 dollar with a 5000 buy in. Not 25cent 50cent. But whatever, gonna be playing low forever unless I shape up my bad habits. This is the only way to get out of it. Gonna stick with the 20 buy in rule for a while and manage money intelligently. Technically I don't even have enough to play this 5c 10c bullshit I been grinding, but can't go lower than this so I won't have an official 20 buy in bankroll for it till I make 55 more bucks. Then I'm gonna grind up to 500 smackers. That will give me 20 buyins for 25max(10c 25c) and should make 15-16 an hour or 60-100 bucks a day. Grind my way from there to 1000 bucks. Then I'm finally back to 25c 50c, my game baby. Should be able to cashout 700-1300 a week playing that every day. In the future I will look to playing even higher, but gonna worry about getting back to 1k and making some sweet cashouts first. Gotta stick with these rules all the time, and stick with my poker rules from now or I will risk falling out of the WINNING MINDSET. Which by the way feels spectacular to be back in.

The Poker Commandments
Essential rules to be read at the start of each work day. And followed!

1) You can only play when you are completely sober, no exceptions.

2) You can not play online poker, unless you have showered and dressed for the day. No playing in your fuckin pajamas.

3) You can't play a cash game unless your going to play at least 1500 hands, at most 2000 hands.

4) Only play in your room and you can't watch TV or open the door or answer the phone until the 1500th hand is complete.

5) Plan out on your computer what your going to play before each week begins. You can't just decide on the fly what your going to play. Don't fuckin go against the weekly plan, thats how you fucked up last time. When you were sticking with the weekly plan you were making 50 dollars an hour, remember how much fuckin money that is next time you wanna get off the weekly plan for a day.

6) No cash games stakes can be played without 20 buyins in your account (base bankroll) For example 1k= 50max, 2k= 100max. Don't play more than 4 tables at a time with cash games.

7) Play your A game, or no game. Exercise control and stop regardless of how much your up or down if your not playing your A game. If your on fuckin tilt, your gonna waste the money you need to make money. And then your gonna be off tilt and rebuilding later, why not just stay off tilt and play later when you still have money.

8) Always remember the calmness feeling from late January 09. Its all about the calmness. CCC, Calm, Confident, Conservative. THE WINNING MINDSET.

9) Do not play poker when you are eating, or cooking.

If your a poker player you should follow these. And if you think rule 9 is stupid kiss my ass. It's true, eating puts you in a less concentrated, more relaxed, less hard working kind of mood. Its easy to play stupid while your eating. Don't believe me, copy and paste this:

http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=8734

Phil goes to get a chicken sandwich and then......... make sure to watch the next part:

http://www.pokertube.com/Movies.aspx?movie=8735

The chicken sandwich contributed to Philly's exit. I'd bet your money on it. I'd bet mine if I had any right now.

I always post hands of my nice wins but how bout one where I make a stupid mistake and get lucky on some poor sap. Remember I play as brezlin, copy and paste:

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3790609P

What a sick hand, when he saw that ace on the river he probly was relieved of all worry, turns out it was the worse card possible. Damn it feels good to be back in the groove. Graph, just click it if you can't see it well:

Mindnumbingly Confident

2009-01-29T22:14:00.010-05:00

I don't think I could lose money even if I tried right now. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me the other week. But even since last post I have been patient as a whistle. I don't know how patient a whistle is but I heard that expression before. I guess I just wanted money way to fast and was trying to send myself a check alot quicker than it was plausible to get one. I was forcing it I guess, and I really fucked myself. I was trying to win all the money in a matter of days and not exercising the patience and discipline required to win. I wasn't in THE WINNING MINDSET at all. It's crazy how it all started when I had to give Narska his money and had to cash out. Leaving me with only 250, and I couldn't take the low stakes seriously. So I went busto. Then I conjured up another 250 from tournament dollars but couldn't take the low stakes seriously again. Then I randomly had another 100, and another 200, I explained this all already, I tryed to make it all grow way to quickly and lost it. Then I was still broke and owed like 500. Just to think, just a few days back I had 250 and didn't owe shit but I was so impatient. Then all of a sudden I had zero and owed 500.
Thats when I hit rock bottom, and THE WINNING MINDSET emerged. I stated last post I had 12 dollars, lol. I said it was embarassing but I know it will grow because of the ridiculous amount of patience I felt.
Well yesterday I started with the 12 and ended with 60. Again playing low low stakes, even lower than the stakes I couldn't take seriously when I only had 250, but this time patient as whistle, in the right frame of mind and just playing hard. Today I started with 60 and pokerstars awarded me 10 free bucks because people I played against were caught colluding, there accounts were confiscated and split up between all the players they colluded against. So I started with 70. I ended today with 105. So 12, the other day, 105 today, two straight days with upswing. My mind is not bothered by the low stakes at all. I feel so good and confident and patient, its only a matter of time b4 I have a G again and will have my 20 buyins necessary to 4 table 50 max and make 40 bucks an hour.
I played 5c 10c or 10max buy in which is pretty much one fifth as big a stakes as my normal game. And I made 38 bucks in like 1300 hands. Some of the players play real real bad at those stakes, its hard to not call an all in with AK when the bet is only 4 bucks.
Its just crazy how ingrained my mind is right now into THE WINNING MINDSET. I don't think I mentally or physically could tilt off money even if I wanted to. I feel great. I'm generally in a better mood and feel very financially secure. Even food tastes better, everything is just superb.
I even am finding hot bitches to be hotter. Like how hot is Kristen Bell?

Look at this fuckin beaute. Wowza wowza wowza.
I mean this girl is so fuckin hot its crazy. She reaches levels of hotness so extreme the mind can actually mistake the physical attraction for feelings of true love.

Damn, I feel like i want to marry this girl right now. But ofcourse I don't, I don't even know her. But my mind thinks it does. I hate pitching a tent when I'm trying to write. Anyway, heres the hand of the day: http://www.pokerhand.org/?3786728P
If I smooth call the flop I still bust him, however a reraise on the flop is still the correct play. The turn coulda been a scare card. And here is a graph of the swings of the session, the green line is rising, thats all that matters.....
Thanks for all comments and support from my readers, I appreciate the encouragement. Gonna be reporting alot more graphs with upswing and hands of the day. Peace out all, yo Rob if your reading when I get some dough together we should def meet up in AC. Enjoy the rest of the posts.

The Winning Mindset

2009-01-27T19:37:00.003-05:00

Last night I layed in bed sad about this whole month and all the bullshit I've caused myself. I was broke everywhere and owed some money, nothing I have to pay off immediately, but felt very very down. I remembered rebuilding my bankroll 2 months back and was wondering how the hell I did it. I then remembered that I can't let the dream die. Ya see when I was in college someone I loved more than life itself bounced out, never to return. I spent a long time very distraught and lost. I'll always remember this one night where I finally saw a version of the future that made me feel reaziliant. I don't care if thats not how you spell reaziliant.

I had a vision of being out of college and being on my own, living in Las Vegas and playing poker full time, with a big bankroll and freedom from societal obligations. And then truly enjoying life like I have never been able to, and making happen what I had at college at one point. I set out to make it happen that night and it was the only thing that made me feel better. I began to come out of the trance that this beautiful angel had left me in.

I was so close this last week to giving up on the dream and just being like everyone else. I wanted to just work and never play again. Then I remembered that vision of the future and felt like it may not be as unrealistic as I felt like it was lately. A deep soothing calmness came over me. I played a sit and go tourny with more patience that I have ever played anything. I reached the money and had 11 tournament dollars to my name. I nursed a shortstack back to respectability to slide into the money, when I was down to almost nothing for 3-4 rounds.

I awoke this morning in the same relaxed calm confident mindset. I've played very very low stakes all day and have tryed very very hard regardless. I look back at some of the success I had and see that anyone who can win large amounts of cash everyday for a month obviously has some ability. And the losing streaks are not a function of luck, but of the truly patient mindset fleeing. The only obstacle to overcome is to stay in the mindset I am in now forever. When I do I can make the dream happen. I just wrote this:

-The Winning Mindset-

The winning mindset is one of patience, and wisdom, true understanding of the game and possibly even life itself. Understand that the game is bigger than you and the world does not revolve around you. Your not entitled to anything, there is no such thing as luck. To feel like you are unlucky cause you lost a hand is adolescant and dispicable. The winning mindset is oblivious to emotions caused by swings. Swings will always be there, as inevitable as the air we breathe. If you could see through a players cards you would still have downswings. Everytime you fold, it's a mini downswing. In the longrun the luck will even out. In the short term you experience extremely lucky runs of cards or extremely unlucky runs of cards. We must remember that in the wrong mindset unlucky runs will cause us to lose our money fast, and lucky runs will cause us to lose our money slow. In the winning mindset unlucky runs will only temporarily stall or set us back, and lucky runs will fill our pockets with cash at an hourly rate that will destroy that of any occupation we could get.

The winning mindset causes an inevitable upswing, the wrong mindset causes an inevitable downswing. Keep up the winning mindset and stay on the upswing. May the Lord strike me dead if I ever waste another dollar playing foolishly or without giving my all. May the tilt monster forever sleep. I hereby pledge to spend the rest of my days in the WINNING MINDSET.

Day 1 January 27, 2009 Began with 0 real dollars and 11 tourny dollars. Ends with 26 tournament dollars and 12 real dollars.

Categorization: UPSWING.

Its very embarrassing to have 12 dollars right now, but whatever no one reads this shit. It will be more tomorrow. And I know it will keep growing, cause of the ridulously patient mindset I am currently entranced in. I need to find a really sexy girl for this post, its a special one.

What the F...........? Feels wrong to curse in a Title

2009-01-26T15:02:00.002-05:00

Ladies and gentleman I have bottomed out. Shit. I have nothing more to say than I am broke. I feel like I have no confidence anymore. I feel like I can't rebuild from zero again. I've been trying to do it but can't stand not having money on me. So I'm going crazy trying to stay in my house low stakesing it up. I am so so so so so fuckin bummed out right now. Shit.
I probly shouldn't of quit my job last year. I wish everything was just back to normal. Let me basically explain what happenned.
Me and my friends went to Atlantic City. I for some reason played really really bad poker the whole time. I should of just played craps or blackjack if I was going to play this bad. Tom said it was no problem that he keep lending me. By the end of the trip after rooms, alcohol, food, and losing, I owed him 1200 fuckin dollars.
So I go home and play online and I'm winning all this money each day and just sending it to him. Sending it to him, sending it to his account. And going more frustrated each time I can't send it to myself. Finally he has to go back to England where he lived and says he needs all the money back now. I had paid him like 6 or 7oo already but he needs the rest. So I have to take all the money off pokerstars I had to give it to him. I thought it wouldn't matter when I gave it back but he got his fuckin wisdom teeth taken out and it cost him 1500 bucks. So I cashed out like 500 online and only had 200 left. I paid him his money and still had no money on me.
So now I'm fuct. I got like 200 online and am trying to play lower stakes and take it seriously, so I lose the 200. And I still have no spending money on me.
Then I used all my frequent player points to get enter free tournies and get tourny bucks. I turned that into 250. Then played lower stakes again got up to like 400 then went insane from all the low stakes and not having spending money and lost all that.
Then I used some for frequent player points and had 200 again, but went crazy again and lost that. I had another 100 at some point but lost it. And had another 300 yesterday and lost it. So now I'm broke everywhere and I owe like 400 or 500.
I can't seem to take anything seriously unless I have the G in my account I need and can 4 table 50 max. I don't know how I started with like 10 bucks last month and got it all the way to a 1000. Like what the fuck did I do? How patient was I being? What decisions did I make?
I don't know but I'm going to look back through this blog and find out exactly what I was doing.
Its not Toms fault, but he really fucked me by having me cash out. Fuck. This January has been a horrid month. I feel like shit. I haven't had the proper bankroll to paly my usual game since 2008. I havent had any dough on me. I wish I never went to AC and fucked myself.
Its all my fault. And no elses but my own. I kind of want my job back, but they hate me overthere now for quitting. Fuck.
I wish things were back to normal and I had my job again and I played poker on the side to make extra. I really didn't think this through. I feel like I fucked my whole life up. I have been given so many oppurtunities I throw them all away to play poker. But poker makes me insane. The more I play the crazier I become. It's good money, and really is a game of skill, but its so hard to maintain that winning edge. The insanity always gets to me.
Heres a hand that drives me fuckin insane: http://www.pokerhand.org/?3771072P

This fuckin dooshbag calls my raise preflop, fine. Then he bets out on the flop. Now by betting out, he's saying, let me see what this guy does. He's saying I have JJ and I may be up against QQ KK or AA and are beat. So he bets out to see what I do.
I have nothing, A8 high. But see an oppurtunity to bluff. I know it's not going to work. But cause I'm a sick fucker I have to try and believe this person is not a fuckin idiot and will do the smart, prudent thing and say "Well my hand is strong, but I am beat, I will fold."
So I'm putting him on pocket 10's. And I know he is making a feeler bet. These idiots who make feeler bets they only go with the first part and they abandon the second. The first part is you bet out and see if you get raised, if you get raised you are probly beat, if you don't, your good. A feeler bet is like a probe, it gathers info.
So I know he's doing that, so i tell him, your asking me a question with your bet, your gonna fold to a raise, so I'll raise you. I move in, knowing he has 10 10 in the hole and has to fold. So after I go all in, he hesitates for 2 seconds. Just enough time for him to say to himself, wow this dude does have AA, or KK, or QQ, my JJ is no good. But fuck it I'll call anyway.
And he calls.
Do you know what this means!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you fuckin know what this shit means people? Its means you'll always be able to make money playing this game, because no one has any fuckin discipline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I had AA or KK or QQ know what woulda happend? He woulda gave me all his fuckin money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So everytime you have it and they make these feeler bets, just move the fuck in. They will call! KNow why? Cause they can't see your fuckin cards and you might be bluffing! Thats thyere logic, these fuckin pieces of shit. Well he might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it. He might not have it.
JUST BET IT ALL WHEN YOU GOT IT, And don't make bluffs like I do that won't work cause it's only gonna work if the palyer has discipline. And don't tell me he had a read on me and knows I'm bluffing. I fucking reraised preflop!
I hate everyone! I am going insane. No one folds, no one ever fuckin folds and I have never have shit.
What the fuck? How did everything become all fucked up. I fuckin paid Tom 1000 fuckin dollars back in 3 weeks. I could use a loan if some one would like to help. If you think I will never pay you back your fuckin crazy. You can ask anyone who knows me I always pay back. So if you read my blog and wanna help me out I would appreciate it. I am in deep shit right now. Thanx- Frank

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE

2009-01-21T08:29:00.003-05:00

I may have mentioned this previously in another post. But I played poker with this older guy in AC months back. He told me that "The only difference between a professional poker player and an amateur is a professional has no other way to make money when he's running bad."
I used to think the title of amateur was so negative. You gotta realize in this day and age there are a lot of good players and it doesn't have to be the only thing you do in order to be a good player.

I can't seem to not go insane from playing. I had a conversation with my friend Kirk a while back. We always talk about how so many people don't understand how you really can do this for a living and make lots of dough. The thing is when your playing against people your better then you simply make a profit over time, luck is irrelevant. You have an edge, and it equals profit, the same way a slot machine has a house edge over the players that transfers to profit over time.

However we did agree on one thing. Poker is guaranteed money as long as you play well and bring the A game all the time. But like I've said a million times b4 everytime you bring anything less than the A game it costs you. And the edge slips away, and no profit can be made.

And I guess I have to admit it on this blog. I can't guarantee that I can keep up the A game. I can't guarantee I won't go insane. I've had lots of good long streaks of consistency, but I don't know. I just can't guarantee I can not lose my mind.

Maybe when I have more money to work with things will be different. I don't wanna commit to something else because I will lose the freedom poker offers. Cash games just slowly make me insane. Heres a thread I just started on twoplustwo http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/15/poker-theory/dont-hell-call-393573/

I still wanna make it work. I miss living in AC. Need money. Got no bankroll to work with. Buy my car. So bummed at the moment. I'm sure things will improve soon enough, just sucks right now. But even when I do have money, isn't it just a matter of time b4 I lose my fuckin mind again. I'm in quite the quandry right now. Cheer up, Kelly Kapowski is here!

Very very cool

2009-01-15T06:31:00.003-05:00

You know what? I've been talking about getting a hand replayer quite some time. And now I have a bootleg one. I wish it could be copy and pasted right onto this page but I can't get that set up right now. But all you have to do is click a link cause I joined this hand replayer website. Very very cool stuff here. I am going to start playing cash games within like a week. And I'm going to post a link to the hand of the day monday through friday. Cause I'm gonna grind out cash games, 1500 hands 5 days a week and have weekends off. Saturday I won't play any poker. And Sunday is going to be dedicated to either playing the Sunday Million or playing satellites to try and get in or stocking up on tournament bucks so I can possibly play the next week. Gonna do a lot of work and be miserable but won't be very broke, actually quite the opposite. Misery is a strong word for hard work.

Misery leads to money. Money leads to chillin. Chillin leads to being broke. Being broke leads to misery. Misery leads to money. And on, and on.

MORE MONEY is the answer.

Well I gotta make another 750 dollars till I can 4 table 50max again and pull in 1200 a week. I intend to stay here and make enough cashouts until I conjure up a bankroll thats respectable. Along with the hours of tournament dollar stock up time and tournaments that may accelerate my profits. I've conjured 250 dollars out of zero in the last few days. Not alot of moeny at all, but considering I've conjured it from thin air it's good.

To ensure I don't have to deal with with rebuilding bullshit anymore I'm going to take the following steps with this routine:

1) 70 fpp warmups (tourny dollar stockup)
2) 1500 hands minimum, 2000 maximum 25c 50c NLH 6max cash - 4 tabling
3) Use 11 tourny dollars to play a Heads Up No Limit Holdem sit and go until you win one, than:
4) Play HU cash 25c 50c with the 25 bucks, run the 25 as high as possible, if you lose you can't take another shot until the next day
5) Once the 1500 hands and the sit and go and the HU cash session is done poker is over for the day unless you wanna play 70 FPPs (tourny dollar stockup)
6) Blog, post hand of the day on hand replayer

Number 4) is my high percentage of failure yet low risk high reward scheme. I'll have already made money that day playing 6 max and I'm gonna cap it off with a Heads Up cash game where I can either win or lose a shitload. But I'll only be using 25 dollars a day for that, and no more. It'll either turn into zero very quickly, which will be irrelevant anyway cause its only 25. And occcasionally it'll turn into 200-400. Worst case scenario is I drop 125 a week assuming I lose the 25 all 5 cash game days.

The rest of the time can be used gaining tourny dollars so I can have free buyins to satellites and regular tournys. Thats how I've conjured to 250 real dollars I have now out of thin air. All by just using my frequent player points to enter free tournies and winning tourny dollars. Then using those tourny dollars to enter real tournaments and getting real dollars. As long as I keep earning FPP's I'm good. I'm all out now, they been used up. But soon I will use my real money to play cahs games and earn more.

Cash games lead to Frequent Player Points. FPPs lead to tourny dollars. Tourny dollars lead to real dollars. Real dollars lead to cash games. Cash games lead to FPPs.

Heres and example of the hand replayer I have now. Click this link to see this great hand I played a month ago. My screename on pokerstars is Brezlin. Scroll down to the bottom of the poker table and hit play. http://www.pokerhand.org/?3717989P

I guess copy and paste it. Sorry. This idiot with pocket aces makes a really really really really really bad call. This is such an easy fold for him with all the action and such a scary flop that its not even worth mentioning how bad this guy plays. It should just be assumed. But some people don't play to much so I have to tell you, this guy who plays as NOOZ, I find his poker IQ so dispicable I would actually choose to not converse with him in a social setting. I'm serious, I wouldn't be friends with this guy. This is why poker is so annoying, you can't bluff anyone ever, no one lays anything down. I don't wanna use the word hate, but this guy really erks me. And these are the people who I make money off, yet they still get to me. It's not even about the money. It's just, how can you be so stupid? Is the human race in trouble?

Just gotta make 750 more bucks and I'm up and running. With a new hand to post monday through friday. Peace out all.

My Apologies

2009-01-13T05:40:00.005-05:00

I haven't written in a long time due to an unfortunate chain of events that is currently being rectified. I owed my buddy Tom 12oo bucks and had to pay him back sooner than I thought cause he got his wisdom teeth taken out. Jackass.
So I cashed out a lot of money to pay him on short notice. Now I'm rebuilding slowly and carefully, will be up and running and cashing out soon, less than a week. But it's been taking a while and I have not written since I have nothing to say about poker. I am very excited about some new plans I'm going to incorporate into my daily money getting routine. I have some high percentage of failure yet low risk but extremely high reward type of plans. Gotta get a G back on Stars first, taken my time. I got xbox360 so I haven't wanted to play as much too, lol.
However in a couple of days I'll have my routine going again and the xbox360 will help me make money online cause I'll have something else to do besides fuck around and 'gamble' when I've ready played a serious 1500 hand session. This along with my high percentage of failure yet low risk, very high reward type plans should accelerate my money saving. I'm not going into details right now about what it is. Don't want people stealing my ideas.
I not longer wish to talk about BBL on this website and have mixed feelings about bringing that up so many times. Gonna concentrate more on money and poker and will possible be introducing a hand replayer, be able to visualize for you the most intriguing hand of each session. I keep forgetting this is a poker website.
Poker is a great game. Treat your opponents with respect, and when they suck out on you don't be an asshole to them. Appreciate the game for what it is, if you lose I by product of someones mistake, shake it off and smile. Don't make poker miserable for everyone at the table. The game is bigger than you.
I found an incredibly hot picture of this girl who will remain nameless up top. Thats part of the reason I wrote today. I'll get back to you once my account is back in shape. I play as Frizanko on xbox live find me and play me in Madden if you have it. You don't have it? Get it, now. Peace. No who else is hot? You ever watch Double Shot at Love? One of the lesbians who got booted like 3 weeks back. Jen, the skinny blind. I bet I could convert her. Not that I think I'm like so goodlooking I just think I could talk her into it. I would like a try, it would an interesting challenge. Have you ever tried converting a lesbian? Let me know. I feel more comfortable trying to convert a lesbian than a regular girl cause then at least theres no pressure. If she turns you down at least your not saying to yourself "What is so great about these other guys compared to me? I think she's crazy, I'm fine. But that sucks she sees something she doesn't like."
At least with a lesbian you'd be saying "Well, it's not my fault she likes girls, nothing I can do." So theres not rejection to deal with really.
It'd be pretty funny if she's like shouting out at you after while "I AM NOT INTERESTED! I DON'T LIKE GUYS."
And you kept saying "Come on. I know you want to." Or "It's because I'm fat? It' because I clean pools?"
This entity of the female persuasion I used to hang out with alot called me the other day and pretended she wanted to hang out just to get some kid's cell number. It was one of those obvious situations where it would have been better off if she just said "Hey Frank I'm not calling cause I wanna chill or anything just need a number." Thats what I woulda said. Who cares, just be honest. It's not like I give a shit whether you call or not.
Leave me comments, peace out.

A Christmas I'll Remember

2008-12-26T14:10:00.004-05:00

Dropped like 5 hundo on Christmas. It's pretty sick how you can get a great gift for Christmas worth 5-600 and then lose that amount in the same day. Guess the old Frank wasn't completely gone. I'm sorry to my buddy who will remain nameless, we had a long phone conversation about my poker swings and I promised him I would not screwup anymore but I did on Christmas. It's not like I did it on purpose but I was playing bad and I didn't stop myself. I didn't follow the routine at all. Which is 1500 hands of 6max and then quit. I got off track and it cost me. I was playing foolishly and did not stop. It all started on Christmas eve. I was at my sisters house and was using my brother in law's computer to play my 1500 hands. I didn't have my trusty desk to sit at and I hated the computer I was using. It was so hard to click and drag and do everything I have to do at a a rapid pace while 4-tabling. I became frustrated and just lost my fuckin mind. I started to play really bad at 6 max and began just doing whatever I wanted and not really playing my A game/not working hard/trying to win without cards/being inmpatient/gambling. I was down 400 after like 700 hands. So I played some people headsup and won 300 back and finished down only 100. No biggie. But once I was down only like 50 or so and almost even I felt that old familiar feeling of my mind stopping me from suceeding and some other part of me not wanting me to make money and for some reason I knew I wasn't going to win anymore even though I was destroying people Heads Up, I finish down 100 after being stuck 400. So If I had stuck to just HU that day I woulda made 300.
On Christmas the same thing happenned. I started playing 6 max and was supposed to play 1500 hands like usual. But I couldn't take it seriously and couldn't get myself to play good. I was playing utterly dispicably putridly horrible and was down like 400 again. So I started playing people headsup again. I absolutely destroyed this one guy. I mean it was a blowout of epic proportions. I started with 50 and maybe bought in for 20 more so I was in the match for like 70 bucks. One glorious hour later I sat with 550 dollars at this table. He would not give up, he had so much ego and kept rebuying, each time getting destroyed. So now I've won all that money back I just lost and more. Now I'm up for the day and fully recovered from losing 100 on Christmas Eve. So I'm even over a 2 day stretch of playing really bad. I've won probly over 700 in like 3-4 hours of heads up play total, and down like 700 from 3-4 hours of really shitty 6max play. And I'm shot and shoulda quit. But decided to go back to 6 max. Again I start playing really bad and can't get myself to stop playing bad. I also played 1 table of 100max 6 max and lost my whole stack when I caught trips and lost to a higher trips. I then went back to heads up and by then my brain was so fried cause I had been playing so long that I lost like another 200 and then all of sudden was down like 500-600 for the day. I took a suckout that so horrible when my 78 flopped a straight, flop was 6 9 10, my opponent flopped 2 pair. He boated up on the turn with a miracle 10 and then just to drive the knife in deeper he another 9 on the river so he had 2 different 3 of a kinds, lol. I stopped down like 700 in 2 days. Wish I didn't play all shot and tired and with a brain close to mush. But didn't wanna stop after destroying that one guy cause I was only even and didn't feel accomplished.
You make all these rules and whats the point. The real rule, the golden rule, the only rule you need is A number 1: DONT FUCKIN PLAY BAD!
and is a little sublet to the rule IF YOU ARE STOP FUCKIN PLAYING!
I can sit here and list some rules right now that I need to adhere to but what is the point. Cause I always break the golden commandment. Now I got a lot of work to do before my account is back in cashout ready with still enough money to play with form.
I just got my own computer and just installed pokertracker and pokerstars. I am going to make sure I don't get any viruses. 2009 is my year baby. Since I got a new computer pokertracker does not have any of my old sessions logged. This is an oppurtunity to start a new. I made 42 bucks today, but don't feel like playing a full session. I only played an hour. Gonna take it easy and start tomorrow. Only have to make 500 more before my account is in cashout yet still have money to play with form. That will be easy to make by new years. 2009 baby, 2009. Gonna make 75k.
The guy who I utterly destroyed yesterday who was down about 500 overall to me. God, I still can't believe I won so much off him and still had a horrible day, it doesn't even seem real, it was a bad dream. But anyway he kept calling me a donk in the chatbox. He kept losing so much money to me and I was outplaying the shit outta him and he kept telling me I sucked. And then he was saying that the only reason I was winning was because I was lucky and kept rivering him.
The truth is he kept paying me off on the river. And it was usually when I had him beat the whole way, since the flop. He was like an atm machine on the river when the pot was big and I was making value bets around the size of the pot. I have a sick hand and I know he is gonna call and I just name the amount I wanna win and bet it. Cha ching, he was such an atm machine. This guy just would not fold anything remotely decent. I wasn't even playing tricky I was being so straightforward and just betting, no checkraising at all. And he kept calling me a donk.
The sickest part is that it was bothering me. He told me to uninstall pokerstars cause I am a fish. I don't claim to be a millionaire but I am one of the very few who is not down from online poker. Supposedly 92% of online players are. So why does it bother me?
Last week some kid told me he wanted me to die in a fire cause he lost a hand to me. Some other guy rivered me when I flopped 2 pair and got him to put all his chips in with 1 pair. He caught a better 2 pair on river and then told me I suck. Why does this bother me?
Why does it bother me when people type cruel shit to me in the chatbox? They're losers, thats why they talk shit in the chatbox. Because there losing and there frustrated the worst in them comes out. So they think irrationally and become very sick and mean and say horrible things. I hate how it bothers me. Anyone who is a good player doesn't do this. Because good players can handle bad beats and keep on ticking. Bad players become irrational after bad beats and thats why they talk shit to you. Anyone who does it is a loser, and is down alot from poker.
I know this now, calm, relaxing, sitting on my computer reflecting. But at the time, it bothers me.
I don't know why. I just can't seem to figure out whether people are by nature bad, or is it that they are weak and can't handle adversity. Adversity brings out the worst in people. Poker brings out people's bad side and I gotta deal with that all the time.
Sometimes I think poker is just a stepping stone, or a small part of what I'm gonna look back on 50 years from now. Hunter S. Thompson used to actually live dangerous experiences sometimes for very long periods of time before writing a novel about them. He lived with the hells angels for a year. He did all the drugs in fear and loathing in Las Vegas.......... It's so awsome to sacrifice or risk your personal welfare for great literature. I'm glad I've experience so much poker and whats it's like to play this game a career. It's been rough but I have so many great things to write about. I really gotta start writing more and running. Poker still is a great way to make moeny though, just gotta prevent debacles, and I will. They sometimes seem inevitable because of the the insanity it brings me too. Ahhhhhh....................

Keeping it Up, Consistency is Everything

2008-12-23T09:03:00.005-05:00

Staying consistent, grinding out the 1500 hands of 6 max everyday. I've played 3 sessions since my last post. On sunday I was still kinda high on THC and started playing. I really thought I was fine but wasn't. With my new outlook on things and my new 'responsible poker player who actually makes money and isn't gambling foolishly half the time' thing going I really can't be high or drunk when I'm playing. But I really thought I was fine. I wasn't fine, and still was a little high. I lost 206 for the session. I felt like I should stop playing cause I was bluffing way to much but was torn between keeping up my responsible mindset 'don't start playing a session unless your gonna play the full 1500 hands' so I finished the 1500 hands and lost the 200 bucks.
I can't seem to control my emotions at all when I am high. I also can not seem to fight the urge to bluff people off hands when I know what they have. It's pretty sick how I know exactly what 2 cards my opponents are holding and still can't get em to fold. This is one of the things that will always bother the shit outta me. PEOPLE DON'T FOLD! They just get way to compelled to call. And don't tell me they know I'm bluffing. It's because they have no discipline. Whenever I have the best hand and I bet they call. Whenever I don't have the hand and I bet they call. This is why I'm making alot of money right now, cause nobody lays anything down. Everytime I have the goods they pay for my kids college.
I had this asswipes hand pegged perfectly. I was saying he has Ace 7, Ace 7, Ace 7. I put him on A7 and knew all he had was a pair of aces with a shit kicker on the river. I bet half his stack and he thinks forever and calls, he had Ace 8. And I lose and then say 'why do I do this to myself?'
And don't tell me he had a read on me and it was a great call. Sometimes there are cases like that, but most of the time it's just because the people I play all suck. If they had a read on me and were calling for that reason then they would fold when I do have them beat. But they don't. Like I said when I have and when I don't have it, they can't lay anything down.
I make hero calls with extremely weak hands at times, and it's not from sucking, it's from having a great read and knowing what the other player has. Most players who play the stakes I play can't play above the rim like that.
So anyway, It just really urks me how I can have someone read so well that I think he has Ace 7, he actually has Ace 8 (same difference) and he still won't fold. That means if I had special glasses that let me see through people's cards, I would still lose money bluffing. (sigh)
Thats why you have to be patient and wait for hands. Life will always be hard, money will never come easy. These idiots play so bad they force you to have to play patiently and wait for hands. Life will always be difficult because these losers will always let their ego talk them into calling when you have jack shit. You better have the goods when you bet, or you got no chance. These dooshbags take a lot of the skill out of it by paying everything off anytime they have the most remote inkling of a solid hand.
I was so upset with myself sunday that I played while not excatly sober that I started another session that night. I won 262 in that 1500 hand session, and wind up profiting only 56 bucks for the day. If I had just played only the good sober session Sunday it would been another very solid day.
Last night I played a very swingy session. I was up like 170 or so and then 5 minutes later I was even. After losing like 77 dollars in one hand where I took such a disgustingly brutal suckout on 1 table, and was forced out of several smaller pots on all 3 other tables, I took a huge hit and downswinging badly. The suckout was so so so bad. Me and another bigstack saw a flop of Q 5 3 after he 3bet me preflop.
A 3bet means I raised, (2 bet) and he reraised (3bet) preflop. I made it $2.50, which is 2 on top of the big blind. He reraised me 5 more to $7.50 total. I call with 33. I flop the set, he bets big I reraise, he goes all in to my delight. I am a little worried about a set of queens but I gotta call with my set. He probly has KK. After the turn and river the board was Q 5 3 5 Q. And he wins the pot with AQ, queens full of fives. What a ridiculously lucky suckout.
That hurt real bad. And coincidentally I was getting my ass handed to me, being bluffed out of several other pots, or maybe they had me beat, I don't know, I folded though. I made a nice comeback later on. I finshed up only 108 bucks for the session. So I've made only 164 profit in the last 2 days. Wack. I'm sure I'll have a big win tomorrow though.
From now on I have to make sure I am completely 100% sober before I play at all. Which means either finish playing before I do anything fun each day. Or not smoking or drinking at all unless I have already played that day. I've only had 2 losing sessions out of my last 10. And I was still a little high for both losing sessions. Coincidence? I think not.
I don't even like smoking weed that much. I really just do it to be social I think. I wonder what it would be like to have a girlfriend that isn't a pothead.
I really have never been that close to any girl that wasn't a pothead. I would like to give it a try. But girls that don't smoke tend to have ignorant outlooks on life. Obviously this is not true in all cases. But chances are a girl who doesn't smoke, would disapprove of what i choose to do for a living. Hell, even girls who smoke disapprove.
Sunday we were watching football and one of my best friends girlfriend told me if I continue to play poker for a living the only girl that would be with me would be a dumb tramp. And an intelligent woman would be turned off by the apparent 'instability' of my profession.
Well I say she is dead wrong. An intelligent woman would be turned off even before she knew what I do for a living. HAHA..............
I sometimes wonder if BBL would still be around if I never played poker. But if I had to bet on it I would say that completely ridiculous to even consider. That was not like her at all to be ignorant. She thought very similar to how I think. But the question did arise in my head at one point. I'd say the chances are 100 to 1 though, at best.
This other girl who I used to chill with would not even wanna listen to me talk about poker hands and scenarios. I think not showing any interest in this unique and extremely multilayered game I love shows an extreme lack of intelligence. I am reallt not down with girls that are stupid. And I am really really not down with girls that are ignorant.
Ignorant people will always tell you that poker is no way to make a living. But they only know what they're told. They say things without knowing the whole story. They know nothing about poker and still claim it's not steady enough.
You tellin me if you start a business your definately gonna profit? You ever seen an 'going out of business' sign. Life is a gamble, I really don't see poker as an insecure profession at all anymore. It's not that poker isn't secure, it's that people aren't. If your not secure, your ability to profit is not secure. But if you are secure, poker is secure.

With the sucess I am having and the sucess I have always had during the stints where I treat poker like a job, I honestly feel more comfortable and financially secure playing poker than I would do anything. It's all about keeping your A game 100% of the time, whether your losing or winning, up or down, keep playing your A game and the money will come. It's a mathematical certainty that after enough hands skill will prevail.

If you were Kobe Bryant and someone wanted to bet you money in a basketball contest, would you feel like you were gambling??

Remember betting Kobe in a basketball match is just as stupid as playing Phil Ivey in poker (I was gonna say me, but that would be a stretch). Kobe would show you how stupid you are for betting him in about 5 seconds of round ball. Phil would show you stupid you are in about 5 hours of poker. Poker is all skill, I promise you. It just takes longer to show.

Awake when your sleeping.......... Asleep when your awake

2008-12-19T01:56:00.004-05:00

Its 2 am and my day has started like 3 hours ago. I been kicking ass online lately, and have not been screwing around at all. I've done nothing but get online, playing my 1500 hands and then logging off until the next day. Yesterday sucked I only won 140 profit, which is very dissapointing and I'll be looking to redeem myself tonight. They day before that I won 206 and before that 280 or so. I think I already reported it last post. So I've had 2 good days since then. I don't think I played that well last night. I hit a real cold stretch and somewhat tilted for a short period of time. I flopped trip aces with A6, a hand I should not have called a raise with in the first place and saw a flop of AAQ and had trips. My opponent bet the pot after I checked and I moved in. He instacalled and I did not feel good about my chances at all. So another Q hits the turn and king on river. The board read AAQQK and I just felt like I lost, like he had 4 queens or AK. Turned out he had AQ and had flopped the nuts! He bet it pretty hard too and it confused me and I moved in. I was saved by the Q on the turn and was lucky to split the pot. That Q on the turn saved me like 45 bucks. I could've only made like 100 last night and it woulda sucked. It was just such a wierd hand. I've never held an ace and saw a board of AAQQ on the turn and still felt like I was losing in all my years of poker.
So things are looking real good since only profiting 140 is a bad day. The Frank that goes on tilt and drops 700 in a night playing people heads up is gone. I mean it this time, he's really gone. I'm sticking to the plan. I've made approximately 1200 bucks in 6 sessions, or 6 playing days of 1500 hands each. I expect to make more over the next 6 session stretch cause I'm playing almost only 50 max now, where as the first 2 session of these last 6 were at 25 max.
Considering I only play/work approximately 4 hours a day, I've made 1200 bucks in 24 hours, I believe thats roughly 50 bucks an hour.
I think thats enough incentive to keep up this routine. Sign in, play the 1500 hands, no more, no less, record how much you win, sign out. Thats its, its this simple. Keep this up for a year and I should make like almost 75 grand. 2009 is my year baby. No more foolish gambling, gonna take poker very very seriously and I'm gonna keep this up all year. Winning or losing is a choice.
Anytime I feel like playing but not seriously I'm going to play those FPP tourneys and stock up my tournament dollars. Soon enough I'll have so many tournament dollars I can enter big tournies on pokerstars and all will cost me is FPP's. I just came in 2nd out of 10 in 2 of those little FPP tournys, wack. Flopped trip 2's and got it all in about to snag the win. When a miracle 7 on the river gave my opponent a better trips........ rough. Bad luck does not frustrate me nearly as much as how annoying and immature everyone who plays poker is. Check out this chat these two losers were having.

luvthejordan [observer]: ur a loserluvthejordan
[observer]: runner runner
Co1dBl00D: who still playin now huh
Co1dBl00D: keep observing

Your really going to actually dignify someone with answer when they're calling you a donk through their chatbox then your the biggest donk of all. I'm gonna start playing a real session now, be done in 4 hours, hope to make close to 300.......... brb

Bam, just finished played 1514 hands took like 4 hours and made 349 profit. What a sick sick session. I am the man. I got kinda rattled halfway through when I was up 200 and then took a horrible suckout and lost a massive pot when my 2 pair lost to a rivered set. I got the guy to put all his money in just like I wanted but he sucked out on river. I was a little shaky after that and soon was only up 100, but I recovered nicely. I got all that guy's money back an hour later when he tried to bluff me as I was holding the second nuts. He coulda have a straightflush and beat me but I knew he didn't have a frigen straight flush. I insta called. Wow, very nice profit tonight.
Here is the last 7 days since I've been doing the 1500 hands and then stop playing gig.

12/8 25max NLH 1505 hands +283
12/9 25max NLH 1536 hands -70
12/10 25max, 50max NLH 1503 hands +367
12/16 25max, 50max NLH 1504 hands +265
12/17 25max, 50max NLH 1519 hands +206
12/18 25max, 50max NLH 1508 hands +140
12/19 50max NLH 1514 hands +349

Yeah baby. Just gotta keep up this routine. Can't wait to buy lots of shit. I'm gonna be a different color track suit for each day of the week. Peace out.............

The First Regrettable Atlantic City Trip Report

2008-12-16T08:00:00.004-05:00

I managed to prove the statements I made in my last post exactly correct during my recent trip to AC. I said that winning or losing is a choice last post and boy did I prove it. I lost a lot of money playing live this trip and I really don't care at all. I didn't play well at all, I didn't even try and ofcourse I lost horribly each day. It's all a blur now, I don't know how long we were there. Me and my boy Curly and my Polish friend Narska who I'm helping get good at poker all went down Thursday night. And as soon as we got there the slacking off began immediately.
"Fuck playing poker tonight I don't wanna deal with that shit! Let's get wasted!"
It was Narska birthday and Curly doesn't play poker at all so the whole trip was not really focused on getting work done. We got really hammered and it was great. But that first night we didn't really meet and hotties. It's rare that the three of us would go out drinking anywhere, especially in AC were girls are usually everywhere, and not meet any girls. But we just didn't, no one was really out at the bars except old people. We had a room at the Tropicana for very cheap cause of the poker rate and it was great. We were so smashed.
The next day me and Narska played poker in the Tropicana's sub par poker room. I could not get myself to paly good at all. I was up 250 and then got sucked out on big with top pair. My KQ saw a board of K 9 7 and I bet like 25 bucks and got 2 callers. The turn came a 3 and it checked to me as I bet 45 bucks. The short stack pushes all in for 31 more. The other guy folds. Now I know I am beat, but have to call cause only 31 more with almost 200 in the pot. I say'whatta ya got over there? Queen three suited? And I make a crying call. He says 'wow, nice call' and sure enough shows me Q3 of diamonds for 2 pair. I need to catch a King on the river to make a better 2 pair. I do not. He sucks out on the turn with that damn 3 and scoops a nice pot.
I then made a checkraise semi bluff against some idiot with pocked aces. It was a good move by me if I was playing against a good player. But it was bad player and you should never reraise a bad player who pocket aces. This idiot did not even think for a second that I might have a set or 2 pair he just instashoved all in for the rest of his stack of 215 bucks. I only had 75 invested and should have folded but decided to gamble because with flushdraw and inside straight draw I was only a 45% underdog.
Remember kids, a checkraise semi bluff is a good play if u have alot of outs. But only against a good player cause a good player will fold his aces, putting u on a set. This play has value due to the fact that if you make him fold you win and if he doesn't you still win close to half the time anyway. But if there is a zero percent chance he will fold cause he's a fuckin idiot who wouldn't lay down aces if his life depended on it, then it's a bad play. So I fucked up here. I gambled and called his all in and his aces held. I lost a huge pot.
Then I was gambling stupidly the rest of the session. And the next day at the Borgata I gambled foolishly again the whole time. I was raising without looking at my cards alot. I got into another big hand where I gambled to try and get a big stack and win a monster pot. Again I was holding a flushdraw and inside striaght draw, diamonds again against some idiots and her pocket rockets. It was so obvious what she had and I still moved my stack in. Here I am only a 45% dog again but lost this huge pot as well. So I lost 2 coinflips that woulda gave me gigantic stacks. I had a lot of fun that night and was calling out people's hands like crazy. This one guy was really impressed, I don't see why. I think it's so easy to know what people are holding in Texas holdem, you only have 2 cards, it's so easy to know what people have. It's not like I can call out people's hole cards in 5 card draw. Texas holdem is 2 hole cards damnit, if you can't do it, you need to practice, it's so easy.
I put together a good short session at the tropicana later on in the wee hours of the morning. But the next day at Bally's I screwed up again. It was a loose easy game to beat but I played so bad. I just played horribly the whole trip. I refused to lay anything down. Every session I kept paying people off. I was playing so loose preflop too, it was disgusting. But it was fun. On the way home I counted all the hands where I knew exactly what hand my opponent was gonna show me if I called but called anyway. I could have saced like over 1000 bucks if I layed down all the hands I knew I should have. I just kept hoping I would suck out on people. I played with no patience or dscipline the whole time. I think I finished down like 8 or 900 bucks, lol.
And I owe Narska a lot of money for the room at the Trop and all the hundos I borrowed to play when I kept losing. I wanna cash out online really bad and go back to AC and redeem myself. Go alone, with no distractions. No drinking, just grinding.
I just finished a solid session online where I made 265 profit. I kick ass 4 tabling online. I'll go back to AC soon enough and play well and win a G.
I regret screwing around so much this last trip to AC but it was a great time. There's so much more to say about what happened. Like how all the assholes in the AC poker rooms can't seem to refrain from mouthing off constantly. And anyone who loses a hand crys and becomes an asshole. Some kid yelled at me and said 'your not on TV bro!' because I was asking him questions about his hand and he thought I was just trying to act weak cause I was strong. But I actually was weak and was legitimately concerned he had me beat. He thought I was acting to try to get a call. And he went crazy. Some other guy at Narska's table was caught with a mashedi in his jacket, no joke. He was kicked out.
It's hard to enjoy live poker cause everyone gets so upset when they lose and their ugly side shows itself. People are all scum. When I lose a hand I say 'nice hand' no matter what. If you can't handle the swings, stay home. Stop making poker miserable for everyone.
The whole trip was a blur. People being dickheads when they lose drove me crazy the whole time. As did people's stupidity in how they play. So did my lack of effort. And that bitch BBL kept popping up in my head. And I was never in the mood to chase girls at the bars cause I was losing money every day. When I have a big win I am pumped and feel confident, but never had one cause I kept fuckin up.
Man, playing live is so slow and when you play online you got so many tables going that you always have a good hand somewhere. Live can be so draining and rough. I wanna stick to online for a while and just play live tournies. With all the money I wasted playing this trip, I coulda just entered a 500 dollar tounry and gave myself a chance at 40k. Live and learn.
All in all I don't give a shit what happened to me this weekend. I can make it all back online and more. And I will...............

Winning or Losing is a Choice

2008-12-10T05:49:00.003-05:00

Have not written in a while, for the people who actually read my website I apologize. My computer has a virus and I can not currently access the internet and it really sucks. Especially since the internet is how I get money. I am a janitor without a bus ticket.
Just finished a long hard session online. I have to borrow peoples computers while they are sleeping. It's 6 a.m. and I just pulled in a very solid 367 dollar profit. The last 3 days I've been sticking to the whole be responsible work hard and bust your ass thing and I tell you it's real tough.
I've been making sure I've set aside 4-5 hours each day to play my 1500 hands of 6max on Pokerstars. During this 4-5 hours I am doing nothing but concentrating on playing the best poker I can play on all 4 tables at a time and I do not stop until I've filled the 1500 hand qouta. N0 tv, no eating, drinking, and I have to be sober for it. And only play 4 tables of 6max cash games, thats it. No heads up games! No heads up games! I've donked off my fair share playing people heads up or just playing really bad and unfocused aka gambling. I'm glad I'm done with work now I can pass out. Got everything backwards right now, I'm waking up at like 5-6pm then chilling then work is the last part of the day b4 sleep. Whatever as long as it gets done. Today was the first day I played 50 buy in 6 max and boy did it pay off, 367 bucks is a lot to make for such stakes. Yesterday I was playing 25 buy in cause I didn't have much money in my account and wound up losing 70 bucks after all 1500 hands. I didn't even play bad it was just a freakishly cold run of cards. I probly coulda played a little better but even if I did I still wouldnt of made shit. The day before that I made a 283 dollar profit playing 25 buy in. Now that is just to strange. I don't know how the hell I made all that playing such a low stakes game but whatever. So over my last 3 days I'm up 580. Thats 4,500 hands, only 1000 of those 4,500 came from 50 max so I expect to make even more now that I'm not playing 25 max anymore. I should be able to send myself another G in like a week or two.
Ofcourse I had my account all set up how it I wanted before I fucked up it up and 'gambled' as oppossed to do what I've done the last 3 days. It really makes me sick how much money I've wasted 'gambling' and how much more money I could have sent myself. Now its gonna take forever to get my account in cashout yet still have money to play with form. The money I sent myself in which I received last post is running out and should be gone soon. I'm gonna need more but its' gonna take time. Guess I shoulda thought about that b4 I 'gambled'
The last 3 days I've been doing the right thing and it's all gravy. Money is nice. 2009 I turn over a new leaf and won't 'gamble' all year. By then I'll have my account in good shape and have money in my pocket. No excuses, 2009 is my year. No gambling.......... Just make money, send it to myself, spend it, make more. No wasting money on stupid gambling/heads up/going on tilt binges.
My computer having a virus would not be a problem if I sent myself more money and could just buy a new one. Life is going to be a lot better when I keep this up. I think I've really woken up this time. I think I've really gotten through to myself. I'm pretty sure I'm going to fulfill my potential now. It's long overdue. I can't use pokertracker now cause my comp is all messed up. I can't be online unless I borrow someone computer. Things are all fucked up right now and only continuous hard work is gonna change things. No 'gambling' and hard work.
It's funny how I always say that I don't gamble at all and don't bet sports, don't play blackjack, blah, blah. "I don't gamble poker isn't gambling. It's a game of skill, its a science, it is guaranteed money over time." Well yeah this is true. But I gamble, I gamble all the time, playing poker like a jackass is gambling. Cause you know your eventually gonna lose when you play like a jackass and same as when you gamble. I always took pride in the fact that I don't gamble at all, but it's not even true. The only way it will be true is I play poker to my full ability every time I play.
Otherwise I am just being a sick gambler. Going on tilt is gambling, playing while doing other shit is gambling, anything other than doing what I've been doing the last 3 days is gambling. ANd gambling destroys lives, look what it has done to mine. I can't believe I'm still at my motherfucking parents house. I fucking hate it here so fuckin much I'm going to have a nervous fuckin breakdown. And it's all because all the money I've made hasn't been spent, it's been gambled and so much of it is not in my pockets and never was.
Winning is a choice, damnit. It's a choice. Losing is a choice. I can win when I really want to. For a long time before this age maybe it wasn't this simple. Maybe I really did have problems with the maturity it takes to succeed at poker. There were times were I really was trying my best but still couldn't win cause of tilt. Maybe it's not all my fault. But regardless now I see it clearer than ever. Winning is a choice, for many its not, and maybe even for me, even 1 year ago it wasn't a choice. But now I see it clearer than ever. Hard work is the answer.
Steve Badger articulated it so well in his article. Reading it was like listening to myself think, but he worded like I never could. http://www.playwinningpoker.com/poker/math/variance/
Some will never be good enough to make consisent money playing poker. Maybe at one time that was the case for me. Now the only really problem is putting the hours in. The only obstacle in my way is laziness. One obstacle to overcome before I have mad dough and freedom. Lot of people have mad dough and no freedom. Alot of people have freedom but no dough. Both baby, yeah, thats right, both or death. Theres no point to living in a world where your only somewhat free. I'd honestly rather just blow my head off then live how most people do. No offense to you if thats your thing.
Winning is choice. At least for me it is. Time to start choosing. Peace out all............

Got my Money Finally!

2008-11-26T14:10:00.004-05:00

Yeah baby, I sent myself a G last week after I got my account up to 2k, sent myself half, resetting back to 1K. Today 1,000 bucks showed up in my checking account. That has to last me till I get another 1,000 sent which should take a while now because I have been screwing around with the other thousand I left in my account and now have much less. So I have to make alot now to even get back to 1,000 before I can even think about getting to 2,000 so I can send myself 1000. I think last post I said I was never gonna do this again, and had that whole yada, yada, thing. And I said I was gonna keep busting my ass and keep up the great progress and have another G sent to me in no time. Well I guess I lied. Gonna take a while to get more money sent now. But the good news is that I know I am capable of doing it. I pretty much can win whenever I wanna win. You would figure after a stretch longer than a week where I averaged over 200 profit everyday without a single losing day that I would smarten up. After making 1600 bucks profit in like a week only working like 4 hours a day, and then promising to keep it up and never screw around again, you would think that would be enough to shape up.

Now I gotta make like 200 or 300 more just to have enough to in my account to 4 table 50 max again. Geez......... Why do I constantly give myself more work to do. I honestly should have cashed out over 2k by now have alot more money sitting on my stars account as we speak. I've achieved probly 40% of the profit I should have by now.

I guess I just enjoy gambling more than anything. It sucks. Now when I say gambling I mean playing poker not to my full ability. Just saying fuck it and reraising people just cause. And calling people with weak hands just cause. And chasing, and bluffing to much and just having a blast. Avoid doing all the things that I normally do. Avoid all the discipline and patience I have learned translates into winning sessions. It seems like anything in life that is good for you is hard. Anything that is bad is easy and fun. I really love playing poker on my computer when I'm not exactly sober or not in the mood to try really hard. But it justs costs me so much money that I work so hard to get. Now I have so much shit to do b4 I get more money sent to my checking account.

I thought going broke was a wake up call but it wasn't. I realize that I love gambling foolishly more than any leisurely activity there is. When I'm working hard and busting my ass at poker and staying in a routine or set schedule, it's really good money and life feels rewarding but theres no excitement......... It's always a matter of time b4 I donk of 700-900 bucks one night.

I guess its time to show all ya all my overall graph since I began rebuilding my bankroll in mid October. I really don't wanna but maybe it'll motivate me to stop screwing around.

Notice how when the graph is steadily rising there are little tiny downswings, but the graph continues on a steady incline? Well those are mini downswings cause by luck variance, in which skill always overcomes in time. But the huge lumps, or the green line on a steady decline are caused by me 'screwing around' these are not caused by luck variance or lack of skill, just me screwing around. After the first decline I start rising again, around the top of the incline is where I cashed out. Since then I've been declining again. Allthough my graph still remains much higher than 0 and way far from losing, I still am down from my high point and not up nearly what I should be. The 2 large downswings should never even have happened. And the 2nd upswing should have started right where my first upswing stopped. If there was never that first downswing the overall highpoint of the graph would be much higher. You get me? The only downswings in the graph should be the small ones that are cause by luck variance. Yet I continue to manufacture more ways to lose money. As if theres not enough already in poker.

I wanna say that I promise to never do it again but who would take it seriously, I don't even. I hope I don't have to go broke again to start playing well again. I feel like some other part of me subliminally wants me to lose it all so I would just stop playing this game cause I hate dealing with people so much. It's like theres two Franks and I don't know which one is gonna show up. Well at least I know I'm capable of making alot of dough whenever I want. Some poker players graphs look like this and they try their hardest all the time. Neverthless I am going to try and smooth out those annoying ripples of my graph from now on and show you a steady incline from now on. No more annoying downward curves in my graph. I'm just gonna concentrate on getting a G back in my account so I can turn over a new leaf starting December 1st and have the kind of conistent month I said November was gonna be. I know I can make 5k in december, its all on me.

It would be funny if this time next month I'm talking about my new years resolution being you know what.

Sleep schedule making me crazy

2008-11-20T06:13:00.004-05:00

Well times are good, the Knicks are above .500 at 6-5 and the Jets are 7-3. And I'm winning as well. The Knicks are winning, the Jets are winning, and I'm winning! Yesterday I had a ridiculous cash session where I made 375 profit. That fits in nicely with all the cash sessions I reported on in last post. Since November 14, since I've had enough money to 4 table 50 max buyin NLH I have made 1400 bucks in 6 days. Yesterday was my biggest cash since I began rebuilding in October. So I've come a long way and now expect to clear a G every week just by putting 4 hours of hard work a day. I wanna get today's session over with right now but I feel like I'm not exactly in the mindset at the moment. I feel like I'm not going to play well for some odd reason.

I think it has to do with my current sleep schedule. It's very annoying how I am awake right now and have been for 4 and half hours and most people wont be up for another 2 hours. It's 6:30am and I've been up since 2 am. I slept from 5pm to 2am.

Alot of people think I sleep all day but fail to see that I don't sleep all day or anymore than most people. I just sleep at different times and it makes it appear that I'm always sleeping. But while other people are asleep I'm awake doing shit. I don't go up to them at 3 a.m. and call them a lazy fuck and tell them to wake up just becuase I am awake. Thats why I don't understand why people come in my room at 3pm and call me out. It's like they're stupid enough to assume I actually went to bed the same time they did and I'm still asleep. It's really ridiculous how many people are so quick to make assumptions and jump to rash judgements without considering what the whole story may be. Haters man, haters. To many people in this world are shitty people.

Anyway it is kind of annoying the schedule I'm on the last few days. I'm waking up while everyone is sleeping and then I'm in my house working while theyre just getting up or starting work. I'm chillin while people are still at work. And then by the time everyone is off I'm passed out. By the time I wake up everyone else is passed out. Haven't had much of a social life lately and it's really annoying.

Everytime I keep myself awake to try and get back on everyone else's schedule its a real pain in the ass and it only lasts for like a week once I'm back on schedule. Cause I eventually have a shift. It's not like my schedule is just the opposite of everyones, its consistently changing. I think it shifts an hour everyday. Like a few weeks back I was sleeping from 9 am to 5pm. Then 10am to 6pm. Right now its 5pm to 2 am. Tomorrow it might be 7pm to 4 am. It's like there will be window where you can hang out with me when you get off work every other week.

In AC everyone is always up all the time, but not really people I know. So I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I can try to get my self on better schedule where I fall asleep at like 3 am and get up at 11am or noon. Then I can finish playing by 5 or 6pm. And everyone will be off work. But if I kept this up I'd still have to kind of make myself sleep at certain times which defeats the whole purpose of being a poker player and being free to do what you want when you want. So I really am at a loss for words here. Theres really no way to stop the shifts that get my sleep schedule off base with everyone elses. I have already vowed to be so good at poker that I will never again in my lifetime hear the ring of an alarm clock, ever, ever, again.

I think this is why I don't feel like beginning a 1500 hand session right now. Cause I haven't done enough chillin lately and need to let loose and don't feel like dealing with serious poker playing right now. I fear getting on some sort of a schedule may be crucial to keep up the progress I have over the past 6 days. I gotta do this for a full year. Figure every 7 days I make money at least 6 of em and take 1 day off. So I have already made 1400 the past 6 days and I can take today off I guess. If I keep up this routine, assuming I work 6 days a week and 50 weeks a year, I will make about 70k per year. Not bad considering that I only play 4 hours a day. I been winning at a rate of 41 dollars an hour since Nov 14th. Which is double my AC hourly rate.

If I move there and keep my normal online routine which only takes 4 hours each day, and then play live poker at night, were talking about pulling in 2k a week barring any really unfortunate circumstances.

Yeah so anyway I think I might avoid cash games today. I'm playing a step 1 sattelite tournament on pokerstars as we speak. It costs me 2,000 Frequent Player Points to get in. I now have 18k FPPs left. There is 85 players in this tounry and the top 9 players will get a free seat in the real satellite. Assuming I place top 9 today I will be playing in the real satelitte on Sunday. In Sundays tourny 18 players out of probly over 100 will receive an free entry into the Asia Pacific Poker Tour- Sydney main event. Which cost 6 grand to get in. The 18 satelitte winners will also receive 2,500 cash and free hotel accomadations in Sydney Australia.

So all I have to do is come in top 9 right now, only 47 players left, I need a double up bad though. Then come in top 18 sunday out of however many there are, then go to Australia and just win that 6k buy in tourny and bam, I'm a millionaire by 2009. Easy, piece of cake. I really just wanna make it to Australia and then I don't care what happens. 2.5k cash would be nice too. Man PokerStars really treats its players well. I'm probly not gonna make it but at least they're giving me a chance and its not costing me money. By the way you can't just start an account right now and do this, you have to be a VIP member and have alot of FPPs. So if you want to, get started already, its not gonna happen over night.

I really should set aside this 1 day a week to play these satelittes. Its the only way I'm ever gonna be on TV. Only 35 players left but I'm really low in chips. I need a double up bad. I have AQ suited, I'm moving all in....... I won the blinds, still hurting though. I just got AK and moved all in again and lost to Q10 suited. K hit flop but J on turn gave my opponent a straight. I'm out in 33rd place......

Anyway, to revert back to the sleep schedule thing I talked to this guy in Atlantic City about life as a proffessional poker player and he was saying he has a job just to keep himself sane. And how when he was my age it was important to him to be a pro and make a living that way. But now that he is 33 he can see that it wasn't necessarily the best thing for him. And he said that the only real difference between a professional poker player and an amateur is that a pro has no other way to get money when he is running bad. You can still be a serious poker player and a winning player and your no less of a player just because your not a full time pro. He said he was a pro for years but now has a job he doesnt need just to keep him sane. I can see where he's coming from, he saw alot of himself in me and we talked for a bit. I don't know if I see myself doing anything else but when I'm 30, maybe. I still would like to write a whole novel but can't seem to commit.

I'm gonna play cash for a little bit, I need to get my account up to 2k so I can get a damn check already, 175 more to go and I can send myself a G. Another 6 hours b4 I have another shot at that APPT satelitte to a satellite. To much of your dismay I have to remove a very nice picture from an October post entitled 'Feelin Good' I did not realize how much that girl from the new 90210 resembles the likes of BBL. I can not believe I didn't see it until now but its def coming down even though its a great picture. Every fuckin time I see it its like looking at BBL, the resamblance and the body type is crazy, not usually though, just in that one particular photo. It's coming down asap. Sorry, I'll post another of today's fineass baby doll that should ease your pain. Peace out all..............

Great Comedy is Important

2008-11-18T17:26:00.006-05:00

Okay I would just like to say that my friend Rich is the man because he knows great comedy and is willing to sacrifice his own personal welfare in order to delivery a great comedic line. Let me explain, on Halloween this putz dressed up as Sarah Palin. Yeah thats right, and he looked pretty hilarious. So anyway, some one stole the keg from the party we were at and we all ran after them. So Rich, or should I say Mrs Palin, is now in these strangers house yelling that he wants his keg back. They were pretty stunned that a man dressed up like a woman was intruding into their house and accusing them of thievery. It wasn't that big of a schock because it is a college town and it was Halloween, but still the whole scenario was pretty ridiculous. After a few minutes of arguing these kids forcefully remove Rich/Mrs Palin from the house. And as their throwing him out, literally at the same moment he is being tossed out the door, he actually had the presence of mind to shout "Vote republican!"

That my friends, is comedic genius. When you are in danger or some kind of less than perfect situation and all you care about is great comedy, thats an admirable qulaity we should all emulate. From now on I don't care about my well being all I care about is delivering that perfect line. Don't miss your oppurtunity for great comedy, when the situation is right and a great line is necessary you must seize the day.

I will always regret this one missed oppurtunity for great comedy and it pains me to this day. Ya see in my 2nd semester at college I had a suitemate who didn't have any friends on the floor. I was friends with most people on the floor as was everyone except my suitemate. So naturally conflict soon arose when I always had people over in the common room and he didn't ever want company and always went to bed early. Anyway there was like 10 kids in our common room one night and we were playing poker, it was late. We made so much noise that my suitmate finally snapped. He lost it! He barged out of his room and was screaming at the top of his lungs! He came over to the poker table and with one swipe of his arm knocked over all the chips onto the floor. He was like a wild monkey, it was nuts! He wanted to kill me, literally. He then began ripping the cards up, and we all sat their stunned. It was quite the scene. He stormed out of the room and everyone was quiet with disbelief. I sat in my seat, holding half a playing card, the chips were everywhere in the room, scattered. And everyone was silent.

Lord if only I broke the silence by pretending the game was still going and uttering "check"

How hilarious would that have been. Everyone is mortified and doesn't know what to say, the chips are all over the place, the game is obviously done, if only I said 'check' like nothing happenned. God I wish I could have that moment back. I would have been a legend among all comedians.

Anyway just remember what I said, great comedy is imprtant and I'd be willing to take a punch as long as I can deliver a great one liner. I've made one thousand dollars in the last 5 days. I am the man. I've got the bankroll now to make 200 day with ease. Gonna do 200 a day for a while, check should be coming soon. I am the man. I am the man. But I wish I was the comic legend that would of said 'check'
So I've set a goal to make 200 a day since Nov 14th. November was suppossed to be turning over a new lead but you remember how I got high and lost, go back to the post 'yada, yada, yada'
I don't wanna explain it. But since I got back on track I been doing great. So from Nov 14th I've started a clean slate and have reached my goal, averaging 200 a day. I play a minimum of 1500 hands and a max of 2000 everyday then I stop. This system is great. Here's my stats since the 14th:

Nov 14: +279
15th: +132
16th: +375
17th: +39
18th: +215

I am the man. I still have a big problem with being done after only 4 hours and then wanting to play more cause I'm bored and just wanna kill time. But playing just to pass time and not being very serious only leads to money loss so I really just gotta stop after I fill the day's quota of 1500 hands. But it's hard. I'm up close to 2k since I started rebuilding exactly 1 month ago. I should be up 3k but you know, "read yada,yada,yada" God, if I didn't do that I'd have so much more money. But it doesn't matter just gotta stay on this track like I have since Nov 14th and in a year I'll be up 50 grand. Heres a graph of my progress since the 14th, my overall graph is still good but it has a huge downswing in it cause of what I did last weekend, so check this on instead:

Yada Yada Yada

2008-11-16T04:43:00.005-05:00

U ever see that Seinfeld where someone is telling a story and they wanna leave out the embarassing part so they fill that part of the sentence with yada, yada, yada?

Well I haven't written in a while because the other night I was not exactly sober to a rather extreme degree and yada yada yada, then I had to some bankroll rebuilding.

Still doing well though after a 3-4 day downswing caused by pure stupidity and laziness and nothing to do with luck variance. Yada yada yada I'm back on track now.

Gonna make 200 a day for a little bit till I get my account up to 2k, then send out a check for 1k and then start the process over again. Resetting back to 1k until getting back to 2k and then sending for another 1k check. I call this process 1k flips. In the future I will look at possibly doing 2k flips, 3k, 4k, 5k flips would be sick. Nevertheless I currently have a bankroll online that enables me to make 200 a day. So were butter. And I'm never going to get really fucked up and pull an all nighter that sets me back a week. Swear, this time. I'm done doing that.

Yeah, okay thats outta the way. Gotta get my account to 2k and I'll be able to send for a check, I have close to 1k now so it'll take about 2 weeks I presume to get to 2k and send for a check. I'll check back in exactly 2 weeks and see if I've got there.

I see sometime in the near future possibly making up to 500 dollars a day online. This is entirely plausible considering that I've made between 150-200 the last 2 days with little stress and playing low stakes. And there was that month long period of 250+ made everyday or at least 6 days a week, when I got that check for 3k.

I am the greatest poker palyer in the fucking world. I can destroy anyone I play. I am my own worst enemy. A more responsible person with my poker ability would have 100k in the bank right now. I have fucked myself so many times. I no longer care that 2 fellow poker players ripped me off for sums of cash that resemble the net profit of a very lucky live 1,2 NL session. When you consider how many times I have robbed myself. The way I win money just sitting on my computer and make amounts that normal people will have to work at shitty jobs for hours to get, and then use that money so foolishly and recklessly without any responsibilty. I just work hard rake in the dough, and then slack off as soon as I have some breathing room. Gotta appreciate what I can do and consider my buddies who ride the train everyday to get to work. Gotta stop hating playing and just work hard. Everyone has to work. I have to play. Play is work to me and sucks but if I ever had to do what normal people do I'd run back to poker quicker than a blink. You feel me?

Congratulations to Peter Eastgate for being just 23 years old and winning the WSOP main event. I hope he is mature enough to handle the 9 million responsibly. Don't blow it bro, play well, play well all the time, never switch to donk mode no matter how much money you got.

Member Stu Ungar people? I quote him: "Theres nobody to ever beat me playing cards, the only one thats ever beat me was myself........."

Fast forward to minute 3 on this video: http://video.google.com/videosearch?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=TSHB,TSHB:2006-48,TSHB:en&q=stu+ungar&um=1&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&resnum=8&ct=title#q=stu%20ungar%201997&emb=0

Stu Ungar was the best ever, straight up. I don't claim to be on that level but I still feel I fall victim to much of what he did. I am my own worst enemy as well. As are many poker players, and people in general. I gotta appreciate what I can do and do it with pride every time. I now understand more than I ever have about making money consistently, you learn more everyday. Gotta stay on the upswing, the man with 2k and on the upswing is better off than the man with 100k on the downswing. Cause the man on the downswing will eventually lose it all. The man on the upswing will eventually double up. No matter the cards, the luck, the variance, the outside circumstances, the man on the upswing will fight through the barriers of nature and prevail with profit. The man on the downswing can suck out all he wants, but no matter the cards, the luck, the variance he will eventually lose it all.

I qoute Tyler Durden(Ed Norton version): "After a long enough time frame the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."

I believe I truly understand the upswing now and its mental frame. I felt myself this past week, playing in a way that wasn't me, my game had changed for the worse, I couldn't win. It was the downswing, and I'd been there b4. It was brought on by my massive high money dump, yada, yada, yada. But then I felt myself get back on the upswing. I can now fully comprehend the upswing and downswing and I know when I'm playing bad. Not doing yada yada worthy stuff and staying within ur bankroll will keep you on the upswing. I was onthe upswing for a very long time online and it was great. Now, I am there once again and will stay there. The only person who has ever ruined things for me has always been me.

Remember kids, luck variance will cost you money but it will never cost you enough to stop you from making dough. Really serious downswing are your own fault. Know yourself, know your game. Know when your playing that right way and only play then, and you will frequently deposit large wads of cash money in your savings account.

I've been thinking, once I get enough money to move back to AC and get a place, I should have a ruitine. Say:

1) Wake up

2) Coffee

3) Gym

4) Shower, throw on one of my track suits with a different color for each day of the week

5) Drink those healthyass protein shake things

6) Play 4 tables of whatever stakes I'm playing at that time until I have played 1500-2000 hands, which is a very solid number that is such a massive amount of hands that it would be nearly mathematically impossible to not produce a profit over that long a time frame

7) Relax
8) Casino

9) Have dinner at one of those nice dinner places in the casino

10) Play live poker for 3-5 hours

11) Go to a bar

12) Sleep

Gotta continue doing #6 while at home and I should have enough to move out in like 6 months and I can start making this routine schedule happen. Should pull in a lot of money if I play online and live everyday. Though there will still be some losing days playing live due to the fact that live poker doesn't always grant you enough hands per day to overcome shortterm luck variance. But as usual there will be mostly winning days. But as long as I have online which I can play a week's worth of live hands in 4 hours everything will be butter. Online poker is God's greatest creation, I'm sorry for all the bad things I've said about it......

Another Atlantic City Trip Report

2008-11-08T02:34:00.003-05:00

I am very upset over a recent turn of events in AC. I actually had a losing session last night at the Borgata. I lost 205 to be exact. The weirdest situation I may have ever encountered at a poker table caused me to cripple my stack. I really feel like it wasn't my fault at all. Think of all the ways there are to lose a huge pot in a poker game. 1) a cooler 2) bad beat 3) failed bluff

For those of you who don't know a cooler is when you have an unbelievably strong hand and someone happens to have one of the only hands that can beat you. And your hand is really nto foldable, even if Phil Ivey was in the same situation he would of lost, thats a cooler.

A bad beat is simply a suckout, you get all your money in with way the best hand and your opponent catched a miracle card when he or she was drawing very very slim. And I'm not going to explain what a failed bluff is.

Ofcourse I found a way to lose a big pot that does not match up with any of these. It was just so strange. What happenned was I read my opponent perfectly and I knew he wanted me to fold, he sincerely, truly wanted me out. So I stuck my money in. The problem is the reason he wanted me to fold. It wasn't your regular kind of logic.

Anyway, to break it down, I wake up with QQ in the big blind. The 3rd best possible starting hand out of the 169 possible starting hands in texas holdem. This kid to my left is going all in for his last 40 bucks like every hand cause he is on tilt. I'm sitting with about 260 and am salivating with my QQ about to pick up his 40 bucks unless he sucks out on me. I'm just waiting for everyone to fold so I can gladly call. QQ is never an automatic stick all your money in with nothing invested in the pot kind of hand in a cash game, but when the guy is moving all in almost every hand cause he is on tilt, you know QQ is definately the best hand.

So it folds around to everyone but the last guy who is on my immediate right. He decides to reraise the bet to 100 total. Now I am in quite the quandry. I'm pretty sure quandry means problem.

Anyway ususally I'll just muck QQ in about 2 seconds flat preflop when someone reraised to 100. However, this situation was different. You see he(the guy who made it 100) doesn't need that strong of a hand to reraise because he is going to want to isolate against the kid who was all in for 40. Because obviously that kid doesn't have that big of a hand since he's going all in so often. So with most medium strength hands that are easily outdrawable your going to want to isolate so you can be one on one against the tilted all in kid's hand.

This made me feel like QQ was definately good here. How can I really be up against KK or AA. We both know the all kid has crap, is this guy really reraising to 100 with KK or AA? He can't be, it makes so much sense that he has a mid pocket pair 88 - JJ or maybe AK. He can't have QQ beat here cause I know he just wants to isolate.

With this this information present I decided to interrogate the dude on my right who made it 100. And thats when the strangeness all went down. He gave off every weakness tell in the book. The way he answered my questions, his reaction time, his mannerisms. Everything read weakness. I was about stick my money in as I grabbed my chips and he says 'I'm gonna call you ya know' and he said a variety of other weak, weak tells. Now I can read people, I trust my instinct. He wanted me to fold so badly. Everything that was coming off his body just exuded weakness. I've been in this situation so many times and I knew he had like 88 or 99, he had to. And I decided to move all in for 250. He called right away and I knew he had kings. The way he quickly called. I asked him, kings? He says yeah. And I double him up. I'm now sitting with 30 bucks in front of me.

Ya see all the weakness tells were not exactly weakness, it was strength however he did sincerely want me to fold. And I read that perfectly. He was one of those misinformed players who misunderstands poker and doesn't see it terms of long term results. He was sincerely concerned his KK would be outdrawn and honestly wanted me to fold. He wasn't so smart that he knew everything to do to make me call, it wasn't like that at all. He actually wanted me to fold! It was kind of like his stupidity and unwillingness to be an 80% or at worst 70% percent favorite won him a bunch of money. He wanted me out cause he was a pussy, I read it perfectly that he wanted me out. I made a great read, but the problem was he wanted me out for the wrog reasons. I know I've explained this for way to long but I just want you to understand. It's hard for people who don't play to see what happenned here. I could not rebuy cause my friend Narska had the rest of my money cause I gave him 130 of my chips to rebuy himself. I went all in 20 mins later for my last 30 bucks, I held KK ironically and lost to the same guy, he had 97 suited..........

If you don't understand what I mean and think I just couldn't lay down QQ then leave a comment. I assure you I've layed down QQ preflop like 4 million times in my life. I promise you I made the right choice. There was no way I can assume he is just a pussy who doesn't wanna get all his money as a huge favorite and thats why his body is exuding all these tells that say 'please fold'

I know I could played it safe and just mucked it cause I had zero dollars invested but I trust my reads so much. So thats how I lost a huge pot without really doing anything wrong. On the waj home I wouldn't shut the fuck up about the hand. It was so strange, and BBL has been running through my mind with alot more frequency than normal lately for some reason. And that hand has been really bugging me. I should have like 200 cash on me right now.

AC TRIP summary

Day 1) Tropicana +300 in 6 hours

Day 2) Harrahs +46 in 1.5 hours Borgata -205 in 3 hours

Total) +141 profit......... enough for room, gas, and food, no extra money, back home grinding online. Which is going really well, I'll post a graph tomorrow.

Oh yeah my friend Narska loves Atlantic City so much he wants to go like every week, so were gonna go alot. Next time will stay longer and win more. Peace out all...........

YOU STUPID IDIOT!!!!!!

2008-11-04T20:18:00.005-05:00

Ahhhhhh. Now that I've got some money I can feel myself taking it easy. You would think it wasn't till I moved out that I would relax, but no. I'm gonna wind up living here till I'm 35, maybe 75 at this rate.

I can't take 25 max seriously anymore. I'm currently sitting at about 1330 on PokerStars and I've cashed out via transfer 80 bucks. So I'm up roughly 1400 since I started rebuilding on October 9th. I've been playing 50 max now, 4 tables. So I'm basically risking double the money I was. My first full session of 4 tabling 50 max I made 96 bucks in 962 hands or 2.5 hours. My second session I made 158 in 625 hands, just under 2 hours. I began playing them because I've been donking it up at 25 max cause I can't take it seriously. I've probly dropped like 60-70 bucks from my last 2 sessions of 25 max. I'm risking more money playing lower stakes and playing like a jackass then I am playing higher stakes and actually trying. So 50 max it is from now on.

Although my first 2 sessions 4 tabling 50 max have been a sucess I am not happy with how I have been playing at all. Alot of the bigger pots I have won have been on me making marginal calls, or picking off people's bluffs. Honestly though, I can not claim I was 100% sure my opponents were bluffing each time, so these are not the kind of situations I wanna be in. And there not reliable money making situations in the long run. I also won a gigantic pot when my KK saw a flop of 789 when there was already shitloads of money in the pot preflop. My opponent with a big stack, like 100 had really gambled preflop and called a 3 bet with J10! We got it all in as did some idiot with a full stack and flush draw. My KK had a 3% chance of winning against the flopped straight. I couldn't put him on J10, I thought he had 10 10 or JJ. Luckily, an 8 paired the board on the turn and then a K hit the river to give me a full boat. I scooped a massive 200+ dollar pot. It was the size of like an Atlantic City pot, but in a 50 max game, so sick. I was very lucky to win that as I stuck all my money in on the flop with a 97% chance to lose.

So yes my first 2 sessions of 50 max have gone well but I'm gonna have to move back down to 25 max if I have a rough time and see my bankroll go below 1100 again. But as long as I'm willing to move down in stakes if I take a hit, I'll be ok.

The reason why this post it titled 'you stupid idiot' is because I just was fucking around on my computer and was playing some 25 max cause my friend Tom was playing with the money I sent him. I thought it would be fun so I sat at his table and proceeded to donk off like 70+ dollars cause I wasn't taking it seriously. Theres no way I'm gonna play well and concentrate and make money if I'm not in the poker mindset. Thats the dumb shit I used to do. But I did it again tonight. Then I wanted to get it back so like an idiot I began playing some heads up No Limit Holdem. The worst and most addictive drug in the world.

I won all my money back and some more. I played this really aggressive dude who kept betting everytime I checked. We were back and forth for a while and then after an hour he finally quit, down over 100 bucks. It felt great to beat that fronter and see him be the one to give up and leave.

Anyway I'm in AC because we came here on the spur of the moment. Last night I was sitting in my basement and was like 'Mahopac is so boring' and then half joking I was like 'we should just go to Atlantic City right now.' And now I'm here, won 3 hundo today at the Tropicana. I'll have a full trip report when I get back. Peace out all........

November is here and I think I've got my life back

2008-11-02T17:12:00.005-05:00

I actually think I lost my life for a week or two. I literally had no money for a small period of time. And even then while I was building a bankroll from scratch online I really had no way of touching the money. I didn't wanna send for a check because I had to keep money online to play with and it wasn't till I reached 1 grand that I could even think about cashing out. And even when I did cash out it would take 2 weeks for me to receive my check in the mail. So it was looking like I was gonna be financially handicapped for a while.

But I started to see that when I have money on me I just buy uneccessary things with it. Particularly big sandwiches. Or maybe a magazine I don't need. Maybe spend it on some 'fun'. 'Fun' I don't need to be having and is way to expensive. So I kind of like it better this way. Now I'm only gonna spend money when I need it. And I don't have to worry about how long a check is going to take to get here. Ya see my friend Narska has a Pokerstars account and he gives me cash and I transfer him money online. It's a pretty butter system. It's like the quickest and easiest way to cashout. And I don't spend alot cause I know it's coming out of my bankroll. So I pretty much only spend money now on things I need.

It's pretty funny his dad is pretty rich and careless with money. He's plays on Narska's account and refuses to play anything less than 1,2 with a 200 max buy in online. He really should learn the game playing lower stakes but refuses to play anything less than 200 max (1,2). I play 1,2 at the casino and it's easy to beat but online it's different. 1,2 is the lowest stakes you can play live cause it's all the casino's offer. But online all the fish are playing much lower stakes cause there are so many different levels or options. So 1,2 is a tough game. And this guy is just blowing probly 3-500 a day playing it. He can afford it so it really doesn't matter to him. Wow, some of those online 1,2 pros must be doing cartwheels everytime Tomasz187 or whatever his name is sits at their table.

So I'm most likely going to get a lot of business from Narska's dad when he wants to make another deposit. I currently owe 60 bucks that I'm going to transfer over to Narska when he needs it. My plan is to keep a minimum of 1,100 dollars in my account and cashout everything else. I'm gonna make it a rule that I can't have less than 1,100 in my account so I can't spend any money until I get my balance over 1,100. Right now I have 1,165 so I gotta send Narska 60 bucks and then play, play, play if I wanna see any money.

So lets say at the end of this week my balance is 1,600 bucks, I'll send a check for 400 to myself and then send 100 over to Narska and get 100 cash instantly which should hold me over till the check arrives. I think I'm going to keep 4 tabling 25 max and then only play 50 max when I've already up on the day from 25 max can play 50 max with house money (freerolling). I want to wait till I have like 1500-2000 to start up 4 tabling 50 max but it's going to be difficult now that I'm starting to send myself money. I'm still figuring out what I wanna do.

I think I can definately put in some more hours starting tomorrow. Today I don't feel like doing anything cause it's Sunday. I'm just watching sports all day. I play some limit holdem while watching the Jets game and made 12 bucks, lol. So I'm up like 32 so far for November. November is going to be a very exciting month because it's my first full month with pokertracker, and with an actual bankroll online that I can churn out profits with. So I hope to make over 3,000 profit this month. Here's how October went for me online (keep in mind this is not a full month and half the time I couldn't play high enough stakes cause I was still rebuilding):

October Cash games:

Oct 15th: +23

16th: -113

17th: +88

18th: even

19th: +74

20th: +39

21st: +115

22nd: +147

23rd: +72

24th: -124

25th: +123

26th: +39

27th: +78

28th: +124

29th: +98

30th: +90

31st: took day off

Total Cash games: +873 (57 hours)

Total tournaments: +260 (? hours)

Total October Winnings: +1,133 (57+ hours)

Poker tracker cant record tournies so I gotta do it manually. I'm gonna make so much dough this November. I'm going to try and play some more of those FPP tournies it's a relatively easy way to make 20 bucks with no risk. So after my usual cash session 4 tabling 25 max where I make about 20/hour I'm going to play a bunch of free tourney's. It's not impossible to make 200 a day even without moving up to 50 max cash. Gonna put more hours in each day starting tomorrow. Very exciting. How much do you think I should save up before I move out? I think at least 15k, suggestions? Damn it feels good to have my life back.

Get out of jail free card

2008-10-31T01:50:00.006-04:00

Like in monopoly. My friend Ben from college told me his uncle got pulled over going 100mph once and gave the cop a monopoly get out of jail free card. The cop laughed so hard he just couldn't help but let him off.
I used mine today and I have a feeling I'm not gonna get another one. I played pretty horribly today. Pretty inexcusably bad, yet I made money. Won close to 100 with a performance that shoulda cost me 100. This marks the second time since I began rebulding that I've slacked off. I subsituted my normal 4th table of 25 max for a fourth table of 50 max so I could start the transition slowly. My AA went up against KK once again but this time at a 50 max game so it was pretty sweet. Once again a K hit and I was in bad shape. This has been a recurring theme almost everyday I feel. I've already explained so many times this week how often I'm getting shafted in these spots. This time however, I managed to river a flush to make the nuts and won an 80 dollar pot. I only ended up 13 bucks at the one 50 max table I played. I got outplayed or maybe made good laydowns in a number of small pots to knock me back down. Picked up another 76 profit with my normal tables of 25 max I can't wait to move up. I'm sick of working so hard and only making 20/hour. Thats my hourly rate by the way. Not to shabby. It's about the same as playing live in AC, and I'm not spending so much money so I just gotta keep churning out good days and I'll have a lot of money in the bank. I'm up to 1,133 on Poker Stars. Gonna be increasing the bankroll at a much faster pace once I move up to 25c 50c. The transition is gonna take some time though. When I was palying today this guy with position on me kept reraising me preflop and I kept losing. It was as if he knew I hadn't played this high of stakes online recently and was reraising me with whatever he had just because he knew I wasn't in my comfort zone yet.
I hate that guy. I don't wanna hate him but I do. Poker just brings out these emotions in me. I'm still trying to become a Zen master who is free of normal human emotions but its so hard. I was watching the main event tonight and one of the guys who makes the final table was talking about his poker life. Says he just wants to win however much and then he can finally stop playing. Then he can finally have some money and be free and go to Tahiti and forget about all this. I found it interesting that he said 'and forget about all this'
I mean everyone can agree that we would all like to get so rich your set for life and just go to Tahiti and lay on the beach forever. But the way he said 'forget about all this' like his life playing poker and dealing with all the brutal swings is so horrible. Like once he finally has enough money he can finally stop......
I don't know. I kind of feel the same way. I've got to keep going. I need to get enough money to at least play something big enough that could help me just retire. Cause thats what I really want. To be retired, rich, set for life. Freedom. Imagine just playing to have fun, and not cause you need money. I hate to admit it but I jsut wanna be rich, thats why I play. If you have a job it's secure yeah, and you got that steady paycheck. But you also secure the fact that you'll always be working. Yeah your always gonna be secure but your always gonna be working. You never really give yourself that chance to get what you really want.
What do we all really want? To be set for life and never do anything but travel and spend money. I may never get there playing but I got a chance. Thats more than those with a more 'steady' profession can say.
It's hard to say I really really love what I do though. I just love the fact that I might get what we all really want and most will never even try. You might think I'm crazy. You might not at all and just be really pissed you impregnated your girlfriend. Now you dont even have a choice, you can't take chances you got other people besides yourself to worry about. I don't know. I just wanna be not here in Mahopac. But if I keep churning out sessions like I've been, I'll be moved out in no time. Gotta definitely consider moving up stakes soon. I give myself a week.
Check out how sick my session went today, way more swings than my normal session, I really didn't play my A game at all. I really got bailed out. This graph is 1,023 hands, 973 of them at 25 max, 5o hands at 50 max. 89 bucks profit. Remmber the black line in the middle is the break even mark. Anything below it means I'm down.

Sick! Sick sick sick sick sick.....

2008-10-29T18:17:00.005-04:00

Wow what a rollercoaster ride. I was set over setted 2 times today. Both times I knew I was up against a set, and both times I put my chips in anyway. Why didn't I just fold? Cause I had a set!

The first hand this guy raises in early postion. I reraise with KK. He reraises back. I'm am now afraid I might be getting fucked here. Does this dude really have the one hand that can beat me?

The flop comes a King! Sweet I just sucked out on him even if he does have AA. He checks, I check. Turn comes an ace and I was not believing my eyes. He bets real small, and I raise, he instashoves all in. I say to myself, yep, he can't have ace king, he has to have AA in the hole. I couldn't believe that I received KK while some else had AA, then got lucky to catch a K on the flop, then an ace really had to come. So sick. So so sick. So I called his all in and sure enough he showed me pocket rockets. Good thing he didn't start the hand with a big stack. He only had like 13 bucks and I had 70 when the hand started.

Then I had a set of 333 and this fucker had 444. One a flop of A 3 4. The way he played his hand I was dead set he had trip 4's. Once again I don't fold and double him up as well. He only had like 21 bucks. So I lost over 30 bucks today on coolers.

I also got bluffed off my pocket Aces. This manic who plays under the name Annina310 was playing superloose and superaggressive. He and I were the chip leaders at our table. I raised with AA and the flop came J 3 Q. I bet pot, he calls. Turn comes J, pairing the board. I bet just under pot, he calls. River comes K. He moves all in for like 25 bucks. I deliberate and fold.I have AA in the hole on a board of J 3 Q J K. If he has 10 9 he has a straight. If he has a single J in his hand he also has me. I suspect a bluff is possible cause this guy Annina310 was such a loose cannon. But I fold. He shows me 10 3 suited. Nice bluff, props to him for bluffing the shit outta me.

Over all I make 97 bucks today. What a sick, sick day. So many sick hands. I won a huge pot off the guy who bluffed me today with a fullhouse against his trips. And I had AA vs KK and for once a K didn't hit. So I won some, lost some, but overall I made money, just like everyday. I am the man. Let's congratulate Frank who is now up over a G online. Sitting at 1044 on Pokerstars. You the man Frank. You the man. You were broke 2 weeks back and had a measly 10 bucks in your pokerstars account, now you have over a thousand. You are the man.

This is a graph of todays session, spanning about 1009 hands. It is not like the previous 2 graphs which show my overall progress, like 14k hands. This graph is just today's session. Look at all those swings, sick.....